A/N: This is a parody; it's meant to be taken very lightly. We appreciate all feedback...except for flames. However, if you choose to send us hate-filled messages, please do so with proper grammar and good English. Thank you! ^.^
He was pro at crastinating. His name was Pork. Time goes by so slowly. James loved Madonna songs. His full name was James Pork.
"Hi. I am Pork. James Pork."
"Here is your mission, James Pork."
"What is it?"
"Pay attention, Pork! This is important." The man fiddled with his moustache.
"I'm all ears," said Pork.
"It's going to be legen...wait..." Pork slapped his boss silly. Then his boss unsheathed his lightsaber.
"One, you're fired. Two... Before that, go rendezvous with Rebecca Black and shoot her." He handed the lightsaber to James.
"... Bloody hell. What is this for?"
"To destroy those who oppose you."
Suddenly, Pork's boss punched Pork's face. "And steal me some apple pie!"
"If I can find any."
"No. Apple pie. Very important." Pork nodded, slipping on his jetpack.
"Where did you get that?"
"Fell from above," he said sarcastically. He smashed through the window and fell into the rosebushes below. He twisted his ankle.
Mission failed.