Harry Potter and the Search for Himself

Disclaimer: I own not Harry Potter nor any other characters from this marvelous world. I could only hope to have the imagination and writing ability of J. K. Rowling. I am making no money off of this story.

Author's note: This is my first story. I don't know if it is good but the bug bit me and I had to write it. Reviews are welcome.

The ride home from Kings Cross Station was filled with a tense silence. Harry sat in the back seat sullenly watching his uncle's face change color due to what had happened at the station. It wasn't till they were almost home that Uncle Vernon said anything at all.

"Listen here boy," he hissed, "I better not have any trouble with you this summer! I don't care what your freak friends said. You will do your chores the same as always. Just make sure you send a message to them, because I will not have them showing up at my house. Are we clear on that fact, boy?"

"Yes Uncle Vernon." Harry replied sullenly.

The last little bit of the ride was finished in silence. Harry had barely noticed anything the whole ride and had almost not noticed Vernon saying anything to him at all.

he desperately wished that he could stop the thoughts and images that constantly replayed through his mind. He had had barely a moments peace since the disaster at the ministry. The entire sequence of events ran through his mind over and over again, starting with his 'Vision' of Sirius. He remembered Hermoine's warnings, the lie Kretcher had told him, how he had forgotten the mirror Sirius had given him. The fight in the Department of Mysteries, where he agonized over what had been and what he could have done to make it turn out better. Over and over again he saw Sirius fall through the veil in slow motion, Remus holding him back from going after him. The fight with Voldemort was no better. He had let him control him again! Then finally he remembered the 'talk' with Dumbledore in his office later that night.

His anger with Dumbledore hadn't abated since that night. He understood that Dumbledore was having a hard time, what with dealing with the Order, trying to guess what Voldemort was planning next, etc. etc. What he couldn't get past was that he hadn't told him important things that he needed to know. Harry's respect and trust for the Headmaster had been all but destroyed over the course of the last year, and the events in his office was just the icing on the cake.

'No more!' Harry thought. 'I'm not letting him run my life any longer.'

The car stopping in the driveway to Number 4 Privet Drive, and its being turned off, broke Harry from his thoughts. Looking around he noticed they were home, or at least what Dumbledore said was his home.

"Don't just sit there looking stupid boy!" Vernon said angrily. "Get your stuff out of the car and get it inside before the neighbors see!" Not once did his glare at Harry falter.

Getting out of the car slowly, Harry grabbed his trunk and Hedwig's cage. He dragged them into the house and up the stairs to his room. The Dursley's started ignoring him as soon as he was through the door. Once in his room, he put his trunk at the end of his bed and opened the door on Hedwig's cage.

"There ya go girl." he said softly to her. Looking at him she hooted and then nipped affectionately at his ear. She then turned to look at the window. Without a word, Harry walked over and opened it up.

"Have a good hunt." he whispered as she flew off. Leaving the window open for the moment, he turned and fell onto his bed. Kicking his shoes off without caring where they landed, he closed his eyes and prayed for a peaceful nights rest.

Quite a few hours later he awoke breathing hard and with a wild look in his eyes. It took him a few minutes to recognize where he was. Calming down quickly, he heard a hoot from his desk. Looking over he saw Hedwig looking at him in what he could only call an anxious manner.

"It's alright," he told her softly, "just another nightmare." Getting up he noticed that his clock read 2:37 in the morning. He walked over to the desk and sat down a bit shakily. Looking at Hedwig for a moment, he started to pet her and then to talk to her. "What should we do girl? I need to do something or I'm going to go crazy soon. Last summer was bad enough. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what I was like, do I?" He got a comforting hoot in return and then a light nip at his knuckles. "How am I going to make it through this one, Hedwig? I need to be doing something!"

Hedwig just hooted quietly and sat there letting him pet and talk to her. Harry spent the next couple of hours pouring out his heart to her. Things that he didn't dare tell nor even mention to his best friends. He talked about all his troubles and tried to figure out what he could do next. By the time he was finished he had a couple ideas to try.

"So what do you think girl? Tomorrow I'll owl Remus and see if he'll take us into Diagon Alley to pick up some books and stuff. Maybe, if I'm lucky, he'll know when we can get out of here." Harry chuckled softly when she perked up at the mention of a letter to deliver. "Thanks for listening to me Hedwig. You're the only one I know who will listen and not judge me. You love me unconditionally, as long as I have owl treats for you and letters to send!" Hedwig looked at him and hooted indignantly. Laughing again, he told her, "I know, I know. I was just kidding about the last part. Get some sleep before you have to take the letter in the morning, and before you get upset with me, I'll take that advice too."

Tiredly he walked over to his bed and laid down. He was feeling a bit better just having said what was weighing so heavily on his mind. Before he knew it, he slipped into the best sleep he'd had in months.