A/N: *grin* Hi-ya there. And so in this one the Warrior's gonna be musing a lot, and I'm actually gonna use references to the episodes! Yay! XD Not that it's gonna be in order and all, but do I do things in order? Naaah. *shakes head* =3 So thanks for having the guts to venture out here, hope ya come out on the other side happy! XD

DISCLAIMER: . . . I've watched the credits roll by enough many a time to answer this unspoken question. Let's make this vague, eh? *grin* Xena, Warrior Princess, belongs to the ones who created, made, and had the show prosper in all its glory. Fans, she and the show will always live on in your hearts. I do not own any of the following proceeding except the idea and wording. =3

Because Of You: She'll Never Be Mine

I always thought she would never have another.

I shouldn't have cared.

I never thought I did.

I thought I was above that, above feeling whatever best friends shouldn't 'feel' for their best friends.

Of course, being there isn't the same as wishing you were there, wishing you were the one she wanted, wishing you were the one she was thinking of, when she was all alone in the dark, scared, hoping for some light, some presence.

I was there.

And damn it all to Hades, I wasn't the only one there.

There when the drab ratty piece of torn rag subsituting as a curtain was pulled back, me on one side, her on the other, and it hurt.

It hurt too much, too much to think about it, too much for me to want it to hurt, need it to hurt.

I felt as if my heart was bleeding, then, torn all to pieces, and it was a different kind of hurt then, a hurt that was just like someone grabbing your insides and twisting, and those insides are right beside that thing called your heart, throbbing, broken, shattered. . . alive.

She was lying there, on the makeshift wooden bed, on her side, breathing deep, but somehow she jerked awake, something she never does, and the THING behind her shifts, blinks, groggy but still holding onto her.

Holding on to something I want.

Holding on to something I need.

I need her.

Never mind that I want her, she's the one who does the 'Xena', the new, true 'Xena', justice. She's the one who keeps me pure, the one who I fight for, everyday, instead of the pleasurable mindlust I get when I shed blood.

Innocent blood, sinful blood, who cares, it's blood, it's all the same.

But she's not the same.

She is Gabrielle, a virgin, a pure of heart, a blood-shedder not, and I know I don't talk much, I know I don't get that much through to her, even in her perceptive warrior-worship mode, but if there's one thing I want in this cruel, cruel world, I want her to. . .

I want her to stay free.

And so I would have killed.

Gladly.

And only for another, for the first time in my life, because Gabrielle is surely the consequence and repercussion I'd get from the village if I killed an undergrown BOY.

Ex-warlord, ex-sinner, ex-stoic-and-not-talkative-at-all-yup-ness, I'm still all that.

It's not like I can throw it away, even after all these months of travel with her. I'm getting better, though, covering it up, making it go away after certain times when it lurks up from the dark again, luring me down.

But I can feel it, feel it bleed, feel it rage, feel it cry.

It's something I don't want her to see.

Something, that in all my life, I wish I could have taken away the pain I gave her when I hit her, back in that laughable stick-shift of a dungeon where I could have easily run away, every chance I got. I was Xena. I didn't need chances.

I made them.

I should have run away, with her, spent my life running away, a coward, a fake, a damnable liar in the face of every situation that could be lied or bluffed about.

But I'm too proud.

I chose that path, not to run away, because I had you to think about.

Something that I'll never lie about is you, Gabrielle.

I will never lie about how much I love you, how much I need you, how much I'd like it if we actually were more than friends, more than partners, more than the fleeting moment of destiny's passing us together. I will never lie about how much I want to take back that smart-ass comment I made about how the strongest trees in the forest stand alone. I'm one of those people who can't see the forest because of the trees, Gabrielle.

I'm the one who's in love with you.

Truly, because I do.

Madly, because I'd kill.

Deeply, because I'd do anything to keep you as you are now, even repressing myself into something as pathetic as this, making myself so like the idiot himself who is behind you that all you can really see now is Xena, the scarred woman of old battles, harboring secrets just waiting to be picked at.

I know how you think, Gabrielle.

It's a treat, knowing that, instead of 'knowing' as I do with others.

With others, it's a talent, a gift, a one of my many 'skills'.

But with you, it's different.

Of course, with you, you're different.

And so you prove this to me, one fine day.

"Xena, one day you'll understand that you're different from Petracles. He said that once he got something, he lost interest in it. Wait, I don't mean that once he got YOU he lost interest in you ITSELF, it must have been nothing about you surprised him any more and so he lost interest in that, much like he would lose interest in wars after the whole fighting was done. . ."

Shocked blue eyes steeled themselves within two seconds after Gabrielle had the second sentence out. Night had fallen on the two, warrior and bard content to do their nightly rituals after a long day of hard traveling and a sparse but delicious meal of rabbit in stew. Xena had been running her whetstone across the length of her already-gleaming sword when Gabrielle had said this, and what resulted was a shaky swipe and a small curse muttered to a certain God of War that had undoubtedly put the idea in the bard's head.

Setting aside her trusty sword beside her cleaned chakram, Xena drew her hand to her mouth and inwardly sighed as Argo knickered at them from across the campfire, the warhorse smelling the scent of her master's blood. Thankful the fire was high from Gabrielle's previous punching of it with dried sticks, Xena stared at the small cut, frowning.

Omens were bad among this part of the land, and the Warrior Princess wasn't sure about traveling anytime soon with so conspicuous a cut on her pointer finger. Shrugging, Xena knew there were things about her more than enough not conspicuous that she was wearing.

Before she could entertain the train of thought more, Gabrielle was there at her feet, worrying about the small cut with an adorable little scowl on her face and shuffling around in the saddlebags Xena had beside her. Rolling her eyes, Xena thought better than to tell the bard it was nothing after the whole minor curse she'd sent to Ares. Instead, the dark-haired warrior smiled, her teeth flashing a seductive sharp white against the blue of the night.

"Why don't you kiss it better, Gabrielle?"

Amused when the bard froze, Xena chuckled, the sound almost like a low growl in the dark. Shaking her head, Xena brought her finger back to her mouth, sucking on it and trying to lick the iron tang away with a swipe of her tongue.

". . . can do it."

"What, Gabrielle? I didn't catch that."

Green eyes shyly flickered over to her, then held, a bold exhale of breath. The ex-warlord's eyes widened when she realized the bard had been holding her breath and what that hinted as to personal feelings. Shifting slightly on the downed log she was sitting on, Xena almost pulled away as she always did when things got too personal about feelings with Gabrielle, but the blonde gently reached up and cradled her hand in her own, a small strip of white gauze in the other.

"I can kiss it better, Xena."

Blue eyes widened as her body froze, and the dark-haired woman about melted into a puddle of desire when Gabrielle took the already-small strip of white material between her teeth and ripped it clean down the middle. Never breaking eye-contact, the blonde shifted comfortably in her position between Xena's spread legs and lowered her mouth to the twitching finger Xena had the cut on. There was a gentle peck of softness, almost something akin to the feeling of sinking your hands into the untouched pureness of spring flower petals, and Xena had to fight the hiss that threatened to burst from her lips.

The bard immediately noticed the jerk that came from Xena, and instantly she was straighter on her knees, the hand that held the gauze now on Xena's bicep for comfort. If only it were that. Comfort would never come as innocently as Gabrielle directed it to the Warrior Princess, and that thought alone eased the burning fire that clawed at her soul.

"Xena, are you okay?"

Nodding, Xena grit her teeth and stood, casually hopping backwards over the log and bending down to retrieve the gauze from Gabrielle's upturned hand. She knew that the bard was seriously worried if she acted like this about a cut, and Xena cursed to Hades when she thought of the possibilities Gabrielle would go through and the chance she'd shy upon her buried feelings.

"I've got to check on Argo. Thanks for the concern, Gabrielle."

Retreating into the darkness, Xena cursed again at the coldness of her controlled voice. She knew Gabrielle would wonder about her attitude, and given the land they travelled that was rich in superstition, there would be some kind of test trap Gabrielle would be trying on her when she got back. Navigating the tricky outcrop of large boulders and sharp stones of their set perimeters of camp, the Warrior Princess made her rounds once, twice, and then doubled back to check on her beloved horse. Sinking her fingers into the soft roughness of Argo's mane, Xena considered her long-time friend, burying her face into the horse's neck as she sighed heavily.

"Argo, I'm losing it. Gabrielle must think I'm crazy, and even if it wasn't because of her, I've got to settle down. At this rate we'll get us all killed."

Suddenly her horse snorted and let back with a kick. Jerking, Xena stared wildly out into the darkness and drew her sword, thankful she'd had the foresight to snatch it up from the ground as she'd raced away from Gabrielle. White smoke rose up from the ground, rich in thickness, and Xena recognized it as the traveling between the dead and the living. But who?

"Xena. . ."

Tensing when Callisto's psychotic tone drifted out, Xena felt her mind race even as her senses fought to tell her information. She had nothing to feel guilty about for the dead warlord, and even if she did, that was certainly not Callisto's aura emanating from the blanket of fog.

"Ares, stop playing your games. You pose as a woman too much, and you're going to be stuck as one."

Dark eyes flashed, and Xena let loose an amused uplifting of her mouth.

"Think of the fun we could have then, Xena."

Ares always had a deep, sensual voice, and the Warrior Princess felt herself swept away on the fantasy of two women making love on a pelt of fur, the fire crackling merrily in a curious home hearth. Her own blue eyes was lost in the raging heat of swirling green, as her hand delved lower into untamed regions. . .

Snapping out of the fantasy, Xena only had the time to face the dark grin of the God of War before two figures were hurled at her, their male frames of hardened bulk frantically flopping around in the air to try and miss her. Sidestepping easily, Xena registered the odd 'thumps' as the two figures hit the ground behind her and rolled, physical bodies speaking of how they'd been brought back to life. Focusing on the God's words, Xena felt a spark of shock reel through her.

"They have some unfinished business left here in the land of the living, and since your mortal pining for them is driving me mad, I took it upon myself to go to Hades and extract his little debt to me for messing around with Sisyphus and making me into a mortal. Enjoy it, Xena. Consequences can be paid if you enjoy the time you're given. I learned that, as hard as that is to believe."

And the God of Death was gone with a wave of his hand and a twinkle in those dark eyes.

Xena glared at where he disappeared.

"Xena! By the Gods, does it take so long to- Petracles? Marcus!"

Turning at Gabrielle's shocked tone, Xena about found herself bowled over by the dark man and the scent of Marcus washed over her in waves of retreating death. Welcoming the hug of her friend and once lover, Xena fought to glare at the excited look her once-fiancee was giving Gabrielle. The blonde herself looked to be overwhelmed at the two seemingly important figures that represented Xena's past, and the dark-haired woman eased herself out of Marcus' hold and stood beside her best friend.

Arching an eyebrow, she spoke.

"Don't you think it's time we talk?"

". . . We know Ares is going to get something out of this, but what? He's the one who planned all of this in the first place."

Xena glanced over at her companion and smiled. Gabrielle's instincts about the God of War were getting better, and unlike her, the blonde was prone to opening herself up more and getting a few more better deals from the unsuspecting hunk of God Ares was. Yet what the bard pointed out was true, and after exchanging long-time pleasanties with the newly revived, Xena decided to get down to business.

"More than likely he's using you two to spice up what he calls his personal views. He said something about you two having unfinished business here in the land of the living. Since you're going to die again in the end, don't sugarcoat your answers, because this will probably be the last physical chance you get."

Glaring at Petracles as he glanced over at Gabrielle, Xena growled deep in her throat. It was something to deal with jealousy and hurt when you were alone and no one knew, but faced with a rival you knew was something else. Casually tossing a piece of wood into the roaring fire, Warrior Princess used the act to shuffle a bit closer to Gabrielle, who instinctively cuddled into her warmth as the bard watched the two men from across the crackling flames.

"My own unfinished business is with you, Xena."

Marcus spoke, and Xena's conscience lurched at the familiar brown eyes she saw. They were filled with hope and something else, but Xena knew she'd have to let him down. With a curt nod, she turned to the serious man whose forehead was still hidden by the leather band he always wore, the braids in his hair once as familiar as his own during that time of courting. All she felt for him now was a dull twinge whenever she looked at him. No, she was more worried about Gabrielle-

"My unfinished business lies here, with Gabrielle."

The snarl was ripped out of her throat before she could stop it.

Xena hurled herself at the armor-clad male, but before she could fully rise to her haunches and rip out his head where his 'business' currently thought made him plausible, a strong hand clapped itself to her shoulder and she was jerked roughly back. Twisting behind, Xena caught sight of amused light blue eyes, and a low drawl.

"Mind introducing me to your friends, Xena?"

The men that stood across the fire vaulted to her feet, as did Gabrielle's inviting hug to the newly arrived blonde.

"Hercules!"

Suddenly, tension was all over the place as a log from the fire rolled out. Four pairs of eyes glared at each other in a size-up that was natural for men fighting over something, and Xena glanced over at Gabrielle, tucked cutely into an embrace with the demi-god's laughing sidekick.

Oh, boy.

This was going to be a long night.

A/N: *snicker* For once, I actually know where I'm gonna go with this story. XD Now let's hope I feel the need to write! XD Thanks for reading, I'll have the next chapter up in. . . due time. *grin* Take care, jaaaaaaa! XD

PS: Yes, I love that song, no matter who the heck sings it, even alley cats sittin' on a fence at night. =3 Mrroooowwrrr. And you're probably wondering why Perdicus isn't in this. -.- Let's just say that bad boy isn't exactly someone I want to deal with right now. *snarls* =3