In Which Our Story Begins, Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, in a far off kingdom whose name no one seemed able to remember, there was a great queen. Fair as the dawn she was, and wise as any sage who ever lived, but the poor woman lived constantly with headaches. The cause of this ailment was of no mystery. Indeed, there was not one person in the land who did not, at one point or another, say of the queen, "That poor woman! Small wonder she suffers as much as she does!"

It was many years back, you see, that the king of the land was still alive. He and the queen were very much in love, and from that love came five children. Four were boys, as handsome as one could hope, and the last was a girl, with beauty befitting a princess. All had been well until some war or another broke out. The king won the battle but lost his life, and the queen was left with a heart full of sorrow and five unruly children to look after.

The queen did the best she possibly could. She hired the finest tutors and nannies in all the land, and saw to it that her children had the best possible upbringing. And it did work, in a sense. The princes and princess grew to be intelligent and healthy. What they lacked things not so easily acquired.

Princess Deirdre - for that was the young lady's name - was terribly vain. She spent all morning having her servants tend to her hair, clothes, and jewelry. She spent all evening parading through the castle and the gardens, batting her eyes at any nearby men she deemed handsome enough. Deirdre was warned by her mother to take care and not put off all the men in the kingdom with such behavior, but the girl had too much fun to pay attention. It got to be so bad that the queen despaired of ever marrying the girl off. Lovely as the princess was, there were simply no respectable men who considered her worth the trouble.

The youngest son, Prince Arthur, was a frail boy. He never took an interest in fighting or battles like his brothers did, instead preferring to spend time indoors, studying. Most unfortunately, his brothers saw him as weak and silly for this, and always mocked him. It was not just the other princes who thought this, though. Anyone who met Arthur, even the servants, whispered that he was a sickly thing, and would he be in any shape to care for the kingdom, when the time came? Perhaps it was because of all this whispering that Arthur also grew up to be a very sarcastic boy. There were few things that he did not have a biting remark for, which unsurprisingly did nothing to endear him to his brothers.

Prince Finn, the second youngest, came to blows with Arthur the most. It was not because of a particular grudge or slight, through. Finn was a hot-blooded child. He wailed throughout infancy and he screeched throughout childhood. Almost as soon as he learned to talk, he would quarrel with any who spoke two words with him. Naturally, everyone tried to avoid him.

Second oldest of the princes was Pywll. He was as big and strong a boy as one could imagine. In the gardens of the castle and the privacy of the training rooms, he was able to master the art of fighting. When faced with a foe however, be it lightning, one of his brothers, or even some of the servants, the boy turned to jelly. He was the most timid child one had ever seen. He did his best to fulfill his duties as a prince, but it was very hard to do this when he trembled in fear at most things. Of him, most shook their heads and were grateful he was second-born instead of first.

The oldest child was Prince Cormac. Unlike his younger brothers and sister, he was a very reasonable and well-behaved man. He was not perfect, but he always tried to do right and help anyone in need. Sadly, his good heart was overshadowed by the mischief that his siblings got into. His sweet nature went unnoticed, and everyone was certain that he was a black-hearted troublemaker. After all, with siblings like his, what other kind of a person could he possibly be?

The years passed in this way and that. The queen struggled with her children, focusing on ruling the kingdom when she needed relief from the stress. She endured it all with the hope that it all would be resolved when they passed out of childhood, but adulthood came and they were as troublesome as ever.

At the end of her rope, the queen called her children to her. Of Cormac, Finn, and Pywll, she had them knighted. The duties as head of the kingdom's army were to be divided between them. Of Deirdre, she made her a lady of the royal court, to meet daily with the other ladies and sew and talk and set fashions.

And Arthur? Of him, the queen gave him a book and a wand. Both of those, she said, were things of magic. Only a learned person had any hope of mastering their power, and she knew Arthur was to be that person. She granted him the title of the Royal Wizard, to use his power for the good of the kingdom.

With that, the queen dismissed her children. Her job was done, and she hoped that these new duties would keep them out of trouble.

Sadly, the queen's plan was not as successful as she had hoped. The children tried to act in ways befitting their new positions, they really did. But castles are not built overnight, and if years of care and upbringing could not bring change, a new set of responsibilities had no chance. Deirdre still made an obvious show of giggling and preening when any man came even slightly close to her. Pywll still cowered while Finn gave him such tongue lashings. Poor Cormac still did his best while everyone tut-tutted and looked at him suspiciously. None of them were able to improve because the idea simply didn't occur to them.

One good thing did come of this all. Arthur took to his new job as the Royal Wizard like a duck to water. Perhaps it was because he had an excuse to move out to a little cottage at the edge of town, no longer bothered by his family or anyone else who cruelly whispered about him, or it could have been that he enjoyed being wanted and needed for once. Whatever the case, he studied the book of magic and practiced day in and day out. He quickly mastered the power, and word spread that the kingdom had a new Royal Wizard who was stronger than any before.

It was inevitable that Arthur would be overrun with people asking for spells and charms. A lady wanted a potion to cure her baby's illness. A farmer needed something to help his crops grow strong. A young man asked for an amulet to keep him safe on a journey. The list went on and on.

Arthur dealt with it all without complaint. He knew that the people who came to him did not have easy lives. He knew that they only were asking for things they needed. He was happy to be of help.

And then, his siblings began to come.

It was Pywll who came first. Though Arthur would have rather cut off his toes than admit it, he was overjoyed to see the older brother standing at his door. Arthur had always liked Pywll well enough, mainly because the prince was too quiet to mock Arthur. They had never been close (Pywll was frightened of Arthur's sarcasm, never knowing what to make of it), but here he was! Perhaps, Arthur thought, his departure had brought about more good than he suspected. Perhaps in his absence, his family realized how much they missed him! The thought made him giddy, and he rushed to the door.

He greeted his brother at the door, while trying to act as if he could not be more indifferent as to who was visiting. "Pywll," he said, nodding his head.

"Arthur," said Pywll, looking rather uneasy. "How are you doing?"

"Well enough, well enough. Do come in!" said Arthur. Without waiting for Pywll to respond, he grabbed his brother by the arm and tugged him into the cottage.

"You seem to have settled in nicely," said Pywll, admiring the piles of books and strange instruments.

"Thank you."

There was an awkward silence.

"So," Pywll finally said, "Have you been hearing much news as to what the rest of the family have been up to?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter much to me either way," said Arthur, in what he hoped to be a lofty manner. "But I still would not mind word of how things are going with Mother and the rest of the castle. Please, have a seat! I can put on some tea."

"No, no, that's quite alright," said Pywll, glancing nervously about. "I would not dream of taking up any of your time."

"It's no trouble at all!" Arthur insisted. "I'm on break from my studies, and we haven't spoken in so long."

"Actually," said Pywll, "I only came here to ask something of you."

Arthur felt the excitement drain quite suddenly from him. "Oh...is that so?" He fought to arrange his features into an impassive expression. "I see. Yes. Of course. Terribly sorry for misunderstanding. I thought - well, why else would you be here?"

"Yes, of course," said Pywll, looking relieved that Arthur seemed to understand. "I was wondering if you could provide me with a spell of invisibility."

"Oh?" asked Arthur, his curiosity piqued. "Whatever for?" Had his timid older brother finally overcome his fears and trying his hand at spywork?

Pywll blushed. "Finn has been out of sorts as of late. I was hoping for something to cause him to overlook me, so I might be spared his wrath. Even if it is only for a little bit, I was wondering if you could help me."

"... I see."

"I know you are only to do it for causes of great need," Pywll added, apologetically. "But consider! If I am spared lashings by Finn's harsh tongue, I will be better able to focus to train the soldiers under my command."

Yes, you will somehow train them while unnoticeable. That makes perfect sense, Arthur thought. He determinedly tried to steer his mind away from such thoughts. This was fine. Pywll was no doubt kept busy as a knight. It made sense that he had no time to visit family. And while the request was not what Arthur would consider to be for "great need", really who was he to deny doing a favor for a brother?

With that in mind, he provided Pywll with a pouch of powder, telling him that the more he sprinkled on himself, the longer he would go unnoticed.

When Finn came to visit, on the very next day, Arthur still held on to hope. He and Finn had not gotten along so well as children, but perhaps his time as a knight helped the older brother to mellow.

Those hopes were dashed as soon as the door was opened.

"Hel -" Arthur began.

"I need you to fix me something up right now!" Finn interrupted, acting as if he was not even aware Arthur tried to speak. As loud as his words were, that very well might have been the case.

"I'm terribly sorry?"

"Arthur, I fought with several soldiers under my command. I need you to work some magic to fix this!"

"Fix what? They're your soldiers, aren't they? Won't they still obey you?"

"They obey, but I know they skulk behind my back and say rude things about me," Finn growled. "Actually, it's not so different than how you have always acted," he added.

It was all Arthur could do to not lose his own temper. "My magic is a very potent force," he said. "I use it for causes of true need."

"This is a cause of true need! If my knights don't listen to me, how will we win in battle?"

"Has it occurred to you to simply apologize to the soldiers? I think that would help to have them listen to you."

Finn flushed and glared at the floor. "I - I do know that. I...well, that's not to say I haven't...because I have! Well, I tried to, at least. But the thought of the argument we had to begin with just...well, I get s-so...and I can't think straight to...AUGH!" He tugged at his hair in frustration. "Just please, use your magic to help me with this! Soothe their anger towards me!"

Arthur wished heartily that he could simply use magic to soothe Finn's anger towards all the world. That was impossible, though. There were rules for everything, and magic was no exception. Wishes could only be done for those who wanted them granted, and no one would think to correct a flaw they refused to acknowledge. So all he could do was brew a potion which, he promised his brother, would bring the soldiers to think more fondly of him.

The next day, it was Deirdre who visited. She did not even bother to be interested in how Arthur was doing, and immediately asked for a potion that would let her sit in the sun without sweating off the powders and paints used to decorate her eyelids and lips.

Arthur stared at her for quite some time upon hearing this request. Finally, he said, "You do know that my magic is for only causes of great need, don't you?"

She blinked. "Yes, of course," she replied, as if suggesting she did not know this were an insult to her intelligence.

All was silent for another stretch of time, as Arthur struggled to point out just how mind-bogglingly frivolous a problem she wanted him to solve with magic. He mentally sorted through many questions and points he could say, until he found one that summed everything up well. "Why?"

Deirdre giggled. "I would think it should be obvious."

"Tell me then, dear sister, for I seem to be the fool in this situation. Tell me why the issue of your painted face is a matter of great need."

"Dear brother, you know that my hair looks best when lit up by the sun. Mother always said that. But I overheat so easily that I quickly sweat off anything I use on my face!"

"...And?"

"And if I do not look my best, I will have no hope of attracting the eye of some young man. Really Arthur, do you want your only sister to be left alone and unloved? What sort of a brother are you?"

Arthur felt his eye violently twitch. Given the look of shock on Deirdre's face, it must have looked as noticeable as it felt. "Get out," he hissed.

"Excuse me?"

He seized a small bottle and threw it at his sister. "There's your bloody potion, for all the good it will do you! Now take your idiotic, vain self out of my house immediately!"

Deirdre was shocked, but she still kept the bottle of potion as she left.

Arthur's outburst did nothing to deter his siblings from their demands for magic solutions to their ills and woes. If anything, he now was forced to put up with a constant stream of requests. Even Cormac, who Arthur thought better of, would come for some magical solution for his armor rusting or his horse not eating. It got to be so bad that Arthur wondered if he ought to simply have his siblings pay him for room and board in his cottage. It seemed as if all four of them were always there, day in and day out, screaming at him for help.

"Arthur, my gown has torn and I want it to be repaired perfectly!"

"Arthur, I believe Finn stole some of my armor to taunt me. Can I have a spell to help me locate it?"

"Arthur, Pywll is being an idiot and accusing me of stealing part of his armor. I want a spell to knock some sense into him."

"Arthur, can you give me a potion to help me wake up right away in the morning?"

"Arthur, have you something to cure a hangover?"

"Arthur? Arthur? Arthur?"

"This is it!" he finally cried out, when his brothers and sister came for the fifth time in as many days. "I have had it with you! All you do is pester me over the most ridiculous things! Always 'Arthur, I need a spell for this,' or 'Arthur, I need you to magic me up that,' and it drives me mad!"

"Well, what do you expect?" snapped Finn. "You are the only wizard in all the kingdom! Were you expecting to be left alone?"

"I expected even one person to visit me simply because they enjoyed my company! Not one person has come to me without a demand of some sort. I have borne it all without complaint. I do realize it is my job. But even you, my own kin, only see me to ask for things for yourself!"

"Oh, Arthur," said Cormac, "We didn't mean to -"

"And to top it all off, you only ever ask for the most trivial, selfish things! If you must visit me only to badger me for spells, could you at least do so for things that are bloody USEFUL?"

Deirdre frowned. "I do not think we ask for things that are so -"

"Shut up! I have had it!" Arthur threw his book of spells across the room. It did not make him look authoritative, but it made him feel a bit better. "You may all see yourselves from this cottage at once! I have had it with you all! I am retiring!"

"You can't retire!" gasped Pywll. "You're the Royal Wizard! It could be months before someone can be found to replace you. Who will help the rest of the kingdom in the meantime?

"That's your bloody problem," snapped Arthur. Now go on, get out of my house immediately. Leave this instant, unless you'd like to find out what a pissed-off former Royal Wizard is capable of!"

That got them to go.

And thus, it was proclaimed throughout the land that the Royal Wizard would no longer use his magic to help any visitors.

The people of the kingdom cried out and wept over this, but none were more dismayed than Arthur's brothers and sister. For many days, they held on to the hope that Arthur was only speaking in the heat of anger. They expected that when he had calmed himself, he would go back to granting their wishes.

And so, day after day they came to his cottage and pounded on his door, begging him to let them in and help them. But he said nothing, save that if they did not leave him alone, he would see to it that they were all struck with lightning. Seeing that he had gone through with his last threat and had no intention of having him uphold this next one, they obeyed his command and never again went near his home.

As the years passed, their hearts grew heavy with sadness and regret. Though none of them would admit it, they wished to see their brother again. Their desire was borne of the faint wish for him to help them yet again - it was still one night, and the castle was not yet built - but this time, they wanted his advice and not his magic. If they could, they wanted to ask him how to overcome the faults that plagued them for so many of their years.

The siblings finally found the desire to improve themselves. But though they knew where they wanted to go, they did not know how to find the path to get there. Without Arthur's advice, they were stuck.

Ah yes, something else being de-anoned! Hooray! :D

I forgot to mention this on the kink meme, but Arthur's siblings are as follows:

Cormac = Scotland

Pywll = Wales

Finn = Ireland

Deirdre = Northern Ireland