The Purge: Blood for Gold

by presidentuziel

On the day of the Purge, there's a lot of people who think they're invincible. I'm the man who reminds the world that nobody, no matter how powerful, is safe. My name is Roger Tiller, and I'm a professional Purger. With my partner Slice, I take on bounties to kill the untouchable. But this year, the bounty is the Purge itself.

1. Introduction

Once a year, millions of people take to the streets, armed with blades and guns and whatever twisted machinations they have ever fantasized about and do it. They do it to release all their rage and frustrations and hatred, so as to make a better America.

They're a bunch of fucking amateurs.

See, I don't like the Purge. It's flawed in a lot of fucked up ways. Social advocates point out that the number one victim of the Purge is the homeless, followed by the poor, and then debt collectors. I know a lot of debt collectors, you gotta be a real badass to take that job.

Everyone else holes up in their homes. They buy fancy security systems or they take a flight to another country for the week. People who do that are usually shunned for being cowards, but I don't blame them. See, if only psychopaths indulge in the Purge, then at the end of the day, there's a lot fewer normal people left. That eventually leaves us only with psychopaths, and people rich enough to armor-plate their homes and teach their children how to shoot or to kill a man with their bare hands.

Now I'm grateful to be one of those people, don't get me wrong. Everyone in my family is a bonafide badass, from my seven year old son to my wheelchair-bound Uncle Lou. I've never lost anyone in my home in the Purge. In fact, I operate a number of shelters for the homeless and stranded. My record isn't perfect in those, but they're pretty good.

The reason I don't go out to Bermuda for the Purge and let it all go over like a bad dream is because that's when I do my job. My family does go to our vacation home in Vietnam, and my coworkers hole up in my house. I used to have our vacation home in Thailand, but they introduced their own Purge, so good luck getting rich Americans to invest there now, you dumbasses.

I work one day a year. Well, that's not entirely true, there's a lot of logistics that soaks up a fair amount of my time, but all of that work ties to my job. Now, I don't put on a mask and kill homeless dudes to get my rocks off, or set buses on fire. What I do is professional, cool and collected. People put out a lot of contracts on folks that can't be reached in their impenetrable fortresses, or simply disappear for the Purge and then reappear the next day. It takes a real ballsy professional to infiltrate and locate people like that, and it pays off. Oh, does it pay off. You see, along with murder and rape and vandalism, assassination is legal, too.

And I'm the best assassin in the country. My name's Roger Tiller. And I'm a professional purger.