I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters. I wish I did…but I don't…TT_TT

Chapter 1

Contraband Baby

"Simon says open the door!" Orihime flinched as Ichigo's voice rang out from outside her front door. "Please Hime? You've been avoiding us for weeks!"

"Ichigo! Please just…I'm sick…I don't want to give it to you!" she replied through the door.

"Come on Ichigo, she's probably still stressed. Looking for a new job and such." She sighed as Chad's calm voice quietly spoke up.

"Alright, but this ain't over." Ichigo snapped, "I'm coming back tomorrow and you're going to open this door whether you want to or not!" He roared. She sighed rubbing her temples. It was true that she had been avoiding them, but it wasn't like she wasn't doing it for their own good.

She leaned against the door with a sigh. Waiting until the last of their footsteps left the apartment hallway before she moved away.

"This is beginning to be more trouble than I hoped for." she sighed moving away from the door. Rubbing her stomach she moved into the hallway headed for her room.

"Is everything alright woman?" She jumped as someone grabbed her wrist preventing her from moving on. Swirling around she smiled as Ulquiorra's face fell into view.

"Fine, everything's fine." she sighed reaching up and touching his hair. "We will be needing a better place to hide you all soon." she decided jerking her head towards her room. "There is simply NOT enough room in this house for the six of us." "I could force Grimmjow to leave." Ulquiorra stated bluntly, "It would be easy, Stark would back me…" She silenced him with a finger to his lips.

"Honestly…Grimmjow is not the problem at this point." she insisted. He nodded brushing a lock of hair from her face with one pale finger.

"Whose not the problem?" Grimmjow yawned appearing in the door way to the bathroom with a newspaper under his arm. "Yuck not you too." he gagged when he saw Orihime's hand in Ulquiorra's. "Lordy…you and Stark and Halibel can't keep your hands off each other." Orihime blushed and looked down a bit, but Ulquiorra's grip did not loosen.

"You are merely feeling jealousy. Look it up, it seems to fit your personality well." Ulquiorra smirked.

"Well I ought to…" Grimmjow hissed throwing his newspaper onto the ground and rushing forward fist raised. Ulquiorra hissed and moved Orihime behind him before raising his fist to defend himself.

"Stop." The two froze as a fourth person grabbed their fists. "Now we are guests in this woman's house. I believe it is considered rude to destroy it." Stark sighed smoothing back his hair as he released the two from his hold. "Halibel dear put that thing away, there is no need to kill them." Halibel who had moved in front of Orihime and pulled out her sword sighed and sheathed her weapon.

"Thank you Halibel." Orihime smiled receiving only a grunt in return before the woman moved back to stand next to her husband.

"Are you alright?" Ulquiorra demanded moving in beside Orihime. "He should be removed." He snapped glaring at Grimmjow. "Send him back to Aizen." Grimmjow growled about to lurch forward only to pause as Orihime wrapped an arm around his waist.

"No. I LIKE Grimmjow. I'm not sending him anywhere. You just need to learn to get along." She snapped, "I mean come on! I'm smuggling some serious contraband items here! I mean if the soul society found out…I'm not exactly sure why they haven't already…I'd be dead!" Grimmjow chuckled at the girls obvious distress.

"And THAT is why we love you chika. You think of the worst possible outcomes that would NEVER happen." He gave her a friendly bear hug and peck on the top of the head laughing manically.

"That is my fiancé that you're molesting. Now give her back." Ulquiorra demanded extending his arms to accept the girl.

"Can I come out of hiding now?" They all turned as the cupboard behind them squeaked.

"Who told you that you had to hide in the first place silly?" Orihime demanded opening the door causing a confused looking Luppi to tumble out onto the ground. Looking up the boy smiled brushing his staticy hair from his face.

"Grimmjow!" Luppi whined and jumped at Orihime and embraced her in a hug as she stood and patted his back. He sniffed and stuck his tongue out in Grimmjow's direction, who scoffed and turned away.

"I'll deal with him later." Orihime assured him after the "pitiful" boy had released her. "I'm going to sit he's kicking." Ulquiorra was instantly at her side.

"How bad? Should I call Urahara?" he demanded leading her into the living room and half forced half eased her onto the couch.

"Don't bug him!" she sighed patting Luppi's head as the boy sat in the place Grimmjow had been aiming for.

"Tch…brat…no not you Orihime the he/she. Yes you pill." Grimmjow growled as Luppi stuck out his tongue.

"Behave." Orihime snapped tapping Luppi on the nose. "You should know better than to taunt him." Luppi blushed and nodded burrowing into Orihime's shoulder to avoid looking at the glowering blue haired man.

"We had two soul society freaks snooping around yesterday. Trying to figure out what was up with all the Reiatsu floating around in the air. That kid is giving off a whole lot o' power." Stark sighed patting Orihime's head with a fond smile.

"If we weren't so good at masking reiatsu I figure the soul society would already be crashing through the door." Ulquiorra agreed messaging his temples.

"I'm sorry I'm causing so much trouble." Orihime sobbed wiping her eyes.

"Way to go num-nuts you made the pregnant lady cry." Grimmjow snapped. "Sometimes your just a terrible person." He glared at Stark as he wrapped his arm around Orihime's shaking shoulders.

"Move aside scrawny." Halibel snapped pushing Grimmjow from the couch with an elbow. She was also heavily pregnant and ten times more violent and irritable than ever. Grimmjow looked at her with a cross glare and she punched him in the head for the resistance. "With what we know the soul society defiantly will find out Orihime is the one emitting so much reiatsu. She has had so many past experiences with being the target I'm surprised she hasn't been found out." Luppi shifted in an awkward and uncomfortable fashion.

"I can sense a strong reiatsu coming from the soul reapers snooping around this place, but however strong they are, they are not going to be much of a threat to five Espada." He added avoiding a glare from Grimmjow.

"Yeah your right I think it would probably only take one of us to deal with them." Ulquiorra grumbled.

"How close are they?" Grimmjow asked as Orihime intently braided the little hair he had compared to most Espada.

"I wish Grantz was here.." She moaned ignoring their conversation completely. "I want to take a bubble bath." Ulquiorra looked at her in a confused scowl. "Bubble baths with gay guys are fun!" she explained.

"He's…not here." Ulquiorra sighed standing. "You'll have to bathe with Halibel again." Orihime sighed and shrugged,

"Fine, but I'm using the lavender soap this time and she'll need to help me scrub my back." she decided scratching her head, and waddling from the room with Halibel in close pursuit.

"You know…I think I like it here a whole lot better than home." Luppi grinned hanging upside down from the couch.

"Shut up!" Grimmjow snapped smacking the boy upside the head. "So are all soul reapers this blind or Is Orihime just that good at hiding the fact she's pregnant?" Grimmjow demanded of Ulquiorra.

"A bit of both in my opinion. Don't cut Orihime short, remember she's smart enough to be able to hide us, the baby, and still seem like she's completely loyal to the soul society. Which I believe would not be a complete lie." Stark pointed out before Ulquiorra could open his mouth.

"Why does she like hanging out with Grantz? He's not even that nice as far as people go." Ulquiorra asked almost to himself.

"Cause he's gay." Stark shrugged. "I don't know why, but girls seem to like hanging out with gay guys when their preggers. Halibel is the same way, sept' she is obsessed with proving that I'm the gay one and I'm just using her as some sort of cover story. Simply a delightful woman don't you think? All in good fun!" He grinned to him self and swayed in his seat giggling. "Memories!" He sighed. Grimmjow laughed making Luppi flinch closer to Ulquiorra, the one least likely to hit him.

"Well even if we could get him over here I doubt he would want to take a bath with her!" Grimmjow managed while standing. Ulquiorra nodded. Luppi shook his head.

"That's not how gay guys roll." He began Stark cut him off before he could continue.

"We need to figure out what we're going to do about the soul reapers! I think..." A knock at the door alerted them to visitors. Ulquiorra cussed and flashed out of the room. Luppi was already in his disguise and at the door.

"I'll answer you hide!" He growled Grimmjow chuckled at the sight of Luppi's out fit but climbed into the air vent anyway. He swung the door open and poked his head out. "Hello?" Two people stood one was a red head with a forehead covered in tattoos and a short black haired girl that looked like she was in a sour mood.

"Who are you?" The girl demanded. "Where's Orihime?" She demanded as she looked him up and down.

"I could ask you the same thing!" He snapped putting his hands on his hips. "I'm loop!" He pulled his hands up to his chest and waved them violently shifting his weight. "She's in the bath." He smiled and motioned for them to come in.

"Orihime said she didn't have any family left how do you relate to her?" The red head demanded Shooting a look at the short girl.

"I'm a friend of hers. We've known each other for a while. Since first grade I believe."

"Aw…did she tutor you?" The girl asked. Luppi puffed out his cheeks wanting to protest, but he caught Grimmjow glaring at him from the air vent and fell silent merely nodding.

"Yeah…tutor…that's her alright." he sighed.

"Alright little girl, I'm Renji and this is Rukia. We're here to talk to Orihime, she's got a few questions to answer and…what's wrong with you?" He demanded when Luppi's eye began to twitch.

"I'M A GUY!" he cried waving his fist in the air. "What? Can't you tell fire crotch?" He glared. "Isn't obvious? Why are you laughing?" he whimpered when Rukia started to giggle.

"Oh it's not you, I'm laughing at Renji, he's always doing things like this." Rukia explained. "First Hitsugaya…then Yumichika and that one bearded lady at the fair."

"Shut up Rukia. What's wrong now kid?" He demanded of the now pale looking Luppi.

"Sorry, I just recognized the name Hitsugaya." he sighed brushing his hair from his face. "I'll go see if Orihime is done with her bath." He decided stalking away. He walked the short distance to the bath room. "Hime -chan?" He asked knocking on the door. "They said their names were Renji and Rukia do you want to come out?" A Squeak came out from the door.

"Yes give me a couple minutes!" Orihime's voice rang out from the bath room. Luppi trotted back to the room where the two sat.

"Can I get you tea?" He asked. Rukia nodded and Renji shrugged. Luppi waltzed into the next room to get the water started. "What kind?" He yelled so the others would hear.

"What ever is fine thank you!" Rukia called back. Once inside the kitchen Luppi nodded for the others to come out as he made the tea.

"What are we going to do!" He whimpered. "Orihime isn't out of the bath yet and the other two will start questioning me!" Luppi shivered and poured the water into the tea cups he had pulled down from the cupboard above him. "Are you going to answer me or what?"

"Sorry." Stark sighed. "If you could stall for just a few more minutes Orihime will come and take over." Luppi sighed again and carried the two cups into the room.

"Do you want chocolate sauce with it?" The two gagged and shook their head.

"You and Orihime have the same taste then?" Rukia insisted. Luppi shrugged.

"This is the food I practically grew up on." Sipping the chocolate filed lemon tea and adding a touch of hot sauce that was on the table in a small jar. "It has a strong taste that I always loved!" Renji nodded looking disgusted by the boys habits.

"Hello?" Orihime called from the hall way. "Rukia-chan Renji-kun! When did you get here? I hope I didn't keep you waiting here with my friend to long!" Luppi shrugged and nuzzled up onto Orihime's lap like a kitten his head on her lap the rest of his body sprawled across the floor lazily.

"Cute kid, where'd you find him?" Rukia asked eyeing the boy with extreme suspicion.

"Oh him? He's almost like a brother. His parents are out of town and I'm watching him for awhile." she smiled. "They're out a lot and sometimes I watch him for extra money, and because I adore him." She cooed hugging him fiercely until he gagged for air.

"You've been avoiding us." Renji snapped bluntly a few minutes later. "Why? Are you angry? I mean we risked our lives up at Los Noches and your acting like you're the depressed one." Rukia elbowed him with a glare.

"Ex-neigh on the Los Nocheseh…" she snapped jerking her head towards Luppi who wanted nothing more than to leap up like the all powerful Espada he was and show him who the kids where now! Instead he sat patiently pretending to be the cute little boy who loved his babysitter and had no idea what hollows or soul reapers really were.

"Orihime, sorry. What's going on?" Renji insisted. "You can tell us." Orihime shook her head.

"No, I can't. Because there is nothing to tell you." She looked at Rukia with pleading eyes.

"Renji why don't we give Orihime some time to spend with her visitor. She needs to dry her hair any way." She stood Orihime patted Luppi's head for him to sit up so she could stand as well.

"Thank you." She whispered in the girls ear. Rukia nodded. The two took their turns embracing Orihime in a quick hug before walking out of the room holding hands.

"Ah how cute!" Orihime giggled when the two were gone.

"The red heads a meanie!" Luppi whined.

"Oh Renji can get like that sometimes. Men are naturally more aggressive then women." Luppi shrugged.

"Does that include Halibel?" Orihime shook her head.

"Halibel-chan is special! She's allowed to be violent!" Luppi nodded as the rest of the Espada staying in the house flowed in. Halibel socked Luppi in the gut causing him to drop to the floor hacking violently.

"Unnecessary!" Stark snapped. Halibel lifted a fist And he backed up hands in the air defensively. "I'm just saying you didn't have to hit him that hard!" Halibel shrugged and planted herself down onto the couch.

"Alright so they're onto us is what I got from that." She said. Grimmjow nodded and put a hand onto his chin.

"THAT and Luppi needs to stop eating Orihime's cooking if he'll WILLINGLY eat that sh*t." Ulquiorra shot him a look. "Sorry if he willingly eats that junk." He growled. "You said no cussing in front of the BABY, which has not been born yet."

"Give yourself a head start." Ulquiorra growled in a low voice. Orihime grabbed his arm again.

"I don't NEED one." Grimmjow shouted. Ulquiorra glowered at the blue hair menace.

"Guys knock it off! Those soul reaper wimps ain't gone yet." Halibel snapped rubbing her stomach with her free hand as she grabbed Grimmjow and pulled him into a sitting position on the couch next to her.

"Well played my dear." Stark beamed patting his woman lovingly on the head. "You know I was beginning to think about going out to get some groceries. Your almost out of that strange brown powder that makes me happy when you mix it with water!"

"Oh you mean coffee." Orihime nodded, "Would you like to come with me?" she asked. He nodded already pulling on his jacket by the door.

"Come along…now don't you worry Ulquiorra I'll take good care of our pregnant dove." he smiled when Ulquiorra eyed the man with distaste. "As long as you take care of mine."

"Hell I can take care of myself even if I'm raring to drop a foal." Halibel snapped. "I ain't some pansy. Now get out of here before I vomit on you again."

"Ah yes…Espada barf…good times…good times." Stark nodded pushing Orihime from the room while buttoning his collar.

…

"So you like coffee do you?" Orihime asked once they where trudging towards the grocery store.

"The brown powder? Yes…I do it is quiet delectable." Stark nodded with a smile.

"HEY ORIHIME - CHAN!" the two jumped as a boisterous voice rang out behind them. Stark had time to move Orihime out of the way and grab the arm of the offender as the boy charged forward aiming to hug the woman.

"Do you know this man?" Stark demanded as he held the surprised looking blonde in an arm lock.

"Hey where did you learn to move like that old man?" The blonde demanded flashing bright white teeth.

"Hello Shinji San." Orihime smiled "Please let him go Stark." Stark obeyed and dropped the boy gently so he landed on his feet.

"Sorry I thought you…I was in a war and am very paranoid when it comes to sneak attacks…" Stark excused himself from the boys look.

"Shinji is a friend Stark." Orihime reassured the "ex-soldier" with a pat on the head. "How are you today Shinji?" She asked.

"Swell." He sighed sarcastically. "Enough about me where have YOU been? I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Well A couple of my parents old friends came into town and I had to tell them about what happened a while ago." Stark nodded.

"Me and her father went to college together." Stark said acting cautious.

"Sir you don't have to tell me anything if you are uncomfortable telling me. " Shinji said noticing the older mans "Uncomfortable" answer.

"Thanks." Stark hissed.

"Me and Stark best be going unless you where planning on going to the store." Orihime put in.

"Actually I was!" Shinji admitted with a grin wrapping an arm around Orihime's shoulders. "Hiyori's PMS-ing up a storm back home and so I have been sent on a mission to retrieve the sacred Midol and the holy chocolate bars!" He beamed making Orihime laugh.

"Chamomile tea helps too you know." she suggested as they started walking Stark still portraying the ex-soldier stalked behind them silently.

"I know, but I believe that her exact answer to that was. Like I'd ever drink that S*$%, and then she threw the table and Kensei at me." He sighed messaging his head with his finger tips before beaming at Orihime. "Love sucks that way huh?" He laughed patting her on the shoulder.

"You're right in that sense I suppose." Orihime smiled shaking her head at the ironic comment.

"You all really have no idea." Stark sighed messaging his sword scars that etched his side.

"I bet I do." Shinji insisted.

"Alright, give me your best shot." Stark grinned accepting the challenge. Orihime smiled at the boy's 'Who has the more aggressive woman' contest. Sometimes she wondered if these two had just been human's why couldn't they get along? Was the boundary between worlds simply unbreakable? Would Shinji try to kill Stark if she told him now? These where questions that might sadly never be answered

…

"Thanks for walking with us." Orihime smiled as she handed her coffee laden load to the beaming Stark.

"No prob." Shinji smiled trotting off towards his house. "I'll send the brat your love!" He called over his shoulder.

"Nice guy." Stark nodded. Orihime smiled.

"Very." She looked at him. "Do you think he noticed your spiritual pressure?"

"Why would he?" Stark demanded. "Is he a soul reaper?" Orihime shrugged.

"Ex- He's a Vizard." Stark nearly spit out the coffee grounds he had been nibbling on.

"I noticed something weird about his spiritual pressure." He shook his head. "Not good if he gets his little Vizard buddies into this mess!" He messaged his temples and popped more grounds into his mouth. "Let's get back home."

"Yes let's go." Orihime nodded placing a twenty dollar bill onto the counter. And shuffling out the door after her eccentric coffee rigged friend.

…

"We're home!" Orihime called when she walked into the apartment. Two figures sat at the table across from a scared looking Luppi.

"Orihime-CHAN!" A large breasted woman squealed as she jumped around and embraced the girl.

"Matsumoto-chan! I can't breathe!" Orihime gasped as Matsumoto crushed her. She set her down. "Hitstugaya you came as well!" She looked at Luppi. "Loop you can go back to your room now if you want. Stark can you put those groceries away?" Stark nodded and spazzed into the next room. "Now What can I do for you two today?" she smiled settling into the chair next to the table. Matsumoto and Hitsugaya didn't answer at first as they watched Stark dance around the kitchen holding up a package of coffee grounds before he proceeded to be tripped by some unknown person and dragged unceremoniously from the doorway.

"Business I'm afraid." Matsumoto sighed leaning back in her chair, her eyes still fastened on the doorway Stark had just disappeared behind. "Ugh it's a bit stuffy in here." Matsumoto sighed walking over and opening the window a bit.

"We're trying to find out where all of this Reiatsu is coming from." Hitsugaya snapped.

"Reiatsu?" Grimmjow asked questioningly as he strolled into the room with what appeared to be a piece of Stark's shirt in his hand. "What dat?" He yawned scratching his ear, his eyes widened as he noticed what he was holding so he shoved the cloth into a plant that sat by the window. Hitsugaya's eyes fell onto the man questioningly.

"Weird. I swore that you felt…ah never mind." Hitsugaya snapped. "Anyway. Do you have any idea what it could be?" Hitsugaya demanded,

"No I don't. I haven't sensed anything other than the usual hollow." Orihime admitted, "I also haven't been feeling well lately." She shrugged.

"Oh poor thing. Do you have a fever?" Matsumoto demanded instantly squishing the girl into her enormous bosom. "Hmm…you don't feel warm." She admitted,

"No, not a fever…just…girl things." She suggested not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to admit it openly in front of Toshiro.

"Oh…your period sweetling. Don't be shy! I talk about mine with the captain all the time! He doesn't mind at all." Matsumoto laughed.

"I mind you just ignore me. Now tell us Inoue chan. What are these people doing here. As far as I'm concerned you had no family." Captain Hitsugaya demanded

"Um…well…these are my parents friends. They visit from time to time." She smiled. "Their the closest thing to family I have!" She admitted with a laugh.

"Poor baby!" Matsumoto cried crushing the girl again.

"Matsumoto if she's sick you aren't doing the best job of helping her." Hitsugaya snapped. Matsumoto pulled away letting the girl breathe.

"Sorry cap'in." She muttered. Still holding Orihime.

"Well if you see anything let us know." Hitsugaya stood. "And if we find you didn't notify us of something or you are lying to us there will be…dire consequences." Orihime gulped and nodded.

"Of course! If I see something I wont hesitate to contact you with every little detail!" She felt horrible lying to her friends that she had held dear since her visit to save Rukia.

…

"I feel bad." She admitted to the Espada after the two soul reapers had finally left after an hour of standing in the door way chatting with her about Matsumoto's due date. "I haven't even called Tatsuki since we left for Hueco Mundo. Let alone that plus the months we've been back. The group nodded.

"I've never meet Tatsuki before." Luppi growled feeling left out.

"None of us have." Ulquiorra clarified to the angry midget.

"What ever!" Luppi snapped and cuddled into Orihime more so Ulquiorra would get a angrier look then he already had.

"I think I'll call her! She'll be glad to hear from me I hope. I'd call Chiziru to but she might get TO excited." She shivered. "Luppi can I get up?" She asked and stood when the boy stood up heading to the kitchen for the phone.

Rate and review or else I wont update! Jk jk….or am I?