Hey guys, this is just a silly and (hopefully) funny fic I wrote. It will only be a few chapters long. (I know I said I'd write an epilogue for The Last Question but my muse refused to cooperate with me.) x

"...because those two have been having eye-sex since the day Emma came to Storybrooke." Ruby gushed the words in her version of hushed tones (which naturally meant Henry heard every word.) to Leroy who nodded vigorously in agreement.

Henry groaned and covered his ears as he passed them. He knew he was clutching at straws when he went to those two, but he desperately needed assistance setting his mother's up and the town imbeciles were the only ones who seemed to have the time or desire to help him with his schemes.

Henry sighed to himself as he realised he was being slightly too harsh. He knew Ruby and Leroy weren't the smartest tools in the box but they were dedicated to Operation Remma and that was the best Henry could ask for.

The young boy sat down in the booth at Granny's, catching Ruby's eye and smiling encouragingly as she approached the table, cinnamon topped hot chocolate in hand.

"Hey Ruby. Are you all clear on the plan?" Henry took a deep sip of his hot chocolate, gazing up at the brunette.

"Yup! Me and Leroy have it covered, we create the distraction and he grabs your mom's phone." The waitress grinned wolfishly with excitement, it was a little sad that her own love life was so lacking she had to involve herself in someone else's; but Emma and Regina definitely had the hots for one another and hopefully by setting them up, karma would intervene and Ruby would have a date by summer.

"Cool." Henry nodded his approval, giving Leroy a short wave where he was sitting at the counter. The man gave him a big thumbs up in response and grinned. It seemed Leroy was simply helping because he really didn't have anything better to do. Henry had to hold back a sigh and he once again questioned his choice in allies when he saw the shot glass in front of the dwarf. Ah well, there's no going back now.

Ruby plopped down in the seat opposite Henry, ignoring the glare she received from Granny who was left to wait on tables alone. "So when will they be here?"

"I told them both to meet me here at 4, for an 'important family chat'." Henry snickered at his blatant lie. "They'll be here any minute so you might want to leave so they won't get suspicious."

The waitress stood up, nodding seriously as she backed away from the table. "Okay, good luck Henry."

Henry smiled and as Ruby sauntered back to Leroy the bell chimed and Regina strolled regally into the diner, instantly spotting her son and smiling widely at him as she joined him in the booth.

"Henry!" She exclaimed lovingly as if it had been months since she had seen him instead of just that morning. "How was school?"

"Hey mom." He grinned at her and offered his mug of hot chocolate which she politely declined. "School was fine, I got an A in that creative writing piece I've been working on."

Regina beamed at this, reaching out to squeeze her son's hand. "I am incredibly proud of you dear, you are so very talented."

Henry's smile widened and he wondered how he could have ever been stupid enough to honestly believe this woman didn't love him. Ever since Neverland she had been fawning over him and although he appreciated the attention, he believed it time for her to let go of him a tiny bit, and finding her own love would certainly distract her from texting him 5 times a day just to 'check in.'

"Thanks mom." He replied cheerfully and squeezed her hand in return, noticing how that very small gesture caused her eyes to light up.

"So this family meeting, what is this about?" Regina's dainty eyebrow rose as a flicker of concern washed over her features.

"I'd rather speak when Emma arrives actually." He shrugged casually, glancing at the clock and frowning when he realised his blonde mother was 5 minutes late.

Regina followed his line of sight to the clock and rolled her eyes. "Ah, well it seems Emma will be late as usual." She shook her head but there was no real malice in her words. She and Emma had formed a tentative friendship during their time rescuing Henry from Neverland which continued when they returned. Henry alternated between living with Emma at Snow's place and living with Regina, and each time one of them dropped Henry off they would share polite conversation and awkward lingering smiles.

"Oh. Maybe she got caught up in some work, why don't you check if she texted you?" Henry had to hold back a smirk when Regina fell for the bait and pulled out her phone, placing it on the table as she saw she had no new messages.

"Nothing." She said with a slight shake of her head. She wasn't really surprised, the only time Emma texted her was when she took a cute picture of Henry or had to ask her a Henry related question.

"She'll be here." Henry said confidently, finishing his hot chocolate and allowing his mother to fuss over him, wiping the chocolate moustache off of his face. "Aren't you gonna order anything?"

Regina was momentarily distracted by Emma rushing towards their table with a very Emma grin on her face as she plopped down right beside Regina instead of the empty seat beside Henry. The boy noticed his brunette mother's dark eyes widen slightly. Most people kept a safe physical distance away from his mother due to the slight fear they still had of her. The only exception to this was Henry, but now that seemed to include Emma.

"Hey kid. Hey Regina. Sorry I'm late." Henry noticed the way his brunette mother's arm stiffened as Emma's arm unconsciously brushed against it and she seemed momentarily lost for words. Henry found this incredibly amusing and he couldn't help the grin spreading across his face.

"Hey mom. It's okay. Me and mom would happily wait all day for the pleasure of your company." He ignored the confused glare he received from his brunette mother and offered Emma a toothy smile.

Emma laughed heartily at this. "You're weird sometimes kid." She then turned to Regina, raising her eyebrow questioningly. "All day huh?"

"Certainly not Ms Swan." Emma rolled her eyes at the formal mode of address. Regina often called her Emma nowadays but when feeling uncomfortable slipped back into her 'Ms Swan' mode. Henry was the only one who noticed the circumstances over which it changed.

"Emma, silly." The blonde peered into Henry's empty mug, frowning. "So anyway you said something about an important 'family chat' Henry."

"Yeah..." He mumbled, insides clenching with panic as he realised he hadn't actually come up with something to talk about. Stupid, I'm so stupid. He glanced at Leroy for help but the dwarf was under strict instructions to wait ten minutes before coming over and he wasn't looking in their direction to see his look of panic.

"So what is it about?" Regina stared at him inquisitively, noting the panic in his eyes.

"I was hoping you could talk to me about..." He paused and thought hard. "About..." Think of something stupid. "About sex." He finished and had to hold back laughter at his two mothers' completely different reactions.

Emma snorted with laughter, while Regina glared at her, glared around the diner and then looked down, glaring at her lap. What happened to my little baby... She thought mournfully.

"What the hell kid? Why do we need to give you the sex talk? Can't you look up all that stuff online?"

Henry suppressed a smile as Regina glared at his blonde mother furiously. "You will do no such thing Henry." She growled out the words, causing Emma to flinch under the scrutiny of her glare. "I guess... I guess we'll explain some things to you." The prospect of it was saddening to the brunette so she turned to Emma to start the process off.

"Okay..." Emma squirmed uncomfortably. "Well... When two people super like each-other a lot... And are at least 18 or something. They can kinda push their bodies together and touch each-other in private areas to make each-other feel really... uh great."

"Your eloquence always astounds me." Regina was shaking her head at the blonde's description. "Is that seriously the best explanation you can give?" Her eyes rolled skywards and Henry had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself exploding with laughter. As an almost 14 year old he already knew everything he needed to know about sex but this was quite funny and he wondered how he could use it to his advantage.

"So... Does there need to be a boy and a girl to do sex?" He asked the question innocently, gazing from mother to mother.

"Of course not Henry." Regina answered him this time, oblivious to the surprised look on Emma's face as she watched her. "Whomever you are attracted to and fall in love with you may engage in sexual relations with. Male or female."

"What your mom said." Emma responded, but she was now staring at Regina with a look of utmost curiosity on her face. Henry started to feel uncomfortable with the intensity of that stare and suddenly the whole 'sex talk' thing wasn't so funny anymore.

Luckily for him, Leroy chose that moment to come to the table.

"Congratulations!" He exclaimed, just as practised and both women looked up at him confusedly. "I heard about you two and I have got to say you make a beautiful couple." Henry smiled as Leroy delivered his lines with perfection.

"What?" Emma spluttered and Henry had to hold back a laugh at her shocked expression.

"Are you intoxicated dwarf? It's 4pm." Regina rolled her eyes in disgust, but Henry noticed a flicker of something else in her expression.

"Maybe." Leroy grinned and swayed slightly before spilling his cup of lukewarm (Henry had made sure it wasn't hot.) coffee all down Emma's front.

"What the hell Leroy! Get out of here." Emma scowled, looking down at her coffee soaked shirt.

Regina reached for the huge pile of tissues that had been very deliberately placed in front of her ahead of time and Henry beamed as she began patting at Emma's front. The classic coffee spill and clean up, he'd seen it in numerous movies and it always worked.

Right on cue, Ruby ran over with Granny's bow and arrow, shrieking loudly as if the coffee on the floor was some sort of demon that had escaped from hell. No-one noticed Leroy swipe Regina's iPhone and creep away.

"Miss Lucas would you please shut up. It's just coffee." This town is full of lunatics. The brunette glared at the waitress who was still screaming bloody murder and Henry couldn't help a snort of laughter escaping him.

"I need the toilet." He mumbled and ran off, slipping Leroy the piece of paper with Regina's passcode on it (his birthday) and walking into the toilet where he released all his pent up laughter, doubling up over the sink.

"Henry!" Regina called as the boy ran off, shaking her head. Why does it seem like that boy was always up to something? she wondered suspiciously as she continued pat down Emma's front. Her eyes darted up as she felt the heat of someone's gaze on her and she found herself lost in a sea of green. Suddenly very conscious that her hands were practically groping Emma's breasts she cleared her throat and pulled away, a light blush creeping over the back of her neck.

"Thanks." Emma mumbled, acutely aware that her bra was very visible through her shirt. "But I should probably go home and change."

The brunette nodded, her face impassive. "That would probably be best Ms Swan."

Emma stood up, offering Regina a quick smile which the brunette returned. "Bye then. Tell Henry I said bye and I'll pick him up from yours tomorrow."

"Don't be late." Regina reminded her and smiled again, dark eyes momentarily lost in green before she looked back down at the table and Emma turned and left the diner.

Henry returned to the table and noticed with a frown his blonde mother had left. "Where's Emma?" He plopped back down in the booth, suppressing a sigh.

"She has gone home to clean up." Regina watched her son, still a hint of suspicion in her eyes.

"Why didn't you invite her to clean up at our house?" Henry gave his mother an accusatory glance.

"Why would I do that?" Regina quirked a brow in confusion before continuing. "So the sex thing. Do you have any more questions?"

"No, no. I'm good!" Henry leapt up quickly. "Let's go home."

His mother nodded and stood up, and Henry allowed her to hold his hand as they made their way to the exit. The young boy gave Ruby and Leroy a pointed glance as he passed them. Operation Remma part 2 was now entirely in their hands.

"Okay so what do we send?" Leroy looked at Ruby, a grin on his face as he appraised the iPhone and tapped on the 'Emma Swan' contact.

"Something playful and flirty." Ruby answered, leaning over the counter of the diner to stare at the phone. "Oh! Be like 'have you changed out of that wet shirt or do you need my help bootylicious?'"

"No! She will never believe that Regina sent that. How about: 'Hello Ms Swan.'"

"That's boring. She'll probably ignore it." The waitress rolled her eyes at the dwarf.

"Just a simple hello. If she's interested she'll reply." The dwarf grabbed the phone that Ruby was reaching for and began to type. Ruby snatched it out of his hands and began to type. Leroy snatched it back out of her hands and began to type.

They continued squabbling over the phone for the next two hours.

"...so I said to him Charming no, I will not have sex with you in that latex chicken outfit."

"Mmm." Emma responded vaguely, just as she had been to everything Snow had been saying for the past hour as she pretended to listen to her mother's ramblings. Suddenly Snow's words caught up with her brain and her jaw dropped. "Wait... What did you just say?"

Snow laughed musically, throwing back her head of short dark hair. "I'm glad I finally got your attention honey." Emma chuckled in relief at hearing her mother was joking.

"Sorry mom." The blonde smiled sheepishly.

"It's okay. Is something bothering you?" Snow nursed a cup of tea in her hands as she gazed at her daughter, a concerned look on her face.

"Not really, I was just thinking about Regina..." The blonde trailed off, a small blush on her cheeks.

Snow smiled knowingly, she may not have known Emma for most of her life but she could certainly tell when her daughter had a crush. "What about Regina sweetheart?"

"It's just... Have you noticed anything different about her lately?"

"Well she's being good now, I can see she is making an effort to be a better person." Snow smiled at her daughter who nodded in agreement with her words.

"It's not just that though... It's like sometimes the way she looks at me..." Emma let out a soft sigh and shook her head. "I'm being ridiculous, ignore me."

"No honey. You two are getting closer. You like her a lot don't you?" Snow quirked a brow at her daughter, a teasing glint in her eyes.

"Yeah, I mean she's a good friend." Emma placed a lot of emphasis on that last word, highly suspicious of the small smirk on Snow's lips.

Emma's phone vibrated on the table and the blonde looked down at the iPhone, smiling despite her mother's observing eyes as the name 'Regina Mills' popped up on screen. "Oh, she just texted me. Hold on."

R: Howdy Sheriff.

"That's very weird..." Emma grabbed her phone and stared at the message, trying to comprehend why on earth Regina would send that.

"What did she say?" Snow gazed bemusedly at her daughter's perplexed facial expression.

"She said... Howdy..." Emma raised a brow and grabbed her phone, walking to her bedroom and closing the door behind her. Snow just shook her head and took a sip of her tea wondering when those two would admit they had feelings for each other.

E: Hey is everything okay?

R: No.

E: What's wrong? Henry?

R: No. I miss u

Emma almost dropped her phone as she blinked at the message, her heart pounding wildly.

E: Huh?

R: I miss u r smiles

Emma frowned and stared at her phone wondering if Regina was drunk- there was no way the brunette was interested in her in a romantic way and this was blatant flirting. The message didn't even make sense and Emma knew Regina was highly intellectual.

R: Soz I ment I miss ur smile.

E: Regina are you drunk?

R: Yes drunk in luv with u

Emma couldn't contain the bubble of euphoric laughter that erupted from her at that message. She knew the brunette was intoxicated but she was flattered that it was she Regina wanted to flirt with and drunk text.

E: Regina wth? LOL

R: Do u like me Emma?

E: You're drunk. Henry better be in bed.

R: He is. R u in bed bootylicious? ;)

Emma's eyes widened at that last message and she quickly tapped the call button-she needed to hear Regina's sultry voice saying these crazy things. She pouted as the phone immediately went through to voicemail.

"What the hell is going on?" Emma muttered the words to herself; she was confused but oddly intrigued.

E: No you?

R: Yes. I want to fuck u.

Snow heard a loud crash coming from Emma's bedroom that sounded incredibly like someone had just collapsed onto the ground. Snow shook her head and continued to sip her tea. She had long ago come to terms with the fact her daughter was a complete and utter klutz.

R: Soz autocorrect was meant to say see u

Emma just shook her head at this from her position on the floor, staring at the words. How can autocorrect change 'see' to 'fuck'? Emma wondered if this was some sort of prank or whether Regina was messing with her and her spirit dwindled sadly at the thought.

A few sharp taps on the front door broke the blonde out of her revere, and she listened curiously to Snow's cheery greetings.

Emma inched her bedroom door open and blinked over at the front door, her jaw dropping at the sight of Snow chatting animatedly to a bemused and sober looking Regina.

"Regina! Where's Henry?" Snow looked around as her daughter ran to the door, blinking between the two women with a knowing smile before deciding to leave them be and subtly edging out of the room.

"He's waiting in the car. I just came here because..."

"Because you missed me huh? You needed to see me." Emma released a low chuckle, and moved closer to the brunette lightly brushing her fingertips along her arm.

"I'm sorry?" Regina's brow quirked in surprise.

"You missed my smile right?" Emma rolled her eyes playfully as Regina played dumb, continuing to brush her fingertips along olive-toned arms.

"Ms Swan... Are you okay?"

"Yes I am. But you're not. What was it that was wrong with you? Drunk in love?" Emma peered into the dark eyes gazing at her. "You don't look drunk."

"I'm not drunk. Do you really think I'd drive here with Henry if I was?" Regina pulled her gaze away from the green ones staring at her. "Emma what is this about? I don't understand."

"Well you were making a joke then? God it's not funny Regina. You don't know if I have feelings for you. That shit's not okay." Emma shook her head in disgust and embarrassment; she also felt a pang of hurt in her chest.

"I've no clue what you're on about Emma." Regina was starting to anger, she also felt extremely confused. What does she mean I don't know if she has feelings for me?

"Sure sure. Why the hell did you come here Regina?" Emma folded her arms, staring impassively at the woman in front of her.

"I wanted to know if you accidentally took my phone. I was expecting an important business call and I haven't seen my phone since the diner? I know we have the same model..." She trailed off as she noticed the astounded expression on the blonde's face.

"You don't have your phone?"

"No I left it in the diner."

"You left your phone in the diner?"

"Yes, Emma that's what I just said."

"You didn't text me?"

"How could I have texted you? Have you been listening to me? I left my phone at the diner!"

"Holy fucking shit!" Emma covered her face with her hands and Regina just watched her bemusedly.

"Emma..?"

"Sorry about what... I uh. Sorry."

"So I take it you haven't seen my phone?"

"No.. I uh. No."

Regina appraised the blonde for a moment, before shaking her head and turning to leave.

TBC…

Let me know what you think! I have no idea if this is actually funny or not so feedback would be much appreciated.