Sirius stood in the dark doorway, watching the girl stare into the fireplace, lost in her thoughts. He unconsciously folded his arms across his chest, leaning back into the door frame. He could see the pain that pulsed through her body by the way she was sitting, gripping her wrist tightly. He observed her rock back and forth slightly, firelight glinting off the tears that poured down her face. He jumped slightly as Remus placed a hand on his shoulder,jarring him from his thoughts.
"How is she doing?" Remus whispered, so not to disturb the upset girl.
"How does it look Moony? She's losing it." Sirius whispered harshly, turning back to the girl in question. Concern shone in his eyes, which was pick up on by his friend.
"Keep an eye on her," Moony said as he turned away, " She's an addict. I've learned to keep her away from anything sharp."
Sirius nodded his head, to acknowledge this information, as his friend walked away. His heart broke to hear that his angel would stoop to that level, but no one understood that need for release better than he did. Not taking his eyes off of her, he slowly made his way through the room, passing the dark couch and quietly sitting next to the broken girl. He placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to whip around with fire in her eyes.
"Why don't you just leave me alone like the others? Let me live life the way I want to?" she whispered harshly, voice cracking throughout. Her eyes flashed around the room, looking for an object that would provide the release she desperately needed. Observing this, Sirius gripped her shoulders and pulled her into his his chest. She struggled against his hold, finally giving up after realizing that he would not release his hold.
"Why do you feel the need to do this to yourself? Why do you release your pain through opening your skin? Why do you mark yourself like this?" He demanded, lifting her chin so she looked straight into his eyes.
"I don't know what you are talking about," she snapped, her eyes betraying the anger her voice held. Her body was tense, but her in her eyes sparkled sadness, fear, and a hint of regret. Her eyes drifted down to her wrists, but quickly raised back to meet Sirius.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about Hermione," he growled. "Don't play the game with someone who has already played." With this statement, he rolled up the sleeves of his black button down, revealing the criss-crossed pattern of scars on his wrists, thrown into relief by the dying embers keeping them warm.
Hermione gasped, and traced one of the scars lightly with her hand. She looked up, thousands of questions dancing in her eyes.
"Why?" she whispered, looking down at her own arms, secrets covered by the material of her thin jacket.
"Why else? I had nothing to live for at the time. I had lost my best friends, lost my freedom, lost myself. Why live when I had no reason?" He said simply, as though stating the obvious. "The real question is, why are you?"
"I don't know anymore," she whispered. "It started during the war, and I can't stop. No matter what I do, I need to find the release. It doesn't matter if I'm upset, happy, confused, or bored, I need to ease tension or to release emotion. I can't stop." A tear trailed down her face as she finished, stopped by Sirius as he cupped her cheek with his other hand.
"I can help you, you know." he said softly, running his fingers through her hair. "You don't have to go through this alone."
"Then save me," she said, "I'm finished losing control."
Sitting up, Hermione tucked a curl behind her ear, and sent a small smile toward Sirius. They both stood, and he pulled her into a tight hug. He released the embrace, and they took a step back. Hermione took a few steps toward the door, only to be pulled back by her hand. Sirius threaded his fingers through her hair as he bent down and captured her lips in a soft kiss. Standing back up, he said "You are my life now, Hermione. Don't let me lose that."
Hermione watched him walk out of the door with a small smile on her face. She vowed to find herself, knowing that, with Sirius by her side, she would.