The darkness in the hallways of the Candy Castle at night was the kind that Peppermint Butler could appreciate. There was enough moonlight shining in the windows to allow him to see any potential tripping hazards in front of him, but he was still able to flit into the shadows and remain unseen by the Banana Guards on night patrol as he made his way back to his chambers. It's not that he minded having to make small talk, but conversing with the Banana Guards took a considerable amount of patience, and he was too exhausted muster any up right now.
While he forced his tired legs to keep him moving down the corridors, it occurred to him that his route took him right past Princess Bubblegum's quarters. As he neared her door he felt the urge to peek in and check on her. For all he knew that fool Ice King could be in there watching her sleep or something equally as creepy. A waft of sweetly scented air delighted his nostrils as he poked his head into her room. There was no Ice King, but instead of feeling relief there was only weary resignation that his long night was about to get longer. There was no Princess either. Perhaps she could've been kidnapped by the Ice King for the umpteenth time, but before panic could seize him he remembered it was almost three o'clock in the morning and even deranged old wizards had to sleep sometime. Just to be safe, he decided to check her lab, the only other place she was likely to be at this ungodly hour.
With a heavy sigh, Peppermint turned around and began trudging back the way he'd come, farther and farther from his warm, soft bed. For a moment he considered just forgetting about her and going back to his room for some well-deserved shut-eye, but he dismissed that thought as quickly as it came. If she wasn't in the lab then it could be cause for alarm, and if she was it meant she was probably obsessing over something, which meant this was probably the second, third, or fourth night that she hadn't slept. And she'd be there until morning again tonight if he didn't at least make an attempt to convince her to go to bed. It wouldn't be easy, but if he could haul an extremely heavy, suspiciously body-shaped trash bag through town in the middle of the night without anyone being the wiser, he could talk some sense into the Princess.
Keeping an ear out for any approaching Banana Guards, he made his way down the darkened corridors, trying to come up with what he was going to say to get inside her stubborn little head. There was always bribery. He could offer to give her a new molecular combustion gun if she went to bed, something she'd been wanting ever since her old one ended up destroying itself. However, it occurred to him that he had no clue how to make one even if she did acquiesce.
A sudden curiosity struck him as to what she could've been working on that was keeping her up so late. Was it a cure to the sucrose sickness? A new form of artillery to heighten the kingdom's defenses? A concoction that could turn anything into strawberry jelly? He licked his lips. He wasn't sure what purpose that one would serve but it sure sounded delicious. Not that it mattered, whatever it was wouldn't come to fruition if she was too sleep deprived. From somewhere deep within the recesses of Peppermint's mind, a memory began to surface. It was something she'd told him centuries ago when he was a young mint about how going without sleep donks up your brain. He thought maybe if he brought this up she'd remember and feel compelled to take her own advice for once, but he quickly discarded that idea. She didn't need to be reminded, she was well aware of the donking that was happening to her brain. It's just that she didn't see her own well-being as anything more than an afterthought when it came to the act of bettering her Kingdom, which, to Peppermint, was as disheartening as it was admirable. There was probably little he could say or do to convince her otherwise, and with this in mind he felt his confidence wane considerably.
But it was too late to back out, he had already rounded the last corner and saw the door to her lab was open and light was pouring out into the darkness, a sure sign that she was there. Straightening his posture and smoothing out his navy suit, he adopted the most authoritative expression his very cute, very un-intimidating countenance would allow and stepped inside the doorway.
Whatever speech he was about to string together died on his lips as he took in the sight before him.
Amidst a pile of books, beakers, and test tubes, sitting slouched over her desk with her head resting on one arm while the other hung limply at her side, was the indomitable Princess Bubblegum, fast asleep. Oh thank Glob, Peppermint thought with relief. Not only was she not kidnapped, but he also wouldn't have to lose an argument with her over getting some sleep. Her simple biological needs had won that argument for him. As he looked at her, flopped over the book she was reading and drooling onto the page in a very un-Princess-like fashion, that relief quickly turned to amusement. A chuckle rose up in Peppermint's throat and he had to cover his mouth with his hand to make sure no sound escaped. He wished he'd had a camera to take a picture of this. This wouldn't have been nearly embarrassing enough to use as blackmail but at least he would've been able to capture the moment for his own enjoyment. He would never have done it of course, he had his nefarious tendencies to be sure but he was still a gentleman who would never do anything to hurt his mistress. And he didn't have a camera.
His previous thought about the strawberry jelly came back into his mind and his laughter died down as curiosity overtook him again. He slowly approached her desk and stood on his tiptoes to get a better view of the books. From his vantage point he could see that one read Age Reversal: Who, What, Where, When and Why. The other stacked on top of it read All You've Ever Wanted to Know About Decomposition But Were Afraid To Ask. The one she'd apparently fallen asleep in mid-sentence while reading was one he recognized by the illustrations. It was a step by step guide on how to reanimate the dead. A good read to be sure, useful too, not just for creating mindless zombie drones to do his bidding but also in putting her to sleep apparently. He noticed that all the books had pieces of loose paper sticking out of the pages, each completely full with complex formulas. They looked similar to the one Peppermint spotted on the chalkboard behind her, which had obviously been erased and rewritten multiple times. Whatever she was trying to figure out, the answer seemed to be alluding her.
Now that he was closer to her, he could faintly hear her snoring softly and the sound made his eyelids grow heavy. He decided it was about time to follow in her footsteps. Switching off the light, he shot one last glance over his shoulder at her. He hated having to leave her in this cold, clinical place in such an uncomfortable position. She would certainly be stiff in the morning. He cursed his diminutive stature, he could've easily carried her back to her room if he was her size. But the best he could do would be to run a hot bath for her after he'd prepared a hearty, nutritious breakfast. If he felt certain that she wouldn't find a way to make herself busy enough to get out of going to the appointment he would've made a note to schedule a massage. Then again, he could always take her place. He wasn't afraid of a little pampering, and Mr. Cupcake was a dear friend, he might appreciate some help getting his new business of the ground. Maybe I'll even get one of those little flutes of champagne with the chocolate strawberries. Surely Cupcake can pull out a few stops for an old friend -
He was jolted out of his luxurious train of thought by a flash of light out of the corner of his eye, closely followed by the sound of approaching footsteps. Someone with a flashlight was coming down the hall.
Peppermint froze. He knew exactly who it was, but instead of trying the hide this time, he decided to risk asking the Banana Guard for help. He could get back whatever brain cells he lost in doing so at a later date. Begrudgingly, he made himself fully visible as he stepped out into the hall. It was a move he instantly regretted as the Guard rounded the corner and let out a startled "Wha!" and nearly dropped his spear at the sight of him.
It probably wasn't that loud under normal circumstances but under these particular ones it was ear-splitting. Already regretting his decision, Peppermint put his finger to his lips and whispered a venomous, "Shh! You'll wake her up!"
The Banana Guard, already over his initial shock, stared at him with glazed, unblinking eyes. "Who?"
Peppermint pointed at Princess Bubblegum, thankfully still slumbering peacefully.
The Banana Guard leaned in the doorway to look at her, then back to him. "The Princess?" He asked, still speaking at full volume.
Suppressing the urge the urge to filet the flesh from his soft banana core and eat it while he watched, Peppermint pinched the bridge of his nose and wondered why, if the Princess had created him with intelligence, she couldn't have just gone ahead and done it for everybody else. "Yes. Look, I need you to do me a favor and carry her back to room. But don't wake her up. Or else". He punctuated that last part by pointing a warning finger at him.
Unfazed by Peppermint's threat, the Guard gave a nod of affirmation and walked over to her desk. Anxiously, Peppermint watched as he maneuvered her limp body into his arms with a careful finesse that he had not been expecting from the yellow buffoon.
Peppermint switched off the light and they began making their way back to the Princesses' room. He glanced at the her cautiously from the corner of his eye as they walked, watching for the slightest flutter of her eyelids. Her head rested against the Guard's chest and a strand of gooey hair hung in front of her face that blew away and toward her with every quiet snore. Peppermint couldn't help but give a melancholy smile at how young and fragile she looked. This was one of those rare, fleeting moments when the charisma and bravery and ambition and all of the things that made her Princess Bubblegum fell away and he could catch a glimpse of something vulnerable underneath. Something that reminded him she was still just a person. A person who stayed up too late in her lab and chewed on her hair when she was nervous and put the milk in the pantry and the cereal in the refrigerator when her mind was preoccupied. A person whose winsome smile and chipper voice could so easily fool the untrained eye into believing that the doubt and fear and loneliness trapped behind her beautiful eyes wasn't really there. A person who was still just a teenager being carried back to her room, barely old enough to wear the crown but still the most capable person in all of Ooo for handling the burdens and responsibilities that came with it.
Peppermint shook his head, trying to clear it. This kind of insight was a privilege unique to him, he wasn't sure if it was a result of the gift of intelligence the she'd had given him or if he'd earned it over the centuries he'd spent getting close to her as her butler. Whatever the case, he treasured it, but at the same time it terrified him. Sometimes he wanted nothing more than to be as blissfully ignorant as his fellow Candy people, unable to look beyond her crown and see something less, or rather, something more, than a benevolent goddess or a fascist tyrant.
When they were just about there, Peppermint hurried ahead into her room, pulled back the covers of her bed, and smoothed out the wrinkles in the sheets. The Banana Guard entered a few second later and, with the same care he'd used to pick her up, placed her gently into her bed.
Feeling a tad guilty for not giving the Guard the benefit of the doubt, Peppermint looked up at him with a gratuitous smile and whispered, "Thanks my good man."
The Banana Guard, finally taking the hint to whisper, returned his smile and replied, "Oh yeah, sure, no problem." He looked at him and then the Princess, then back to him again, rubbing his arm awkwardly. "Uh, can I go now?"
Peppermint nodded, already distracted with removing her magenta boots and placing them on the floor next to the bed. She was still wearing her lab coat but there was no way he was risking taking it off, even if it was in dire need of wash. A harsh chemical smell emitted from it and there were a few splotches of unidentifiable stains that he wasn't sure would bleach out. She was still wearing her crown too, but touching it felt like a violation. There was probably some law against it somewhere, so he left it as it was. Slowly and carefully, he pulled the covers back up over her and stood back, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
Finally satisfied with the level of comfort he was leaving her in, he turned and began following the Banana Guard out the door. He'd almost made it, his hand was almost on the knob, when Princess Bubblegum's unmistakable voice, husky with sleep but sweet and dulcet as ever, stopped him dead in his tracks.
"Pepps?"
A thousand curses flashed through his mind all out once and he had to bite back a few. He'd been so careful, they both had been, but all their effort was for naught it seemed. Masking his disappointment the best he could, he plastered on a smile and turned around to see her blinking the sleep from her eyes. "Yes, m'lady?"
"Remind me to pick up some more potassium hydroxide in the morning." She muttered, closing her eyes and snuggling further into her covers. She yawned, so long and deep that it reminded Peppermint of his own tiredness and he yawned too. "I'll probably forget otherwise."
He nodded, immediately making a mental note that he would pin to his memory so securely there wouldn't be a snowball's chance in the Fire Kingdom he would forget. "Will do, m'lady. Goodnight."
She gave him a sleepy half-smile and mumbled into her pillow, "'Night-Night, Pepps."
And then, to his immense relief, she was fast asleep again, lost in whatever blissful dreams or, as he had unfortunately witnessed on more than one occasion, nightmares, that occupied her realm of unconsciousness. Closing the door softly behind him, he sent a silent prayer to Glob that tonight, for her sake, it was the former of the two.