AN: This is written like a journal entry, a way for Rayne to deal with her thoughts. There won't be any order to these entries, meaning they will come from different dates in her life. They will follow what's going on in my other story Wolf Cub. I know the chapter this would come from hasn't been written yet but this was swimming around in my head so I needed to write it down. I then decided to post it.
I don't own Doctor Who or the characters. I do, however own Rayne and her actions. She's mine; all mine! Muahaha! (Evil laughs don't work well in writing)
Dear journal,
I don't know how to process the feelings I have had swirling around for the last couple of days. All of this emotion from the loss of one person. Dad suggested I write it down, write down what happened and maybe I can start to make sense of it all. He says he writes things down since mum had to leave. I don't know when he'd have time to write since he is always on the go.
It started a couple of days ago. I was bored, he was restless and well Donna just wanted to go to a beach, swim and get some sun. I will never understand the Humans desire to lie on a beach and get sunburned. All the whining afterwards when their skin is lobster red. All I have to say is it's their fault for being so careless. I was helping Dad put in the coordinates when the psychic paper got warm. I pulled it out of my pocket to read it. Who signs with an X? I put in the new coordinates and we are off. I didn't say a thing to my father about where we were going. I knew where and the message came to me so, we went to the Library. A whole, big planet, nothing but books. I had been here once before when I was younger, attending the Academy on Gallifrey. What better place to do research then in a place full of books from all over the universes? The TARDIS lands and we walk out. I had expected to see it full of people, but strangely enough the place was empty. Dad was scratching' his head tryin' to figure out what was goin' on. After a quick search of the Library Database, we learn that there were things registering but we could see them. Hmm, odd. We headed back to the TARDIS, Dad listened to these messages and then we were off running. And what were we running from? Shadows. I've never been afraid of the dark before but the fear felt from my father was enough to scare me. We end up in this room. I'm looking' around, Donna is watching my Dad and what is he doing? Looking' at this ball. He scans it with his sonic and then starts apologizing to it as if it is alive. I rolled my eyes and continued to look around. Suddenly this group comes walking in as if they own the place. They are all wearing space suits. My Dad is staring at them I figured he could handle this so I continue looking around mentally gathering information. I feel a slight mental nudge and look to my father. It wasn't his mental signature, but it felt familiar somehow. I see this woman that had been talking to my father looking at me. She walks over to me and smiles. Oh, that smile. Hello Sweetie she says to me. I'm no ones sweetie but that's what she called me. I tried to figure out where I knew her because she seemed familiar to me and she was definitely talking to me as if she knew me. She wanted to sync diaries and started asking us if we had been to different places, picnic at Asgard, Jim the Fish and a few others. Some she asked both my Dad and I and some were just directed at me. I guess she finally came to some conclusion that we didn't know her because she started saying how young we looked. Me young? Hah! I'm 526 years old, I'm not young. Ok well compared to my father I am but not to humans. Then it suddenly clicked I had seen her before. She handcuffed me to the consul of the TARDIS to keep me from changing timelines when we lost my mum at Cannery Wharf. Still don't know where she was hiding handcuffs or why.
Dad finally named the creatures we were facing. They are called the Vashtra Nerada. They live on most every planet in the shadows and not usually in swarms like these. They had killed two of River's crewmates and were now chasing us. Yay! More running…not. I mean yes we were running but I wasn't that excited. I was still trying to process what River is to me in the future. I can tell she is blocking me telepathically but some stray feeling still got through to me. Usually walls work between telepaths but I not just any Time Lady, I have Bad Wolf abilities from my mother. I was born with them and have spent my entire regeneration and the life before, controlling it. These abilities allow me to 'see' things that most Time Lords/Ladies cannot. With all of this processing I guess I wasn't paying enough attention because the next thing I know River is grabbing my hand and telling me to run. I looked back and saw that we were being chased. I ran with her. I tried to focus on the running and not the feel of her hand in mine and how right it felt, how well it fit. The tingling sensation I felt as my mind tried to automatically reach hers, which, mind you, only happens when a bond has been formed. As rare as they are bonds between a Time Lord and Lady are so strong that it doesn't matter what regeneration you see them, it will be felt even if it hasn't happened for you yet but it has for your bond mate. In that case it's not as strong but it can still be felt. Again, my processing must have slowed me down because I feel River tug harder and then I mentally heard Arkytior! Come on! I pushed those thoughts aside while we ran to safety. When we finally got to this room and the door shut we could all slow down. She went over to my father to talk to him and I went back to thinking about what she had thought to me. That's my given name, the one that I wouldn't tell anyone unless they were family or my bond mate. Not even my father's wife on Gallifrey knew it because it was a marriage for political reasons and not love. They never bonded and they never told each other their given names, it was either their nicknames or the names they had chosen when they graduated the Academy. So one more piece of the puzzle has fallen into place. My Dad walked over to me and asked me if I was ok. I told him yeah. He told me to be careful around River; there was something he didn't like about her. I just looked him in the eye and said I trusted her with my life. I had no reason not to since she knew my name. He told me to still be careful. He walked off to continue scanning; I just sat down in one spot of light and stayed there. I didn't even realize when my Dad sent Donna back to the TARDIS. River walked over to me to check on me. I could tell she was concerned, I knew she knew I wasn't acting how I normally do. I'm much like my father, always going 90+ kph. Always moving. But that day, I was just trying to figure things out. River sat down next to me, close enough that we were touching. For me it was very calming, another thing to prove the bond happens in my future, her past. She shared her concerns with me about how my father doesn't trust her. She needs him to trust her now. I don't understand why but she is from my future so obviously she knows what she needs to do. I probably told her what she needed to do. She asked me if I trusted her and told her always. After we talked she went up to my Dad. They started arguing about something and one of the other guys told them they were acting like an old married couple. I remember laughing at that. Like that would ever happen. I saw River whisper something into my Dad's ear and I watched as his facial expression changed to that of disbelief. I wonder what she said to him. She asked if they were good and he finally replied that they were good.
We finally figured out that the Library's computer saved all of the people that had been in the Library the day that the Shadows attacked. So after a bit more running we make it to the data core and my Dad devises a way to bring everyone back. He wanted to hook himself into the computer and use his mind to provide the space needed to upload everyone back to the Library. I argued with him about that. I can do it and I might have had a better chance at surviving than he did because I was younger. River put a stop to our arguing by knocking us both out. When I came to I was handcuffed to a pole. Looking over I saw my Dad was handcuffed as well that woman and her handcuffs. I asked her about them and all she said was 'Spoilers'. I have a feeling I am going to hate that word later on. I tried to stop her, tried to get her to let me do this but she said no that she was the only one who could do this. She said that I must have known all along that this was where she was headed. She told me we have a fantastic life together, a wonderful one full of running, and staying and adventures; ones where we save others and ones where we are the ones being saved. If I took her place none of that would happen and she said we couldn't change any of it. As my father was starting to wake she told me that I would be seeing her again very soon not to worry. When my father finally came to he tried the same thing I did, to get her to change places with him. She told him it had to be her. She then told us about the last time she saw us. Dad had showed up on her doorstep without me with a new haircut and a suit. She said I met up with the on Derillium where we went to see the Singing Towers. She said it was beautiful, how the towers sang. We both cried but we wouldn't tell her why. She said we must have known it was time for her to go to the Library. Then she looked at me and said you gave me your sonic screwdriver. You would never give it to me before, said I never needed it. She told me that she should have known than that something was going to happen. At this point I was in tears. I knew she was going to be someone special to me and I didn't want to lose her even if I wasn't really loosing her. She sent me a few thoughts, pictures of our times together. They didn't make much sense at the time because they were from my past, us as little girls. The last thing she did before the countdown ended was tell me telepathically 'I will always and have always loved you since we first met'. Then she was gone. There was silence in my mind, emptiness in my hearts. I felt lost. In that moment I realized two things, one River Song is/was/will be my bond mate and two River Song was/is my best friend from my childhood Melody Pond.
End entry.
AN: Thanks for reading this. There will be more Journal entries as I write Wolf Cub. They won't be in any specific order some may be before the Library and some after. Hope you liked this entry. Please read and review.