Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli stepped through the magical portal into the enormous, brightly lit space.
"Where are we? It's so bright I can hardly see my beard!" , Gimli said, squinting at the rows and rows of shiny vegetables.
'Mellon-nin, this is where a great evil lives. One who does not sleep and consumes all who enter. It sucks the goodness from the world and poisons the air. The monster… Wal-mart." , Aragorn looked grim.
Legolas gasped. "I have heard of this place! Even the gods do not come here for fear of its darkness." He drew an arrow and nervously looked around. "We must proceed with caution."
"Why have we come, Aragorn?" said Gimli.
"We have come to slay the most formidable enemy of this age, th-", but he was cut off by a loud screech from the other side of the store. He went as white as a sheet. "That, my friends is our target. The horrible Mary-Sue."
Legolas responded to this by fainting.
"Get up laddie. This is no time to be sleeping." Gimli prodded the elf's limp body until he jolted awake and jumped to his feet, looking more than a little embarrassed. They cautiously walked through the massive building and met strangely few obstacles. Only when they had walked almost the entire length of the store did things start to get interesting.
"There!", shouted Aragorn, and they saw the dreaded Mary-Sue standing down an isle to their left. She was a teenager, wearing a ridiculous pink fluffy dress and lots of makeup. When she saw Legolas she broke into a maniacal grin.
"OMG! legolas yr soo totally hawt!1! im PrincessBubblegumGlitter14 an im totes your soul mate! I luv u sooo much an im gonna keep u here 4ever to b my sexy bae!1! u should ditch that ugly short thing and that lame human that everyone ships u with cause bein gay is like so nasty, u know? Get over here an let me smooch u!
Legolas's eyes widened and he tried to hide behind his "lame human" boyfriend. The "short ugly thing" brandished his axe and yelled, "Begone, demon!". In truth, he was scared out of his wits so badly that he hadn't even noticed the insult.
The Mary-Sue simply rolled her eyes and began running at them, a crazed passion on her face.
At that moment, several things went through the minds of the trio. Aragorn was mostly annoyed at having his and Legolas's sexualities insulted and surprised that a seemingly young girl would run at three heavily armed warriors. Gimli was absolutely terrified because the infernal creature was easily twice his size and the overwhelming amount of pink in her was deeply disturbing to someone who was only used to seeing shades of grey and brown. Legolas decided that he would need some intense therapy to forget the Mary-Sue's crazed grin.
They turned and ran past clothing, jewelry, and dairy until they finally reached the produce isle. Legolas tried to summon a portal to their world with some magic borrowed from Gandalf. His hands shook and the vortex flickered dangerously.
"Hurry up! We can't hold her forever!", yelled Aragorn as he and Gimli pelted the hissing Mary-Sue with vegetables.
Finally the portal opened and they all jumped inside. They lay on the dry dirt of a empty field and vowed to never, ever do that again.