I own nothing you recognize. All original characters are my own.

...

Hurt

You could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

If I could start again

A million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way - Nine Inch Nails, "Hurt"

...

Belfast

Milla sat in her living room with the tv on low and a bottle of Jameson in front of her. She'd just opened it an hour ago and a healthy portion was already gone. As she stared at it, instead of the tv, she decided to put it away. She was already drunk and she needed to be level headed in case her son needed her, but at two and a half he was sleeping through the night. Once she stumbled back to the couch she looked at the clock and saw that it had turned to midnight. With a sad smile on her lips she took out her phone and scrolled through her pictures until she found the one she was looking for.

"Happy birthday Daddy." She kissed the screen before she locked her phone and rested her head on the couch.

…

Charming

Juice toasted Clay as the man celebrated his birthday but there was a cloud over this party like there'd been over nearly every party in the last year and a half. Their family wasn't complete and Juice felt responsible. Maybe if he hadn't told Milla to go she wouldn't have made her choice. Maybe if he had fought for her she would be his. He sighed because he knew that he wouldn't have done that. He was hurt, both physically and emotionally, and had wanted her to hurt too. He had ended up saying some things that in the harsh light of morning he regretted but by that time she was already in Belfast under Clay's edict that she wasn't welcome back until she learned the value of family. She hadn't returned since but had left several drunken messages on Juice's phone apologizing and begging for forgiveness. Telling him how much she loved him but he couldn't call her back, they'd strip his patch for that.

…

Clay downed his shot while Gemma put a well-manicured hand on his arm. She smiled at her husband as they looked over the party but her smile held an empty quality. Their family wasn't complete, they were missing a valuable component and they all felt it. Clay caught her eye and nodded, they didn't need to speak as they shared their pain. They thought they had raised their daughter better than that, taught her the value of family. The value of trust. As Gemma placed a kiss to her husband's lips she was filled with resolve. She'd get her baby back so that no more birthdays would be as miserable as this one.

…

Belfast

Milla's fingernails scored the skin on his back as he moved inside of her. She moaned as he hit that sweet spot over and over again. He grunted in satisfaction as her walls closed around him. This had to be a record; he'd never made her cum this much. Soon he was spent and rolled off her as she flopped back bonelessly.

"When will Keegan be back?" He asked as he lay on his back and lit a fag. He liked it when Keegan was out of town; it meant he got unlimited access to the beauty under the guise of "protection".

"Two days. It's been a year since the bombing, he's going to Annie's grave then he'll be on a bender. Don't worry; you'll have plenty of warning." She smiled at Cormac and moved to his side. Before he came along she never thought she'd be capable of cheating, no matter how much she despised her husband. The one kiss she shared with Juice, one of the happiest moments in her life, had been marred by her guilt. Now she wished she could have access to the man she really wanted because, as good as Cormac was, she knew Juice would have made her feel things she'd never felt before.

"Good, I haven't had this much access ta ya in a long time." He smiled and kissed the girl, thankful that her boy wasn't here. It meant he could make her scream.

…

Kerrianne looked at the phone in her hand and crossed herself. She knew stealing was bad, a sin, but this was for a good cause. She'd seen her friend and surrogate big sister go from a happy, loving woman to a cross, bitter witch ever since they got back from Charming all that time ago. The only people she showed kindness to besides her son were Kerri and Trinny, even her Ma got the sharp edge of Milla's tongue from time to time and Kerri didn't like it. She wanted her big sister happy again and if it meant stealing her phone to make a few calls she would. It was worth the Hail Mary's in the end.

With a deep breath she took out her phone and programmed the numbers from Milla's, she knew they wouldn't answer a call from Milla's phone but her number was strange, they'd have to answer. She dialed the first number and got an answerphone, the same with the second. With the third she got what she wanted.

"Teller-Morrow Automotive." Kerri grinned; she knew she'd reach someone there. "Hello."

"Sorry Ma'am, I was wonderin' if a Mrs. Gemma Morrow was available." She prided herself on being a polite girl and hoped it would work to her benefit.

"It's Teller and who am I speaking to darlin'" Gemma was surprised by how young the voice on the other end of the phone sounded and Irish. She hoped this wasn't the call she'd been dreading ever since Milla got on that plane.

"That's not important Ma'am. I'm a friend a' Milla's and she doesn't know I'm speakin' to ya. Is there any way I could talk ta yer husband too?" Gemma bit her lip as she realized who was on the phone. Part of her wanted to get Chibs in to talk to his little girl, but she knew the kid was on a mission.

"Can you hold on for a second darlin'? I'll find her Dad but I need you to stay on the line." She was desperate for any news on her daughter and if Kerrianne would risk Jimmy's wrath by calling Charming this had to be important.

"Only a little bit, this call's gettin expensive." Kerri would get to her Ma the second she hung up. Fiona would understand the importance of the call.

"Give me a number I can call ya back on sweetheart. That won't cost you as much." Gemma wanted this conversation to continue and hoped the girl would take direction.

"Do ya promise you'll call me back?" Kerri liked the idea of not having to explain the phone bill but didn't trust that the woman would call back.

"I promise, I'll get her dad too. Hold tight for a few minutes." Gemma got the number then hung up and moved out of the office as fast as her bitch boots could carry her and found her husband in the clubhouse talking to Tig.

"Clay, I need you in the office!" She said with urgency and Clay stood up. Whatever Gemma wanted it had shaken her up. With a nod to Tig he followed Gemma to the office.

"What's going on that's got you so worked up?" He asked as Gemma picked up a piece of paper from her desk.

"I just got a call from Chibs's Kerrianne. She called because of Milla, we didn't get into details but it sounded important." She picked up the phone and Clay gave her a level stage.

"Baby..." He warned but Gemma looked at the paper again.

"Maybe she's learned her lesson and wants to come home but knew better than to call us herself. Maybe the bastard's hurt her and she needs our help. Baby, she may have made a huge mistake but she's still our little girl and you can't tell me that you don't miss Little Clay." At the mention of his grandson he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He did miss that little boy and he missed his daughter but she'd made her choice and, no matter how much hit hurt he needed to stand by his Club's decision. She wasn't allowed back until she left the prick.

"Kerrianne's takin a huge risk callin us so we should at least hear what she has to say." Gemma nodded to her husband and dialed the number before she put the phone on speaker.

…

Kerri was just about to give up hope when her cellphone rang. She felt the knots in her stomach tighten as she thought about what she was doing. She was taking a risk, snitching on one of her Da's men but it would be worth it to get her Milla back.

"You there darlin'?" Gemma asked and Kerri let out the breath of air she'd been holding in.

"Yeah, I'm here Ma'am." She rubbed her sweating palms on her jeans as she thought about how she was going to say what she wanted to say.

"Her dad's here too, what did you want to tell us?" Gemma felt her chest tighten at the possibilities, she knew that whatever it was, it wasn't good.

"Milla needs ta be able ta go home. She's not the same person she was. She's gotten mean and hateful and barely has a shred a' kindness. I heard why she was kicked out and I want ya ta know that it's not her fault, it's Keegan's!" Kerri said hotly and Gemma looked at Clay.

"Whaddya mean sweetheart?" Gemma felt a bit of hope for the first time in a long time and Clay had to force the hope within him down.

"I heard her talkin ta Trinny one day. She wanted ta go home, take care a Clay. She even said she had a man there she loved but Keegan threatened Clay, was goin' ta take him from her, have her labeled unfit. He coulda done it too; the judges around here are all my Da's men. She had ta go, he gave her no choice. Now she's sad and angry all the time and drinkin' like a fish. She needs ta go home; ya need ta set her right!" Gemma looked at Clay with eyes shining with hope. He nodded, he'd still have to take it to vote but this changed everything. His little girl had no choice, hell Little Clay was her boy nothing else mattered.

"This is Milla's dad sweetheart. It's not that easy, her exile was a Club decision and we need to bring it to vote, but what you've said will make a difference. You're sure you heard she was threatened?" Clay had to be sure, he couldn't let his happiness at the prospect of having his daughter and grandson back cloud his judgment.

"Yes sir, I've also heard Keegan talkin to Da. He's got judges ready if she goes. Please sir; I just want my Milla back. Talk to my Da, let him know it's ok for Milla ta come back, then he'll make Keegan let her go. Please." As the young girl begged Clay felt his heart squeeze. His little girl needed to come home and this little girl would risk everything to see it happened.

"I'm not promisin' anythin' but I'll bring this up in church. Thank you for lettin' us know." He got up and kissed his wife's temple before he left. He had to talk to his SaA and VP before he brought this up at the Redwood.

"Yer welcome sir. I have ta go, my Ma just walked through the door. You'll at least think about it, right Ma'am, sir?" Kerri was desperate and needed the reassurance.

"We'll be thinkin about nothin else darlin'. Thank you for bein' so brave." Gemma felt tears in her eyes and willed them away. She wouldn't cry, especially for something happy.

"Thank you for listenin'. Kerri hung up and plced her phone and Milla's in her purse. She'd sneak it back when Milla dropped by later to collect her son. She just hoped she wasn't looking for it now.

…

As Cormac pressed her against the shower wall Milla closed her eyes and let her mind replay that fantasy that replayed a million times before. In her fantasy the man inside of her had a close cropped mohawk with tats on the shaved portion of his skull. He was strong with calloused hands and his eyes were a chocolate brown and radiated love for her. As soon as her mind got to his eyes she lost control and came, digging her nails into his shoulders as Cormac grinned. She opened her eyes and saw the smug pride on his face and felt like scolding him. He was taking credit for another man's pleasure.

Author's Note: This concludes the first chapter of my new story The Scars of Your Love, the title was inspired by the amazing song "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. I felt that that line was exactly what I needed to convey the tone of this story. I promise things will get better for Milla but it will take time to get there. I hope you like it. Thank you in advance for reading and reviewing.