It was the racing heart that woke him in the middle of the night. Looking at the alarm clock, he saw that it was 2:33 AM -'Too early to wake up'- he thought. Taking a deep breath, he willed himself to relax, to calm the galloping beats of his chest, and what better way to do so than to watch the beauty laying next to his side. Her face was tilted towards him, with a pair of pouty lips that every once in a while suckled like a tiny baby while sleeping.
Looking at Izayoi's swollen belly, it was almost worth it. The tears, the money, the bitter recriminations of his wife and the sullen, silent anger of his son. The divorce had cost him almost everything that he had - the nice house in Los Altos, the Mercedes that his wife insisted was necessary when he turned 40, the control of the chain of car dealers that he opened in the early 80's when suddenly being Japanese was considered "cool". But Ken "Inu" Taisho had not gained that nickname for being a wallflower: he knew that his wife was bitter and angry, and if that was the price to start anew, he considered it a fair one. Making -and losing money- was after all, both his gift and his curse: he minted dollars like there was no tomorrow every time a Honda was sold on any of his lots, but he could also lose tens of thousands of dollars in one of his yearly bacchanals in Vegas, to the utter despair of his wife and accountant.
Yeah, "Inu" Taisho was a gambler all right. But what he never thought possible is that by making the biggest bet of his life he would both lose and gain the two greatest loves of his life. He knew that every time he made love to Izayoi was at the expense of the affection and respect of his son. His pride. Sesshomaru was smart and calculating, a worthy heir to his empire - but if there was something that Taisho knew was that behind his son's reserved manner there was a heart that was sensible and passionate - a heart that loved him immensely and one that he saw wither every day during the divorce proceedings.
Sesshomaru's eyes could not help but give him away. "Inu" Taisho shuddered when he remembered that terrible October night when Kuniko found out his affair with Izayoi. That night, his wife's cold fish reserve melted in explosive anger: "You could have fucked anything, but you chose the fucking maid!" - she snapped - "I could not expect anything less from a goat-fucking farmer's son". Frustrated, he took her insults in stride, praying to all the Gods that his son was spared of this screaming -but when she finally slapped him and spat on his face and screamed at him for the fiftieth time that he was a "cheating son of a bitch", he catched a glimpse of his son's eyes peeking from his bedroom door, wide gold filled with fear.
When Taisho left the house the following weekend, Sesshomaru's eyes were now bright with anger, fresh with the news that not only has his father cheated on his mother, but had gotten the help pregnant. "You will understand one day my son, when you have someone to love and protect" -he had said, but his son, like any good teenager, just snapped back that if acting like a fool was the price, he had no need of such. By the time the divorce was final, his son's eyes were as cold and calculating as his mother's, a manner so aloof and remote that only responded in grunts and hmps to his questions, and finally, Sesshomaru had eventually cut all communication, when Taisho gave him the news that Izayoi was going to have a boy.
Just thinking about Sesshomaru brought a deep ache on his chest, but Taisho prayed to every Kami that time, distance and the excitement of a new sibling would eventually mend the rift. Even though he did not want to admit it, he felt that Izayoi's pregnancy was a chance at redemption, a way to start anew and atone the many mistakes he had made with Sesshomaru. Looking back, he could see that he had been hard with the boy, scant on his praise and demanding on his criticism, relying too much on Kuniko when it was time to educate or discipline the boy. It did not help matters that his son was such an aloof and remote child, even since he was a toddler. He did not laugh and run like his friend's children, nor showed the typical innocence and enthusiasm typical on a six-year old. Taisho had wanted a child with whom to play ball and roughhouse, to take fishing and spoil rotten- and for that purpose, Sesshomaru was almost a dissapointment. But that quickly changed when his son showed so much aptitude: aptitude for numbers, to follow him around, to learn. And Taisho could not help but to fall all over in love with his own son, a child so eager to please him that it made him lose his breath when he remembered those words: "if having someone to protect means acting like a fool, I have no need for such…"
His chest ached anew, and he turned to his side to see the woman sleeping next to his side. Izayoi's was almost due, with a son that would be the light of his middle age. They have talked often about his plans for the future, for his future. They wondered how their son would look like, if he were going to inherit the golden eyes of his father or the pouty lips of his mom. "If he is anywhere as naughty as you, he will be a little demon" Izayoi said that morning, fresh out of a round of tender lovemaking. "Then we should call him Inuyasha, like a proper japanese demon" Taisho joked, while tugging her in a hug and wondering for the umpteenth time why the gods had granted him this opportunity to love again, even if it was a lovely and very young Filipina girl. He knew that he was too old for her - his aches after a day of handiwork setting the nursery reminded him as much, but love, if anything, is selfish. He would reward her by making his fortune again, by surrounding her and their child with the best things that money could offer, and live his golden years surrounded by those whom he loved…
…"All except Sesshoumaru" - that little voice called his conscience said, and when that happened, that nagging pain in his heart busted anew. When Izayoi woke up that morning, chilled by the cold arms that surrounded her, those lifeless golden eyes could not hide the never ending sadness of knowing that his son, his first born, was forever lost to him, without ever having the chance of telling how much, or how deeply, he loved him.