One Friday afternoon, most of the Loud kids had already returned home and were doing their usual activities. Lynn was tossing a pigskin around, Luna was dropping some sick beats, Lana was trying to convince Lola to visit a shock site (who was proving to be too smart to fall for that trick), the usual stuff.
Lucy, however, had taken some extra time going to her favorite antique store instead. At the place, she had spotted a neat-looking ouija board. She was heading home with it in her hands, ready to show it to her sisters and brother.
"C'mon, Lols, I promise it's nothing bad!"
"Eww, no! I'm not clicking it."
"It's called happypuppies, for crying out loud. What could go wrong with happy puppies?"
"I don't know, and I don't plan on finding out. I just know that it's gonna be something gross!"
The twins' squabble was interrupted by Lucy opening the door. Usually, she was rather quiet when she went about her paths. This time, though, she actually made a bit of a show of barging in and announcing her presence. Everyone else let out a yelp of surprise.
"I have something that I would like to show you." she said in her usual monotone voice.
"We don't have time for your depressive poems right now, Luce." Lynn said, with a ball on her hand. "Mind if we check on it later?"
"Yeah, like, this magazine I found in Lori's stuff is just totes great." Leni exclaimed. "It's just sad this models are poor."
"What do you mean?" Lincoln asked.
"Like, they're super cute and all, but they don't have any clothes. Some aren't even wearing under-"
Lori quickly snapped the magazine from Leni's hands, hiding it begin her, with a slight embarrassed glance. "What you want to show us, Lucy?"
She walked over to the couch and placed the board on it. "It's an ouija board." she simply stated.
All of them looked at the object with some certain interest, except for Lisa, who quickly lost interest. "You should've known better than to expend currency in a scam for myth believers."
"It is not a scam, Lisa. With this board, you can summon and communicate with spirits, and ask them questions for them to answer." Lucy replied, a bit annoyed.
"I believe science is a better source to answer questions then a supposed contact with 'spirits', but I assume I shall respect others' beliefs." Lisa replied.
"Wait, we can, like, speak to ghosts on that thingy?" Leni asked.
"Yeah dude." Luna replied. "We all touch on this piece, ask a question, and it spells the answer with letters on the board."
Lynn simply laughed. "Ghosts, schmosts, thinkin' that they're all spooky and scary. Oh please." she scoffed.
"I prefer the cute little ones." Luan said. "They're just so boo-tiful." She laughed, while everyone groaned.
"Ghosts, huh? I bet they'd be no match for my ghost hunting gear!" Lincoln said, holding up what looked like the ghost trapper thing from Ghostbusters.
"No, Lincoln, we're not trapping the ghosts, we're talking to them. Be nice." Lucy said.
"Oh…" He put the ghost trapper down.
"I mean, I don't think we're doing anything else important." Lori said. "Who's up for a quick little game night? In the afternoon."
"This is such a waste of time…" Lisa grumbled. "I'm willing to join the experience, however, but only to prove that it is nothing but a scam."
"It is not!" Lucy quietly exclaimed. "I shall demonstrate. Follow me, and we will start once I've set up the proper environment for such event."
And with that, they headed towards Lucy and Lynn's bedroom. Even if was bright outside, Lucy insisted in using only the fading lights of candles as a source of light. The board was set in the middle of a circle created by all of the Louds. The piece used to sort the letters and spell words was set in the middle of it. They were ready to start.
"So, one person will need to be the one to hold their hand on the piece. That way, the spirits can move it to their answer." Lucy explained. "Who will it be?"
Crickets chirped in the silence.
Lisa yawned. "You know what? I will do it. However, I am warning you, it will not move unless under my own will to do so." She placed her right hand on the blue orb in the center of the triangle-shaped piece.
"Y'see, what'd I tell you all? Lisa's brave." Lynn commented. "Yeah, you be the ghosts' message girl."
"Whatever you say." Lisa grunted. "To prove your claims are not true, I shall follow your instructions, and reveal the outcome is not what is expected."
Lucy simply ignored her. "Before they can come out and speak with us, we have to say hi to them. Hi, spirits."
A chorus of "hi, spirits" arose from the room.
"This is so stupid, I shouldn't have agreed to this nonsense." Lisa thought to herself.
"So, like, what do we do now?" Leni asked.
"Now, we should ask it a question. Leni, you ask first." Lucy said.
"Alright! Mr. Ghost, what's my name?" Leni asked in a chipper tone.
A few awkward moments of nothing went by, until suddenly, Lisa's hand started moving on its own to the letters.
"L-E-N-I. Yeah, that's it!"
"How do you explain that one, Lisa? If ghosts aren't real?" Lincoln asked.
"Do you really believe I'm not capable of knowing our second oldest sibling name, and spell it on a board which possesses all the necessary letters?"
"So you were doing that? You're supposed to wait for it."
"Well, I didn't intend to, but-"
"So it moved your hand on its own."
"Yes, that is how they communicate with us." Lucy interjected.
"That's not how it works." Lisa objected. "There's no way a spirit moved it. There must be some other source of force making the piece to move. It certainly wasn't by itself."
"Okay, then, poindexter. Explain it." Lynn challenged.
"If you really desire it, I may be able to explain it. I just require more time and experimentation." Lisa said, a bit nervously.
"You sound nervous. Are you… scared of the little ghosties?" Lynn teased with a mocking grin.
"This is boring!" Lola huffed and threw her hands into the air. "I wanna see the ghosts do something cool, not have them bore me out of my skull."
"Yeah, me too." Lana chimed in.
"Be patient!" Lucy hissed. "Someone else should ask a question now."
"Hold on, I got this." Lynn said. "Hey ghost, is Lana girly?"
The piece immediately leapt to "yes" on the board, leaving everyone bewildered. Including Lisa, but she wouldn't admit it.
"H-hey! Who do you think you are?!" Lana shouted at the board. "Do you even know who I am?!"
The piece shifted off "yes" slightly and then went back on it, indicating its answer.
"Whoa, that was awesome!" Luna exclaimed.
"Yeah, finally, something interesting!" Lola cheered.
"And I have a feeling that Lana wants to kill me now…" Lynn said. She turned around to face the ball-capped girl, who was growling and shooting daggers with her eyes.
"I guess it knows about the pageant incident." Lincoln said and shrugged.
"Okay, okay, everyone, literally stop fighting! Next question." Lori ordered. Lucy gestured at her to go ahead.
"Oh, I have one!" Lola exclaimed. "Let's see if this ghost is really smart. So, ghost, who is Lincoln's crush?"
Every single sister stared at Lincoln with a smile.
"No, girls, come on, you know I don't-"
They were interrupted as soon as the piece started moving to the letters. "L-Y-N-N. Lynn."
Everyone turned to Lincoln and Lynn.
"W-what?! No! No I don't!" Lincoln stammered. "What's it talking about?"
"I dunno, I think the ghosts are messing with us now." Lynn guessed. "Hey, by the way, ghost, nice joke. What's the actual answer?"
"I don't have a crush! And it's definitely not on-"
"Okay, Stinkcoln, we get it." Lynn said. "Of course you don't have a crush on some girl." she added, ironically, apparently ignoring the answer from the board.
The piece did not move.
"Okay, so after I was robbed of my question, it's my turn now to ask a different one." Lori said. She thought about it for a few seconds. "This is for the ghost that is currently answering us, if there's multiple. What's your name?"
The piece begin moving, stopping a few seconds earlier.
"What do you mean that your name is 3?" Lori asked, but the piece did not move an inch.
"This spirit is sure trying to mess with us." Luna said. "Ya have any idea why, Luce?"
"I have seen this happen before, when some of my friends and I also used the ouija board. Usually, there will be one answer that will be 3 instead of an actual one. It usually happens when you ask them their name. They don't like that." she explained.
"Why don't they like that?" Lori asked, a bit disgruntled about her question not being answered.
"I am not very sure. I suppose there are some things that they would rather keep to themselves."
"My turn, dudes." Luna said. "Hey, what's the meaning of life?"
The piece moved very, very slowly, but it did eventually spell an 'answer', if you could even call it that. "4-2." Simple as that."
"Uh, what is that supposed to mean?" Luna asked. "Does it not like the question, or it has some sort of deep meaning, or…"
"Really, Luna? You didn't get it? Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy? The meaning of life, the universe and everything in it?" Luan snarked and rolled her eyes.
"This here is proof that there are no such thing as 'ghosts' or 'spirits.' They are not messing with us, they simply do not exist." Lisa stated, having just been keeping quiet and tolerating what was going on until then. "If it was a spirit with so much knowledge, it would have provided information of itself, and more meaningful answers other than book references and incest jokes."
"Well, if you're so sure, Lisa, then ask it a question." Lincoln said.
"Yea, you're brave. Ask it something." Lynn said.
"Well then, let's see if our 'ghost' friend here is actually real. Are you real?"
The piece begin moving really quick, even to the point of dragging Lisa from one point to the other. Lincoln was quick enough to grab paper and a pencil to write the letters. Soon, it stopped.
"So, what did it say?" They all asked, while Lisa tried to regain posture.
"Well, I might have missed something, but it reads 'as real as your safety measures.'" He said out loud.
The other Louds raised their eyebrows. "Huh?" they all said. "What-"
They didn't get a chance to finish, before they were interrupted by a loud, inhuman snarling sound. Even Lucy flinched. They turned around to see a hunched-over Lisa, sporting a snarl with her lips curled back, revealing sharpened, jagged teeth. Her eyes were also now a sullen black. She continued snarling as she staggered over to them.
"How dare you disrespect me…" she growled, before lunging after them. Luckily, they managed to get out of the way.
"That's another thing. Supposedly, if you anger the ghosts, they possess you. That didn't happen during my last session, though, but that was likely because we were respectful toward them." Lucy said, as they all scrambled out of the room looking for a place to hide.
"He literally was more disrespectful to us than we were to him, how the heck is he the angry one?!" Lori exclaimed, approaching Lisa. "Listen here, spirit or whatever you are, you better just leave my sister before I-"
"Silence, human!" Lisa roared, pushing Lori with ease, sending her straight toes the wall. "You have shown disrespect towards my presence, and now you shall pay."
"You're the one who called me girly!" Lana shouted. "And I didn't even get to ask anything, either!"
"Neither did I, but I suppose it didn't have a ghost of a chance!" Luan punned. Everyone else groaned again, even the spirit.
"First of all, that was your older sister, Lynn. I was simply confirming things." Lisa said in a deepened but deadpan tone. The spirit went back to its usual loud and furious voice. "And second of all, I have been shown GREAT DISRESPECT when my existence was questioned. You do not question a spirit in such a disrespectful manner!"
"Uh, Lucy, what should we do?" Lincoln asked. "Cause I don't think we can actually handle this hand on hand."
"Uhhh…" Lucy racked her brain. "I think there are two ways we can do this, but neither is guaranteed to work…"
"Well, what is it?"
"The first one is, we use your ghost hunting equipment to capture the spirit, as much as I usually do not approve of your methods, we can try to extract the spirit by using technology and electric energy."
"But isn't that stuff just toys?" Lynn asked. "How's that gonna trap a demon?"
The possessed Lisa turned her head 180 degrees. "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
"That's another thing. Don't call them demons, they don't like that." Lucy said. "And as for the second option, if the other one doesn't work…" She gulped, and a few tears streamed down her face. "Then the other is to kill the host, releasing two spirits…"
"OH, HELL NO! Lincoln, get your gear, that is not happening!" Lori shouted. "I don't care what it takes, we are not killing anyone!"
"I'm going!" Lincoln said running out the door.
"He'll see he does not possess the power to contain my forces!" Lisa said, laughing.
"Lucy, why did you even allow us to play this, if you knew it could be this dangerous!" Luna exclaimed.
"I thought that this wouldn't happen. When I did this, the meeting was peaceful, even if some of the answers were sarcastic. We continued to respect the spirits, and so they did not harm us." Lucy explained, but was barely able to get the words out due to how nervous she was.
"We're literally the opposite of peaceful, and you know that!" Lana said. "You better hope Linc's toys works. I don't wanna have Lisa like that for one more second."
"Yes, it was foolish of me to believe that this would be anything like my other session-"
"Yeah, it was!" the other Loud kids all called out.
"She does have a point." Lisa said.
"Alright, I'm here!" Lincoln said
"Your toys better work, because she's not easy to pick a fight one o' one." Lynn said, as Lisa raised her above her head, throwing her away into the bathroom. Luckily, she managed to catch herself on the floor before she could slam into anything.
"Okay so, once we catch this spirit, what do we do with it-"
"Just get the goddamn thing!" they all shouted. Including the younger kids, but this really wasn't a situation to call them out on it.
"Alright, here it comes." Lincoln said, activating this equipment. "Take this, you evil spirit!" He threw the trap to capture ghosts, which opened...and nothing happened.
"Wait, you really expect a metal box to be able to attract and capture a ghost?" Lisa asked. "Come on, that only works in cartoons and terrible horror movies." Suddenly, it seems like something was being pulled out of Lisa, and heading to the box. A scream was heard before the box closed, leaving Lisa on the floor.
"Ugh… what happened?" The real Lisa groaned as she picked herself off the floor and dusted herself off.
"You kinda pissed off a spirit from the ouija board and it possessed you, dude." Luna clarified.
"For the record, I'm still mad at him for before… and at Lynn." Lana growled.
"Oh come on, that's in the past and I was just joking." Lynn replied.
"So, uh, what exactly do we do with this...thing?" Lola asked.
"Well, we're not allowed to burn it, or else all of the ghosts are going to come after us." Lucy said.
"We can't just keep it laying around, though. What do we do?" Lincoln asked.
"I suppose the attic has enough space for it." Lori suggested.
They agreed unanimously and went to take the cursed game up into the attic, never to see the light of day again. Hopefully, anyway.
(A.N.): Yeah, been a long time since I last posted a one-shot here. Hell, I think when I did it was actually a two-shot. But yea, I'd like to thank Takaluca for helping me out in this, it's a great pleasure to collab with him on writing.