I shot for the Sky

I die each time you look away

My heart, my life will never be the same

This love will take my everything

One breathe, one touch will be the end of me

"Well, at least I can't call myself a coward anymore" Ryou Shirogane murmured darkly to himself. It was a small comfort for his courageousness had accomplished nothing except heartache and rejection. Pressing his flushed forehead against the icy cool window pane, Ryou sighed.

Recalling what happened hours previous, he cringed and berated himself. He had finally decided to grit his teeth and go for it, be a man and tell the girl that he loved for the past five years that he was in love with her, and he still lost.

Ryou pictured her shoving him away with as much strength as she could muster when he had kissed her. Not accustomed to expressing feelings, especially with words, his body had taken control, with a passion of frustrated years in yearning for her.

He made himself entirely vulnerable (something he abhorred doing, quite comfortable behind his cool façade of indifference), had shown his affection for her when he—when he kissed her.

And she had naturally thrown it back at him as though it were detestable, deplorable act on his part. He could picture her huge brown eyes swimming with a rage as she slapped him and ran away before he could utter a single word.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, he slammed his fist into the table and growled.

Damn it, why couldn't he just forget about it? Put it in the past as a horrible, embarrassing mistake and just be done with it. God this moping was pathetic, cringe-worthy even.

He was not supposed to act like this.

A Shirogane was not supposed to act like this.

Why did he have to keep torturing himself and replay her rejection over and over again?

I'm a fucking idiot that's why, he thought savagely to himself. Stupid. Stupid idea.

Well, karma was a bitch so he should have really expected it. Why had he even considered anything good could happen to him? After all, he wasn't good. Hell, he wasn't even decent. He had made so many decisions that had hurt so many people. He didn't deserve her but that didn't mean he didn't want her. His mind wanted her and his body definitely craved her.

Body and soul, he thought dryly.

His affection for her had been plaguing him all these years. It made him act cool and indifferent, mocking and critically judgmental towards her; it made him act impossibly sweet when she was highly upset. His affection tethered between drawing away and drawing closer to her, pull and push. Afraid to get to close, yet never able to stray too far from her at the same time.

"I'm a mess" He remarked to the empty room. Clad in nothing but a pair of ratty sweatpants, Ryou sat atop his desk, slumped forward and nursing a drink. Empty liquor bottles and shot glasses littered the table around him. His usually kept blonde hair was now in complete disarray from running distraught hands through it. Ice blue eyes that once held clarity and a sharp fierceness had become bloodshot and unfocused.

He had not taken the rejection very well and he blearily looked around the empty and impersonalized room whilst downing any remnants of liquor he had scrounged up around the house. Vodka would at least temporarily dull the ache in his heart. Ryou didn't want to feel it anymore. He wished he could become the heartless bastard that everyone assumed he was.

He was a mess of an eighteen year old teenager, filled with anger, rage and confusion. Why would she want him? He couldn't deny the fact that he was a bunch of tangled issues that needed sorting. He was a burden.

And right now he was an emotional, vodka-induced mess.

He glared at the empty bottle, cursing it.

Damn vodka, damn vodka and its fucking ability to turn me, a highly collected man, into a blubbering teenage girl.

He stumbled as he pushed himself away from his desk, the alcohol buzzing in his veins. He could feel the warmth and numbness coursing through him as his thoughts became a jumbled mess in head. He was inebriated and this was probably yet another bad decision in the making, but he wanted to see Ichigo.

Ryou pictured her in his mind's eye. It was so easy; he knew her face like he knew his own. Large chocolate brown eyes swimming with warmth, silky soft strawberry locks, and a friendly smile that just brightened up one's day.

He had to see her so he could…yell at her, shake her, explain to her, or cup her heart shaped face in his hands as he kissed her.

Or, he could go back into the role he had taken for most of his life. Act the coward, forget this day ever happened, and go to bed.

Decisions, he swayed on the spot as he tried to think amid the drunken stupor that wanted to descend upon him.

Go or stay?

Well, what do you think? I know it's rather short but I didn't plan on making it very long. I just wanted to try out a story from Ryou's perspective. At most it'll only be a four chapter story; I just had an idea and went with it. It's more of a tad dark story but nevertheless rest assured it will be a RyouXIchigo one.

Review please!

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SineadXrose