I own nothing but Applejack the Pygmy Goat

Enjoy!

P/F/P/F

Varied By Tolerance

(~)

"[You know, I really hate platypuses…]"

This caught him off completely off-guard, leading to him spewing his apple cider on the table in shock.

Applejack the Pygmy Goat was one of the newcomers of OWCA, and was probably the most difficult to work with. As all beginners started out usually, he wasn't all much for the craft itself, and only seemed to be good at escaping traps, scrapes, and anything in between at a faster pace than most of the agents there. Other than that, he was just a pain in the butt, always disobeying orders, and always asking too many questions whether he knew the answer or not. He literally was there to make everyone's lives complete and total nightmares, regardless if he was aware of his dubbed purpose.

Recently Applejack had learned of one of their greatest agents. The thought of this Agent P guy amazed him, to be quite honest, there being claims of the said agent reaching the top a month after his mentor disappeared. He heard stories about Agent P, about all his exploits, the people he fought to get where he was, and how he was placed with the former evil scientist, the oafish Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, as his nemesis. He painted a picture of what the guy must be like, and wanted to meet him personally.

Then he learned that Agent P was Perry the Platypus, and he immediately became unimpressed and void of any belief to any of the claims that were made about him.

Stereotypes originated from somewhere, was Applejack's logic to all of this, and he had met platypuses of that matched up with them. They were as everyone claimed; they didn't do much, if at all. They were very dull creatures, with the same vacant expression to anything. So naturally, Applejack began to laugh heartily at the prospect, asking his fellow agents if they were joking…they weren't joking.

And so it left Applejack to ponder to himself about the supposed top agent of OWCA. How could a platypus of all feeble creatures gain such a title in the first place? Was it that easy, and if so how was none of the other agents able to siege the position from him? He doubted it was because anyone felt sorry for him, yet at the same time it seemed to be the most logical. Heck, maybe that was, no, must have been the case.

In spite his lack of belief, Applejack remained curious, and asked more about Agent P. Of course, all they could give Applejack were stories about Perry's missions, big or small, and all of his achievements. When Applejack asked them further, they revealed that they was all they knew about Perry. It seemed that not even they knew how he got so good at what he did, even if he did "learn from the best". Perry the Platypus had little to no records of his life before OWCA, it seemed.

Applejack managed to ask Doofenshmirtz, who was another new "agent" of OWCA, about Agent P, while being annoyingly dubbed by the former villain as "Gary" for one reason or another. Though Applejack longed for the death of this "agent" for mocking him (even though he was sure that Doofenshmirtz simply didn't know his name), that wasn't what he came for. And of course talking to Doofenshmirtz was pointless, because he was as much in the dark as everyone else, if not more so.

"Perry the Platypus, he-he's not much of a taaaalker," Doofenshmirtz had explained, "He never told me aaaanything about hiiiiis past…though, to-to be honest, I never asked. Maybe-yeah, yeah, that's it! Maybe no one's ever asked him about it, so he never had a reason to talk about it…in…in how ever way he would, given that he's…he's an animal, you know, heh…can you guys even talk? Do you guys got an animal lingo or-or something, or…huh…"

At this point Applejack thought that Doofenshmirtz was a complete and total buffoon, and it gave him even less faith in Perry the Platypus…but he was right about one thing. If anyone would know about Perry's past, it would definitely be Perry himself. So, he decided that he'd find Perry, corner him, and demand answers. Said agent was bound to comply, right?

It was easier said than done. Given Perry's busy schedule, it was hard enough to find the platypus while he was free, and even harder to corner the platypus like he had planned. Forget the stereotypes this guy was a freaking ninja, literally dodging Applejack wherever he found him; the halls, the offices, the training room, even the bathroom. He managed to judo-flip in the flipping animal-sized bathroom like it was nothing, and managed to slam Applejack to the ground.

What the bloody heck?!

Well, it was safe to say that Applejack no longer completely underestimated Perry the Platypus. But he refused to give up. He'd be damned if he didn't get the answers he sought. So he attempted again, and again, and again with further difficulty. Eventually, Applejack realized that perhaps he was going about this all the wrong way, after a few "beatings". Perhaps, he thought, a civil approach was the answer.

That was how it led to the conversation at hand: Applejack eventually was able to speak with Perry at the mess hall during lunch. He decided to cry himself to sleep that night, given that he flinched when Perry reached out to give him a handshake. Oh my goodness, since when was he so pathetic as to fall at the mercy of a platypus, one that wasn't evenly trying to threaten him to begin with?

They talked for a bit, asking each other how their day went, just the usual convo-starter before Applejack pulled out the big guns. He was almost excited, a little too much so. He was about to learn something no other agent had managed to dare learn for themselves. He, a rookie, would be able to solve one of OWCA's greatest mysteries (later on in his life he'd learn that the honor itself wasn't much, given the low budget the agency had).

Instead, Perry the Platypus changed the subject completely, and to something that baffled Applejack. The pygmy goat slowly blinked at the platypus after wiping his mouth while said platypus simply reclined. It was a slow day, and the head agent rarely had those. Applejack didn't need to ask to know that.

Applejack scratched his ear like a dog would, and wondered if he heard Perry correctly.

"[…Excuse me?]" Applejack tilted his head curiously.

Perry looked to Applejack in the most nonchalant stance the rookie had ever seen anyone take. "[I said that I really hate platypuses,]" he said with a shrug, "[Simple as that.]"

Applejack blinked more. "[You…hate platypuses?]" he reiterated, just to make sure.

Perry answered with a nod of the head, and took a sip of his drink, a Cracker Coola Pop. Applejack looked at Perry blankly while the platypus simply continued drinking his beverage. "[But…you're a platypus…]" Applejack stated rather bluntly he realized.

"[Yeah, and?]"

"[…So you hate platypuses…but you're a platypus?]"

"[Mmhm.]"

"[You're a platypus who hates platypuses?]"

"[That's correct.]"

"[…Why?]"

Perry gave Applejack an "isn't it obvious" kind of look. "[Well, why wouldn't I?]" he asked, "[Platypuses don't do much. They're pointless, insignificant beings who only exist to exist, nothing more. They just…do nothing.]"

Applejack shook his head. "[No,]" he of all animals found himself saying, "[You know that can't be the case.]"

"[Oh, but it's true, Applejack, it's true,]" Perry said with a gentle nod, "[As nice of a gesture as that is, you don't need to make me feel better. I'm not ashamed of it.]"

"[Yet you hate your own kind,]" Applejack stated, "[That's…a little off-putting, don't you think? Surely there are some platypuses who…oh, what the heck am I thinking? I'm the one who usually follows stereotypes to be completely honest. The only reason why I'm thinking like this now is because of the many times you butt-whooped me these past couple weeks, if I'm being honest.]"

"[Hey, you kept on jumping me,]" Perry said, "[I was only defending myself, nothing more.]"

"[Well, that doesn't really sound like nothing to me,]" Applejack said, "[You sort of opened my eyes to what a nightmare you are.]"

"[Thank you.]"

"[So it just astounds me that your opinion of your kind is so low.]"

Perry turned back to Applejack, cocking an eyebrow. Did platypuses have eyebrows, Applejack wondered, and if not how did Perry have some? "[May I ask you a question, agent?]" Perry craned his head a bit, "[What do you do, on your own accord?]"

Applejack tilted his head the other way. "[Me…uh…well, we pygmy goats are known to be a lot like dogs, so…]" the pygmy goat shrugged, "[I dunno, I guess I do watch dogs do. Chase my tail, play catch, eat anything that's on the floor…]" Applejack chuckled a bit, "[Of course, the main difference is that I have an iron stomach and all, heh.]"

Perry smiled a little. "[Nice, very nice,]" he nodded, "[And how are your ties with your owner, Danni Smith?]"

"[Oh, she's doing…wait,]" Applejack glared, "[How do you know about my owner?]"

"[I know about all the agents, Applejack,]" Perry said, "[The Major trusts me enough to look into the files of every agent in here. I know all about you guys. Most of you don't even know it yourselves.]"

Applejack shuddered. "[Dude, that's creepy,]" he said.

"[Indeed,]" Perry nodded, "[How messed up would it be if two people were stranded on the moon, and one of them killed the other with a rock?]"

Applejack's eyes widened at yet another random question of Perry's. "[Uh…wha-?]"

Before the rookie could finish, Applejack felt Perry grab him by the horns and pull him to Perry's face. Applejack didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that he was taller than Perry, or cower at his superior's dark red eyes. "[Would it not make sense to appease to the other,]" Perry inquired, "[In order for them both to be safe, hm?]"

Applejack slowly nodded in understanding before Perry released him. He then said, "[And if I hear that you spread some…rumors…I'll deal with you myself, got it?]"

"[Y-yes, Agent P, sir, I understand.]"

Once again, as soon as the top agent's anger appeared was as soon as her returned back to reclining casually. "[No need to be so formal, Applejack,]" Perry insisted, "[Just call me Perry. Everyone does…even but the Major, but we're more on professional terms anyway.]"

Applejack scrunched up his nose. "[Aren't we on professional terms?]" he asked.

Perry smirked. "[You wish,]" he laughed a little.

Applejack glared in a huff that made Perry laugh more. "[Ah, I kid, I kid,]" Perry assured the rookie, "[I'm sorry if I hit a nerve there. I shouldn't be so rude to newcomers, haha.]"

Applejack eyed Perry, who cleared his throat once he was done with his chatter-filled laughter. "[So, anyway, about Danni…]" he nodded at Applejack, "[Is she doing well?]"

"[…Yeah,]" Applejack said, "[She's…she's doing great. She's made a lot of new friends…gotten over some weird faze thanks to them…I heard that a couple of her friends were your owners, actually. Uh…Phileus and Frank?]"

"[Phineas and Ferb,]" Perry corrected, "[I'm not surprised that they managed to help her out with whatever she needed help with. She had a bullying problem, am I correct?]"

"[Yeah,]" Applejack felt his head lower, "[In it that she was the bully…]"

Perry looked almost surprised; of course, Applejack knew that he was feigning. "[Is that right?]" the platypus asked, "[And she's doing better?]"

Applejack shrugged once more. "[They showed her that she was being stupid,]" he said, "[Simple as that.]"

Perry nodded, looking satisfied by the answer. "[That's good,]" he said, "[Then I'm sure she's treating my owners well…you know, they mean a lot to me, my boys. They're amazing…]"

Applejack smiled a little at this. "[Heh…I know how you feel,]" he said, "[My Danni…she's…she's my best friend. You must feel the same with the boys, huh?]"

Perry shook his head. "[No…it's deeper than that,]" he sighed, "[They're everything. My family, my job, my life…they're everything to me. If anything were to harm them…I would never forgive myself…]"

A small silence befell the two as Perry looked down to the side, almost a little sadly. Applejack scooted toward the platypus, wondering if anything was bothering him. "[…But that would never happen,]" Applejack said matter-of-factly, "[You've always protected them, right?]"

"[Behind the scenes, yes,]" Perry admitted.

Applejack snorted at how blunt Perry was being. "[Well, yeah, obviously,]" he said, "[I mean, we're not supposed to let anyone know that we're-.]"

"[It's hard to remain completely stiff when the boys are around, giving me praise and such,]" Perry went on, apparently not having finished his previous sentence; Applejack shut his mouth and listened, "[You know, given that that's not what I really am. That's not who I am. But that's all they know of me to be: mindless.]"

Perry looked at Applejack. "[You can offer your owner true comfort,]" he stated, "[You can give her as much love as you possibly can give her…lick her on the face, or whatever. You can give her the attention she needs when she asks for it.]"

The platypus looked down to his teal-green hands. "[I can't do that,]" he said, "[That alone would risk blowing my cover. I can't show any sign of emotion towards my owners as a result of that. Sure, they know I love them very much; they're very perceptive like that, even if Phineas can be seen as…oblivious.]"

Unbeknownst to Applejack, a little pink-loving girl from across his home came into Perry's mind as he thought of the younger of the two owners. Perry smiled briefly before he shook his head solemnly. "[But I can't act too smart, or they'll notice something's off,]" he said, "[They're too smart for their own good. And then there's Candace, their older sister…she may be unstable sometimes, but she's smart, too. If anyone would want to blow my cover if they were to ever find it, it'd be her.]"

Applejack's frown deepened as Perry continued. "[You have no idea how much I've wanted to show my affections towards my family,]" Perry said, "[The only family I've ever known…but I can't. I'm forever stoic. They know I love them, but they'll never know just how much they mean to me. They came close to knowing once…but…]"

Perry scratched where his earhole was as he glanced one way and then the other. "[Even then I nearly lost them,]" he said, "[It was good that they chose to forget everything…it was good that they continued on never knowing who or what I am…but…it's bittersweet. In the process of forgetting me, the real me, they forgot what they mean to me. Heck, all they see me as is some stupid animal, because again, that's what all platypuses are like.]"

"[But…you're not,]" Applejack said, "[That's not what you are.]"

"[Exactly,]" Perry sighed, "[I'm not like other platypuses; I'm different. But they don't know that. They'll never know the truth, and they never will.]"

Perry gave a rather hardened look to Applejack. "[I got to where I am for a reason,]" he said, "[Not because of my past, but because of the struggle. Because I'm a platypus, I had to try all the harder to prove myself. Back then I wanted to show everyone that my kind were more than just useless morons who literally did nothing when the rise called them to do something.]"

"['Cause if you could do it, then they can too, right?]"

"[Right. But…I failed in doing that because I'm unique. I'm not like the rest of them…I just happened to be a gifted platypus.]"

Applejack bit his bottom lip. "[And…you're parents?]" he asked, and noticed Perry cringe; not because it was a painful memory, Applejack realized, for the platypus' frustration seemed to grow, "[They weren't any different, huh?]"

"[I never knew them,]" Perry sighed, "[They lived in OWCA for a while, but for the sake of study, experimentation to be more precise. They were like any other platypus out there…]"

"[Yet you were still different from even them?]"

"[…No,]" Perry shook his head, "[I wasn't. Not then.]"

Applejack felt his heart race faster as he seemed to finally be reaching his goal, praying to himself that Perry wouldn't change the subject to something else. "[What do you mean?]" the rookie asked.

Perry didn't answer for a while, and simply continued to drink his soda while Applejack waited on the side. It became awkward, at least more awkward than it had been when the conversation started. Three minutes passed, then four. Then five, and then six, and eventually it became a full ten minutes. By now, Perry finally found the right words, it seemed, to answer Applejack's question.

"[When I was little, I was like any other platypus,]" Perry said, gritting his teeth (did platypuses even have teeth?), "[I didn't do much. My life was boring, and I was completely fine with the fact that I did absolutely nothing because I was like them. I wasn't aware that I was stupid, I wasn't aware that my kind wasn't mean for anything but nothing, and I didn't care either. And neither did my parents…heh…I'm glad…]"

Applejack tilted his head when Perry paused. The top agent looked to the rookie, grinning in a way that made Applejack shudder. "[I'm glad…that they didn't make it,]" he laughed, "[I'm glad that the experiments ended up taking their lives…I'm glad that I never saw what they were like.]"

"[…What were they like?]"

"[Like any other damned platypus on this god-forsaken-]"

Applejack became increasingly uncomfortable with Perry's change of tone. Something was wrong, something felt wrong. "[They went crazy,]" Perry said with a shrug, "[Which is only natural; very few animals survived the amelioration.]"

"[I'm sorry, the ameli-what?]"

Perry gave an unconvincing gasp. "[Oh dear, that slipped,]" he sighed, "[Well, I suppose I can trust you enough to keep this our little secret. You know, the thing about the two men on the moon…how sick that would be…]"

Applejack sweated and gave a nod to Perry. "[Good,]" Perry said, "[I trust you enough, somehow, to know that you'll keep your word. Though it could be that I've kept this to myself for so long that I'm starting to run a little on the edge, heh…with OWCA playing god…changing the status quo for the sake of humanity.]"

"[Perry, you're not making sense. What are you talking about?]"

"[I'm talking about the amelioration.]" Perry explained,"[You wanted to know about me, right; about what I really am?]"

Applejack winced. "[I…I wanted to know how you got to where you were,]" he said, "[You know…your past…but you said that history's got nothing to do with it…and amelioration does, how?]"

"[Because if it weren't for amelioration,]" Perry said, "[I wouldn't be the "one odd out" of my species. I'd just be a regular old platypus.]"

"[Huh?]"

Perry looked a little annoyed that he had to elaborate on something he clearly didn't like looking back to. "[Tell me, Applejack,]" he sighed, "[You've been wondering what my past is like, but what about you? What was your life like before OWCA?]"

Applejack's frown deepened in confusion. What kind of question was that? Of course he knew where he came from. Of course he…he…he…uh…

…Where did he come from? Before he ended up in orientation, before he went home with Danni for what felt like the first time...where did he come from?

Applejack felt his jaw drop as a deadly discovery had been made, while Perry nodded as the rookie pieced together just one of the many risks of amelioration. "[I don't talk about my past,]" Perry continued, "[Because I barely remember it as it is. When you become self-aware, you tend to forget when you weren't, just like when you grow from infancy to childhood. Most of it is a blur. I don't even remember the faces of my folks, and can only assume that they were the same as mine and any other platypus out there…]"

Perry took another sip of his drink. "[Amelioration simply takes away the bad in you and replaces it with good,]" he said, "[It doesn't purify you exactly, but it does improve your way of living. That's why we all act so human-like in the first place. We're never born like this otherwise all animals would be in the agency.]"

"[I always thought that it was because the agency had a one species policy going on,]" Applejack flicked one of his ears.

"[Then explain the three Agent R's roaming around OWCA,]" Perry argued, referring to the said raccoon and his two siblings that would roam around separately just to confuse everyone, "[There are actually some agents who have more of their kind to socialize with. Not all of them, but some, because they managed to survive the amelioration, just like you managed to.]"

"[And…what was that like?]"

"[I know as much as you do, Applejack. You always forget the process once it happens. The only reason why I even know about amelioration in the first place is because they trust me enough to know, just like I trust you enough to know.]"

"[But…why trust me?]" Applejack asked,"[Why are you telling me this?]"

"[If I told anyone else, say someone I knew personally, they'd be concerned enough about me to say something to someone,]" Perry said, "[You barely know who I am. How can you care enough to say anything, especially when your life would be on the line as much as mine?]"

Applejack froze at this. "[Rewind and repeat please,]" he said, feeling a mighty bit pale.

Perry shook his head and jumped off the bench of the table, starting to walk off. "[Sorry, I've already said too much,]" he said, "[All you need to know, really, is that I needed to tell someone, anyone to get this off of my chest. This horrible, horrible weight I carry on my shoulders…thank you, Applejack, for letting me share this with you. I feel so much better…]"

Applejack watched Perry walk off, not sure what exactly he should say as the top agent strode off. Because he could say anything, Perry said, "[…now that I don't have to carry this burden on my own.]"

As Perry left the room, Applejack sat there in silence, his mouth dry and his spin stiffened. He sat like that for a while before he was called to some training by one of his fellow rookies. He followed them, unusually quiet as he fell into deep thought. Many of those who had dare chosen to be the stubborn rookie's friends were worried about him for a bit, even after Applejack muttered that he was okay, because in the end, he was okay, as long as they didn't ask more about it.

Perry the Platypus was right; Applejack didn't care enough about him to say anything to anyone. So it was safe to say that no one would ever find out.

A/N:

…This was meant to be funnier than it turned out. O_O I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I like this fic I wrote or not. I don't even know what genre to call this. I'll leave it blank, I guess, lol.

I hope you all enjoyed this. More updates for my other stories should come in soon. Just wanted to upload this for fun (and to show you guys that just because a character makes me mad, does not mean that I necessarily hate that character; I think Perry's cool, it's just that he's a little overrated in my opinion).

So, if anyone made any sense about that, I'm glad this wasn't too confusing. However, if you are confused, I'll be glad to explain it further. :3

All I wanna say now is that I have a few theories, some that people have made and others I've made myself, that I eventually want to write about. So, look forward to that if you will, lol.

Please, read, review, or whatever, and have a pleasant day~!

-GTS