My father was not a war hero. He was a loser.
.
Back when my sister and I had not learned about the war, we thought of our father as everything we needed in this world.
We used to call him 'daddy'. I still remembered the way my uncles and aunt making faces when my sister and I called my father 'daddy', - they thought the word was unacceptable. "It was too childish," they said. "And it did not match his image", as they continually persuaded us many times to change it because that word gave them shivers. "Did not fit him."
But for all the objections, every time my sister and I used to call him that, 'daddy' would give us his best smiles.
Daddy was not like the rest of his siblings. Uncles and aunt were very adventurous. They were brave. They fought in the war. They knew how to socialize. They knew sense of humor. They knew how to live. Whereas daddy...
For lack of better word, let's just say that 'daddy' was a very proper person. He worked at the ministry. He was very prim and strict about everything. He was very discipline, and everything must be as he willed it. 'Daddy' was...
Boring. That was the word my uncles used to describe my daddy.
.
I have five uncles and one aunt. Daddy was the third oldest. From the stories my grandma told me, he was the one who often babysat the younger siblings during his young age. Daddy was very good at following orders, -in fact, he loved rules. Because rules gave him assurance if anything were to get wrong, he would have the guidelines and answers to everything. And so he stood out like a sore thumb among his siblings the very image of chaotic and rule-breakers.
When my grandma told me of his childhood stories, she always had the face of regret. Because in truth, daddy did not have a childhood at all.
His childhood was during the first war, and he was born to the sound of bomb, and grandma wailing to get away from that place, and grandpa was nowhere to be found. They were at war, -with grandma frantically shushing daddy at every minute so he did not cry and in return they would not get discovered.
Grandma was thankful that her two oldest children were at the far away boarding school at that time, and daddy was such a good child. So they went on like that, with grandma finding covers with the rest of her relatives, while grandpa and the others went to war. It was chaotic, and grandma was just thankful that 'daddy' was such a good child.
.
Grandma was just thankful that daddy was such a good child.
But grandma told me daddy was never a child. His childhood was spent on hiding and following what my grandma ordered him to do. He was doing everything needed to stay alive. And he did not have time to play.
When it was time to eat, he ate. When it was time to sleep, he slept. He did not question anything.
Even if he was the only child at time to live among the adults, he did not even question where the rest of the children were. He did not question when he got to play.
Daddy was such a good child.
.
But then, the first war ended too soon.
And soon, grandpa was back. Daddy was four at that time, and he did not recognized grandpa. His brothers were back, and he did not recognize them too. They were laughing when the war was over. They were smiling. Everyone was hugging and feeling grateful and overall just being thankful to be around each other again.
He did not recognize it too. He did not recognize any emotions that they showed during the reunion. Daddy was the odd one who did not recognize that the war was already over. He remained quiet while the rest continued on celebrating. Daddy was such a good child. He did not show any emotions because then the enemy would discover them. Daddy remained quiet.
.
They did not know what to make of him.
Grandpa tried to make him laugh. He bought him toys. He took him to many places. He tried to connect with him. For all his best efforts, daddy still treated him as a stranger.
Daddy's two older brothers did not even bother to play with him. They were busy exploring the new place where the family located after the war. They were also busy catching up with grandma and grandpa. Daddy was a very quiet and behaved child, and they did not know what to make of him.
.
So when the news of grandma getting pregnant again came, they were all so happy.
Grandpa resolved to be a very good father this time. So he bought many things to decorate the new baby's room. He also spent a lot of time with his two oldest sons, who were very similar to him in regard of being so flamboyant and adventurous. Together, they went to fulfil their curiosity of discovering and exploring new world after the war. They went to get to know people, their neighbours, their old friends, their new friends. They went to buy new things for the new beginnings. They went with the war being their past, and looking ahead for the brighter future.
They forgot that they left daddy in the past too.
.
Daddy grew up with books as his company.
At one time during the war, one of grandma's companion took pity on daddy and bought him a book. And then when daddy was feeling lonely, grandma would read him the book.
So grandpa took to effort of buying him more books. Grandma said, the moment grandpa started to read him the book, that was the minute daddy accepted him as a family. He really loved books that he was eager to read them on his own.
So sometimes he asked grandma to teach him how to read.
After a few months, he could read a whole children book, and he proceed to find grandpa. He read to him.
He read to him, and grandpa was so proud of him that he gave daddy a lift so high, daddy could not help but experienced his first true laugh in all four years that he had lived.
Daddy became determined to read more books to grandpa.
Then, the babies came.
It was twins. Grandma gave birth to two sons, -it was a miracle, and treated as a gift to the new beginnings. They were so adorable and seemed to give joy to everyone who saw them. Their eyes twinkled with mischief and they gave infectious laugh to everyone.
Soon, everyone became so busy with the babies. Even grandma, or moreover grandma.
The new school term started soon after that, and daddy's older brothers needed to go back to school.
Grandma did not have enough hands to handle with the new development. Grandpa was busy with job searching. And everybody seemed to forget about daddy.
.
.
.