It's You
The fourth in the Coping With You series, following 'Fun Loving Criminal', 'Rock My Boat' and 'Devil May Care'.
Disclaimer/Acknowledgements: Yawn. The West Wing isn't mine, neither is "Valentine" by Wendy Cope from "Serious Concerns" which is borrowed from.
NB: All the stories in this series have required some degree of suspension of disbelief but this one notches that up a little so be warned...
Summary: Danny and Donna team up to destroy 'CJ and Josh: Happy Couple'.
You're going to regret this, Joshua Lyman.
My heart has made its mind up, Josh, and I'm afraid it's you.
I'm not going to give you up to her that easily.
You were supposed to flirt, chase skirts, get Mandy out of your system.
You weren't supposed to start deluding yourself that you could be in love.
Not with someone who isn't me.
Whatever you've got lined up, Josh, my heart has made its mind up.
I will have you, Josh. If not today, tomorrow will do.
My heart has made its mind up and I'm afraid it's you.
* * * * *
"Donna!"
It's not him; that's all I'm aware of as I keep walking.
Anyway I'm too busy concentrating on not dropping the box into which I dumped all my personal items on my way out.
"Donna, wait!"
The framed photograph at the top of the pile topples over and everything collapses underneath.
So now I have to stop on the steps of the White House where I've just had my heart broken and quit my job and pick up my stuff under the beady glare of the Secret Service.
This all gives my pursuer time to catch up. I recognise him now; it's the reporter that used to flirt with CJ.
Actually he used to do a hell of a lot more than flirt with CJ but I don't think anyone was supposed to notice.
When will they learn that the assistants see all?
What does Josh see in that slut?
And why didn't I see it coming?
The reporter guy's all red-faced and puffing. I suppose anger lengthened my stride. He bends to help me with my things.
"Thanks a lot!"
My expression is savage. To my satisfaction, he looks a little scared.
"I didn't do anything!" he protests.
"You distracted me." I wave a letter-opener at him theatrically.
He jumps backwards and hands me a cat ornament at arm's length.
"So you quit."
"Well, duh!"
I'm not in any mood to have a conversation with someone who sees what Josh sees in CJ Cregg. Bitch. Traitor. Soulmate-stealer.
"Pity."
I turn on him.
"You listen to me, I can get a job anywhere in this city; I *ran* Josh's life, that place is going to fall apart without me!"
"I meant it's a pity you quit because you were going to be my man on the inside."
"Look, just because I'm mad at Josh doesn't mean I'm going to tell you a goddam thing-"
"I don't want a story, Donna."
"Well, could you please hurry up and tell me what you do want so I can get as far away from this place and that hellcat as possible?"
"I want CJ."
His face has softened; his eyes are sad. He's in the same position as me. He probably hates Josh right now. The thought gets me all fired up again.
"You and the rest of the world!"
My world, anyway.
I promised myself I wouldn't start again - but I find myself crying right there outside the White House with a carton of junk and a hotshot reporter who bears a strange resemblance to Garfield.
To my surprise I find his arm around my shoulders briefly. He gives me a light squeeze and takes it away.
He fumbles in his pockets for a tissue.
"Don't worry, Donna," he says in a low voice accompanied by a conspiratorial wink. "We're in the same boat, you and I, but if we work together we can make it to the shore."
Stupid writers and their stupid metaphors. But I think I'm beginning to understand...
Danny takes my box and we head for somewhere more private to discuss how to set Operation Capsize in motion.
* * * * *
I watch CJ even more closely than usual at today's briefing.
She looks depressingly happy. In fact, I think I even detect a hint of afterglow.
That man makes me want to vomit. What he has that makes women like CJ and Donna even throw him a second glance is totally beyond my field of vision.
As soon as it's over I get up and trot after her.
"I'm too busy for you just now, Danny."
"Are you? Or do you just want to make out with Josh?"
She gives me a wry glance.
"You never complained when it was us."
She's got me on that one – but then again I wouldn't be complaining now if that were the case.
Were I taller and more athletic, that man would have reason to know fear.
But I have to get to the point before she kicks me out on my ass.
"You know Donna Moss is working for me now?"
She reacts but hides it well, as usual.
Of course she didn't know. She wasn't meant to know until we were ready.
When she speaks she tries to sound casual:
"Well – good. The circumstances of her departure were unfortunate; I'm glad she's found something else."
"You drove her out. I'm going to write about it. Your affair is disrupting the running of the nation."
"That's nonsense."
She's drawn herself up to her full height and is glaring at me over the top of her glasses in an imperious manner.
It's sexy as hell.
"You wouldn't put your name to such a ridiculous story. 'Hysterical secretary walks out.' Big deal."
"Wouldn't I?"
She holds up her hands.
"Go ahead, if you want to ruin your reputation. Josh and I will laugh it off."
"I have a lot of contacts in this business, CJ. I can make this a story. You think the President can take another hit over this thing?"
"Are you threatening me, Danny?"
"I'm just asking if you're willing to risk your career for him."
She looks me directly in the eye and says simply, "Yes."
She walks on and I'm left standing in everyone's way in the middle of the corridor wondering what the most painful death I can inflict upon Josh Lyman is.
* * * * *
"She's bluffing, she has to be."
"This room is too small for you to pace in, Danny."
"She just has to be bluffing is all. There's no way she's so into that cocky alcoholic freak!"
I think he's been taking 'restless-and-grumpy' lessons from Toby.
"Josh is *not* an alcoholic, it's just that when he does drink he acts like he's had so much more..."
"He got her drunk and took advantage of her!"
"It was the other way around!"
She must have been planning it for months. She knew that in his hour of vulnerability I would be too busy worrying about him to keep my guard up and she'd be able to steal him away from me!
Cold calculating monster.
I must admit I'm astonished at my own profound lack of character judgement. I didn't see it coming at all.
I mean before she revealed her true evil duplicitous nature I *liked* CJ. I totally fell for her whole 'I'm a nice person, non-man-stealing, kind to kittens' act.
How could I be so innocent?!
If I'd stayed alert; if I'd kept a wary eye on her; if I'd locked Josh in the bathroom till he came to his senses...
"Donna," Danny waves a hand in front of my face. He looks sympathetic. At least someone understands what I'm going through.
"It's too late to stop them getting together now. Their flesh has already mingled."
We cringe simultaneously.
"But it'll never last. They make a terrible couple."
Too right. They're a match made in my own private hell.
"Okay, Danny." I have to pull myself together if Operation Capsize is to succeed.
"So what do we do now?"
He flashes an evil grin. I think my newfound partner in crime has a plan.
* * * * *
Hehehe. Why am I not surprised by the message that CJ needs me after the briefing? Things seem to be moving along nicely.
"You wanted to see me?"
My best innocent voice. She always used to find it irrestistible.
She's making use of her reproachful face - which I always used to find irresistible. But now I must resist if she is ever to be mine again.
"Danny, why are you trying to overthrow the government?"
I am? Maybe Donna got a little carried away.
"I'm fairly sure I'm not," I say carefully.
"Leo McGarry just tried to fire Josh for the second time in a week and you were behind it."
Yeah, Donna screwed up. It was supposed to be CJ that almost got fired, the idea being that she would realise he wasn't worth it (and that without a woman to clear up after him Josh would realise how much he needs Donna to control his every move). Still, there's no need for CJ to know that now.
"That doesn't count, that's only trying to overthrow Josh Lyman."
I grit my teeth and pronounce his name like it's the most foul of curse- words.
"Josh is one of the most brilliant men in the country. This administration needs him."
Evil genius sneaked her away from under my very nose.
"You don't need him."
"Yes," she states emphatically, "I do."
It's like she wants to see how many times she can break my heart with that word.
I don't know what to say to that. Maybe they're too strong for us. Separately CJ lacks imagination and Josh lacks sanity, but together... His raw intelligence coupled (ouch – bad choice of words) with her common sense may form some kind of unbeatable staying-together machine.
"I thought that if you guys really care about us you're supposed to be happy for us."
I give what is intended as a cynical snort and would have been much more effective coming from Toby.
"Nobody has ever been happy to find out the person they're in love with is sleeping with someone else."
"I'm sorry, Danny," she tells me in a voice that suggests she's anything but. "I'm not going to give him up. I'm happier now than I've been in a very long time."
"You were happy with me."
"No. I was excited with you. I wasn't happy because I always knew deep down that it wasn't going to work."
"And you think it's going to work with him?"
This requires more suspension of disbelief than the World Wrestling Federation. What on earth does a man like that have to offer a woman like her?
Her face takes on a slightly dreamy expression.
"I don't know. It might. It just might."
Oh, that guy's life is so over...
* * * * *
"Aaargh!"
Uhhh... It's 3.30am and that hideous old hag is once again costing me sleep.
There's no way I'm going to get back to sleep now.
I cannot believe She is invading my dreams.
I was so happy when I thought I was having a dream about Josh – and then I realised She was in it too.
I have to talk to Danny. His plans are not working anything like fast enough.
I spent an hour with Leo this morning, trying to convince him that the best thing for the Bartlet administration is for them to be broken up. I said I was going to sue – I was forced out of my job because of the sexually- charged atmosphere (in other words cuz my lust-bunny is screwing someone else, but it's all in the spin).
I was going to drag it through the media. That picture of CJ and Josh was going to be recycled and reused up and down the country.
I promised him that every single person with an interest in the Democratic party would rue the day those two made their drunken way to that grotty little hotel room.
Interestingly enough he didn't seem too averse to the idea of stopping them in their tracks.
I realised Danny and I may have discovered an unexpected ally.
So I raised the stakes a little. I was just supposed to sow the seeds of doubt in his mind. I was going to offer to drop the lawsuit if I could feel secure in the thought that no other assistants were going to 'experience the same trauma I did'.
I hinted that someone as sexually predatory as CJ shouldn't be working in the White House.
He went crazy and nearly threw me out at that point and then the pieces clicked in my mind.
I came right out and asked for his help in splitting them up, suggested a scare might make CJ rethink what Josh is worth to her.
When I left it looked like he was considering it.
But according to what CJ told Danny, he decided to shake up Josh instead.
What is she, *everyone's* pet? What is so damn lovable about her?
And Leo didn't even let Josh keep thinking he was fired!
I wonder what she had to do to change his mind?
Aw, man, this is getting old.
I miss the old days and being friends with the people I worked with, the sisterhood, secure in the knowledge that Josh would one day wake up and realise we were everyone's idea of a perfect couple.
Now I'm the one that's waking up. After hideous nightmares of him in bed (well, up against the kitchen counter, but who's counting?) with another woman.
I'm going to call Danny. If he can't get this sabotage thing moving - well, maybe it'll soon be time for my heart to start *un-making* its mind up.
* * * * *
The last thing I wanted to deal with on top of fixing this crazy relationship was an appointment with Donna Moss.
I have to admit, she did have some interesting ideas though.
I knew that if Donna was worried about the CJ-Josh situation it had to be a big deal. Donna's always been willing to bide her time. She was content to wait until he was completely over Mandy and she didn't mind him having crushes on other women.
I realised that since Donna had a big enough problem with their relationship that she was sufficiently desperate to try to involve the White House Chief of Staff in a conspiracy with her and a reporter, and sufficiently cockeyed to believe I'd go along with it, it must be serious.
I won't pretend that I wasn't ready to fire one or both of them for behaving so inappropriately, but the President knocked that idea on the head the day this broke.
And anyway, like I was going to be swayed by some little blonde secretary.
I'm only ever swayed by tall blond-ish press secretaries.
Tonight I got sick of losing sleep over one of the latter so I called her up at home.
She wasn't there and so, getting more pissed by the minute, I called her at Josh's and told them I was leaving for the office and they'd better be there before I arrived or – well, I couldn't think of anything good to come after the 'or' so I muttered something about their being hell to pay that they just might have mistaken for something clever.
I need to start paying more attention to Toby. He's got the insults and threats down pat. A guy could learn a lot from him.
Anyway, they're here now and I'm trying to clarify my position in all this once and for all.
It's taking some time.
"Is Donna serious about the sexual harassment suit?" I ask wearily.
"No," CJ shakes her head at the exact same time as Josh says, "Could be."
They exchange a look, then she tears herself away. She doesn't want me to notice how deeply involved she is.
I wonder just how stupid all these women think I am.
"She's just driven a little crazy by lust," Josh shrugs. "It's understandable."
Way to make me less pissed at you, wonderboy.
"She's bitter." CJ's wise enough to change the subject swiftly. "She imagines herself to be in love and she feels rejected. Believe me, I've been there."
"She wanted me to fire you."
"Yeah, well, women get a lot madder at other women than they ever do at men."
At that comment, Josh and I meet each others' eyes for the first time in weeks, exchanging a 'That has to hurt' look
"Okay, you two."
They fix their eyes on me like naughty puppies afraid their master's going to spank them.
Which thought has given me a whole host of images I could have lived without, but moving on...
"If Danny and Donna make this rough, how are you going to react?"
They glance at each other and then CJ asks, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, is this going to break you up?"
"No!" Josh is laughing, like the very idea is ridiculous.
CJ sinks down in her chair. She doesn't want to answer that question – or at least, not in front of me.
"No."
It's so quiet that if I hadn't known that was what she was going to say I wouldn't have been able to make it out.
She looks up and there's steel in her eyes again.
"Not if I can help it."
I get up and pace around the room a little.
"You know the President's numbers haven't stopped falling since that picture was printed."
"I know - and I'm sorry. I'll resign if you ask me to." Her voice is once again quiet and perfectly steady. "Though I'd rather you didn't ask me to."
She holds my gaze for a minute then stands and goes to him.
"But I'm not going to give this thing up."
He's rubbing his index finger against the back of her palm. CJ has obviously given him a little schooling in matters of tactful behaviour before the boss, though it pretty much flies out the window every time he opens his mouth.
God dammit, why do they have to stand there looking so right?
"That is," she continues, and the trace of a nervous tremble is back, "Unless you feel differently, which would of course be perfectly understandable."
She stops at that, because whatever you want to say about Claudia Jean, she doesn't babble like some I could mention around here.
Also she's clearly embarrassed - hardly for the first time since she started seeing Motormouth here. There's a most becoming blush over her skin, but it's more the way she's staring at the bottom shelf of my bookcase and nibbling her lower lip.
Yeah, yeah, I know I shouldn't be noticing these things.
But I also know that if Josh's response isn't what she needs it to be, I'm gonna have him kissing the Christian right's ass for a month of Sundays, so I may be at least partially cured.
Of course, I could put them both out of their misery by saying I have no intention of letting this administration lose either one of them, but I'm old, I'm frustrated and I'll be damned if I'm not going to cat-and-mouse these lovesick kids for a few minutes longer.
With a sideways glance at me - nice to know there's still a little fear in this office - he puts a hand on her. The angle's designed to make me believe it's on the small of her back, but when did a guy ever go for the back when there's a perfectly good ass ripe for the grabbing?
"CJ," and the way he says her name, with more reverence than he's ever given the Lord's, makes me somewhat less unhappy about his existence on this earth.
"I can't believe…" He tries again. "Apparently I do feel differently."
She sighs, draws on all those inches, and when she turns that emotionless face is pasted on in her finest dignified-dumpee style.
Must be all the emotions flying about in here; she's not usually this slow.
"I feel like it shouldn't even be a question." He's gathering momentum, bless him and damn him. "Give up? Since when have we ever given up on things that matter?"
"I-"
She's uncertain; it's a cute look on her, her mouth hanging half-open in an uncannily Donna-esque manner.
"Did you think we were going to start with each other?"
"Oh, God, enough already," I interrupt, not only because I fear I might vomit if I hear one more romantic word tonight, but also because I'm afraid they might jump each other on my desk if I don't reassert my authority over this situation.
I stand up with the intention of finding a better-equipped bathroom than my closet and gesture grumpily at the phone.
"Get Danny and Donna here. We're going to resolve this. And if you defile my office while I'm gone, you're both fired."
* * * * *
I don't think I look my best.
This is unsurprising considering I was summoned at an even earlier hour than is customary for this madhouse, but irritating since I am sitting in front of my erstwhile boss/current object of desire and his new girlfriend.
I've fanned my hair around my shoulders a little and am wearing my best, 'I don't need you, Josh Lyman' expression.
A sidelong glance confirms that Danny is doing the same thing, except without the hair (what's the male equivalent? Did he comb his beard?) and the Josh-lust. At least, I think without the Josh-lust…
Y'know, from this angle his butt really isn't all that cute.
Leo claps his hand in finest substitute teacher fashion and grumbles something I don't fully understand about wanting this night to be over before his stomach loses the ability to retain food.
"CJ. Josh. You got something you want to say to these guys?"
They both open their mouths and Leo buries his face in his hands.
"One at a time. We speak one at a time in this room."
Somewhere along the line Leo really missed his calling.
They try again, glare at each other, then say in unison, "You go first."
Danny chuckles, which is something he hasn't really done in a while.
An impatient Leo just jerks a thumb in CJ's direction and snaps, "Talk."
"Okay."
She looks stumped.
"Well, you should all know that we didn't mean to upset anyone."
She's choosing her words as carefully as if she were talking to the pressroom. 'Upset' makes it sound like we're irritated. She knows the word is 'hurt' but it lets us keep a little of our dignity if she doesn't say it.
I'm still pissed at her.
"To be perfectly honest, we didn't think at all until it was way beyond too late."
Danny and I give self-righteous snorts, because such opportunities should never be wasted.
"But too late was quite a while ago now, so the thing is, you're fighting a losing battle."
Danny's hand finds mine and it's just as well because I don't like sitting here listening to her tell us why we can't get what we want in that oh-so- reasonable-could-be-your-mother voice.
"I'm saying: if we've been insensitive, we're truly sorry."
I want to scream at her to stop sounding so sincere. She faces me and fixes me with that limpid gaze that seems to draw all the testosterone in the building towards it.
"And, Donna, the last thing - well, one of the last things, anyway," she corrects herself, "-We'd ever want is to make you feel uncomfortable in your surroundings. We want you to come back."
This, she's lying about. A woman can tell these things. But for once I can't blame her. If our roles were reversed, I wouldn't want her near Josh or the White House either.
Oh, wait - I *don't* want her near Josh or the White House.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
She continues, "So if there's anything we can do - for example, we'll be refraining from expressing affection in the working environment."
That's what you think, sister. Josh has the self-control of a lab rat in heat.
Ugh, ugh, ugh. If I have one more thought about these two people together…
"And, Danny…"
She trails off as he crosses his legs and sits back to enjoy her crawling.
"I really should slap you upside the head."
The smug expression falls from his face for a second, but he's quick to reapply it.
"You're just a stirrer, plain and simple. We tied up our loose ends long before I looked at Josh as anything other than a toddler in a rumpled suit."
I can't pretend to be an expert on the subject, but from what Danny's told me about their relationship that sounds pretty accurate.
"You're not mad about Josh; you're mad because I was never willing to get involved with you."
Unless he not only brags but also is rather inventive about the things he brags about, that statement's rather less accurate.
"Well, not much," she says with a self-conscious blush. Josh nearly falls out of his chair and I can tell she's going to have a lot of awkward questions to answer about what precisely constitutes 'not much'.
She'll lie. So would I.
Josh butts in there, partly out of fear at what he'll hear next, and partly because Josh just can't help butting in. Verbal diarrhoea is, like, his thing.
"So, yeah, we're together, but you guys are still just as important as you were before."
Yeah, but you never did appreciate just how important I was, Joshua.
"Danny, although work makes things difficult for us, there's nothing like the conflict of interests there was between you and CJ. The situation's different."
"Yeah, it's not like I like this guy any better," she quips, but I think by now even Danny knows it's not true. I squeeze his fingers, as much for my own comfort as his.
"And Donna," Josh goes on after pausing to throw her a wounded look. "Donna. What can I say to you? Have you any clue the chaos the bullpen's been in since you've been gone?"
My smirk proves that I have a vague idea.
"I need you. I always did. I still do. Plus you're one of the best friends I've ever had."
I'm pretty sure CJ's growling about that, but I'm too busy glowing to pay much attention.
"I don't want to be squaring up against you in a courtroom. I don't want you working for Danny. I don't even want you to stop calling me at home at odd hours of the day and night."
This time, CJ's displeasure is evident to all. Well, ha. This is my moment in the limelight.
"Donna. Come back to work. I'll bellow, you'll withhold caffeine, it'll be just like old times."
It's a tempting offer.
"Okay."
I can always try to bring them down from the inside.
"How can I say no to you in your Joey Lucas suit?"
We stand up and he pulls me into a classic Josh Lyman bear hug. I can't resist sticking my tongue out at CJ over his shoulder.
"What about you?" Leo asks Danny, obviously hoping to move the whole thing along.
"I know when I'm beaten," my partner admits gloomily. He shoots me a dirty look.
"So no more talk of lawsuits? No vicious articles? No sabotage of any description?"
I shake my head. It actually feels good to shake some of that stuff out of there.
"Not from me. My colleagues, on the other hand, may well write some vicious articles," Danny points out.
"They already have," CJ shrugs. "We can take it."
"Sounds like we're done here." Leo sounds like he's just received a stay of execution.
I'm the first to the doorway, eager to get away from those two muttering inane couplish things.
"Those pants need pressing."
"This is my best suit."
"I'm saying the pants need pressing."
"Joey thinks it's a nice suit. Donna can't say no to me in this suit."
"I love you in this suit, Josh. I'm just saying the pants need pressing."
"You know what I love you in?"
This is rapidly descending to the vomit-worthy level. I tug Danny towards the exit but he seems keen to hang back. Guess it's like watching a car crash.
"That little leather thong thing?"
Okay, that definitely constitutes way more information than I can comfortably block out of my mind at this time in the morning.
They share a dirty lovers' snigger.
"Well, that thing's pretty amazing. Wasn't what I had in mind though."
"No?"
"You want to know?"
"Sure."
"You really want to know what I love you in?"
Leo grabs his coat and if I didn't know better I'd think he was muttering, 'la la la, I'm not listening to you'.
"I love you in everything."
I draw to a halt. It's so strange to finally hear aloud these words from him.
"Well, you in nothing is good too, of course. But I love you in everything - I just plain old love ya."
So much for not expressing affection in the office.
There are tears pricking at her eyes. I can see this because, surprisingly enough, there are none in mine.
She takes his hand and rests it on her waist. He's already playing with her hair with the other.
"Good."
"Good?"
"Good."
"I say 'I love you' and you say 'good'?"
"Yup."
"CJ!"
The thing about getting through world-shattering events - in this case Rosslyn - is that it reduces your capacity for melodrama permanently.
I can't say this feels like dying, because Josh nearly did. I can't say this is my worst nightmare, because that was. I can't say it feels like someone tore my heart out of my chest and stomped all over it with stiletto heels, because, hey, been there, done that.
I guess what I'm saying is it puts things into perspective.
This isn't the worst thing that could have happened.
But still…
"I'm saying it's good that you love me."
"You think? Cause you're making me wonder!"
She squeezes the cutest little butt in professional politics.
"It's good. Because it wouldn't have been easy for me to deal with if you hadn't loved me back."
I turn away, because I've wasted enough time mooning over this man.
"'Kay, that means what I think it does, right? Cause it's late and I'm somewhat confused."
"I love you and you know it."
"Sure I do, I just wanted to make you say it."
Danny and I glance at each other and roll our eyes.
We'll laugh about this one day.
Maybe even tomorrow.
I scrutinise his face to see if he believes it. He meets my gaze with a sad-eyed expression. Still, it's a little less sad than I've seen it of late. And there's something else...
Did you know that it is physically possible for a girl to be lost in a guy's eyes one instant and lost between his lips the next with no intermediary stage? Don't you think that's a sadly under-examined phenomenon that could lead to potentially dangerous situations?
*Such as the one I find myself in right now.*
So overcome am I with horror at my government's failure to highlight and counterattack the possible consequences of such outbreaks - namely *kissing middle-aged journalists with ginger beards!* - that it takes a few seconds to notice the six shocked eyes fixed on us.
In the split-second between my opening my eyes, realising where my tongue was, and pushing Danny away with enough force to kill a skinnier man, the expressions of those around us undergo several metamorphoses.
The replacement of Leo's shock with the kind of rage normally reserved for people like Josh is enough to make me step over to where Danny's recovering and raise my hand to slap him.
However, yet another unexplained phenomenon assails me before I get that far and my hand lingers in his beard for a moment.
"This is too damn much," I hear Leo mutter, but I'm too busy nibbling Danny's earlobe to notice.
EW! Ew, ew, ew!! *What* did I just say?! What did I just *do*?!!
As I turn my head away in shame, I catch sight of CJ and Josh, her hand still resting in his. Their bodies are touching - she's leaning her weight on him slightly - but not in a horny teenager (or horny thirtysomething for that matter) kind of way.
They both seem very comfortable.
Remember the thing I was saying about the metamorphosing expressions? Well, it didn't take theirs long to switch from amazed, to amused, to wherever the heck they're at now, which seems to be kind of… indifferent. To Danny and me at least.
Because now they're looking at each other and it'd be evident even to the most emotionally dense (i.e. someone closely resembling Josh) bystander that the persistent reporter guy and the cute blonde chick are the last things on their minds.
As much as I hate to admit it, they do look sort of nice together, in a bizarre and disturbing way.
Danny taps me on the shoulder and for a brief moment I question just how much I hate to admit it.
"Donnatella-"
"Why do you know my full name?"
"It's my job to know these things."
"Right, it's your job to know obscure details about junior staffers."
That was me trying to do sarcasm, in case you didn't notice. I've been told I'm too perky to pull it off.
"I was going to write an article about you, remember?"
"But that was just a bluff!"
CJ nudges Josh. "See, I told you…"
I am momentarily reminded of all my reasons for wanting to claw her eyes out.
"Donna*tella*, I know a lot of things about you. A lot more than you know about me."
I tilt my head to one side flirtatiously and before I know it I've said, "Maybe you should fill me in on the gaps."
It's out there, and as furiously as I try to catch the words out of the air between us and swallow them back down, it's too late.
"I wash my hands of you all," Leo says in disgust.
Danny watches him go, then turns his attentions back to me.
"We're on the rebound."
"Yup."
What, so it doesn't quite sit with my chatterbox reputation. I'm in shock. It's not every day Danny Concannon gets kissed by, like, a normal person, far less *me*.
"The rebound from *them*."
He gestures to the odd couple necking in the corner.
I squint at them. What is he doi- Oh… I see what he's doing. Ew.
"Well, we couldn't be any scarier than that."
I sigh, unable to believe that I, a strong, sexy, professional woman, am getting myself into this position.
"Listen to me, *Daniel*. Excuse me if I'm wrong, but it appears like Operation Capsize has turned into an unmitigated disaster."
Listening to the muffled repeats of those 'I love you's as they come up for air, he has no choice but to agree.
"So the way I see it, we can either go off and kill ourselves; we can go off and kill them, thereby incurring lifelong prison sentences; or we can go off and have lots of hot rebound sex."
"Do you have a preference?" he asks with a squeak.
I answer him with a kiss, which is the only way to shut these smart-mouthed men up, as CJ knows full well.
I should've tried it with Josh years ago.
Maybe if I had things would be different now.
But there really isn't much point in thinking about that, given that he's halfway to happily ever after with CJ and I've got my hand down a reporter's pants.
Maybe next year I'll be able to sign up Josh Lyman.
But, losing myself in the warmth of another man's facial hair, I'm not going to stake my heart on it.
I think my heart may be changing its mind...
THE END
First posted December 2001
The fourth in the Coping With You series, following 'Fun Loving Criminal', 'Rock My Boat' and 'Devil May Care'.
Disclaimer/Acknowledgements: Yawn. The West Wing isn't mine, neither is "Valentine" by Wendy Cope from "Serious Concerns" which is borrowed from.
NB: All the stories in this series have required some degree of suspension of disbelief but this one notches that up a little so be warned...
Summary: Danny and Donna team up to destroy 'CJ and Josh: Happy Couple'.
You're going to regret this, Joshua Lyman.
My heart has made its mind up, Josh, and I'm afraid it's you.
I'm not going to give you up to her that easily.
You were supposed to flirt, chase skirts, get Mandy out of your system.
You weren't supposed to start deluding yourself that you could be in love.
Not with someone who isn't me.
Whatever you've got lined up, Josh, my heart has made its mind up.
I will have you, Josh. If not today, tomorrow will do.
My heart has made its mind up and I'm afraid it's you.
* * * * *
"Donna!"
It's not him; that's all I'm aware of as I keep walking.
Anyway I'm too busy concentrating on not dropping the box into which I dumped all my personal items on my way out.
"Donna, wait!"
The framed photograph at the top of the pile topples over and everything collapses underneath.
So now I have to stop on the steps of the White House where I've just had my heart broken and quit my job and pick up my stuff under the beady glare of the Secret Service.
This all gives my pursuer time to catch up. I recognise him now; it's the reporter that used to flirt with CJ.
Actually he used to do a hell of a lot more than flirt with CJ but I don't think anyone was supposed to notice.
When will they learn that the assistants see all?
What does Josh see in that slut?
And why didn't I see it coming?
The reporter guy's all red-faced and puffing. I suppose anger lengthened my stride. He bends to help me with my things.
"Thanks a lot!"
My expression is savage. To my satisfaction, he looks a little scared.
"I didn't do anything!" he protests.
"You distracted me." I wave a letter-opener at him theatrically.
He jumps backwards and hands me a cat ornament at arm's length.
"So you quit."
"Well, duh!"
I'm not in any mood to have a conversation with someone who sees what Josh sees in CJ Cregg. Bitch. Traitor. Soulmate-stealer.
"Pity."
I turn on him.
"You listen to me, I can get a job anywhere in this city; I *ran* Josh's life, that place is going to fall apart without me!"
"I meant it's a pity you quit because you were going to be my man on the inside."
"Look, just because I'm mad at Josh doesn't mean I'm going to tell you a goddam thing-"
"I don't want a story, Donna."
"Well, could you please hurry up and tell me what you do want so I can get as far away from this place and that hellcat as possible?"
"I want CJ."
His face has softened; his eyes are sad. He's in the same position as me. He probably hates Josh right now. The thought gets me all fired up again.
"You and the rest of the world!"
My world, anyway.
I promised myself I wouldn't start again - but I find myself crying right there outside the White House with a carton of junk and a hotshot reporter who bears a strange resemblance to Garfield.
To my surprise I find his arm around my shoulders briefly. He gives me a light squeeze and takes it away.
He fumbles in his pockets for a tissue.
"Don't worry, Donna," he says in a low voice accompanied by a conspiratorial wink. "We're in the same boat, you and I, but if we work together we can make it to the shore."
Stupid writers and their stupid metaphors. But I think I'm beginning to understand...
Danny takes my box and we head for somewhere more private to discuss how to set Operation Capsize in motion.
* * * * *
I watch CJ even more closely than usual at today's briefing.
She looks depressingly happy. In fact, I think I even detect a hint of afterglow.
That man makes me want to vomit. What he has that makes women like CJ and Donna even throw him a second glance is totally beyond my field of vision.
As soon as it's over I get up and trot after her.
"I'm too busy for you just now, Danny."
"Are you? Or do you just want to make out with Josh?"
She gives me a wry glance.
"You never complained when it was us."
She's got me on that one – but then again I wouldn't be complaining now if that were the case.
Were I taller and more athletic, that man would have reason to know fear.
But I have to get to the point before she kicks me out on my ass.
"You know Donna Moss is working for me now?"
She reacts but hides it well, as usual.
Of course she didn't know. She wasn't meant to know until we were ready.
When she speaks she tries to sound casual:
"Well – good. The circumstances of her departure were unfortunate; I'm glad she's found something else."
"You drove her out. I'm going to write about it. Your affair is disrupting the running of the nation."
"That's nonsense."
She's drawn herself up to her full height and is glaring at me over the top of her glasses in an imperious manner.
It's sexy as hell.
"You wouldn't put your name to such a ridiculous story. 'Hysterical secretary walks out.' Big deal."
"Wouldn't I?"
She holds up her hands.
"Go ahead, if you want to ruin your reputation. Josh and I will laugh it off."
"I have a lot of contacts in this business, CJ. I can make this a story. You think the President can take another hit over this thing?"
"Are you threatening me, Danny?"
"I'm just asking if you're willing to risk your career for him."
She looks me directly in the eye and says simply, "Yes."
She walks on and I'm left standing in everyone's way in the middle of the corridor wondering what the most painful death I can inflict upon Josh Lyman is.
* * * * *
"She's bluffing, she has to be."
"This room is too small for you to pace in, Danny."
"She just has to be bluffing is all. There's no way she's so into that cocky alcoholic freak!"
I think he's been taking 'restless-and-grumpy' lessons from Toby.
"Josh is *not* an alcoholic, it's just that when he does drink he acts like he's had so much more..."
"He got her drunk and took advantage of her!"
"It was the other way around!"
She must have been planning it for months. She knew that in his hour of vulnerability I would be too busy worrying about him to keep my guard up and she'd be able to steal him away from me!
Cold calculating monster.
I must admit I'm astonished at my own profound lack of character judgement. I didn't see it coming at all.
I mean before she revealed her true evil duplicitous nature I *liked* CJ. I totally fell for her whole 'I'm a nice person, non-man-stealing, kind to kittens' act.
How could I be so innocent?!
If I'd stayed alert; if I'd kept a wary eye on her; if I'd locked Josh in the bathroom till he came to his senses...
"Donna," Danny waves a hand in front of my face. He looks sympathetic. At least someone understands what I'm going through.
"It's too late to stop them getting together now. Their flesh has already mingled."
We cringe simultaneously.
"But it'll never last. They make a terrible couple."
Too right. They're a match made in my own private hell.
"Okay, Danny." I have to pull myself together if Operation Capsize is to succeed.
"So what do we do now?"
He flashes an evil grin. I think my newfound partner in crime has a plan.
* * * * *
Hehehe. Why am I not surprised by the message that CJ needs me after the briefing? Things seem to be moving along nicely.
"You wanted to see me?"
My best innocent voice. She always used to find it irrestistible.
She's making use of her reproachful face - which I always used to find irresistible. But now I must resist if she is ever to be mine again.
"Danny, why are you trying to overthrow the government?"
I am? Maybe Donna got a little carried away.
"I'm fairly sure I'm not," I say carefully.
"Leo McGarry just tried to fire Josh for the second time in a week and you were behind it."
Yeah, Donna screwed up. It was supposed to be CJ that almost got fired, the idea being that she would realise he wasn't worth it (and that without a woman to clear up after him Josh would realise how much he needs Donna to control his every move). Still, there's no need for CJ to know that now.
"That doesn't count, that's only trying to overthrow Josh Lyman."
I grit my teeth and pronounce his name like it's the most foul of curse- words.
"Josh is one of the most brilliant men in the country. This administration needs him."
Evil genius sneaked her away from under my very nose.
"You don't need him."
"Yes," she states emphatically, "I do."
It's like she wants to see how many times she can break my heart with that word.
I don't know what to say to that. Maybe they're too strong for us. Separately CJ lacks imagination and Josh lacks sanity, but together... His raw intelligence coupled (ouch – bad choice of words) with her common sense may form some kind of unbeatable staying-together machine.
"I thought that if you guys really care about us you're supposed to be happy for us."
I give what is intended as a cynical snort and would have been much more effective coming from Toby.
"Nobody has ever been happy to find out the person they're in love with is sleeping with someone else."
"I'm sorry, Danny," she tells me in a voice that suggests she's anything but. "I'm not going to give him up. I'm happier now than I've been in a very long time."
"You were happy with me."
"No. I was excited with you. I wasn't happy because I always knew deep down that it wasn't going to work."
"And you think it's going to work with him?"
This requires more suspension of disbelief than the World Wrestling Federation. What on earth does a man like that have to offer a woman like her?
Her face takes on a slightly dreamy expression.
"I don't know. It might. It just might."
Oh, that guy's life is so over...
* * * * *
"Aaargh!"
Uhhh... It's 3.30am and that hideous old hag is once again costing me sleep.
There's no way I'm going to get back to sleep now.
I cannot believe She is invading my dreams.
I was so happy when I thought I was having a dream about Josh – and then I realised She was in it too.
I have to talk to Danny. His plans are not working anything like fast enough.
I spent an hour with Leo this morning, trying to convince him that the best thing for the Bartlet administration is for them to be broken up. I said I was going to sue – I was forced out of my job because of the sexually- charged atmosphere (in other words cuz my lust-bunny is screwing someone else, but it's all in the spin).
I was going to drag it through the media. That picture of CJ and Josh was going to be recycled and reused up and down the country.
I promised him that every single person with an interest in the Democratic party would rue the day those two made their drunken way to that grotty little hotel room.
Interestingly enough he didn't seem too averse to the idea of stopping them in their tracks.
I realised Danny and I may have discovered an unexpected ally.
So I raised the stakes a little. I was just supposed to sow the seeds of doubt in his mind. I was going to offer to drop the lawsuit if I could feel secure in the thought that no other assistants were going to 'experience the same trauma I did'.
I hinted that someone as sexually predatory as CJ shouldn't be working in the White House.
He went crazy and nearly threw me out at that point and then the pieces clicked in my mind.
I came right out and asked for his help in splitting them up, suggested a scare might make CJ rethink what Josh is worth to her.
When I left it looked like he was considering it.
But according to what CJ told Danny, he decided to shake up Josh instead.
What is she, *everyone's* pet? What is so damn lovable about her?
And Leo didn't even let Josh keep thinking he was fired!
I wonder what she had to do to change his mind?
Aw, man, this is getting old.
I miss the old days and being friends with the people I worked with, the sisterhood, secure in the knowledge that Josh would one day wake up and realise we were everyone's idea of a perfect couple.
Now I'm the one that's waking up. After hideous nightmares of him in bed (well, up against the kitchen counter, but who's counting?) with another woman.
I'm going to call Danny. If he can't get this sabotage thing moving - well, maybe it'll soon be time for my heart to start *un-making* its mind up.
* * * * *
The last thing I wanted to deal with on top of fixing this crazy relationship was an appointment with Donna Moss.
I have to admit, she did have some interesting ideas though.
I knew that if Donna was worried about the CJ-Josh situation it had to be a big deal. Donna's always been willing to bide her time. She was content to wait until he was completely over Mandy and she didn't mind him having crushes on other women.
I realised that since Donna had a big enough problem with their relationship that she was sufficiently desperate to try to involve the White House Chief of Staff in a conspiracy with her and a reporter, and sufficiently cockeyed to believe I'd go along with it, it must be serious.
I won't pretend that I wasn't ready to fire one or both of them for behaving so inappropriately, but the President knocked that idea on the head the day this broke.
And anyway, like I was going to be swayed by some little blonde secretary.
I'm only ever swayed by tall blond-ish press secretaries.
Tonight I got sick of losing sleep over one of the latter so I called her up at home.
She wasn't there and so, getting more pissed by the minute, I called her at Josh's and told them I was leaving for the office and they'd better be there before I arrived or – well, I couldn't think of anything good to come after the 'or' so I muttered something about their being hell to pay that they just might have mistaken for something clever.
I need to start paying more attention to Toby. He's got the insults and threats down pat. A guy could learn a lot from him.
Anyway, they're here now and I'm trying to clarify my position in all this once and for all.
It's taking some time.
"Is Donna serious about the sexual harassment suit?" I ask wearily.
"No," CJ shakes her head at the exact same time as Josh says, "Could be."
They exchange a look, then she tears herself away. She doesn't want me to notice how deeply involved she is.
I wonder just how stupid all these women think I am.
"She's just driven a little crazy by lust," Josh shrugs. "It's understandable."
Way to make me less pissed at you, wonderboy.
"She's bitter." CJ's wise enough to change the subject swiftly. "She imagines herself to be in love and she feels rejected. Believe me, I've been there."
"She wanted me to fire you."
"Yeah, well, women get a lot madder at other women than they ever do at men."
At that comment, Josh and I meet each others' eyes for the first time in weeks, exchanging a 'That has to hurt' look
"Okay, you two."
They fix their eyes on me like naughty puppies afraid their master's going to spank them.
Which thought has given me a whole host of images I could have lived without, but moving on...
"If Danny and Donna make this rough, how are you going to react?"
They glance at each other and then CJ asks, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, is this going to break you up?"
"No!" Josh is laughing, like the very idea is ridiculous.
CJ sinks down in her chair. She doesn't want to answer that question – or at least, not in front of me.
"No."
It's so quiet that if I hadn't known that was what she was going to say I wouldn't have been able to make it out.
She looks up and there's steel in her eyes again.
"Not if I can help it."
I get up and pace around the room a little.
"You know the President's numbers haven't stopped falling since that picture was printed."
"I know - and I'm sorry. I'll resign if you ask me to." Her voice is once again quiet and perfectly steady. "Though I'd rather you didn't ask me to."
She holds my gaze for a minute then stands and goes to him.
"But I'm not going to give this thing up."
He's rubbing his index finger against the back of her palm. CJ has obviously given him a little schooling in matters of tactful behaviour before the boss, though it pretty much flies out the window every time he opens his mouth.
God dammit, why do they have to stand there looking so right?
"That is," she continues, and the trace of a nervous tremble is back, "Unless you feel differently, which would of course be perfectly understandable."
She stops at that, because whatever you want to say about Claudia Jean, she doesn't babble like some I could mention around here.
Also she's clearly embarrassed - hardly for the first time since she started seeing Motormouth here. There's a most becoming blush over her skin, but it's more the way she's staring at the bottom shelf of my bookcase and nibbling her lower lip.
Yeah, yeah, I know I shouldn't be noticing these things.
But I also know that if Josh's response isn't what she needs it to be, I'm gonna have him kissing the Christian right's ass for a month of Sundays, so I may be at least partially cured.
Of course, I could put them both out of their misery by saying I have no intention of letting this administration lose either one of them, but I'm old, I'm frustrated and I'll be damned if I'm not going to cat-and-mouse these lovesick kids for a few minutes longer.
With a sideways glance at me - nice to know there's still a little fear in this office - he puts a hand on her. The angle's designed to make me believe it's on the small of her back, but when did a guy ever go for the back when there's a perfectly good ass ripe for the grabbing?
"CJ," and the way he says her name, with more reverence than he's ever given the Lord's, makes me somewhat less unhappy about his existence on this earth.
"I can't believe…" He tries again. "Apparently I do feel differently."
She sighs, draws on all those inches, and when she turns that emotionless face is pasted on in her finest dignified-dumpee style.
Must be all the emotions flying about in here; she's not usually this slow.
"I feel like it shouldn't even be a question." He's gathering momentum, bless him and damn him. "Give up? Since when have we ever given up on things that matter?"
"I-"
She's uncertain; it's a cute look on her, her mouth hanging half-open in an uncannily Donna-esque manner.
"Did you think we were going to start with each other?"
"Oh, God, enough already," I interrupt, not only because I fear I might vomit if I hear one more romantic word tonight, but also because I'm afraid they might jump each other on my desk if I don't reassert my authority over this situation.
I stand up with the intention of finding a better-equipped bathroom than my closet and gesture grumpily at the phone.
"Get Danny and Donna here. We're going to resolve this. And if you defile my office while I'm gone, you're both fired."
* * * * *
I don't think I look my best.
This is unsurprising considering I was summoned at an even earlier hour than is customary for this madhouse, but irritating since I am sitting in front of my erstwhile boss/current object of desire and his new girlfriend.
I've fanned my hair around my shoulders a little and am wearing my best, 'I don't need you, Josh Lyman' expression.
A sidelong glance confirms that Danny is doing the same thing, except without the hair (what's the male equivalent? Did he comb his beard?) and the Josh-lust. At least, I think without the Josh-lust…
Y'know, from this angle his butt really isn't all that cute.
Leo claps his hand in finest substitute teacher fashion and grumbles something I don't fully understand about wanting this night to be over before his stomach loses the ability to retain food.
"CJ. Josh. You got something you want to say to these guys?"
They both open their mouths and Leo buries his face in his hands.
"One at a time. We speak one at a time in this room."
Somewhere along the line Leo really missed his calling.
They try again, glare at each other, then say in unison, "You go first."
Danny chuckles, which is something he hasn't really done in a while.
An impatient Leo just jerks a thumb in CJ's direction and snaps, "Talk."
"Okay."
She looks stumped.
"Well, you should all know that we didn't mean to upset anyone."
She's choosing her words as carefully as if she were talking to the pressroom. 'Upset' makes it sound like we're irritated. She knows the word is 'hurt' but it lets us keep a little of our dignity if she doesn't say it.
I'm still pissed at her.
"To be perfectly honest, we didn't think at all until it was way beyond too late."
Danny and I give self-righteous snorts, because such opportunities should never be wasted.
"But too late was quite a while ago now, so the thing is, you're fighting a losing battle."
Danny's hand finds mine and it's just as well because I don't like sitting here listening to her tell us why we can't get what we want in that oh-so- reasonable-could-be-your-mother voice.
"I'm saying: if we've been insensitive, we're truly sorry."
I want to scream at her to stop sounding so sincere. She faces me and fixes me with that limpid gaze that seems to draw all the testosterone in the building towards it.
"And, Donna, the last thing - well, one of the last things, anyway," she corrects herself, "-We'd ever want is to make you feel uncomfortable in your surroundings. We want you to come back."
This, she's lying about. A woman can tell these things. But for once I can't blame her. If our roles were reversed, I wouldn't want her near Josh or the White House either.
Oh, wait - I *don't* want her near Josh or the White House.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
She continues, "So if there's anything we can do - for example, we'll be refraining from expressing affection in the working environment."
That's what you think, sister. Josh has the self-control of a lab rat in heat.
Ugh, ugh, ugh. If I have one more thought about these two people together…
"And, Danny…"
She trails off as he crosses his legs and sits back to enjoy her crawling.
"I really should slap you upside the head."
The smug expression falls from his face for a second, but he's quick to reapply it.
"You're just a stirrer, plain and simple. We tied up our loose ends long before I looked at Josh as anything other than a toddler in a rumpled suit."
I can't pretend to be an expert on the subject, but from what Danny's told me about their relationship that sounds pretty accurate.
"You're not mad about Josh; you're mad because I was never willing to get involved with you."
Unless he not only brags but also is rather inventive about the things he brags about, that statement's rather less accurate.
"Well, not much," she says with a self-conscious blush. Josh nearly falls out of his chair and I can tell she's going to have a lot of awkward questions to answer about what precisely constitutes 'not much'.
She'll lie. So would I.
Josh butts in there, partly out of fear at what he'll hear next, and partly because Josh just can't help butting in. Verbal diarrhoea is, like, his thing.
"So, yeah, we're together, but you guys are still just as important as you were before."
Yeah, but you never did appreciate just how important I was, Joshua.
"Danny, although work makes things difficult for us, there's nothing like the conflict of interests there was between you and CJ. The situation's different."
"Yeah, it's not like I like this guy any better," she quips, but I think by now even Danny knows it's not true. I squeeze his fingers, as much for my own comfort as his.
"And Donna," Josh goes on after pausing to throw her a wounded look. "Donna. What can I say to you? Have you any clue the chaos the bullpen's been in since you've been gone?"
My smirk proves that I have a vague idea.
"I need you. I always did. I still do. Plus you're one of the best friends I've ever had."
I'm pretty sure CJ's growling about that, but I'm too busy glowing to pay much attention.
"I don't want to be squaring up against you in a courtroom. I don't want you working for Danny. I don't even want you to stop calling me at home at odd hours of the day and night."
This time, CJ's displeasure is evident to all. Well, ha. This is my moment in the limelight.
"Donna. Come back to work. I'll bellow, you'll withhold caffeine, it'll be just like old times."
It's a tempting offer.
"Okay."
I can always try to bring them down from the inside.
"How can I say no to you in your Joey Lucas suit?"
We stand up and he pulls me into a classic Josh Lyman bear hug. I can't resist sticking my tongue out at CJ over his shoulder.
"What about you?" Leo asks Danny, obviously hoping to move the whole thing along.
"I know when I'm beaten," my partner admits gloomily. He shoots me a dirty look.
"So no more talk of lawsuits? No vicious articles? No sabotage of any description?"
I shake my head. It actually feels good to shake some of that stuff out of there.
"Not from me. My colleagues, on the other hand, may well write some vicious articles," Danny points out.
"They already have," CJ shrugs. "We can take it."
"Sounds like we're done here." Leo sounds like he's just received a stay of execution.
I'm the first to the doorway, eager to get away from those two muttering inane couplish things.
"Those pants need pressing."
"This is my best suit."
"I'm saying the pants need pressing."
"Joey thinks it's a nice suit. Donna can't say no to me in this suit."
"I love you in this suit, Josh. I'm just saying the pants need pressing."
"You know what I love you in?"
This is rapidly descending to the vomit-worthy level. I tug Danny towards the exit but he seems keen to hang back. Guess it's like watching a car crash.
"That little leather thong thing?"
Okay, that definitely constitutes way more information than I can comfortably block out of my mind at this time in the morning.
They share a dirty lovers' snigger.
"Well, that thing's pretty amazing. Wasn't what I had in mind though."
"No?"
"You want to know?"
"Sure."
"You really want to know what I love you in?"
Leo grabs his coat and if I didn't know better I'd think he was muttering, 'la la la, I'm not listening to you'.
"I love you in everything."
I draw to a halt. It's so strange to finally hear aloud these words from him.
"Well, you in nothing is good too, of course. But I love you in everything - I just plain old love ya."
So much for not expressing affection in the office.
There are tears pricking at her eyes. I can see this because, surprisingly enough, there are none in mine.
She takes his hand and rests it on her waist. He's already playing with her hair with the other.
"Good."
"Good?"
"Good."
"I say 'I love you' and you say 'good'?"
"Yup."
"CJ!"
The thing about getting through world-shattering events - in this case Rosslyn - is that it reduces your capacity for melodrama permanently.
I can't say this feels like dying, because Josh nearly did. I can't say this is my worst nightmare, because that was. I can't say it feels like someone tore my heart out of my chest and stomped all over it with stiletto heels, because, hey, been there, done that.
I guess what I'm saying is it puts things into perspective.
This isn't the worst thing that could have happened.
But still…
"I'm saying it's good that you love me."
"You think? Cause you're making me wonder!"
She squeezes the cutest little butt in professional politics.
"It's good. Because it wouldn't have been easy for me to deal with if you hadn't loved me back."
I turn away, because I've wasted enough time mooning over this man.
"'Kay, that means what I think it does, right? Cause it's late and I'm somewhat confused."
"I love you and you know it."
"Sure I do, I just wanted to make you say it."
Danny and I glance at each other and roll our eyes.
We'll laugh about this one day.
Maybe even tomorrow.
I scrutinise his face to see if he believes it. He meets my gaze with a sad-eyed expression. Still, it's a little less sad than I've seen it of late. And there's something else...
Did you know that it is physically possible for a girl to be lost in a guy's eyes one instant and lost between his lips the next with no intermediary stage? Don't you think that's a sadly under-examined phenomenon that could lead to potentially dangerous situations?
*Such as the one I find myself in right now.*
So overcome am I with horror at my government's failure to highlight and counterattack the possible consequences of such outbreaks - namely *kissing middle-aged journalists with ginger beards!* - that it takes a few seconds to notice the six shocked eyes fixed on us.
In the split-second between my opening my eyes, realising where my tongue was, and pushing Danny away with enough force to kill a skinnier man, the expressions of those around us undergo several metamorphoses.
The replacement of Leo's shock with the kind of rage normally reserved for people like Josh is enough to make me step over to where Danny's recovering and raise my hand to slap him.
However, yet another unexplained phenomenon assails me before I get that far and my hand lingers in his beard for a moment.
"This is too damn much," I hear Leo mutter, but I'm too busy nibbling Danny's earlobe to notice.
EW! Ew, ew, ew!! *What* did I just say?! What did I just *do*?!!
As I turn my head away in shame, I catch sight of CJ and Josh, her hand still resting in his. Their bodies are touching - she's leaning her weight on him slightly - but not in a horny teenager (or horny thirtysomething for that matter) kind of way.
They both seem very comfortable.
Remember the thing I was saying about the metamorphosing expressions? Well, it didn't take theirs long to switch from amazed, to amused, to wherever the heck they're at now, which seems to be kind of… indifferent. To Danny and me at least.
Because now they're looking at each other and it'd be evident even to the most emotionally dense (i.e. someone closely resembling Josh) bystander that the persistent reporter guy and the cute blonde chick are the last things on their minds.
As much as I hate to admit it, they do look sort of nice together, in a bizarre and disturbing way.
Danny taps me on the shoulder and for a brief moment I question just how much I hate to admit it.
"Donnatella-"
"Why do you know my full name?"
"It's my job to know these things."
"Right, it's your job to know obscure details about junior staffers."
That was me trying to do sarcasm, in case you didn't notice. I've been told I'm too perky to pull it off.
"I was going to write an article about you, remember?"
"But that was just a bluff!"
CJ nudges Josh. "See, I told you…"
I am momentarily reminded of all my reasons for wanting to claw her eyes out.
"Donna*tella*, I know a lot of things about you. A lot more than you know about me."
I tilt my head to one side flirtatiously and before I know it I've said, "Maybe you should fill me in on the gaps."
It's out there, and as furiously as I try to catch the words out of the air between us and swallow them back down, it's too late.
"I wash my hands of you all," Leo says in disgust.
Danny watches him go, then turns his attentions back to me.
"We're on the rebound."
"Yup."
What, so it doesn't quite sit with my chatterbox reputation. I'm in shock. It's not every day Danny Concannon gets kissed by, like, a normal person, far less *me*.
"The rebound from *them*."
He gestures to the odd couple necking in the corner.
I squint at them. What is he doi- Oh… I see what he's doing. Ew.
"Well, we couldn't be any scarier than that."
I sigh, unable to believe that I, a strong, sexy, professional woman, am getting myself into this position.
"Listen to me, *Daniel*. Excuse me if I'm wrong, but it appears like Operation Capsize has turned into an unmitigated disaster."
Listening to the muffled repeats of those 'I love you's as they come up for air, he has no choice but to agree.
"So the way I see it, we can either go off and kill ourselves; we can go off and kill them, thereby incurring lifelong prison sentences; or we can go off and have lots of hot rebound sex."
"Do you have a preference?" he asks with a squeak.
I answer him with a kiss, which is the only way to shut these smart-mouthed men up, as CJ knows full well.
I should've tried it with Josh years ago.
Maybe if I had things would be different now.
But there really isn't much point in thinking about that, given that he's halfway to happily ever after with CJ and I've got my hand down a reporter's pants.
Maybe next year I'll be able to sign up Josh Lyman.
But, losing myself in the warmth of another man's facial hair, I'm not going to stake my heart on it.
I think my heart may be changing its mind...
THE END
First posted December 2001