We had been separated for more than a year, with him in an extreme environment and me going out of my mind with worry. Now, here he was, opening the door for me and all I can think was that I could not breathe properly. He ushers me into the small sitting room and it's as if we had not been married at all and we were back to the days of barely knowing one another. Instantly I felt the need to look at him, every inch of him, to make sure he was the same person that I had married so long ago.
We stared at one another for several moments at first before he finally moved, knocking me out of my trance. His long, black-cloth covered arms rose away from his body, as if he were inviting me to peruse him freely, knowing what I needed. I avoided his eyes this time as I began with his head, not wanting to lose myself in their black depths like I had when first walking in. His ebony hair was longer than I had ever seen it, brushing his shoulders and framing his pale, sallow face. His aristocratic bone structure, the high cheekbones and large forehead, seemed more pronounced, making me wonder when his last decent meal had been. A part of me could not help but glance up to his eyes to see how he felt, but I sighed in relief to see them closed. His unfairly long, inky brushstrokes of lashes against his cheek made a jealous wave hit me for the briefest of moments. However, they drew attention to the dark circles that talked more than words ever could of sleepless nights and high stress. I forced myself to move on to his lips which were now thin and pressed tightly together. To anyone else, they would think he was annoyed and losing patience with my browsing. He was nervous and scared. I opened my mouth to soothe him, but thought better of it. I was not done and I feared he would make me stop if I spoke. His nostrils flared a little and I could not help but let out a soft, breathless giggle that even when his face was void of all emotions, the state of his large, beak-like nose could tell me how he was feeling.
My curiosity wandered further as I took in his immaculate suit and silk cravat combination. The stark black that he always wore stood out more in contrast to the white, high collared shirt he wore beneath his waistcoat. No one, save me, knew him in anything else. I alone was aware that under the dark wool frock coat and the many buttons of his vest and shirt lay pale broad shoulders that were roped and riddled with scars. I knew that his chest was lean and muscular. His abdomen was not ripped like some Greek Adonis, though it was firm and could take a beating as it had had plenty of practice. His narrow, snake-like hips were encased in fitted, perfectly pressed, tailored trousers. His thighs were flexed, as if he were ready to run if need be. He very well could, now that I thought about it, if he felt like I would reject him after this moment of vulnerability. The heavy black boots he wore made his feet seem bigger than I knew them to be. He actually had beautiful feet that were slender and delicate almost. He had a high arch and he kept them clean and trimmed, much like the rest of him from the first few years I knew him. However, no one but me would ever know.
Now, he looked malnourished and almost catatonic. I was sure if he were to remove his white shirt, I would be able to count each rib bone and maybe even the spaces in between his spine. Yet, when I finally finished my perusal, and he had opened his eyes again, I could not help but smile. He was here. He was mine.
Four years prior…
I was packing up my old winter clothes when there was a knock at my door. My father poked his head in, his eyes shifting a little. They only did that when the magical world was involved. "Mione, your headmaster and potions professor are in the living room. They've asked to speak with us." My confusion heightened as I followed my father down the steps. My fifth school year had just ended. What could this possibly be about? Was Harry ok? Or Ron? Did this have to do with Order business? I had so many questions racing through my head that I completely forgot that I was still in my pajamas-my very inappropriate for male company pajamas. It was not until I was standing in the archway of the living room, watching Professor Snape's sneer and disapproving gaze map me out, that it hit me. I reached for the throw blanket on the sofa and threw it over my shoulders. The headmaster smiled kindly at me and took a seat, the professor mimicking him. I sat between my parents, feeling their nervous energy.
"What can we do for you both?" My mother asked, calming herself by taking charge.
"We apologize for showing up unannounced, but we needed to apprise you of the situation at hand." Dumbledore gave an contrite smile while Professor Snape seemed to steel himself about the upcoming information. "We have an inside source at the Ministry of Magic who has notified us that there is a Marriage Law about to be enacted. This will soon affect every witch and wizard that is close to becoming of age." My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. I would be the first out of the new sixth years come September 19th. Both of my parents shifted in their seats but Dumbledore continued. "The Marriage Law will allow them to pick their husband, however, we know that there are certain people who have some investment in choosing their future spouses based on… certain status." He looked pointedly at me and I knew immediately what he meant. Pure bloods were the ones pushing for this.
"They cannot force our daughter to marry." My father spoke up, his tone indignant. I felt his hand ball into a fist next to me. I looked over to Professor Snape but his usual sardonic mask was on.
"Actually Mr. Granger, they can. If she does not marry, they will snap her wand and she will not be allowed back into the magical world." I took a deep breath and begged the tears that were welling in my eyes not to fall. To marry at 17 to some chauvinistic prat like Draco Malfoy. The horror of what all this could really mean, with the upcoming war, hit me like a bludger to the gut. I sat back against the couch, my mind racing. A life of servitude to a Death Eater. What could I do? How could I get out of this? How could the ministry do this?
"Hermione does not have to stay in the magical world. She could come back to our world and not have magic." My mother retorted sharply. I looked up at her, horrified. The idea of never using my magic again. Never learning all about the world that I had finally made a home in. The idea was physically painful to think about.
"Mum, I could not just shut it off. I-." She snapped her eyes to mine and I realized just how much my parents were out of touch with me.
"I understand wanting to save your daughter, but taking her out of the magical world would make her, and yourselves, even easier targets. Miss Granger has been very important to our world. She is the best and brightest of our future." The Headmaster's eyes twinkled yet I found no comfort in them. "Her abilities are known to the ministry. There is already particular interests in her."
"As if she is a mare for breeding?" My father was furious, not that I blamed him. However, I knew that the interest in me by the purebloods was not in breeding. Snape blinked at my father for a few minutes then looked at me. Something passed between us and he seemed to realize just how much I kept from them about the uglier part of the magical world.
"Mr. and Mrs. Granger," Snape's tone was patient and dry, factual. "You daughter is the best friend, and likely the only reason is alive, to the 'savior' of the magical world. I'm not sure how much you understand about our world at this time but I am telling you now, danger is ever present. Your daughter, along with being best friends with Potter, represents what some in our society call dangerous. A muggle born witch who's intelligence and magical power far exceeds most wizards and witches that are much older than her. Wizards and witches that despise the idea. Before she was old enough to walk, there was a war in our world." My eyes bulged, pleading him not to continue. I had done my best to protect my parents from certain details of my friendship with Harry and the circumstances of our time together at Hogwarts. However, Snape did not seem to care. He continued, "Miss Granger is well aware that there is another war coming. And she knows that she plays a very big, if not crucial, role in it. The war was raged by a man who preached blood purity. The same man is back and is in the process of taking over the ministry. He is the one who has pushed for this Marriage Law in order to take control of the muggle borns." I heard the air leave my mother's lungs and I knew that I was going to have to explain a lot when they left.
"We understand that this must be hard to hear Mr. and Mrs. Granger," Dumbledore took over, obviously reading their alarm. "And I am aware that you believe it would be easy just to keep Miss Granger home and ask her to stay away from magic. But for a person with a magical core, that is near impossible. We are attached to the elements of magic as you are attached to your air. I'm sure you can recall Miss Granger's sudden bursts of magic when she was a child. Her magic was manifesting then. Now, she is a full magical witch. Matured into her abilities. If she were to stop, eventually her magic would explode into much bigger manifestations. Even deadlier ones."
"So you expect us to allow our daughter's life to be ruined?" My father's voice was quiet yet stern. It was a tone that was reserved for when he was well past angry, bordering rage.
"Mr. Granger, there is a way where your daughter can finish her education and be protected while still conforming to the law. And it would protect the two of you, as well." At this, I felt Snape's entire aura change. He sat back in the chair, his eyes closing as if waiting for something to drop.
"And what exactly is this solution you have?" I tried to reach for my mother's hand to calm her but she drew it back.
"We have someone that could marry her and protect her. Someone who has the capability to keep her safe as well as someone who would let her continue her studies." I felt like there was a 'but' supposed to be at the end of the sentence. As I looked between Dumbledore and my parents, something about Professor Snape's attitude clicked with the way the Headmaster was posing this. "However, I think it best that I talk to Miss Granger about this first. Alone, please." I could tell that my parents wanted to say no, but my mother grudgingly stood and gave my father a look, making him stand and follow her out of the room. As soon as they were out of sight, Professor Snape raised his hand, casting a silencing charm.
"I apologize for springing this on you, Miss Granger, but as I'm sure you can imagine, we do not have a lot of time. I can tell by your parents' reaction to the talk of the upcoming war, you have kept them in the dark." I nodded. "I can understand your reasoning. So I will tell you who we-," Professore Snape sent a glare to the Headmaster, "I...the solution I have thought out." I moved to the edge of the sofa and waited. "As you are aware, Professor Snape was a Death Eater in the inner circle of Tom Riddle's following. What I am about to repeat to you is something that you are not to repeat to anyone, especially Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley. Do you understand?" I nodded. "Professor Snape is our spy Miss Granger. He is the reason we have had any type of information and he has sacrificed much in order to protect us. That being said, with Tom being back, Professor Snape is back in his role. And with that, anyone tied to him would be safe." I finally took a look at Professor Snape, instantly understanding what this all meant.
"You want me to marry Professor Snape?" I said as I made eye contact with the man mentioned. He had no emotion on his face and I could not say how mine looked.
"As always Miss Granger, you caught on quickly. Yes, that was my plan. Severus is held in high regard and you would be able to stay under the protection of Hogwarts as well as him." My first thought was how was I supposed to marry someone who hated me.
"I understand the reasoning behind the decision. However, am I to understand that this arrangement will have to appear as a real marriage to the public?" The professor's jaw tightened and he nodded. Oh, goodie… "If that is the case, how am I to act like a proper wife to my teacher? More specifically, a teacher who has been very vocal about his...feelings towards me?" I was in my own home being asked to do something that was against my principles. I had every right to ask a practical question. The steady glare I received did not deter my resolve in getting an answer. I held up my hand to him. "Professor, I understand that this seems impertinent, but can you seriously say that it will not be difficult to treat me as your wife, and not as the know-it-all you have had open contempt for? For me to act like your wife, I know it will be hard for me to see past the person I've known for the last five years." He seemed to weigh that for a moment while the Headmaster simply observed the both of us.
"Miss Granger, the Headmaster has made it infinitely clear that your life is dependent on this charade. Therefore, whether I will find it difficult or not, I will act the part. Though, I hope you do not expect me to fawn over you like some teenager."
"I don't even appreciate it when my peers do it, why on earth would I hope for you to?" I snapped at him, less than eased by his reply. His eyes lit up for a fraction of a second but then it was gone. "Will this be a marriage only in a public nature or…." I looked at him squarely, but I knew that I flushed in embarrassment. I could not shy away from this though. I knew that. Both men looked at one another before Snape answered.
"In order to assure that the purpose is being fulfilled, a charm will be added to the usual vows to send a notification of sorts to the ministry stating that we have…not only consummated but also that we continue to do so." Well, aren't they thorough, I thought. For about the thousandth time since learning I was a witch, I was frustrated with how the muggle borns were treated. Here I was, 17, being forced to marry a man 20 years my senior, in order to stay safe. I stood up, shrugging off the blanket and went to the window, contemplating. I felt both men's intense gaze but I ignored them. Wizarding marriages are only absolvable in extreme cases. This would be eternal. This would last until one of us died.
"Professor Snape, I would like a moment to speak with you. Will you please follow me?" I finally said after ten minutes of thinking in circles. I did not stop to see if he followed, only going up the stairs to my father's study. I shut the door behind us and motioned to the wingback chair while I sat in it's twin. I looked at him and he did not shrink from my gaze. "What am I to expect once we have married and had sex?" His lips pursed at the word.
"The Headmaster will have it kept quiet among the students and staff. He will have our floos connected so you will not have to be seen coming and going from the dungeons. I hope I do not have to tell you that you will have to keep this from your two friends. I doubt that they would be less than understanding. The Slytherin students will know, but once I direct an order to them, they will know not to speak of it in public, though I am not sure how their behaviour will be towards you. The Headmaster has also made it clear that you are to spend your nights in the dungeon, so as not have suspicions raised against us from the ministry." So there would be no escaping him in private. I would have to lie and keep secrets from my best friends. While also get over the fact that I was married to and sleeping with my professor.
"What about Harry's map? He would be able to tell if I'm near you. And isn't it against rules that a teacher and student have a relationship?" I asked, thinking of how terrible that would be.
"The Headmaster has asked Potter if he can borrow it indefinitely to observe some suspicious activity. Also, there is no rule against two willing adults. Even the ministry knows that." Well, now I either had to accept or decline. And figure out what to tell my parents.
"And what of Lord Vol-I mean, what of your Dark Lord? What will be expected of me on that end?"
"The Dark Lord believes that I can seduce you into being my spy on Potter. At least, that was how I made it seem when this all began in the works." His tone had an edge to it but I didn't press.
"So you have already led on to believe that I will marry you?"
"I would have been punished had I not asked permission to have you. There are plenty who had volunteered to be the one to break you." I could not tell if he took pleasure in saying that but I could not deny that I did not expect it.
"And if I had said no?"
"Then you and your family would be put into hiding and the Dark Lord would be told that you had escaped. However, you would not be able to finish your education. Nor would you be able to help save Potter's neck every time he had the inclination to put it in danger."
"And how are you going to convince the Dark Lord that you have broken me?"
"I won't have to. He thinks that I can and already have begun seducing you." His reply held somewhat of an amused lilt to it.
"So I am to play the naive little fool, taken in by you?" The idea was less than appealing, but then again, so was a forced marriage. He smirked and allowed that to be his reply. I had to finish my education. I had to make sure that Ron, Harry, and I were prepared for what was coming. And maybe the professor could help me with that. "Then I hope we can play it to the utmost advantage." I finally replied. He did not seem surprised, just resigned. I stood up and watched as he towered over me. I looked closely at his face, knowing that I would have to get used to seeing him more. He allowed me my perusal for a moment before moving around me to go back downstairs. Marrying Professor Snape...losing my virginity to the man who made my school accomplishments insufficient. Who belittled my efforts at every turn. I was never under the illusion that my virginity was a gift. But I had always hoped that when the time came, it would be with someone who loved me. Or at the very least, liked me.
I joined both him and the Headmaster in the living room. The twinkle in Dumbledore's eye was back and I knew that I did not have to tell him that I would do this. "My condition for doing this is that we will lie to my parents." Both men seemed surprised by this. "Let them think that we have come up with another option while we have been talking. My parents have already been shocked enough which is my fault. But I know that if I have to tell them this plan, I may lose them all together. That or they will forbid me from going to school this year. After the war, after we have finished this, then I can tell them that we are married."
"Very well, Miss Granger. I will leave that to you." Dumbledore smiled at me but it did nothing to stop the clenching in my stomach. I nodded and went to get my parents, aware that my future husband was looking at me with a strange understanding that we had never shared before. My parents were in the den, my father pacing and my mother looking like she could throw something. When they looked at me, I knew they were hurt and angry. Not that I could blame them. They walked back to the living room, neither of them saying anything.
"Mr. and Mrs. Granger, we have better news than we originally thought. Thanks to your daughters intellect and input, we have found a way around the Marriage Law." Dumbledore was laying it on thick with his voice and I let him, too numb to do much else.
"And how did my teenage daughter solve the conundrum that was about to ruin her life?" My father asked sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Miss Granger requested to become my apprentice." Professor Snape interjected before the Headmaster could speak. I didn't dare show my confusion. My parents stared at him. "By entering as my apprentice, she has to be single throughout her year-long apprenticeship. That way there are no distractions." Dumbledore beamed at Snape and I had to resist sighing in relief when I noticed that my parents believed him. Both seemed to ease a bit as they stood there, processing. Of course, there was no way an apprenticeship would last only a year. And the only one that would require celibacy would be if I were going for a mastership and I had to complete school for that. I gave the professor a grateful smile and sat down on the foot stool. I was still in hot water, no doubt, but at least it was one less thing for them to have to accept. The Headmaster and Professor said their goodbyes after, promising me an owl with details, and left. As soon as the door was shut, I was sat down and my parents asked for details of what was going on. After several hours of talking, shouting, anger, tears, shouting again, and hugs, we were done. My parents forgave me but asked that I keep them updated. They of course tried to ask me to stay, to go onto uni and forget the magical world, but after repeating Dumbledore's words about needing my magic, they had to relent.
Three days passed before I received an owl from Snape. By then I had read everything I had ordered from Flourish and Blotts on magical weddings. Luckily my parents were at work so I could open it without fear. I picked up my tea and biscuits and took the letter into the living room, plopping down on the couch to read.
Miss Granger,
Headmaster Dumbledore has set up our appointment with the ministry for September 1st. He was unable to get anything earlier. It is scheduled at 9:30 and the Headmaster believes it would be best for you to bring your trunk with you and we will proceed to Hogwarts from there. You should explain to your parents that you must leave early for our apprenticeship and that you will be taking a portkey so they will not have to accompany you to the station. I will meet you outside your home in your backyard at 9:15. Please be prompt.
S. Snape
Leave it to him to make our wedding day sound like a doctors appointment. Oh dear Merlin, my first night back to Hogwarts would be my wedding night. My stomach almost fell out of my body. Breathe Hermione...breathe. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself away from the terrifying thought. Once I felt like I could get a good breath of air I glanced at the calendar. I was supposed to leave for the Weasley's house but I would have to make up some excuse as to why I could not go. My double life would have to start sooner than I was ready for. I pulled out my to-do list from one of my books and persused it. The only thing I had not done was get my dress and figure out how to not die of fright about the consummation. The thought of going to Madam Malkins and having everyone watch me from Diagon Alley was unappealing. And I knew I had nothing here that would be suitable. Muggle it is, I thought. I guess there is no time like the present.
After showering and dressing in my jeans and sweater, I picked up my purse and headed for the tube. My parents would be at work all day so I would be able to go shop then hide the dress before they got home. The advantage of them owning their own practice. I was never one to envision my wedding so I was truly at a loss for what I wanted. The books all talked about a simple gown being used but did not go into detail as to how it should look. I knew for sure I did not want anything that might draw too much attention. The tube was crowded as usual and I did my best to avoid contact with anyone until I found a seat. Across from where I sat were two people, a boy and a girl, obviously in a relationship. They only had eyes for each other. My stomach lurched as I realized that I would never get that. I looked away and tried to stop that thought in its tracks. The rest of the ride was uneventful as I had taken out my book with it's charmed cover and tried to find any missing details about my wedding ensemble.
In all honesty I was putting off the freak out I knew was coming for as long as possible. If I allowed myself a chance to break down, I may not go through with this.
After turning my galleons into pounds at Gringotts, I rushed out of Diagon Alley. As I made my way down Fullham Road, where there seemed to be the biggest cluster of wedding shops, I realized how sad this was that I had to do this on my own. I was standing outside one of the boutiques that looked far beyond my price range, and felt tears start prickling my eyes. I should have had the opportunity to do this with my mother and friends. I should have been able to pick out my dress with the knowledge that the man I would wear it for would love me. Instead, I was alone. I was marrying my Potions Professor out of fear of being abused by someone else. And I couldn't even tell anyone about it. How could I do this? How was I going to handle this? Married to man who despised me. Who I would have to act like a love sick fool for to keep the charade on. For some reason, I thought of Satine from Moulin Rouge. "The show must go on." I murmured to myself before wiping away the tears on my face and moving on. I would do this because I had to. I had to in order to keep Harry on track. That was the purpose.
With this in mind I made my way down the street, window shopping first. I did my best to keep my resolve in place so I could get this done. Most of the boutiques had beautiful dresses but in all honesty, I could not find anything that caught my eye. However, I could definitely say I wanted something short or mid calf. And judging by the ones I did take notice of, I seemed to be going for a vintage feel. After two hours, I stopped for lunch at a cafe and tried to figure out what I could do. I knew I needed to do this today while I still had the determination. I had just paid my bill and was about to head for the tube when I saw a small vintage thrift shop on the corner. In the window was a pink champagne colored dress with a white lace overlay. The dress was meant to set off the shoulders and had three-quarter sleeves that were pure lace. The body was meant to be fitted but would flair out at the waist with just wisps of tool to give it some volume. That was it. That was the dress. I walked into the shop and instantly requested a fitting room with that dress. The attendant took it off the mannequin and I saw that the back was clasped by one pearl button at the top but the rest was completely open and would show all the way down to the very end of my back. I put in on, the dress fitting perfectly, and the attendant told me she had a full length mirror for me to use. As I twirled around, I knew I had it.
"You know, I have some pink champagne peep toe silk sling-backs that would look just darling with that dress." The attendant mentioned as she admired my reflection.
"What size would they be?" I asked as I looked down at my bare feet. I hadn't thought about shoes at all.
"They are a size six and a half. I bet they'll fit you as well as that dress does." She went over to a curtain, disappeared, and then came back with a box. I sat down and put them on, happy that they weren't too tall. As I admired myself, I felt the flutter of being pretty. Normally, my mind did not jump to vanity. But I could not deny how this dress made me feel. "What is the occasion?"
"It's my wedding." I murmured. The need to say it out loud had welled up in me and considering she was a stranger, there would be no harm.
"Oh congratulations my dear! You'll be beautiful bride." She clasped her hands and I had to smile at her enthusiasm. She would be the only person that would say that.
"Thank you, I appreciate that." I looked down at the price tag for both the dress and the shoes, happy to spend five pounds more than planned. "I'll take them both, ma'am." I said as I went behind the curtain to undress. I was careful to use wordless magic to put a preserving charm on the dress. When I got to the register, pulling out my money, I saw that the price was not including the shoes. "Ma'am, I think you forgot to add the shoes." I went to show her the price but she shook her head.
"Consider them a wedding gift, dear." I was speechless and slightly in shock. My only wedding gift I'd receive.
"Thank you ma'am." I managed to choke out and hand her the money.
"Best wishes to you and your husband." She called as I made my way out the door.
The tube ride home was spent with me quietly contemplating how I would handle my new role. I kept imaging coming out to the backyard in my wedding dress and shoes, wondering how the professor would react. Would he see me as his bride or as his annoying student playing pretend? How would I act like his wife behind doors and his student outside of them? And how would he treat me? Would there be an undertone of contempt every time we spoke? Or would he flatout ignore me unless we were having sex? And going along those lines, how would sex be? Did he know that I was a virgin? I was pretty sure he did. Would he treat this like a chore? Another way he was inconvenienced?
Once home I put the dress and shoes at the back of my closet and stared at it for a while. I had a month to prepare myself for things I had no way of knowing. Ron and Harry had written of their annoyance of me not coming, but my parents were thrilled to have me stay home. While my parents were with me, I did my best to act normal. We talked, laughed, and watched tellie together. But when they were gone, I was reading trashy magazines that had scandalous articles about seduction and sex that I had avoided my whole life. I was trying to figure out how to be more...well, more. I would need to create a wife persona. One that wanted to be there with him, both physically and mentally. That would be my best bet on how to sell this. I read thousands of blogs online about marriage and even joined a chat room for upcoming new wives to get some feedback from those who had advise. Some of the things I found helpful. Such as not pushing a husband who was prone to being taciturn. "Just let them know you are there and let them come to you when they're ready," was what one woman said. The idea of Professor Snape willingly coming to me was almost comical but I jotted it down in my notes as a reminder. He would not always be my professor. At least, I hoped not. The closer September got, the more anxious I became. I found myself pacing a lot when I was in my room, reviewing my notes. There was one thing a magazine had said that agitated me. 'How can you expect your lover to please you if you do not know how to please yourself?" I never took much stock in my hormones. My academics had always taken priority. But now, my hormones were going to have to have more of a presidence. I had went on a small shopping trip after getting the dress and went into a fancy lingerie shop, feeling stupid as I looked around without a clue. Luckily, a young women came over and offered her assistance, not fazed as I blushed the entire time. I also began experimenting with masturbation at night, but soon gave up when I realized that I felt absolutely nothing but foolishness. "Lie back and think of England" was about the only remedy I could muster. "Fake it until you make it,"and all of that.
On the night of August 31st, I set my hair with some Sleekeazy's hair potion and some fat curlers and packed my things. I knew I would not sleep much for all the tension in my body and mind. My parents attributed my lack of appetite to being excited to start my apprenticeship. Crookshanks watched me, his tail flicking lazily, as I went back and forth throughout my room. I made sure to put my grandfather's white gold wedding ring in my handbag, one of the few things my grandmother left me. My parents would be gone before I had to be ready and I was glad of it. There was no telling what state I would be in. I kept going back to my notes and laptop, trying to see if there was anything else I could add to the growing knot in my stomach.
Finally, I gave up. I went to the bathroom, drew a bath and went downstairs to pour myself a small glass of wine. Maybe I could relax like this. As I sat with the bubbles and my glass, I began to think of Snape as a person. His individual traits. Unlike most people, I never really understood their need to point out his looks, or lack thereof. He was not classically handsome as Lucius Malfoy or how Sirius had been. But he was arresting all on his own. His eyes and voice alone were enough. I began wondering what it might sound like to hear him read from one of my favorite books or to have his dark eyes on me with more than annoyance in them. His nose was large and hawk-like, but it honestly went well with his features. His high cheekbones and large forehead with his widow's peak would look much worse without the nose. I took a sip of wine and leaned back on my rolled up towel. His hair was long and though people complained of it being oily, I knew it had only to do with being over a cauldron all day. Merlin knew mine grew in size when I was brewing. As for his brass manner, it was off putting but at least I knew he would never lie to me. I thought about the other options Dumbledore could have offered me. If he had set me up with someone my own age, I would be subjected to some boy thinking he had 'rights' over me. And at least Snape would understand my need for finishing my education the right way. And if I were lucky, maybe I would be allowed into his book collection. That alone could help me with my studies and any future challenges that may arise. I bet his dark arts books rivaled that of the restricted section in the library. I finished the wine by the time the bath became tepid and got out. As I was drying myself, I looked into the mirror, trying to see myself from a man's view. My waist was this and soft. My breasts, though only a B, were firm and sat high. My thighs were muscular but did not have a gap, as I heard some girls mention men liked. All in all, I was decently formed. Most men at his age would feel lucky to have a young teenager as a wife. I wrinkled my nose at that and let that thought die. Hopefully after my virginity was divested, things would relax more. I crawled into bed with heavy eyelids, happy to get some sleep.
"Hermione," I heard my mother whisper. Her usual work perfume, J'Adore, wafted my way. I opened my eyes. "We are leaving. I just wanted to say goodbye love, and good luck." She kissed my forehead and I waved to my dad over her shoulder. As soon as I heard the garage door shut, I shifted to my back and looked at the ceiling.
"Today is the day, Crooks." I said out loud. He yawned at me from his spot at my feet and put his head down to go back to sleep. But now that I was up, and that I had two hours left, I got up and went downstairs to make me some tea. Tea made everything better. I sat in my kitchen, the one of my childhood, and thought how the next time I'd come through here, I'd be a married woman. My stomach rolled at the thought. I finished my tea quickly, put my trunk and Crook's kennel in the backyard, and went upstair to begin my makeup and hair. I had scoured the internet for a look that I could both accomplish and would like. My inner voice said I could most likely find a charm to give me the desired effect, but I felt comfort with the muggle way. My mother had always taken more stock in her looks than I had, though she often told me that was due to me having more natural beauty than she did. However, as I accented my eyes with dark brown eyeliner and mascara, added a touch of bronze powder to my skin, and some honey colored eye shadow to my eyes, I felt almost beautiful. My hair was next. This part would take me awhile. I had found a hairstyle that used braids to create little roses and I thought if I could implement that into the side and then put the rest in a pinned up-do, then I would feel accomplished. As I worked my hair through my fingers, I did my best not picture my mother there, helping me. Or Ginny. Or Mrs. Weasley. If circumstances were different, if I had had the choice and had planned this, then I wouldn't be alone. My stomach would be fluttering with excited butterflies, not feeling like something was tearing it apart. Emotion began to well up in my chest but I refused to cry. I was doing this with a purpose and it would save me, my parents, and possibly Harry. Sacrifices had to be made in war. I shook my head of the depressing thought and took a few deep breaths. I could do this. I would. As I had predicted my hair pretty much took most of my time. I had just enough time to slip into my dress, put a change of clothes into my handbag, and put Crooks in his kennel when Professor Snape appeared.
He was surprised by my efforts, I could tell. He looked me up and down, his eyes lingering on my exposed neck, shoulders, and collarbone, before landing on my shoes. He visibly cleared his throat. "Good morning." It was the first time I had ever seen him with an emotion other than anger or boredom. He looked taken aback.
"Good morning." I smiled shyly and turned to pull out the ring from my handbag. I heard him let out a loud breath and I looked over my shoulder to see his eyes glued to my exposed back. He saw me as a woman, not as his student. I smiled to myself briefly before spinning around to face him. He was dressed in all black, as usual, but instead of his teaching robes, he was in a set of dress robes. They were tailored and had silver thread and buttons to accent. His hair was brushed and clean, his sandalwood aftershave making my nose tingle in a good way. He seemed to catch himself when he realized the silence between us and his mask was quickly back on his face. He snapped his fingers and a young house elf appeared.
"Please escort these belongings and this familiar to my quarters please." His tone was smooth and was void of any inflection. The elf bowed to him and was gone in a pop, along with my things. "Shall we, Hermione?" He held out his hand and my stomach tension seemed to melt at his use of my given name. I took his hand easily, hoping that I wasn't looking like an idiot at how shocked I was. He placed my hand firmly in the crook of his arm and before I could steady myself by his side, I felt the tell-tale signs of apparation. We were standing outside a small cottage when we arrived, the morning air crisp. "This is one of the Headmaster's residencies. He thought it best we do this away from prying eyes." I looked up at Snape's face and felt his arm tighten a bit where my hand was.
"That was thoughtful of him." I murmured as I forced myself to look away. I was being rude by staring. "Prof…" I hesitated. "Severus?" He nodded, giving me permission. "Thank you." My fingers squeezed his arm as I spoke. "I know that this is as much as a sacrifice for you as it is for me. If not more so. And I want you to know now, that I appreciate it." He did not speak. His throat worked with some sort of emotion but all he did was nod his understanding.
"There you two are!" Dumbledore's voice broke the moment. We both began walking forward towards the door, the Headmaster's outstretched arms inviting us in. Snape's, no… Severus', I told myself, posture completely changed under his employers scrutiny and I worried that things would be tense between us now. "Miss Granger, you look wonderful. A beautiful bride. Come, the ministry official is waiting over here." My shoes clicked against the hardwood floor as we made our way through the quaint cottage. Despite the Headmaster's usual wardrobe choices, his home was tastefully decorated and had a nice lived-in feel to it. We went into a small enclosed patio, a man in black robes waiting for us. He neither smiled nor nodded, just waited for the headmaster to put us in place. This was it. I looked up at Snape, meeting his eyes with a slight panic. He looked back at me without flinching. His mouth was set in a thin line and for some reason, I felt like he was just as nervous and scared as I was. This was for life. The rest of my life. All I could hear was white noise now. I did not hear the officiate speak. I did not feel myself agree to any of the vows. But when I felt the Professor take my hand and slip a ring on my finger, the breath I was missing finally filled my lungs. I brought my grandfather's ring out, charming it to expand and fit itself onto my now husband's finger. Before I could prepare myself, he bent down and gently kissed my frozen lips, pulling back before I could react.
"Thank you, Mr. Gimsley. We appreciate your time." Dumbledore ushered the man out while Snape and I just stood there, looking at one another. Neither of us seemed to be able to speak. The headmaster returned shortly. "Well, now that that has been taken care of, we should head back to the school. You both will want time to talk before the feast tonight, I'm sure." I did not know if I could talk. I was having a hard time breathing. Severus' hand was on my lower back, the warmth helping me walk forward so we could apparate outside of the house to Hogwarts. Neither of us spoke on the walk up to the castle doors, and I was instantly frightened that one of the other professors would see me in my dress and know what had happened. Severus intentionally lessened his pace in order for me to keep up, also allowing the headmaster to move ahead and wish us goodbye before turning for his office. We continued down to the dungeons, not even looking at one another. The air still had not filled my lungs and I prayed that I wouldn't faint before we made it. Finally, after many twists and turns, we came upon a portrait of a young women dressed in silver, her black hair plaited and her eyes dark pools of obsidian. She scrutinized me but opened as the professor murmured something. Crookshanks greeted us as we stepped in, his eyes only for me as he began to wind around my legs. Snape began unfastening his cravat as he headed to what looked like a bar. As he began pouring scotch into a tumbler, I instantly felt like I needed some as well.
"May I have a finger or two?" I asked, not knowing where my voice really came from. He eyed me but poured me a glass without comment. He handed me the glass and sat down, his eyes staying on the blazing hearth. I felt at a loss as I took my first sip. This was not my home.
"You might as well make yourself comfortable Granger." He said after a moment.
"Actually, it's Snape now." I retorted as I came to sit next to him. He scowled at his glass. I took another sip and looked around me. His walls were floor to ceiling shelves filled to the brim with books. I only scanned most of the titles before forcing myself to move on to his tidy desk that sat on the far side. As expected, the whole room was neat. Off to the left of the room was a small kitchenette which explained why he was not always in attendance at meals. That would come in handy when I was too busy to make it up to the dining hall as well. As my eyes wandered to the doorway, I noticed the same woman from his portrait hole watching me from another frame. She looked intently at my dress and shoes before her eyes widened when she spotted my left hand. Now that I had the presence of mind, I looked down at my ring finger. On it was a gorgeous white gold pearl ring with small diamonds framing it. It was unique and I couldn't help but love it.
"It was my grandmother's." He interrupted my perusal. I looked up at him, finally meeting his eye since we were wed.
"It's gorgeous." He did not respond, just kept searching my eyes, maybe for deceit. "The ring I gave you was my grandfather's." I added as I continued to look at him. All he did was nod his understanding. Our eyes did not break contact until there was a hiss from the portrait behind me. I turned to look at her, curious. "Who is she?" I asked as I stood up and moved closer. Her eyes narrowed at me.
"That is my mother, Eileen." I smiled at her but she made no move to return the sentiment. In fact, after one last scowl in her son's direction, she left. "My mother was never known for warm feelings, do not take it personal." I looked back at him, surprised. It was the first telling thing about him. He seemed to realize what he had given away and took his eyes from mine. I walked back over to the couch, draining my scotch before sitting next to him again, this time facing him. He refused to look at me now.
"We need to talk, Severus." I said. Again, he nodded. Taking a deep breath, I reached for his hand. The minute our skin touch, he jumped up and glared at me. Oh great, he was going to make this difficult.
"Do not presume to touch my person, Miss Gran-." He stopped himself from finishing his sentence.
"We are going to have to do a hell of a lot more than touch this evening, so you might as well accept it." I threw back, angry at him for making this harder. He flinched away and went to pour himself more scotch. I sat there, glaring at his back. Did he not want to make this as easy as possible for the both of us? As if reaching out had been so easy for me. As if marrying him had been so normal. 'Make him feel wanted. That's the best way to coax.' One of the wives from the blog had added this when I had sent her a hypothetical question about a husband's reticence. Suddenly the anger was gone. What had I gotten myself into? How had I convinced myself that I could pull this off? The man did not want my touch, much less the rest of me. Feeling helpless, I stood up. "I'm going to change, excuse me." I didn't even look to see if he acknowledged my words. I walked into the room, letting the tears out now because I refused to ever let him see them. He would not have the upper hand on that. I undid the pearl button on the back of my neck and kicked off the shoes. As the dress slipped off, I felt utterly ridiculous that I had put in an effort on my undergarments. The white lace corset and matching panties had been a vain hope to get his attention when it came time for us to consumate. I looked down at the garter belt that held up my sheer stockings, angry that they mocked me for having some type of design that they would inspire...something. By then, my tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't do this. I collapsed on the floor, tired and hurt, my face and chest drenched with tears. I waited until the sobbing stopped before taking a deep breath and getting up. I wiped my face and chest with my hands. I had just reached for my trunk at the end of the bed when he walked in, anger on his face.
"What could possibly take you this long to chan…," his words died as soon as he saw me. He went from rage to nothing in less than a second. My own indignance rose up in my chest. How dare he be angry with me. I stood up straight and faced him, my hands on my hips.
"I did not realize you would be timing me. I'm sorry. Do I need to start answering to you about how long it takes me to do things?" My frosty tone was foreign to my ears but he fully deserved it. His face changed again, a smirk playing on his lips. I was confused instantly but made no move to show it.
"My, my, who could have thought that the Gryffindor princess would wear something so scandalous for her potions master." He started to stalk around me, one of his hands trailed down the boned corset. He was trying to scare me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He was not going to apologize for driving me to tears. He was not going to admit that he was wrong. He was going to scare me to gain control. My pride and courage redoubled when I realized this. With little thought, I stepped up to him, my hand pushing his chest until his back hit shelves.
"I wore this for my husband. The man I thought had the courage to touch and be intimate with his wife." He glared down his nose at me, obviously not expecting me to play the game. "However, it seems it was unnecessary. That man is not here. I guess I will have to remove it until he finally shows up and gives me what I need." I pushed on his chest with emphasis and turned away, walking back to my trunk. Before I could reach it though, his arms had ensnared my waist and pulled me back to his chest. I felt his hard shaft against my arse and back as he held me. I tried to resist but he did not budge.
"You will listen, wife." I stilled when I heard the steel in his voice. "Though I admire your little display of courage, you will do well to learn that I am not the kind of man you issue offers like that too. Had you been any other women dressed like that, I would have you bent over that bed, those pretty lace knickers gone, and my cock nestled in that tight cunt. My hands would have your pinned hair grasped firmly while my mouth bit that gorgeous neck." I had never heard anyone speak that way and I could feel my ears and neck flush. The fact that it made me wet, something I had not felt before nor expected, did not help. "However," he still had not released me, "I know who you are. I know you to be both a virgin and a Gryffindor. Untouched in every way despite your bold statement. Even I, the cruel potion master, would not deflower you in such a way." The bulge I felt and his words seemed to make my clitoris throb and something instinctually made me rub back against him, trying for some friction. "Now I suggest you put on some clothes before I am unable to help myself." He released me, a knowing smirk on his face before sweeping out of the room. How could he be so cold and hot? How could he make me so cold then hot? I stood there, my hands shaking, trying to get my bearings. Needless to say, my undergarments had made an impression. My hands went to my lower abdomen, curious as to how he had made me react in such a way without physically touching me there, yet my own hand couldn't bring forth even a tingle of anticipation. I felt feverish all over. No wonder the books said you needed a cold shower after being aroused. Who would have guessed the man could evoke that from me?
I changed into my jeans and an old blue sweater, figuring that since I had hours until the feast there was no reason to be in uniform yet. When I emerged from the room with one of my books, Severus was sitting on a brown leather chair, a book in his hand and his glass half full. He had removed the jacket and cravat to his dress robes, allowing me to see him in his white button up and black slacks. I stared at him for a moment or two before sitting down on the couch, tucking my feet under me before opening my book from my bag. I was not going to push him to talk. Before I could get too engrossed in the pages, a loud pop signaled the presence of a house elf. I looked up to see they had delivered food.
"I ordered lunch for us since I was sure you didn't want to have to explain your presence here with any of the other professors." He explained as he set aside his book.
"Thank you." I murmured.
16