The Other Side.
A/N. Hi! I'm excited about this. New (platonic) pairing for me! Jac & Serena - I have unintentionally discovered that I love them. As it's a new venture I would especially appreciate your reviews & critical eyes. It's a trilogy & it's ALL written so no chance of abandonment I swear. Thanks! X
N.b. This bit is set in late April, for the Jac story timings.
Part 1. Limescale.
The childish defiance. Serena watches it from afar, and it fascinates her. On one hand, she knows that the woman in question is incredibly intelligent, incredibly talented, and by all accounts has had her fill of gritty life experience. On the other hand, she's a child in scrubs. Her handle on a team of staff matches that of Ellie when she chaired the Prom committee last summer. She chuckles to herself, the accuracy of the comparison only increasing as Jac Naylor thrusts a pen across the Nurses' station with force when she thinks nobody's watching. Fascinating. It must be the slow day, or perhaps the fact that Ellie's on a week long French trip in Annecy with college, but something urges Serena to follow Jac as she slinks off towards the ladies. She blames it on professional curiosity.
Serena stands at the sink surveying herself critically in the mirror. It's been a few minutes now; One cubicle has remained conspicuously and silently locked shut, and she now feels ridiculous. She smirks at herself, drums her left hand on the sink and turns to leave. Then, of course, there's an audible gasp from the cubicle in question that stops her in her tracks.
"Everything okay in there?" Her stern question is met with a brief silence before the toilet flushes and Jac emerges from the cubicle, head held high. An excellent cover up to any but the most critical observer.
"Fine, thank you Ms Campbell." Jac busies herself by washing her hands, eyes focused on them, glancing up once or twice when she sees Serena hasn't left but instead stands watching the younger Consultant, arms folded. "What brings you up here anyway?" Jac keeps her tone light and impersonal, avoids letting on that her boss's behaviour is coming across as a bit weird.
"Actually, I'm looking for you." Serena lies easily, in truth she'd just consulted Elliot on a patient. Jac's gaze flicks up to meet hers in the mirror.
"Oh?"
"Mmm. I was actually hoping we could have a chat." Jac stops what she's doing and eyes Serena suspiciously.
"What kind of chat?" She infers the strange nature of their location with a flick of the wrist.
"Oh," Serena laughs carefully. "Nothing untoward. Come and see me when you finish your list?" Jac gives her a curt nod and she retreats.
Now, she considers as she makes her way back to Keller, that was an interesting decision. Very interesting decision indeed.
ooooo
It's late, the view from Serena's office window is an array of anonymous yellow lights, and she yawns as she signs off the last of her paperwork for the day. She gathers her belongings together, having long since given up on the allusive Ms Naylor, when there's a decisive rap at the door to her office.
"Come in."
"Ah, hi. I didn't know if you'd still be here." Jac loiters by the doorway. She's changed out of scrubs but is otherwise just off the ward, hair stuffed into a bun and still adorned with stethoscope. Serena can't argue with her colleague's dedication, at least.
"Which means you thought I wouldn't be." Jac shrugs at her raised eyebrow, refusing to rise to the insinuation.
"I thought I'd check."
"Right, well, it is late."
"It's fine, we can reschedule." Jac is halfway out of the door before Serena stops her.
"Wait, Ms Naylor," Jac sighs, shuts the door, and turns to face Serena with a smile. "I was actually going to suggest we go for a drink instead. As you know we're having a bit of a Management reshuffle, what with Mr Hanssen returning to the floor. Obviously, there's a discussion there that we can have tomorrow, but perhaps a drink between friends this evening would be a nice ice breaker before I speak to The Board?"
To Serena's surprise Jac slumps back against the door at the suggestion; Looks exhausted. She can see the inner turmoil behind the woman's eyes, determination not to turn down an offer of advancement met with an utter lack of energy for anything but bed. Serena feels unspeakably guilty, then, for this whole charade. Something approaching Motherly concern floods her gut as she realises just how drained the woman before her is; Concern that heightens an already present curiosity.
"Okay, I'll meet you in the bar. Fifteen minutes?" Serena nods.
ooooo
Twenty minutes later it's a different Jac Naylor who struts decidedly across the bar to the secluded corner table where Serena is already supping a glass of white wine from the expensive looking bottle before her.
"Sorry I'm late, phone call." In fact, this poised and collected version of Ms Naylor is quite an impressive turnaround, Serena decides.
"No problem. I took the liberty; I hope it's alright." She explains, already pouring a glass for Jac.
"It's lovely." Jac replies on autopilot after barely touching the glass to her lips. "So, you wanted to talk about an opportunity in senior management?" Serena can't help but smile at her directness.
"Actually, I recall suggesting a friendly drink." The hope of which appears to be evaporating by the second.
"Look, Ms Campbell, it's been a long day and I'd really rather not beat around the bush. If you have something to discuss with me perhaps you could just name it?" She doesn't like uncertainty; Unclear goalposts. Admirable.
"Ms Naylor I do think you've missed the point."
"Well, if the point is to start an all-girls-together club because your stroppy teenager won't play nicely with you anymore, then you're looking at the wrong girl." Jac takes a sizeable swig of the Chablis after rendering her boss speechless, perhaps for nerve or perhaps just to savour the moment. Serena remains increasingly impressed.
"You, ah, know there's no position with the board?" She replies after a considered silence.
"I've been at Holby for 8 years, believe it or not I do know when there's a sniff of change in the air." She sounds scornful, and Serena feels like she deserves it.
"Then why did you come?" Jac shrugs.
"Call it professional curiosity."
"Touche." Serena mutters under her breath.
"That said, I am getting a taste for this." Jac reaches over and pours herself another generous measure of wine, and Serena notices for the first time that her colleague has relaxed happily into the leather sofa opposite her despite the sharp tongue. Curiouser and curiouser.
"Well, I did consider the predictable Pinot Grigio but I can't stand the stuff." Jac makes a face.
"Ugh, me neither. Cheap and fashionable, very Chrissie Williams." They laugh amiably together, both noting it's a pleasure to see the other's genuine smile.
Some time later Serena is surprised to find herself draining the second bottle into their glasses. Her companion is clearly making the same observation, scratching her arm to disguise a glance at her watch.
"I should be going." Jac starts cautiously, aware she's been caught out but increasingly unwilling to hide her tiredness.
"Mmm, I concur." Serena smiles kindly. "I'm heading west, shall we share a cab?" Jac nods, almost forgetting her coat and feeling a touch light headed as she follows in the other woman's wake.
There's a companionable silence in the taxi that, whilst comfortable in the busy bar, feels slightly intimate in this situation. Serena turns to her colleague as they hit the flyover and opens her mouth to make small talk. Ms Naylor, however, is leant against the opposite window, bathed in moonlight and clearly already in a deep, peaceful slumber. Serena gets that soft protective pang in her gut again. She gives the driver her address in a whisper, leaving Jac to sleep.
ooooo
Jac had woken abruptly to find Serena Campbell's face inches from hers, repeating her name, and what looks suspiciously like Suburbia outside the taxi window. After numerous half hearted protestations it looks like she'll be staying the night here, which only leaves her with the conundrum of getting out of the car whilst her abdomen twists and pulls and ties itself in endometrial knots, determined to sabotage her poise.
"Come on. I've got a spare room and a new milk frother thing to try out with the Nespresso machine in the morning." Jac gives her a vague smile of acceptance, but Serena gets the distinct impression that the offer of a camp bed and a cold shower would have gained her the same response. She looks like a zombie as she crawls out of the cab, and Serena grabs both their handbags as she follows, pays the man, and links her arm with Jac's. "Ms Naylor, anyone would think I'm working you too hard."
"I don't usually drink during the week." She replies with no conviction at all, grateful for the arm that guides her up the garden path. Serena is a little surprised when she realises how heavily she's being leant on, glancing across to see a sheen of unshed tears that make Jac's eyes glow in the moonlight.
"Let's get you inside." She blurts out softly, one arm snaking supportively around Jac's waist.
ooooo
"Damn, I left my bag." Jac spins around in a panic as Serena lets them in to a cluttered hallway.
"I grabbed it." She doesn't shift her protective grasp from the other woman's waist, instead steering her into the living room and pressing her down into an enormous corduroy sofa, beside which she deposits the handbag. "I'll get us some water." In her absence Jac dry swallows a double dose of Diclofenac, places her head in her hands and wishes the ground would swallow her up in the same vein. The living room is as cluttered as the hallway; Something about the presence of a teenager's Ipad, hoody and a scattering of Benefit make-up makes Jac feel horrendously out of place. This isn't just a house but a loved in, lived in home. The mantelpiece is decorated in mismatched photo frames and dust; An award for Achievement in Key Stage 2 Art leans up against a Phd Certificate, almost completely obscuring it. It's sweet and poetic and it makes Jac want to cry.
"You have a wonderful home." She observes as brightly as she can when Serena returns with the water.
"Thank you." Serena sits beside her, kicks off her shoes and curls her legs up underneath her, snuggling into the opposite end of the sofa. She surveys her younger colleague again in the harsh indoor light. Jac hasn't relaxed at all. She's perched on the sofa, bent forward slightly with one hand placed on her abdomen. She looks as if she could throw up at any moment. It's true that Serena had no real clue as to how this evening would pan out, but she never envisaged she'd have the Junior Consultant on her sofa at 1am, plainly on the verge of a breakdown, and with no idea quite what to do next. After a short silence she decides to stop playing games and just ask; "Tell me, what ever happened with that patient I consulted on?" Jac looks genuinely confused, a hundred inter-departmental cases springing to mind at once.
"Which patient?"
"The Gynae referral. You." Jac's head snaps up to meet her inquisitive gaze and she snatches her hand away from her abdomen, placing it on the arm of the sofa instead. For a moment she looks furious and then, seemingly remembering her current situation, her gaze softens.
"I wasn't cryptic enough, then?"
"No." Serena confirms. "That, and the fact you were barking up the wrong tree entirely. Strange, since you're an excellent diagnostician and rarely bother to consult General Surgery at all." Jac smiles at the backhanded compliment in spite of her situation. In truth she doesn't mind, and to an extent suspected, that Serena may have seen through her guise.
"Well, she got referred to Gynae and she'll be fine." It comes out in a pleading tone, and Serena nods her acceptance to the end of the conversation. "Look, it's late and I'm knackered."
"Of course, say no more. The spare room's just upstairs on the left and there should be fresh towels in the wardrobe." She gives Jac a warm smile, one she hasn't seen before, as the younger woman departs.
She climbs the stairs lethargically, up towards the darker, cooler and far less judgmental first floor. The pain has diminished, but with every step away from her boss she feels less like sleep and more like spilling her twisted broken guts all over the Laura Ashley carpet and letting Serena Campbell pick up the pieces. She tries to stay strong, tears crawling freely down her cheeks but shaking shoulders in check, one foot in front of the other. She's unaware of the pair of eyes burning into her back until; "Oh Jac, for goodness sake." She barely manages to turn around before her legs buckle beneath her, a hand flies up to her face subconsciously and she sobs, loudly, without reservation.
Serena climbs carefully towards Jac from her position at the bottom of the stairs. She sits down and pulls the woman into her arms, their embrace urgent and desperate, Jac's face buried against her chest. Serena sighs for, of course, she understands. She understands what it means to be strong, ballsy and unflustered. She understands the firm set of impenetrable barricades and the personal fall out from becoming the best. Train hard, fight easy. Her rationale stumbles, though, as she realises that she doesn't understand at all. She doesn't understand the loneliness. The toughness for toughness sake, the bitter lashings of a woman who doesn't have a family to protect or, really, a place to call home. Suddenly the stroppy teenager in scrubs makes sense, and she holds her even more tightly.
"I can't have children." Her breath is steadied and they sit opposite one another once more. She leans against the wall whilst Serena leans against the banister, and they've compromised on the comforting twilight halfway up the stairs. "I didn't think that would bother me. Not like this anyway. Not like, I'm grieving for something I never had to begin with. I feel ridiculous."
"You're not ridiculous." Serena speaks softly, her arms folded, eyes trained on Jac.
"He said Endometriosis and this imaginary door slammed in my face. The ultimate glass ceiling. I felt numb. Completely isolated from everything. Everyone. I haven't felt like that since I was a teenager."
"And then?" Jac takes a deep breath.
"Then came the irrational. The insane." She pauses, closes her eyes for just a moment. "I smashed my shower head to pieces."
"Naturally." Serena replies after a beat, successfully bringing a wry smile to Jac's face.
"I was just standing there in the shower trying to imagine what could possibly have led to this, then trying not to think about it, trying not to hate myself, when I looked up and saw it."
"The shower head?"
"The limescale. All of this stuff growing out of the jets that I'd never really noticed before. Then, the more I looked the more I saw. It was around the taps, the plughole, everywhere it shouldn't be. Everywhere it had no right to be in my flat. So, I lost it."
"Sounds like a sight to behold."
"Anybody watching would have had me sectioned." Serena smiles and reaches over to place a hand on Jac's.
"Irrational is okay. Necessary, even." They're both silent for a minute, letting Serena's words sink in. Then, as the Grandfather clock in the hallway chimes 3am, they wordlessly agree to retire for a few hours of well earned sleep.
ooooo
Serena wakes to the unfamiliar smell of fresh coffee already brewing downstairs, and the clatter of movement in the kitchen below her. She feels groggy, achy and a touch hungover. Fifteen minutes later she creeps, bleary eyed, into her kitchen and is greeted by a revitalised Jac Naylor.
"Morning Jac."
"Ah, morning!" Jac hands her a cappuccino from the Nespresso as she enters the room. "You know, I should get one of these." She gestures towards the machine. "It's excellent."
"It is." Serena eyes her suspiciously, watching her hastily unpeel an orange and wondering how many espresso's she's pounded so far.
"Listen," Jac keeps her eyes on the orange as she speaks, "I'm sorry about yesterday. Exploding all over you."
"It's no problem." She yawns audibly as she speaks, silently cursing old age and Motherhood as Jac stands perky in front of her.
"It is, I put you out. It won't happen again."
"Back to normality?" Serena speaks with a tone Jac can't place, and she frowns.
"Yep. I've booked a taxi to work, it'll be here in ten."
"Perfect." Serena glazes over with the word, work face fixed, and heads towards the living room with her coffee.
"Serena," She stops, surprised to hear her first name on Jac's lips, "thank you."
ooooo
"Gossip?" Jonny Mac leans over the Nurses' station, placing his head between Ollie and Mo who are conspiring in a whisper.
"Okay, it's good. But I was just questioning its credibility."
"With my own eyes, I swear!" Ollie holds his hands up, wide eyed with honesty.
"Valentine saw Ms Campbell and our very own Jac Naylor arrive in the same taxi this morning. The latter," she pauses for effect, "is wearing the same clothes as yesterday." Jonny makes a face and they dissolve into banshee giggles.
Jac grins to herself as she stalks past the trio, fixing them with a trademark glare. Yep. Normality.