It was one of those I have so much homework to do that but I am going to procrastinate sort of days. And it was only Tuesday. Of course, James Potter would have been doing something actually worth his time such as levitating Snape up a tree and leaving him there to rot, but no, his fellow marauders were not around for various reasons. Remus was in the Shrieking Shack transforming into deadly werewolf, Sirius was in detention for attempting to blow up Filch's cat Mrs Norris and Peter was in the hospital wing because he had been in the explosion. However, James who had managed to weasel his way out of trouble was in the middle of rearranging some papers and shoving them into what looked like a brick when Sirius appeared at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. On spotting his best friend, he swaggered over and seated himself next to James
"you won't believe what I had to do for detention" Sirius moaned loudly, ignoring several pairs of angry eyes swivelling round to glare at him and the few people who shh'd him
"probably not" James agreed just as loudly "but I bet it can't be as bad as having to cleans the bathroom floors in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom without magic" Sirius shuddered at the memory
"no, but having to clean all the trophies in the trophy room was way harder without magic took way longer. And it made my fingers go red, look" he stuck his hands in front of James's face. James wrinkled his nose and pulled out his wand, muttering something unintelligible. Sirius raised an eyebrow at his hands which were now -
"Blue?" he demanded furiously
"Well at least they're no longer red" there was a pause
"What are you doing?" Sirius asked exasperatedly
"think about it Padfoot, when we leave Hogwarts, we need some badass pranksters like us to continue what we started. I thought that if some proper trouble maker were to ever come to this school, we could tell them how to do their job properly, like we did!" they exchanged a grin
"or better, do you think there's a spell that will let us communicate with these people from the future?" James shrugged
"Charms is not really my area, but I reckon Moony would know," he trailed off thinking. On hearing these last words, Lily Evans approached their table with a grimace upon her face
"Whatever you're planning, just forget it. I know you never ask Remus for help with homework since neither of you actually do any, don't try to even deny it" Lily said in her know it all voice. Sirius and James exchanged smug grins
"and speaking of Remus, do any of you know where he is?" Lily demanded
"Yep, he told us this morning that he was feeling like crap and may take the day off" Sirius lied smoothly. Lily didn't buy it
"Funny, he told me that his mother was ill and was sent an urgent owl to go to St. Mungo's" Sirius's smile faltered and looked at James for help
"He told us that too… as it turns out, they both needed to go to St. Mungo's" said James brightly, whacking on a mad smile. Lily looked from one boy to the other
"That will explain why Severus saw him scurrying towards the wimping willow" she said sternly. The smile that had remained on Sirius's face was now nowhere to be seen
"Are you sure that Snivellus wasn't just seeing things? You see, I heard that if you keep forgetting to wash your hair, the grease will drip down into your eyes and make you see things" James snorted with laughter whilst Lily narrowed her eyes down to slits
"Sirius Black, James Potter, you should be ashamed of yourselves!" She half shouted, succeeding in silencing the whole common room. However at the precise moment Peter swung open the portrait of the fat lady and hurried towards the table where James and Sirius were but unfortunately didn't spot the angry ginger who looked like she was about to explode with rage. Peter pushed a copy of the lunar chart onto the table
"according to this, Moony should still be-" on spotting Lily, he broke off in mid sentence and snatched the lunar chart off the table in an attempt to hide it
"h-hello L-Lily" he stammered. There was an awkward silence
"what's that?" Lily demanded, pointing to the lunar chart grasped in Peters hands
"Astronomy homework" James lied cheerily "I asked Wormtail to fetch it for me once he's come out of the hospital wing" Lily raised an eyebrow disbelievingly
"Really?" she asked, venom dripping off every word. Peter nodded quickly. Lily reached over and snatched the creased paper from Peter's hands and read the title
"Lunar charts? We're not even doing lunar charts until next term" Sirius stifled a laugh
"Well you see, as we're top in all our classes, we decided to read ahead of everyone else to maintain our grades. Peter here was just getting it for us" Lily turned back to face Peter
"And would you very kindly like to tell me where Remus is?" she demanded. The smiles on both James and Sirius's faces faded
"yes, he said that he was going to visit his dad because it's his birthday and his mum wanted to take him shopping first" Peter explained hurriedly. Playing along, Lily asked
"did he mention to you whether his mum is better yet?" Peter nodded again
"Turns out that she had a common cold and it's all sorted out now," he grinned at her.
"Well that explains everything now, doesn't it?" she snarled at them.
"The three or you are all rotten liars. I will find out the truth you know," she threatened "I would stay of course, but I'm meeting Severus in the library." She stood up and grabbed her bag. But before she left, she turned back to them and said in her angry warning voice "this conversation is not over." And then the door slammed shut. James breathed a sigh of relief
"Damn she's hot when she does that" he said grinning, letting his eyes fall shut "that girl is highly shaggable material" Sirius grimaced
"Yeah" he agreed awkwardly "she is quite pretty" a book suddenly slammed into his face with a sickening crunch
"She's mine" James snarled, ignoring the blood dripping from Sirius's face
"You broke my nose, idiot!" he complained in a desperate attempt to prevent the bleeding
"Not my problem" replied James
"Ooooh, I know how to fix noses, Moony told me last week!" Peter exclaimed. Sirius swivelled round
"are you sure?!" he demanded. Peter nodded excitedly "Well go on, I don't have all day!" he snapped
"err… right" Peter drew out his wand and said with confidence "seneevate" there was a loud crack and the blood stopped pouring from his now… slab of flesh. Peter gulped
"How do I look?" Sirius asked, nervous by Peter's reaction, turning to look at James. James snorted with laughter and doubled over, falling off his chair. Tears leaked down his face as he fought to control his blood pressure
"look… in… the… mirror!" and continued laughing. Peter sat absolutely still, paralysed as Sirius rushed to the nearest bathroom which happened to be the second years girls bathroom. A loud scream echoed through the common room making every pair of eyes turn to the door. Hurried footsteps were heard coming closer and closer and Peter cowered in his chair biting his nails. Sirius Black appeared at the bottom of the stairs looking both noseless and furious. The common room erupted with a wave of laughter, but stopped when Sirius drew his wand menacingly from his pocket. A hush fell upon everyone as he opened his mouth
"Brackium Emendo Maximum!" he shouted. A jet of blue light cascaded from the tip of his wand. Peter just managed an "oh crap" from the chair he was in before the light hit him. And Suddenly, Peter's body slid easily off the chair and onto the floor. His body acting as a liquid, quickly covering a large surface area.
"YOU REMOVED ALL HIS BONES!?" James shrieked "HE COULD DIE!" and then he lunged. Both Sirius and James forgot they were wizards, they forgot about the ability to use magic, but they just didn't care. They continued to punch each other as hard as they could, ignoring the shouts and cries off students and prefects to stop, Peter lay forgotten. At exactly the same time, about 12 different students raised their wands and shot about 12 different spells which struck both James and Sirius simultaneously causing them to both fly at different angles and smash into two different parts of the brick wall and to fall flat on the floor unconscious. There was silence as the entire Gryffindor house took in the three almost dead students lying on the floor. Things couldn't get any worse. But then, the portrait of the fat lady smashed open and in came Professor McGonagall wearing a fowl frown. She stared at them, not yet spotting Peter, James and Sirius.
"What the devil do you think you're doing?" Professor McGonagall was so angry she was shaking "I was two floors away from here and I heard-" She broke off, spotting the liquid like Peter who was now unconscious and then her gaze fell upon James and Sirius who were also unconscious and covered in cuts and bruises, not to mention Sirius's lack of nose and blue hands.
"I want every one of you to wait in my office until I return" her voice was deadly quiet "Anyone who makes a sound or fails to attend will be expelled. Go!" the whole common room silently filtered out, not even daring to make eye contact with another student.