Notes: A ficlet created to fill a gap in an on-going RP with Spectrumv, focused on Crow talking about his relationship with Badger to Roddy. Set a few years post-PL3, when the Black Ravens are teenagers. Possibly the first of a series of these, depending on if and when more are needed. I've decided to upload them here to archive them, so that they don't get lost in the depths of tumblr. Each chapter will be loosely connected in that they're set in the same series of RPs, but might wildly differ outside of that. And unfortunately I can't promise that they'll make much sense to read without the context of the RPs themselves, but those can be found linked to my tumblr account, if anyone's interested in reading them.
Crow is less nervous about this than he probably should be.
Despite the fact that the others finding out about him and Badger has always been an almost terrifying prospect. Neither of them know how the rest of the Black Ravens will take it and what happened with Socket is proof enough that not everyone's going to be fine about the matter. But now that three, no, four of the others know (he's just going to assume that Marilyn's been wise to them all along at this point) there's not getting out of telling everyone.
Out of the three remaining Black Ravens, Crow is worried the least about telling Roddy, which is what he intends to do today. It's funny, because to most people the standoffish, grumpy Roddy would probably seem like the most difficult to tell your innermost secrets to, but to Crow that's far from the case. Him and Roddy have been close friends as far back as Crow can remember, their friendship even spanning before the Black Ravens were formed, during the years where Crow was mostly a loner. In times of need, Roddy's always been the person Crow can rely first and foremost, even if each bruise is bandaged with the mutter of "What a pain..."
With that in mind, Crow feels guilty that he's kept this from Roddy for so long and that his closest friend isn't the first to know.
He doesn't feel bad about hiding the relationship in itself, because Badger had (actually, has) been so scared of the prospect of losing the others if they take this the wrong way. Which is of course something that also worries Crow, but by comparison Crow has a much easier time shrugging off the hatred of others. Badger's never had any friends before the Black Ravens and his low self-esteem leaves him clinging to them tightly. When Badger told Crow that he'd feel better if the others didn't know to start with, Crow didn't hesitate to respect those wishes.
But then Gus figured them out on his own, Louis and Socket walked in on them and Marilyn's known all along anyway. There's no hiding it now. Especially given that Louis and Socket have two of the loudest mouths in Misthallery. So Badger and Crow talked about it, agreeing that it would be best for Crow to tell Roddy on his own.
Which leads Crow to where he is today, standing outside of Roddy's house. He raises his hand to knock, but is cut off by a call from around the side of the house.
"You're wasting your time, I'm out here. Don't bother Mum."
Crow peers around the corner to find Roddy hanging out the morning washing on the line. He shouldn't be surprised, given that a lot of Roddy's routine is based on doing family chores.
"Mornin', Rod. Not interruptin' anythin', am I?" enquires Crow.
"Even if you were that wouldn't stop you. Never has done before," Roddy points out.
Crow rolls his eyes; "Fair enough. Well, if I can get a moment o' ya time, I've got... somethin' important to tell ya."
"I'm listening," prompts Roddy, not moving away from his task.
"It's sorta private," Crow presses.
With a heavy sigh, Roddy grabs a pile of laundry from the basket, marches over and shoves it into Crow's arms; "Then help me get this done if you want me to be finished quicker."
There's no objections there and Crow makes to join him in hanging the washing on the line. The task takes a good five minutes or so and all the while Roddy keeps shooting Crow quizzical looks. From that, Crow can only assume that he must be radiating his eagerness to talk about this. Not that it stops Roddy from leaving his task until he deems it complete.
"Guess I've got a bit of time before cleaning the house. The dust ain't going anywhere," Roddy grumbles, as the two of them walk across the yard, "So tell me what it is you came here to talk about."
And that's when Crow hesitates. He's been confident enough all the time he's been thinking about doing this, but being put on the spot is enough to pull the rug out from underneath him. How can he even begin to explain everything that's happened these past few months...?
"It's about Badge'," starts Crow, feeling that this is the most honest place to begin.
"Oh? Is old Badger finally starting to feel better? I know he's been staying at your house after whatever happened with his dad, but I've barely seen him since then," replies Roddy, his face looking a bit more concerned than usual. The shift is hard to spot to the untrained eye, but Crow's known Roddy long enough to see it.
"He's doin' much bettah, yeah. Got out an' about a bit the othah day an' I'd say the worst o' the damage 'as 'ealed up now," confirms Crow, "But that ain't what I came 'ere to talk about."
"Go on then," Roddy prompts.
This is it. There's no beating around the bush now, not even for an expert at twisting words like Crow. He has to tell Roddy.
"Badge' an' me... we're..."
He can't do it. His throat dries up and the words can't make their way through. There's so much to say, but no way to say it seems good enough to Crow. Because what if Roddy does hate him? What if he thinks Crow is a proper... proper... whatever you call people like Crow and doesn't want to be near him any more? This must be how Badger's felt about the others finding out all along.
But then he forces himself to think of Louis and how he'd not been even a little bit bothered about the whole thing. Surprised, yes certainly, but not bothered. Louis had managed to reassure Badger that this isn't going to change anything and they'll still be friends, albeit probably with Louis asking a few inappropriate questions. But that's nothing unusual either.
Roddy isn't Louis, but surely he'll be just as mature, if not more so.
"You gonna finish that sentence? Not like you to stumble on words," Roddy checks, cutting into Crow's line of thought.
A nod. Crow knows that he needs to cross the bridge to deal with whatever's on the other side.
"...Badge' an' me, we're... well, we're goin' out. Inna... inna propah gay way. We 'ave been since that trip we took to London, but Badge' was nervous about anyone findin' out, so we swore to keep it a secret. Only we can't any more an' I wanted to tell ya 'cause... well, 'cause I wanted to all along anyway. I 'ate 'idin' things from ya, Roddy, but this was important to Badgah."
That's it. He's done it now.
Braving a look at Roddy, Crow is faced with a moment of stunned silence that swiftly morphs into an indifferent shrug.
"Is that it?" Roddy dismisses.
"What do ya mean 'is that it'? Don't act as if this is somethin' ya knew all along. It's surprisin' stuff, this!" proclaims Crow, feeling indignant that his big reveal didn't get more of a reaction.
"You honestly expect me to be surprised to find out you're gay? Come off it, Crowlo. I've known you since you were in nappies," Roddy laughs, clearly entertained by Crow's annoyance. Some things never change.
"When ya put it like that..." Crow mumbles, looking down at the ground.
Guessing that Crow needs more than this, Roddy goes on; "Look, if you came here all worried about how I was gonna react, then you can stop right now. Because I don't care. You've been a pain all your life and you're going to continue to be a pain, whether you're kissing Badger or anyone else. So stop acting like this is a big deal."
"Socket thought it was a big deal," Crow weakly argues.
"Well Socket is young, isn't he? But he's growing up just like the rest of us, so he's going to have to start learning at some point. We can't baby him forever," assures Roddy, "If anything, I'm more offended that you told Socket before me."
"I didn't... him an' Louis walked in on us..." confessed Crow, face turning an uncharacteristic shade of pink.
Roddy roars with laughter, which does nothing to help Crow's embarrassment.
"You got caught by Socks and Lozza? You couldn't have asked for a worse combination if you tried! All of Misthallery will know by sundown!" he chuckles.
"I wanted to tell ya myself, before ya 'eard through the gossip," Crow presses.
This is enough to quell Roddy's laughter. He walks over and puts a hand on Crow's shoulder, causing him to almost buckle under the force of it. But at the same time Crow feels comforted by the motion. Roddy's small gestures of affection tend to do that – the fact that they're so rare just makes them more meaningful.
"And I'm glad that you did. But don't worry, my lips are sealed unless you say otherwise. It ain't my business what you and Badger get up to at the end of the day," Roddy promises.
"Nah, tell anyone of the Black Ravens if ya want. It's only Wren an' Scraps who don't know now. Socket will tell Wren, if 'e 'asn't already, an' Scraps won't care, will 'e?" Crow points out. They all know that Scraps isn't bothered about this kind of thing, just as long as he can get his work done, the romances of others aren't a problem to him. And Crow feels glad that he's the way he is. All the same, he continues to say, "I would appreciate it if ya don't tell anyone else, though. I still dunno 'ow Badge' would feel about that. Even Mum doesn't know, for that mattah..."
Roddy gives him an oddly affectionate smile.
"Like I said before, I've known you since you were an even tinier thing than you are now and your mum's known you longer than that even," he reminds.
"I wish I 'ad ya confidence," sighs Crow, "But never mind that for now. What will be will be or so they say, eh?"
"Not like you to get so poetic," grumbles Roddy, finally shifting the hand off Crow's shoulder and letting his face return to its usual frown, "But anyway, I've got work to be getting on with and the longer I yap to you the further behind I get with it. So run along back to Badger, little birdie."
"Fine, I'm goin'. But... well, I don't wanna get all mushy or anythin', but... thanks, Rod. For bein' so undahstandin'. Ya the best mate I could ask for," whispers Crow, still feeling a touch of lingering embarrassment.
"Be off with you!" concludes Roddy, making a shooing motion in Crow's direction.
Not needing to be told a third time, Crow turns to make his way back home, chuckling a little as he goes. It's a nervous chuckle though, which is more than apparent to Roddy. Crow has a laugh for every occasion, it's one of his little habits.
And despite claiming that he needs to get back to work, Roddy watches Crow go until he's out of sight. Which doesn't take long on the packed streets of the market. A simply turn of a corner and Crow's gone, probably lost in a wave of thoughts about problems that need to be solved. That would be just like their leader.
He sighs to himself, which is equally as usual for Roddy as Crow's little laughs are to Crow. Grunting and sighing pretty much sum up how Roddy expresses himself a lot of the time. It's working out what each one means that's the trick to understanding him. And if Crow was still there, he'd be able to tell that this sigh is a content sigh, with a hint of weariness and an edge of something else. Something even Crow couldn't figure out.
But that's not important now, at least not to Roddy. Because at the end of the day, Crow is Crow to him and, as much as he made out to him that this is all okay, Roddy knows that he's going to need even more protecting from now on.
Because the last thing Roddy ever, ever wants is for anything to hurt Crow...