A/N: I do not own The Hunger Games. All rights go to Suzanne Collins. Um. Hi. This is my first Hunger Games fanfic. I write kind of AU/OC. My stuff is always really dark and depressing in some ways. I love reviews and all that other good stuff. Let me know what you think of this first story so I know if anyone will be interested for me to continue this story.
It always starts with a scream. She would be lying in her bed, dead to the world and a scream would erupt from deep inside of her core. It begins as a silent sort of scream, contorting her face and making her appear like she belonged in a Edvard Munch painting. Then it escalates to her lungs forcing out the air, the scream reaching higher decibels as it continued. The scream would cause her to thrash around the bed, twisting the bed sheets around her limbs and her body would be covered with a thin film of sweat. She would try to make the screaming stop, reaching out for the boy who was supposed to protect her from the nightmares. To quell the horrors locked within the secret recesses of her mind, she would reach out for the boy who always protected her, and he would hold her tightly until the horrors of her nightmares subsided.
"Peeta!" she yells when she finds his side of the bed empty and cold, no sign of him even occupying it. Katniss untangles his limbs from the bed sheets and pushes the brown hair plastered to his face behind her ear carelessly with her hand. Her heart is racing and her breath is heavy, she needs Peeta to calm her down but he is nowhere to be found.
Katniss is greeted by the sound of silence and the shadows cast by various objects in her darkened room. She notices the door is open slightly, causing a sliver of light to creep into the bedroom. She rises from bed slowly and peeks her head out the door, trying to find Peeta.
The smell of cheese buns wafts through the hall from the kitchen located downstairs. Freshly baked cheese buns, her favorite. Peeta must have been unable to sleep and went downstairs to bake, Katniss smiled to herself. Sometimes it seemed as though the boy with the bread knew when her nightmares were going to come and was ready to comfort her with the food she adored.
When she arrived in the kitchen, she found Peeta staring out the window and lost in his own thoughts. His blonde hair was disheveled from his constant running his fingers through it and there was a hint of blonde stubble covering his chin. He looked about how she felt, a mess. Katniss knew Peeta had his own monsters which haunted him, but she needed him to be her sunshine when her mind was lost in dark places.
"You should be sleeping," Peeta told her in a gentle voice, still staring out the window at the early morning darkness. There was a light in the distance. It was Haymitch's house and Katniss guessed he had fallen asleep without turning the light off. Or drank himself to the point of passing out. Something like that was normal for Haymitch. He once told Katniss sleeping in the dark was a nightmare in of itself because the darkness was where all the secrets and pain of the past resided. The more she thought about it, the more she agreed. Katniss would never tell this to Peeta because he would say Haymitch was just drunkenly ranting. Katniss and Haymitch were alike, and the similarities sometimes made Peeta uncomfortable.
Katniss wrapped her arms around herself carefully and stepped forward into the light of the kitchen. Peeta turned his head to look at her, a small smile forming on his face when he saw Katniss with her sleep hair and only wearing a tank top and shorts. She looked so vulnerable, an attribute he thought made her the most beautiful woman in the world.
The girl bit her lip and sat across from Peeta at the table. "I can't sleep when I have a nightmare and find you aren't there," she stated, reaching her hand out to grab a warm cheese bun. She clasped it in both hands, nimbly ripping it to pieces with her fingers and nibbling it carefully.
He shook his head in amusement at the way Katniss was always able to eat cheese buns and ran a hand through his messy hair for about a thousandth time that night. He could not tell her the same kind of nightmares were starting to happen for him again. Not just the ones about him losing her since those were easy to fix. He could just reach out and feel the curve of her against him, which settled his mind and lulled him back to sleep.
The nightmares haunting Peeta were so much worse. It was like being back in the Capitol under the hijacking where he wanted to murder Katniss and obliterate any trace of her from his memory. The paralyzing fear and hatred was seeping back into the deepest parts of his mind through his nightmares, and the boy with the bread had to wonder how long until they began to resurface.
Katniss quietly ate three of the cheese rolls and then wiped the crumbs off with the back of her hand. She was still the same girl from the Seam in some ways, although she knew how to eat properly she would sometimes eat like a "savage" just to piss Effie off in her mind.
Peeta silently held his arms open for Katniss to climb into, keeping his eye on the sun beginning to rise. A brand new day and an end to the nightmares for the time being. He could focus on painting happy memories and pushing away the images of watching Katniss die in his arms by his own hand.
She responded by quietly moving across the area and wrapping herself in his arms, entwining her fingers with his. Katniss buried her face into his chest, inhaling the scent of flour and sunshine. She listened to his steady heartbeat and let him hold her tightly.
"I keep seeing Prim and fire. So much fire," Katniss whispered into his chest, wishing she could get rid of the recurring nightmares and violent images embedded into her mind. There was so much blood and death. She always saw Prim on fire, the flesh melting off her body like wax and pooling around her feet as she screamed for Katniss to save her...
Peeta closed his eyes for a long moment because he began to feel his body growing tense. The nightmares and images were hovering in the back of his mind and he needed to push them away. But his heart began to race and his body grew more tense.
His grip around Katniss's hand moved to her wrist. He squeezed tightly and tried to twist his arm, feeling some type of inexplicable anger deep inside of himself. Peeta grasped his wrist in a rather violent manner, trying to break her skin with his nails and break her bones.
Peeta didn't know why he was doing this, just that Katniss was the reason he was feeling this anger. He needed to make it so if he hurt her, she would know how he felt. The fear of being in a dark room in the Capitol, never knowing if he would make it out alive. Everything was her fault.
"Peeta, stop!" she demanded, pushing him away and struggling to get out of his grasp. She was a strong young woman, but she did not have the same strength he possessed. She snatched her wrist away and twisted his arms behind Peeta to restrain him. Tears were falling from her eyes, clouding them but she knew she had to stop his violent outburst.
Peeta's eyes burst open and he watched her with teary eyes and wonders what has happened. She was having nightmares and he was trying to comfort her. Now she was staring at him with sadness and anger, holding his arms to stop his movements.
Her eyes looked for he boy she fell in love with and all he can give her is apologies with his own eyes. This is Katniss, who he loves. Not the one he wants to destroy.
"I don't know why I keep having the nightmares," he admitted, his body becoming calm.
"The nightmares, " she repeats. "The ones you had when you came back from the Capitol?"
He nodded, pulling himself away from her grasp. "Yes."
Katniss did not know what to say for a long time. All she could think of what her own nightmares and how she didn't know how to stop the ones Peeta was having. There was too much haunting her alone. How could she be expected to take on the weight of his demons when she was too scared to really even face her own?
"You can't expect me to always be the strong one, Katniss. I am sorry, but I am fucking human too. Just like you. I know you have nightmares, but so do I. Now all of my nightmares are about watching you die by my fault. There are so vivid and real. It scares me, but I can't stop them,"Peeta said, telling the truths Katniss always refused to hear.
She just stares out the window at the sun rise and wishes she could just forget this moment ever happened. "I can fix you if you let me," she finally said in a small voice.
"You only want to fix yourself, Katniss. Your survival is all that seems to matter anymore. Damn anyone else who needs it. Who needs you. You are so wrapped up in this nightmares, you are afraid to live."
All these things he was saying kept Katniss surprised and shocked at the way Peeta was talking to her. He was like the boy who was saved from the Capitol, filled with poisonous words and hatred towards her.
"You were the one who said you would always make the nightmares go away. You promised me," she whispered, wanting to reach out and run her hand along the blonde stubble on his chin. Anything to feel close to him and make him forget the darkness dwelling in some part of him.
Peeta looked her in the eye and gave her his most cynical grin. "You are always all about those promises, aren't you sweetheart? Fuck what anyone else besides you may need, right?"
Katniss stared at him for a long moment and then lifted her hand to slap him across the face. His head jerked to the side and he lifted his hand to rub the red hand print on his cheek.
"Hit me a little harder, Katniss. Fight back against the man who wants you dead," Peeta spat, waiting for her reaction.
Katniss took his chin in her hand and looked him in the eye. "I will fix you. Even if it kills me."
"Is that a promise or a threat, sweetheart?" Peeta laughed, watching Katniss leave.
And so it had begun. The race to see who would win, the boy who wanted his lover dead or the girl who wanted to fix the boy she could so easily destroy.
So, what do you think? *sips tea casually* Reviews are wonderful if you don't mind :)