Bucky was staring at Steve like he was lunch, even though they were eating Wendy's. Steve noticed. But he didn't look up. It was better when Bucky didn't stop.
He just wanted to tell Bucky what he felt, but it wasn't like that.
Steve kept numbly chewing on his fries as Bucky blinked and slowly turned his eyes to his food. Bucky had problems eating when he was filled with emotion. At this point, it was basically every emotion. It's not like Bucky wanted to throw up everything he ate, it's just that his body didn't accept it. Like a transplant. Like when HYDRA first attached the metal arm.
Steve was amazing. Bucky loved the smell of him, even the feel of him in the same room. It made him feel like he had something familiar.
He just wanted to tell Steve what he felt, but it wasn't like that.
He wanted to run into Steve's arms and just stay there forever, but it wasn't like that. He just wanted to ask Steve what had happened, and why the fuck Winter had to be such a jerk. He wanted Steve to love him and show that he really loved him, but it wasn't like that. It just wasn't. That hurt.
Steve didn't know what to do anymore. His life had gone from high speeds and whipping rain: a disaster, to calm, soft, and perfect. Bucky had done what Steve needed him to do: nothing. He was just there. They rarely talked, even though there were infinities to say. They both knew that, but they both believed they weren't ready yet. But they were.
"Stevie, I can't do this anymore." After Steve went through a short coughing fit out of surprise, he looked up."Do what, Buck?" Bucky looked down, almost ashamed he said anything. "Pretend I don't love you." He quickly said."Bucky...I didn't think you felt that way." Steve choked out. Bucky whimpered."I do, Steve. I understand if you don't. It would hurt a lot, but I would get over it. I'm always pretty depressed anyway." Bucky looked down, rubbing his fingers against the table."Bucky-I feel the same way. I never thought you would have." Steve blushed.
Bucky smiled a weak smile and brushed his hair from his face. He had red marks under his eyes from lack of sleep; he had severe insomnia because of nightmares. His face was gaunt and pale because of the eating problem he had. Somehow he still managed to let out that weak smile. He looked tired and sad, but beautiful. Beautifully broken.
They walked home together holding hands, occasionally letting tears slide down their faces. When they got back to the tower, they went straight upstairs. They ignored Tony's questioning. As soon as they got upstairs, Steve threw the keys onto the couch and pushed Bucky against the wall. He kissed him hard, putting his hands on Bucky's waist. Bucky pushed back, using what little energy he had to kiss Steve. His hands went through Steve's hair desperately.
Steve felt bad for making the first move, but he couldn't take it anymore. His insides exploded with colors like a firework when Bucky pushed against him. Bucky's hair brushed Steve's cheek and Steve felt another fire burn in his stomach. His passion for Bucky hurt him because it was so strong.
When they finally pulled away from each other Bucky laughed loosely, which made Steve laugh. Steve sighed deeply, lying on his back on the bed. Bucky closed his eyes and wrapped his fingers within Steve's. Bucky curled up against him, burying his head into Steve's shoulder. They breathed out, and Steve was grinning.
Maybe it was like that.