I sat down to write a parody one shot - after two paragraphs it became serious and turned into a proper story. I hadn't planned this, and just kept writing to see where the idea took me. Hopefully the only full on parody connection is something I left in intentionally. First chapter may still have the slight aftertaste of parody lingering around so bear with that, it settles well by chapter 2. I'm posting the first 2 together for that reason.
It does not start out happy, but I am a believer in happy endings for Olivia and Elliot, so bear with me. This is a different kind of story for me because of the way it evolved. I didn't intend for this story to happen like this at all….
EXIT
Chapter 1
Bullets rang out. Shouts, bodies hitting the ground, chaos. Her eyes locked with his before he raised his gun.
…..."It was easy. I bought it on the street."
His voice, a desperate shout, echoing through her mind at the moment that everything went black.
Five years later and still the dream haunted her. Still she revisited that scene over and over. The bullets, the voices, the faces of the others fading away in her memory, all except Elliot's panicked shout as darkness claimed her.
And then he left. He just...walked away. She never understood why, and try as she might to build up a wall between her feelings and him, it still hurt.
It had always hurt like hell.
6am. Olivia hated the sound that woke her every morning, without fail. She really didn't understand the need to get up so early and at the same time every day. She struggled with the routine she had to adhere to, and the way she was treated as just a number. They were supposed to have a far more introspective approach to her than they seemed to. They were failing by losing their drive and remembering why they worked there - being too stretched, too jaded, too underpaid.
Her individuality felt so stripped away, and at times she struggled to visualise her apartment, her possessions...her friends. She knew that something had to give soon - they all needed a break in the case. She was beginning to forget how long she had been under.
Her memories felt so fragmented at times - she was beginning to think that the time she had been under was just too long, but she ignored the questioning feelings that sat there on the edge of her mind, and she concentrated on the life she knew. The case, her squad, Noah.
Her boyfriend.
She could keep going. She had never been under for so long, but she could handle it. She could stare at the plain, dull walls, and eat the bland food if she had to. Ultimately she was doing good, she was sure of that. With each passing day she was inching closer to exposing the truth, and ending something that had gone on for far too long.
Every week, the same food, the same sounds, the same voices. The orderlies smiled, and sometimes they let their facades slip and showed their frustration at working with such a high degree of irrationality surrounding them, day in day out. They weren't unkind though - they weren't abusive or even patronising - just tired.
A hospital. Just outside of the city - it's secure structure, locks and orderlies reminiscent of a prison, and that was unsettling. It became easier though, after a particularly trying day where she had thought she couldn't handle it and wanted out. She had outed herself to the psychiatrist, and realised to her immense relief that he was her contact, and she had begun to feel more at ease.
He liked to play his role though - he was good, and she often silently observed him interacting with the patients, noting the ease at which he slipped into character, and that helped her keep her focus.
He took her verbal reports on the situation and fed it back to the agents in charge. That's what he told her anyway, he wasn't NYPD and a part of her carried a degree of mistrust. She would rather the NYPD were steering the op, but as that were not an option, she did her best to remind herself that they were all seeking the same goal. The glory didn't matter - she didn't need the recognition of cracking the case, she just wanted it over.
The ''sessions' with him were something she had begun to look forward to - a break from having to play the role of a delusional patient and talk with someone on her own level. She had begun to trust him more and more, sharing personal frustrations at times. She felt oddly comfortable doing that - she wanted to hold more of herself back, but she couldn't suppress the urge to be open with him.
She didn't really understand why.
She only had time to check in with Amanda briefly, before meeting with him that morning, but she managed it, realising how vital it was to stay in contact - especially with Amanda.
"Lieutenant - have you spoken with Fin lately?"
"Fin?" I spoke to him on the phone - made sure he was holding down the fort ok, but he's coming in on Friday so we can touch base."
"It's good to see him when he checks in even when he doesn't have much to say. He never looks comfortable here, I think he just hates these places."
"Don't we all," he smiled. "How about ….Amanda? Or Carisi? Have you been in contact with them?"
"Yes of course, we have to touch base on an op like this."
"What did they both tell you?"
"Carisi told me he wanted to pull out - but I convinced him to stay - I don't have many people left...on my squad, so I need him."
"Carisi's in room...EG18?" he said, jotting it down as she nodded. "Ok. What about Amanda?"
Olivia stared at him somewhat stunned, "she is good at this...better than I ever gave her credit for; she just keeps asking me who Amanda is."
Olivia shrugged - "I just think maybe she's been under for too long if she doesn't know her own name anymore. I don't know what to do about her. I think I need to pull her out."
"Ok Olivia, I can look into that for you. I spoke to Captain Cragen, the NYPD are happy to loan him to us to help."
Olivia looked at him and frowned, "but he retired."
"Well that's ok Olivia. If you want your captain to be here - we can make that happen. There doesn't need to be a justification - he wants to help."
Olivia smiled, "that would be good, thank you." she glanced out of the partially open window, as the sound of passing police sirens caught her attention.
"Do you want to go home Olivia?" he asked.
"Yes, I do...I want to see Noah, ...and Ed - he said we'd make a great family - this time next year we could be married." she said, smiling softly, although her eyes appeared distant.
"Why do you want to marry him Olivia?" her contact asked, curiously.
"Why?" she asked, baffled. Blinking, she turned her focus from the signs of normal life through the window, and back to him."Because he's there...he, I don't know.." she looked up, meeting his eyes, "is that bad? I mean I'm trying really hard to love him - he just...sometimes I think he doesn't fit. He seems so out of place in my life sometimes but i'm trying hard to love him. It's just…..sometimes I think of him, and...it feels almost...wrong. I know that sounds weird - and I usually just sit here and ask you if he's sent a message, and say he's my boyfriend and we are happy together..I just, feel you could pretend to be a real shrink for me," she said, laughing although a slight hesitancy crept in.
She didn't want to bare her soul to a stranger, but she was finding that she had a lot of time to think, and with no one but Carisi, who wasn't giving her much feedback, and a totally delusional Amanda, who simply flat out denied she even was Amanda every time they spoke, she needed to talk to someone.
"That's something we could talk about more if you'd like. I know it's not what i'm here for directly, but you'll lose it in here if you don't have someone sane to talk to, right?" he said, with an understanding smile.
Olivia laughed, "yeah, I guess that's true."
MANHATTAN SVU
Cragen sighed and watched Elliot wearily. "If i'm going to push this with them, I need to know it's the right move. Five years is a long time - you essentially just walked out of her life….what's she gonna do if you just walk back in?"
"I know you have reservations - but she needs help in there, and I might be able to make a difference.. It's been too long, and everyone's saying we have to play this a certain way, but seriously Cap, it's not working. I just gotta get back in there - get close to her this time, and talk to her." Elliot said, "I have to make sure she's ok."
Cragen glanced around the table, meeting the eyes of Munch and Fin. "I'm going with my gut here - let's give it a shot - anything is worth a try at this point. She's been in there too long and we need to get her back. We may have made a mistake in going along with all of this, but it's not our shout."
"Munch," Elliot said, a hint of anxiety creeping into his voice, "when you saw her...she was ok….I mean...she's holding up ok?"
Munch sighed, "It was a brief visit Elliot, and I'm fairly sure I've repeated the words verbatim so often that they are burned into your brain by now. She was happy, confident with how things were going. She's doing as ok as anyone can expect. Seeing you will jolt her though - you can't just walk out of someone's life and expect to saunter back in the door with no build up you know."
Elliot looked at him, "How the hell do I play this then? I tell her I just felt like turning my back on her one day and didn't care how that impacted her?"
Munch cast a bemused smile in Elliot's direction, "It would appear that that's what you did Stabler - you aren't looking good for the partner of the year award about now."
Cragen ignored the angry glare Elliot threw back at Munch, and shook his head, "we need to go in carefully here - play the roles we need to, however unnatural it feels to try to not set off any warning bells, and remember to look at the positives here."
"Which are?" Fin asked.
"We don't have more casualties than we could have. Our squad can get through this - keep hold of the bigger picture." Cragen said.
Knellscouth Psychiatric Hospital
Huang went in first - meeting in the psychiatrist's office, the cover protected. He had met with her several times in the past five weeks, and each time he had been able to talk freely with her, but still felt her sense of unease.
Elliot waited outside the door, too on edge to sit on the comfortable chairs lining the wall that separated him from his partner. He wanted to get in there, go up to her, take her hand and walk the hell out of there with her. Tell her he was never going to leave her, never going to hurt her. Drive her back home to her apartment, order chinese and sit on her couch with her, laughing about how crazy the past five weeks had been, telling her just how proud he was of her for everything she had got through.
He had a feeling it was far more complicated than that though.
"Are we ok to talk Olivia?" asked Huang, smiling warmly.
"Yeah, my contact has swept the room, we're clear to talk."
Huang gave a tight smile and sat on the couch, Olivia taking a seat on the opposite one.
"I spoke to Cragen today - he's happy to come in on this...said it might be a good idea to bring someone else in too."
Olivia frowned, "Who? We already have Carisi and Amanda here…"
Huang sighed, his reservations still strong, "I've debated this, but i'm going to try something different, that might help this situation - because you can't continue to remain here like this - you need to make more progress here then you have been lately." Huang said, as he got up and walked to the door, opening it, and gesturing for Elliot to come through.
Elliot walked in quickly, anxious to see her, and only slowing and remembering to keep a slight distance as he took note of the confused expression she wore.
"Liv," he said cautiously, "how are you holding up?"
Olivia went from confused to angry in a split second, crossing the room and striking him hard across his face. Elliot stepped back, his hand immediately moving to his cheek, rubbing at the sting from her anger in disbelief.
"Jesus Liv, what the hell?"
"That's all you have to say to me after five fucking years Elliot?"
Elliot shook his head in amazement and looked at Huang briefly, who merely nodded at him to continue.
"Liv," he said, holding his hands up, "can we talk? Without you hitting me this time?"
Olivia stared at him incredulously, "What the hell did you think I was gonna do - run to your arms Elliot? That i've been waiting for 5 years for you to turn up? I don't need you here."
Elliot stared at her in amazement, before glancing at Huang, "sorry, but i'm not playing along with this bullshit - you can say we have to play this game all you want, but it hasn't helped a damn thing has it? We have to just rip the band aid off and fix this!"
Olivia glanced between Huang and Elliot, confusion and hesitancy instantly creeping in. "What are you talking about? Why bring him in, of all people?"
Huang stepped forward, eyeing her cautiously", Olivia, we need to address the reasons you're here, and having your friends close to you may help you to..."
"This is bullshit," Elliot said, cutting him off as he crossed the room and grasped Olivia's shoulders with a gentleness that registered to her, despite his obvious anger.
He looked into her eyes, and she felt awash with confusion at the desperation she saw reflected back. "You're leaving Liv. Now."
"I'm on a case Elliot, i'm not going to just drop everything and leave with you! What the hell gives you the right to walk in here and tell me to do anything?" she replied, her voice thick with anger as she reached forward, her palms connecting with his chest briefly as she shoved him.
Elliot stepped back and stared at her, his desperation taking hold, "I care about you Liv…...there's not a damn word to describe how I feel about you, and it's killing me to see you in here. Please, just take a drive with me. Let me…" he paused, running a hand across his face, his unplanned actions forcing him to think fast and find the right words to get her cooperation, "let me apologise for everything. And explain. If I at least get you a break from this place, then that's something i've been able to do for you."
"Elliot, you can't take her out of the grounds…" Huang began.
"Ok, so we just sit in my car - where's the harm in that? Something she's done a hundred times before - that's not gonna hurt anyone."
Huang knew full well that Elliot wanted to take it further, and they had discussed the possibilities at great length. Elliot had reassured him that he understood the boundaries, but still Huang was prepared for Elliot to blatantly disregard their agreement. On one level he hoped he would - medical red tape was not doing Olivia any favours, so he acquiesced.
Olivia had eventually agreed to go with him on the premise that he would explain his absence to her. Once in the car however, he simply made small talk as he looked through the windscreen, his eyes flitting between the hospital exit gates and the somewhat bored orderly who was supposed to be watching them, but whose attention was focused on the cell phone he was trying to keep out of sight instead.
She pulled the door closed hard, focusing on the gravel path of the long driveway leading towards the road beyond the gates. She remained silent and Elliot hesitated, not at all sure what his next move should be. He glanced at her, aware that he needed to make some kind of a move but at a loss as to how to approach the difficult conversation they needed to have, and to get her to listen. So he took a deep breath... and started the engine.
Olivia turned to look at him in alarm, "what are you doing?"
"Relax Liv, i'm just taking you to the squad room - I'd ask you to trust me, but you clearly don't, so sit there, simmer, and hate me if that makes you feel better. We're going to the squad room to talk, and if after that, you wanna come back, i'll drive you back to the hospital myself, but you need to hear this, and no one else is doing what needs to be done."
Olivia stared straight ahead, her tension mounting fast, as Elliot began driving, picking up speed far too quickly as the car sped toward the exit barrier, his obvious intention to tailgate another car ."Stop the goddamn car Elliot, I have work to do." she said, amazed at the brashness of his actions.
"Yeah you do Liv, but you need a wake up call, and no one else is doing it." He glanced at her, taking in her tense, angry posture before his eyes returned to the exit and he cursed, immediately slamming the breaks on as the exit barrier came down hard across the hood of his car with a loud thud.
Elliot laughed in desperation, as he stared out of his windscreen at the damage. "you seriously think I walked out of your life? Didn't care about you? Christ Liv, you think i'm the bad guy and everyone expects me to play along. Screw that. I'm not playing."
She stared at him in disbelief, not able to find the words to even react to his compulsive, bold move, before throwing her door open and climbing out, slamming it behind her.
His heart dropped as his eyes locked onto her retreating form in the rear view mirror. There would be hell to pay for his attempt to get through to her, but he didn't care. He had to get her out of there.
What's Elliot doing? If you're still confused, don't worry, the next chapter will piece it together. I hold my hands up to this story being slightly quirky, but stay with me, it's going somewhere.