Oh my God, I've started another one. I need to have a rabbit hunting season or something, I mean with all the plot bunnies running around in my head…
And remember, I don't own anything of great value. Expect that little voice in my head that refers to itself as my 'sanity'. But that's not all that valuable-ish.
Once A Thief…
He had to give them credit. They had to be pretty good to catch him. Naruto allowed himself a smirk, despite his situation. He knew Konoha had some of the greatest trackers in the Hidden Countries, but he had always managed to stay one step ahead of them before. Besides, when he stole things, his victims didn't notice until months afterward, and by then his trail was cold. Stealing the big, shiny coveted item was for show-offs, and show-offs were the first to get caught.
It had started as a simple job, if unusual. Get in, get the scroll, get out. It should have been almost insultingly easy, even in the Hokage's tower. In the Hokage's personal library. Okay, maybe it would be a little difficult. But it never crossed his mind that he would make a mistake. That he would underestimate the number of ANBU stationed as guards. As fast as he was, Naruto wasn't so overconfident that he could outrun Konoha's elite, thus he was dodging wards, that if tripped would have the elites in the tower faster than he could blink, set up at every corner.
It had ended with him stuck in a peculiar position- one leg stuck in the air, the other twisted at a ninety degree angle, one hand directly under him and the other holding the scroll above an explosion tag beside him. Glancing around at the explosive tags surrounding him, Naruto swore every swear word he knew. Which was pretty colourful, curtsey of his 'teachers'.
Using a jutsu would have all the ANBU in a fifty-mile radius running toward the chakra spike. And he only knew two jutsu, anyway (and the best combo ever). He was a thief, not a shinobi, much to certain people's disappointment.
He was good at improvising, though, and his body was only starting to protest the awkward position when he came up with a plan. It wasn't a very good plan, granted, and he'd only have one shot at it, but it was better than nothing. Placing the scroll on his stomach, -and almost collapsing from the sudden weight on his abdomen- he moved his now-free hand into half a handseal. "Kage bunshin", whispering the jutsu he'd been taught by one of the only people who'd ever taken interest in him, Naruto now had about three seconds to escape.
Leaving the three clones to deal with the wards and ANBU, he bolted to the forest. All he had to do was find his client, drop off the goods and then make himself scarce. Not too hard, right?
He found the meeting place easily enough, secreting himself in a tree to wait for his client to show up. He'd almost fallen asleep when the white-haired chuunin appeared in the clearing, looking around for him. Naruto obliged him by dropping out of the tree.
"Do you have the scroll?" Mizuki asked sharply.
Naruto nodded, eyes narrowing. This guy was acting weird. He shouldn't be so uptight out here, where no one could see them. Unless…
Mizuki smirked and pulled out a wad of bills. They were gone in a second, appearing in the young thief's hands as if by magic. Naruto wasn't fooled by the smirk, though.
"You're not alone, are you?"
When the shinobi didn't answer, Naruto swore and backflipped up to the branch he'd waited on, scanning the area. He could still get out of this- it was the first time he'd been betrayed by a client, but among thieves the event wasn't unheard of by any means. Still, he was going to make Mizuki pay for this.
Then the ANBU showed up, and Naruto quit thinking about it. Even if he got out of here, he'd have to disappear for a while. He performed hundreds of jobs before, and not even when Sakumo's son had hunted him down for stealing the fragments of the White Fang's sword had he been in so much danger. Naruto wince at the thought; he hadn't been able to move for a day. A normal person wouldn't have been able to move for a month. If the ANBU caught him and charged him for all his crimes… he'd be executed for sure. And that just wasn't acceptable.
So he did what any sane thief would do (and there were quite a bit more sane thieves than sane shinobi). He shifted to a crouch and prepared to take as many ANBU as he could down with him. Naruto felt an evil grin spread across his face. If he was going to go down, he was going to go down as the thief who knocked out every straight male in ANBU in one fell swoop. His hands moved into the seals as the ANBU advanced.
"Harem no Jutsu!"
Even lying in a room as depressing as a jail cell, the ten-year-old couldn't help but smile at the memory of all the male ANBU flying through the air. It had been just as spectacular as he'd thought it would be. If it hadn't been for the female ANBU he might have actually got away.
At least they were treating him like a dangerous criminal, Naruto mused, he thought he'd done enough to merit that. The guards didn't bug him at all (they didn't even look at him, actually, but that was fine. He'd heard enough stories of cruel guards to appreciate indifferent ones). He kept himself occupied by fiddling with a coin he'd swiped from a passing guard. Then things got worse. His 'prisoner' woke up.
'You were actually caught? The fox's tone was smug. Naruto groaned mentally. Kyuubi was the last person/spirit/thingy (he was interrupted by said fox protesting at being called a thingy) he wanted to talk to right now.
'Don't you dare say 'I told you so!' Kyuubi had been wary of Mizuki from the beginning, but Naruto had dismissed him as being paranoid. Big mistake. On that the fox was likely to rub in for the rest of his life, however long that was going to be. 'On the bright side, I got to use that jutsu'
That shut the fox up. Naruto remember the first (and only) time he'd used the jutsu against the demon. He'd never seen a bigger blood jet before or after. Then the fox fainted from shock (or blood loss, it was hard to tell. Though Naruto hadn't known been aware that spirits had blood).
'Hey, Kyuubi. Do you know how long I've been in here?' He'd lost count a long time ago. In fact, he hadn't bothered counting in the first place. He hated math. The fox reluctantly snapped out of his sulking at the question.
'About three weeks. I'm getting bored.'
'And I'm not? Stop complaining.'
'If you had listened to me-'The fox shut up when they both sensed someone coming. Naruto caught his coin midair and narrowed his eyes. Either they'd come to a conclusion on his fate or they had managed to pull strings. Personally, he wasn't sure which one was worse.
He was sitting on the only piece of furniture in the cell: a rather hard bench. Naruto supposed it was better then the floor. When was the last time someone cleaned this place? The presence stopped just outside the door, and muffled voices indicated his guard hadn't fallen asleep. Naruto was a little disappointed by that: hearing a poor soul get chewed out for sleeping on the job was always entertaining.
The figure on the other side of the door when it finally opened revealed what his fate was most likely to be. Inside, Naruto was screaming in protest, but to his captor he presented a cocky smile. "Ibiki-san. Took you long enough."
The head on torture and interrogation branch wasn't amused. He never was. Naruto privately thought those shinobi that tortured him on a recon mission must have taken out his sense of humour though one of those screw holes in his head that the man was fond of showing off. "You're lucky I'm here at all, brat. Do you have any idea how many strings had to pull to get you out of here?" Ibiki's lips stretched into an evil grin as he continued. "I helped the Hokage come up with your punishment."
Now Naruto was sure he preferred the death sentence to whatever fate awaited him. Ibiki and his minions were involved in was generally excruciatingly painful, especially as they didn't like him.
Ibiki turned and started walking down the hall. "Hurry up, we don't want to keep Hokage-sama waiting." Naruto was sure he heard laughter in the special jounin's voice.
Reluctantly, Naruto got up and followed. It wasn't like he had much of a choice. He mentally cursed himself for getting caught, glancing around to gauge the chances of escape. No luck, the guards were all either female ANBU or T+I agents (who inexplicably were all immune to his jutsu. Stupid mental discipline training).
"Brat, one of the ANBU recently lost a coin worth a large sum of money." Ibiki spoke up after a few minutes of walking down the dark hallway, almost as an afterthought he added. "Give it to me."
The thief immediately plastered an innocent look that didn't fool Ibiki or the guards for an instant. "Ibiki-san, what are you talking about? I don't know where the guard's coin is."
"Don't act stupid, you're lower my opinion of you even farther."
Naruto pouted, shoulders slumped in defeat, but handed over the coin. Ibiki was actually being nice, after all, and the blond wasn't in any condition to survive him being mean.
People were staring at them. Naruto wondered whether it was him or Ibiki. Or maybe it was the twenty elite shinobi flanking them on all sides. It made him feel important. Only the most powerful missing-nin got guards. Naruto wondered if he was given them because of his special 'circumstances'.
It took them ten minutes to get to the Hokage's Tower. It looked different during the day, Naruto noted. Almost inviting, if it hadn't been Ibiki he was following up the long staircase.
"We're here to see the Hokage," Ibiki addressed the chuunin unfortunate enough to be stuck with paperwork that day. The chuunin looked up, eeped at the sight of Ibiki, and opened the door. The pair stepped through to an ornately carved office. The sole occupant of the room was next to the window, long cloak swirling lazily around his ankles in the sudden draft from the doorway.
"Ah, Ibiki. Thank you for bring our 'guest'…"
Naruto had an overwhelming urge to bang his head repeatedly against a large, blunt object. The Sandaime had explained to him that due to his 'unusual circumstances' (he was very familiar with that term by now, and had no qualms about milking it for all it was worth) he would be given an alternative to death or life in prison. The higher-ups apparently had this idea in their heads that all he needed to be turned in a good, up-standing citizen was an education.
What education? He was stuck in a room with hordes of girls squealing over some 'Sasuke-kun', a kid who couldn't keep his eyes open for five minutes, a mutt and a kid who acted like one, and several kids who kind of faded into the background. Like he was trying to do. And succeeding, despite the fact that somebody had to have noticed that his hands were still tied. And there was an ANBU standing behind him. These were shinobi in training? He hoped that Konoha didn't go to war any time soon. The ANBU behind him seemed to agree, as he could feel her glaring through her cat-mask.
Then his teacher showed up. Naruto decided that somebody really, really hated him. Or it was just Ibiki and his minions being sadistic again. Standing in the front of the class was a certain white-haired chuunin, who's smile widened into a smirk upon seeing Naruto. The thief glared the darkest, most threatening glare he knew, successfully making that smirk falter. The ANBU smacked him upside the head for it, but it seemed half-hearted. Naruto allowed a small smile to escape his lips. Maybe this ANBU wasn't so bad after all.
The first part of the lesson was history, which Naruto was surprisingly good at. It helped that one of his contacts tended to ramble on about it every chance he got. And Naruto listened, since famous antiques were some of the most valuable (and dangerous) items on the market.
After that, they moved on to chakra, and he was lost. Sure he, he'd heard of chakra- the shinobi he'd watched to learn the two jutsu he did know mentioned it often enough- but it had never occurred to him that he was using it. When Muzuki continued on to giving vivid and grisly examples of deaths by chakra exhaustion, Naruto began to get nervous. He had no idea how much chakra he had. How close had he come to burning out before?
He couldn't raise his hand to ask, since they were kind of still tied. Thus he had no choice but to sit back sullenly, worrying about this chakra stuff that had suddenly complicated his life.
It was at lunch that somebody finally noticed the ANBU behind him. Neko-chan (his ANBU's unofficial name as of now) had untied his hands so he could eat (the alternative was her hand-feeding him. She and untied his hands pretty quickly at that idea).
He looked up from his meal (people always complained about cafeteria food, but Naruto had had far worse over the years) as a dark-haired kid approached him warily. The blond took in the pitch-black hair, ebony eyes and pale skin. It was fairly obvious he was an Uchiha. This must be the Sasuke guy that girls had been giggling about. There was something he should remember about this kid, but Naruto couldn't for the life of him figure out why.
"You're the new kid." It was a statement. It was also extremely obvious, and Naruto's opinion of the kid was quickly falling. "Why do you have an ANBU behind you?"
Naruto eyed him, considering whether or not to tell him. It might cause problems if everyone knew his reputation. He was ended up not having to decide just then, as they were interrupted by screams of 'Sasuke-kun!' as said Uchiha's fanclub caught sight of him. The Uchiha was forced to run for it for fear of being glomped. A thought occurred to Naruto
"Neko-chan, am I getting a guardian?" The ANBU didn't react to the nickname- probably a good thing. Angry ANBU could be frightening.
"The Hokage managed to convince someone." There was an odd note in the ANBU's voice.
Flashback
"I am not going to come out of retirement to baby-sit some snot-nosed brat who can rob me out of house and home without me noticing!" The White Fang of Konoha was pretty upset. Not that the Hokage could blame him. It didn't help that the entire Hatake Family was unordinary fond of arguments. It was a nightmare trying to convince them to do anything.
"He could become a great shinobi if raised properly-"
"He could be a great thief if he decides to take the lessons and run. And he will do that."
The Hokage sighed. This was going nowhere. Ha hadn't wanted to do this. "Hatake Sakumo, you will raise the boy and teach him what he needs to know. That's an order."
The silver-haired man's eyes narrowed. "Very well, Hokage-sama." He bowed curtly and left.
The Hokage could not have known that a similar event had taken place earlier that day.
An Earlier Flashback
"I am not going to baby-sit some snot nosed brat! Especially your snot-nosed brat! Who you have spoiled rotten since he was two! Who has everyone in the Alliance bowing to his every whim expect the Torture and Interrogation squads! And that's only because they don't bow to anyone, not even you!"
The shadowy figure on the throne frowned at that. "They will eventually," he muttered quietly to himself. It was a futile wish. "Nevertheless you will take care of him. You're the only one I can spare for this task without it looking suspicious. With any luck, this will turn out to my advantage. I've always thought the boy should learn some shinobi skills."
Sakumo huffed. "Yes, yes, we know. You don't have to drag me into your little schemes. I retired a long time ago, and you agreed not to send me out on any more missions."
"I agreed not to send you on any missions unless necessary. We can't afford to lose Naruto. The only way we can be sure of his safety while in that place is to surround him with Alliance agents."
"Other agent work alone and you aren't concerned about them. Sometimes I think you care more about what Naruto can do than about Naruto himself."
He'd hit a nerve. The figure's eyes narrowed threateningly. "Are you questioning the way I'm raising my son, Sakumo?"
"Yes. I am." Sakumo met his superior's eyes squarely. "I'll raise the kid for now. But don't be surprised if he doesn't turn out the way you want. He's not you. I think you have trouble understanding that sometimes."
Sakumo's bow was genuine, despite his harsh words. All things considered, he respected the head of the Alliance. He was good –amazingly good- at what he did. Parenting just wasn't one of those things.
End Flashbacks
Naruto stuck close to the wall, out of sight, as parents came to pick up their children. He couldn't help but wonder how these kids would respond to their first real mission away from home. They'd probably be crying for their mommies. Most of them, he glanced at Sasuke and the Hyuuga girl a few feet away. The pureblood clans were known for their strict parenting methods.
He was still tied up. Neko-chan had informed him that he would not be untied for anything except lunch. He was so looking forward to taijutsu. Bored and despondent, he started looking around for things to steal out of habit. When he thought about it, though, he probably shouldn't reveal that he knew how to steal things without using his hands.
All thoughts of that fled, however, when they were approached by a silver-haired man that had to be in his late forties/early fifties. Naruto hadn't even noticed him before, and he knew why. Standing before him was Hatake Sakumo, legend in both the Shinobi world and the underground, though the latter part was only known in the underground. He was every professional thief's idol- and Naruto was face-to-face with him.
"Hatake Sakumo," he breather, his eyes wide and awe-struck.
"You've heard of me. I'd say I'm honoured but I'd be lying." The legendary man eyed the boy critically. "Our esteemed leader had decided that I'm to baby-sit you."
Neko-chan nodded, assuming he meant the Hokage. And he did, in a sense, but Naruto caught the hidden reference. He found it amusing that someone as famous as Sakumo has to listen to their leader.
"You're dismissed, Yugao. I'll take it from here." When the ANBU had nodded and left, Sakumo fixed Naruto with a calculating stare. "I always told him he was raising you wrong. Lets see if there's some talent that can be salvaged."
Confused, Naruto got the sudden feeling that something bad was going to happen. And judging by his latest amount luck, or lack of, it was going to involve him.
Volia, the newest story I've got. Now I don't think this story or plot has been done before, but if it has, let me know. Oh, and Sakumo is a cannon character. He's Kakashi's father (Sakumo is also known as 'The White Fang of Konoha') but you wouldn't know who Sakumo is unless you read the manga. Later.