Friendships and Doorways
Summary: Chummy goes to visit an old friend before Christmas.
A/N: This was written for callthemoonbeam for the Nonnatun Christmas Exchange!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chummy pulled her coat tighter against her frame, though truly, the air was not nearly as chilled as it had been the previous year and she rarely found herself cold with her husband and two little ones glued to her side. No, it was a foolish wave of guilt that had her stalling outside the large doors of Northridge.
She knew she needn't feel such things - as Peter often reminded her - but she couldn't help it. It seemed she was always forced to choose one life over another: a modest living over her parents' wealth, a family over nursing, the country over her friends in Poplar… The guilt rose again. She'd kept in touch with the Nonnatuns, of course, but truth simply was that all of the correspondents were horribly busy and things weren't the same as when she could pop over for supper any time she pleased. Therefore, she'd been horribly late learning about Cynthia's relocation to Northridge and with her own home so nearby, the guilt plagued her. She'd always felt a strong connection to Cynthia, Sister Mary Cynthia? No, she said here, she's Cynthia, she reminded herself. The small nurse was always patient with her and understood her shyness and the underlying waves of doubt that accompanied her every move. It was the least she could do to help ease some of the younger woman's own doubts now.
Taking a last deep breath, Chummy rang the doorbell and a cheery caretaker greeted her moments later.
"Good afternoon, Ma'am."
"Oh, good afternoon." Chummy replied quickly. "I'm here to see Sis-um, Cynthia Miller, please. My name is Mrs. Camilla Noakes."
"Ah yes, Mrs. Noakes, come in." The caretaker ushered her inside and out of the cold. "Ms. Miller is expecting you, follow me."
The caretaker made a bit of small talk on the way to Cynthia's room, but Chummy merely nodded along. She was too busy taking in the space. Was Cynthia happy here? It seemed friendly enough, but no hospital could fully shake the clinical feeling that surrounded it. Did she feel safe?
The caretaker stopped and knocked at a simple, beige door with the number 32 on it.
"Feel free to take your time, poor lamb doesn't get many visitors."
And with that, Chummy was once again alone and nervous before a doorway.
"Come in." Cynthia's soft voice seemed genuinely inviting and so Chummy gently opened the door. "Chummy, it's so good to see you."
Cynthia got up and eagerly greeted her old friend with a hug. "Thank you for coming to visit. It's been so long."
"I'm terribly sorry for that," Chummy apologized. "I meant to come so much sooner. I've always let time get the best of me, I'm afraid."
Cynthia gave her a sympathetic smile. It was certainly true, but Chummy always knew how to come through when it really mattered and that was what she loved most about her. There wasn't a single ill-meaning bone in her body.
"I'm glad you're here now." Cynthia said sincerely. "Truthfully, it hasn't been very long since I've been ready for visitors. The nurses encouraged me from the beginning, but...I just couldn't face anyone until recently. I had a lot to think about." Chummy wasn't quite sure what to say, but she let her hand cover Cynthia's in comfort. "Your letters helped a lot, though."
"Oh, they did?" Chummy asked hopefully. "I'd hoped they weren't too boring. Sometimes I forget how simple my life must sound compared to everyone back in Poplar."
"No, I loved them." Cynthia insisted. "Shelagh's too. I miss everyone, but it's very...comforting to hear about family life. Everything at Nonnatus - the good and the bad - was always a bit chaotic."
"Even after you became a nun?" Chummy asked curiously. She'd always envied the calm of the Sisters.
"I think so." Cynthia pondered. "There were many moments of quiet reflection, but there was no certainty. The phone could ring at any moment with an emergency, so nothing was ever without anxiety. I used to love that feeling…" she paused. "I got a letter from Sister Julienne. She invited me to join them for Christmas now that I'm taking outings."
"You're not sure if you want to go." Chummy said knowingly. Cynthia shrugged, slightly ashamed she would turn down such an invitation. "You don't have to, you know. They would all love to see you, but I know they'd understand if you'd rather not."
"I feel as though I should, though." Cynthia replied. "I owe them so much and I do miss them terribly."
"Well, the good news is you have about a month to decide!" Chummy reminded with a smile. "And if you do decide to attend, Peter and I would be happy to take you. We were invited as well and I wasn't sure - it's been so long for us as well - but if you were to go-
"-it wouldn't feel so frightening." Cynthia finished. "I never thought I'd be frightened of Nonnatus." Chummy thought for a moment.
"Peter always says that fear means you care about something. I imagine it takes a lot of love to create that much fear, no matter how unpleasant it may seem."
Cynthia smiled. Chummy's mere presence made her ache a bit for her formal home. Perhaps returning wouldn't be so bad after all.
"Would you ask Sergeant Noakes if there's room in the car for me?" She asked.
Chummy brightened and her guilt washed away. It was to be a very merry Christmas.