Notes:
Warnings: angst, a little bit of fluff
Pairing: Joe Anoa'i x Reader
Note: This songfic had been requested on Tumblr.
Originally published here: post/177535233391/i-cant-make-you-love-me-songfic-roman-reigns-x
I can't make you love me - Bonnie Raitt
The song used for this SongFic was I can't make you love me by Bonnie Raitt. Since I'm not allowed to post the lyrics here, please look them up accordingly. :-)
You didn't say a word as you were opening your door when the doorbell rang. You knew exactly who would be standing there as you had called him just 15 minutes ago, asking him to come over. You couldn't even tell him why, as your voice was shaking, heavy sobbing preventing you from articulating one complete sentence. But whatever you tried to tell him, whatever bothered you, it was obviously enough for him to jump into his car, pushing aside whatever he had been doing in that moment, rushing to your side as fast as he could. You were not able to comprehend one useful thought since you were a complete crying mess, your emotions having taken over completely. You felt hurt, betrayed, treated as if you were nothing - all at the same time. You knew that you shouldn't be wasting any tears, that you shouldn't be in the state of mind ,that you were currently in, but you couldn't change it. You didn't even want to call him, didn't want to bother him with your problems, but you remembered that he had reassured you again and again that he would be there for you and you knew that he was telling the truth. And he just proved it now, in exactly that moment, the doorbell rang.
As you saw your best friend standing there, even your last piece of self-control vanished into thin air, as you were throwing yourself against his chest, crying your heart out, not caring that you might appear weak in that very moment. You knew that he had seen you at your weakest before and you knew that he would never judge you because of that. Joe had no idea what was bothering you, but seeing you like that broke his heart. He was wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close against his chest as he could already feel his shirt drenching in your tears. His hands gently rubbed over your back as he held you close, his deep voice soothing you as he repeated like a mantra, again and again: „Shhhh sweetheart, it's okay. Whatever bothers you, it's going to be alright." You wanted to stop crying, you really wanted to, but you couldn't. You felt as if your heart had been ripped out, being tossed to the ground, stomped on it again and again. You tried to explain yourself, tried to tell him what was going on but you only repeated one word: „He… he…" before you had to stop yourself as you were crying rather hard once again, preventing you from finishing even the slightest sentence.
Joe just held you, not trying to force you to explaining anything as he knew that you needed your time. He carefully backed you up, whispering: „Let's just go inside sweetheart." By nodding your head, you gave him your approval, letting him guide you back into your home, as he carefully closed the door behind him. He held you for as long as you needed to while you were crying against his chest and you couldn't even tell how long he kept you in his embrace while you were having a complete mental breakdown, feeling as if you could never be happy again. You could not understand how he could have betrayed you like that, how he could have tossed everything you had out off the window, how he could have destroyed everything after all those years.
You probably shouldn't even tell Joe the truth as you were quite sure that he wouldn't think twice paying him back for what he had done to you, but you needed someone to talk to. You needed your best friend to listen to you, to tell you that everything would be alright even if it would take some time. You needed to hear those words, even if they would be just a beautiful lie as of now. As you felt Joe's hands drawing little circles on your back, you managed to relax a little bit, being able to calm down, something you hadn't been able to do ever since you found out the truth approximately two hours ago. Two hours, that you tried to somehow make it on your own, two hours, that had changed anything, almost two hours, that you had to admit to yourself, that you needed someone to listen to you, someone, that almost knew you better than you knew yourself.
Bit by bit your sobs became less heavy, your breathing more normal again as you felt completely empty. You had the feeling as if there were no tears left, that you could cry, like you had wasted all of your energy, leaving you strangely numb. As Joe noticed that you had calmed down, he carefully grabbed your shoulders, stepping away from you, so he could look at your face, wanting to know, a calmness radiating from him, that embraced you: „What happened sweetheart? I have never seen you like that and to be honest you're scaring me. What is going on?" You shook your head as you quietly answered: „It's over." You saw the confusion on his face as you realized that he couldn't know what you were talking about. You took a deep breath as you explained, your voice shaking slightly: „Y/BF/N and I… it's over. We are done."
„Why? What happened? I thought you were so happy with each other.", Joe wanted to know, not letting go off you. You felt that you were close to tearing up once again, as you explained: „Yes that's what I thought as well. Turns out that I had been the only one seeing it like that. Before I called you, I… I wanted to go through the photos we took during our vacation, wanting to re-name them and sort them into the correct folders. You know that we have that notebook, that we share. I don't even know whether I should be hurt or angry, that he obviously thought, that I'm this dumb." You let out a laugh, that was anything else but amused before you continued: „I found one of his folders, titled „private movies". Of course I should't have looked, respecting his privacy and all that, but since it was on our computer and it wasn't password protected, I opened the folder, expecting some porn videos. Turns out, that I was right. The only thing that I hadn't expected, was seeing him in the lead role with a different chick per movie whenever I started a new file." You had to stop yourself, taking a deep breath before you freed yourself from Joe's hands on your shoulders, telling him that he should follow you while you led him into the living room. Joe could tell that you obviously had taken out your despair on said notebook as it was completely destroyed, lying in the corner of the room.
You waited until he sat down next to you, before you continued: „I was shocked to find all of that, confronting him once he got out of the shower. The first and only thing he said was how I could dare to take a look at his stuff. When I wanted to know whether that was the only thing he had to say or whether he wanted to address the fact of him cheating on me for god knows how many times as well, he just shrugged his shoulders, telling me that I shouldn't make such a big fuss about it as it was just casual sex and he doesn't see what should be wrong with that. Can you imagine that? I find out that the man, I had spent the last years with and that I could have imagined to have a future with, was cheating on me for months, if not years, with I don't even know how many other women and the only thing he tells me, is, that I should stay calm because it is no big deal. Can you imagine how I feel now? And you know what the most terrible thing is? I didn't even have the strength to break up with him. It was him telling me that it was over, him that said goodbye after he messed up." By now you had started crying again, as everything that had happened pained you so much, knowing that the man, you wasted years of your life with, didn't even have the guts to admit that he was wrong, simply because he didn't feel like it. You felt as if someone had pulled the rug out from under your feet.
As your tears were falling down once again, Joe pulled you closer, hugging you tightly and you could tell that he thought about ripping your ex boyfriend's head off for the pain he had caused you. His jawline was sharper than usual and you knew that this was one of his typical signs, that he had the hardest time controlling his anger. „It's going to be alright, sweetheart. I promise you. That asshole is not worth that you shed one single tear because of him. I promise you that he's going to pay for what he had done to you." You peaked up at him, a little smile on your lips while your tears kept falling down. You sniffled as you whispered: „I really appreciate it, Joe. But making him pay doesn't make anything better. It means a lot to me that you came as soon as I had called you and I'm so sorry for keeping you away from your girlfriend now." He whipped away the tears, that were falling on your cheeks, as he whispered: „Don't be stupid. You know that you always come first. And whenever you need me, I will be by your side, no matter the circumstances." You moved closer into his embrace, just enjoying having him near you, knowing that you were not alone.
You couldn't tell how long you had been sitting there with him holding you in his arms, but as you looked outside of the window, you realized that night had already chased away the day. „Joe?", you mumbled, feeling guilty already as you knew that his time with his own girlfriend was limited, but you nevertheless needed to ask him. „Yeah, sweetheart?", he wanted to know, his fingers trailing a path up and down your arm. You searched for his eyes as you asked: „I know that it's not fair to you and H/GF/N, but do you think that you could stay here tonight? I… I don't want to be alone as everything here feels so terribly empty." He gave you a little smile as he placed a soft kiss on your head, whispering: „I'm staying here as long as you need me and want me to. Don't worry about anything else."
„Thank you", you said with Joe replying quietly: „You're welcome sweetheart." He made himself comfortable on the couch, gesturing to you that you should lie down next to him. You felt him wrap his arms around you as you moved closer to his chest, enjoying the comfort his embrace was offering you. You were lost in your thoughts, didn't even realize that you were twirling the ends of his hair between you fingers as you teared up again since anything that had happened that day took its toll on you once again. Silent tears were streaming down your face as you were not only thinking about the end of your relationship and how much your ex-boyfriend had hurt you, but also about one thing, that you shouldn't think about. One thing, that you always banished into the back of your head since you didn't want to think about it. But now that everything around you was silent, that you only heard the strong heartbeat of your best friend, you couldn't help but let those thoughts happen. You knew that it was wrong, knew that it could destroy the bound you had, but your feelings for Joe were deeper than you wanted to admit it, deeper than he knew and that he was allowed to know. You didn't want to feel like that for your best friend, didn't want to feel anything but a deep friendship for him, but your heart obviously was betraying you as it was aching for him for quite some time already.
You wished that you could tell him the truth, wished that you could let him know that he meant so much more to you, but you couldn't. Joe had noticed that you were shedding some tears again causing him to hold you even tighter, whispering while his hand gently rubbed the back of your head: „Everything's going to be alright, sweetheart, I promise. If you need to…if you want to talk I'm right here." You shook your head, not saying a word. How could you explain to him that you were not primarily crying because of your failed relationship? How could you let him know that you were crying because you ached to be with him but you knew that this would never happen? Those were things that you would never let him know, that you would never share with him because you were way too afraid of losing him, of destroying anything. It's not like you hadn't thought about it. Of course you had. You had already had that conversation in your head, already went through all of those words you wanted to tell him, had even visualized how his reactions could be - good and bad - but you just didn't feel like trying it as you were way too afraid. You just couldn't bring yourself to let him know what you felt about him, that you often wished it was him by your side instead of your boyfriend, that you wanted to fall asleep in his arms and wake up the next day by his side, that you wanted to spend this lifetime with him. How could you tell your best friend that he meant so much more to you than he should? You just couldn't. You knew that he loved his girlfriend just like he thought you loved your boyfriend. The truth was, that you couldn't make him love you if he didn't feel anything for you and you were way too scared to find out in the first place if he did, way too scared of rejection, way too scared of him just turning around and leaving so he wouldn't give you the feeling of you not being enough for him. No, you just couldn't. You couldn't now and you probably never could.
You were still sobbing against his chest while Joe held you close, trailing his fingertips over your back, whispering reassuring words of how it would get easier, all while being completely unaware that your current tears were shed more because of him than because of that arrogant idiot, that cheated on you. Thoughts about Joe clouded your mind and you couldn't help but imagine how it would feel if he didn't held you as your best friend but as your companion, your lover, your boyfriend. And although you knew that it was wrong, although you knew that this would never happen, although you knew that the next day as soon as sun rises you would be best friends still, you dared that feeling to wash over you, to wrap itself around you, to keep you protected. You had no idea how long you were lying in his arms like that, but as you were dozing off slightly your mind already occupied by the first grasps of that beautiful dream, that would surround you just seconds after, you were mumbling without the intention to do so: "I love you."
Joe was looking down at you, his eyebrow crooked as he realized that you had fallen asleep in his arms, cuddling close to his body. It wasn't like he hadn't heard those words from you before but usually they sounded lighter, they sounded more meaningless, they sounded like something you would let your friends know, to tell them how much you appreciated their friendship. But this time… he couldn't help but think that they sounded more sincere, that there was a meaning behind them that he wouldn't have thought, that he didn't dare to think. Having you in his arms like this now, he couldn't help but think how perfect it felt, how this was something that he wanted to get used to, something that he had dreamed off for quite some time. When you called him this day and when you told him what your boyfriend had done to you, he wanted to kill him, wanted to rip him apart for causing you all this pain. And in addition to that he wanted to tell you that he would never do something like that to you, that he wouldn't treat you like that, but he couldn't.
He couldn't tell you for the obvious reason that you were his best friend and that you probably didn't think anything else of him, that your heart wasn't aching for him, like his ached for you. And he didn't want to destroy things between you, didn't want to lose you because you felt bad about letting him know that you loved him as a friend, as a brother but you weren't feeling the same love, that was required to make a relationship work. He would have lied if he said that he hadn't imagined from time to time how it would be to have you by his side instead of his girlfriend and he couldn't deny either that he probably loved you more than he could ever love his girlfriend. And yet he couldn't tell you since he knew that he couldn't make you love him. So he just held you close, watching your peaceful expression as you slept in his arms, placing a soft kiss on your head as he whispered: "I love you, too." Something you didn't hear since you had already drifted off into a peaceful sleep.