* * *
These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.
So one by one, they turn from me. I guess my friends can't face the cold.
* * *
October 11th, 2007
Dear Diary,
Hey, Buffy again, of course. Thinking about the past is starting to hurt more than normal. Xander tells me I should live for the now. I don't know. How can I live for the now if I can't live with the past? Sometimes at night, I wonder were the last fives years went. Why did time on this stupid earth travel so fast? First thing I know, Willow is doing a resurrection, followed by Tara leaving her. Then Xander and Anya are engaged, and he leaves her at the altar. Which is followed by yet another near-earth-ending experience. I miss Giles. After the white magic deal, he left. It is hard without him.
Dawn's in college. Like I said so many times before, Notre Dame. It is quiet here without her. Well, I hear Xander calling. Better go.
Love, Buffy Anne Harris
* * *
Buffy trotted down the stairs, into the kitchen. Another one of Xander's attempts to cook was failing, utterly. "Mommy," Alex said, running up behind her, throwing his arms around her legs. She picked him up slowly and walked over to the table.
"Looks like brown, runny eggs again, Alex. I think daddy should learn how to cook." Buffy smiled, looking up at her husband. Xander's disgruntled 'Hey' was nothing of a surprise.
After breakfast, Alex fell asleep again. Buffy saw Xander out the door, handing him his briefcase. She kissed him good-bye. Buffy walked into the kitchen shortly after Xander's departure. She picked up the telephone dialing the familiar number. "Hello?"
"Hey Will," Buffy heard some noise through the telephone, "Uh. how's Oz doing?" There was a bit of a pause.
"Just unchaining him. He was a good little wolf, all three days! Isn't that right," the noises in the background made it indistinguishable as to what he was doing, "Oz! No! Don't do that, it tickles."
"Honeymooners!" Buffy exclaimed, and a delighted Willow's laugh was the return. "Anyway, I called because Xander and I were talking last night. We were thinking about going to the Bronze around eight. Do you want to come?"
"If I can get Oz to get some clothes on," a giggle from the other side, "Wait. I just said that. Stay nude!" Buffy laughed. "Yeah sure we'll go." Buffy heard a sleepy 'mommy' yelled from the living room.
"Oh, I better get that, could be my child," Buffy said. Willow laughed. "Well, I'll see you tonight, the Bronze at 8."
"Sure! I will be there with bells on. Wait what does that mean?" A confused Willow hanged the telephone up. Buffy, as well, hung up. She made her way back to her son. She found him, huddled in a corner, crying to himself. Buffy quickly walked over to him.
"There was a monster. Under a blanket, and it was smoking." Vampire clicked into Buffy's mind. She slowly assured him that he must have been dreaming, and mommy would never ever let him be hurt. Soon he fell asleep again. Buffy laid him upon the sofa and looked out the window. Sure as day, a blanket covered creature stood in the shadow of the big elm tree outside. Buffy made her way to the door.
"Spike, get in here." She slowly moved aside. He made his way into the house in a hurry. He threw the blanket off. Buffy knew he had not changed. His eyes were still the piercing blues they always were. His arms and face still thin and pale white. "What are you doing back here?"
"Apologizing." He scanned her, still the same. She just seemed more worn than she was five years ago. His eyes made their way into the living room. They hit the small child. Spike's head tilted, smelling Buffy on him. Buffy's nervous hand ran through her waist length hair. A ring, Spike noticed it, a wedding ring.
"Spike, you just can't be here," Buffy pleaded with him, hoping Alex was not going to be woken. It was too late; his small feet made their way to their mommy. His small arms outstretched as a signal to pick him up. Therefore, Buffy did. She held him close as he rubbed his eyes. She cursed the slayer hearing. "Do you want to play outside?" His smile was the answer she needed. Alex wiggled his way out from her embrace. Slowly he put his shoes on, Velcro of course. His mother behind him, he waddled out the opened back door and out to the sandbox.
"Who is the father?" Spike sighed, noticing the long time it took her to answer. He stood inside, as did Buffy. Her gaze locked upon her son. Her reply nearly made him chuckle. "Harris? Is that possible?" Buffy's eyes seemed to punch him harder than she could have ever.
"Look, Spike. I do not need your opinion, nor will I ever! I told you, you mean nothing to me. I do not need to feel anymore. I feel, I live, and I breathe. I'm fine, I don't need you anymore," Buffy's emotional outburst took it's toll on Spike. He closed his eyes.
"Really? You have been living in this house for over a decade. Nothing has changed. I bet you still keep that stake in your pocket in your black leather duster of yours, and you when you wake up on Saturday, you tackle the dishes." Buffy's eyes sunk. She did. Again, like always, he was right. Her stake stood ready in the pocket of her old, beaten duster. Even the dishes were only done of Saturday. She could say nothing.
"So, routine is good." A Routine, was it? Routine was a schedule. She was stuck on a train that went around in a single circle. The only way off the track was to take that chance, grab the lever, and change the course completely. Buffy knew she could never handle the change, yet she knew how she could do it. Her eyes hit Spikes, and what seemed like an hour was only a minute. Buffy pulled him down to her, and then kissed him. Nothing like a normal kiss, but a hungry one. In a minute, she let go of him.
She walked out into the back yard, leaving Spike indoors. She grabbed Alex, walking back into the house. She accompanied him into his room, packing his clothes into his bags. His question were of where they were going, were only answered with, "I'm not sure right now, honey."
Soon she had her own packed, and stashed into her car. She slowly buckled her child into his seat. Spike, covered in the blanket, stood just inside. "Just gonna stand there?" Buffy handed him a bag. They threw all bags into the back. They got in, and soon they were gone.
"That is the monster, mommy!" Alex nearly screamed. Buffy comforted him again, telling him 'Spike's no monster.' Soon they reached the city limits, and soon they were in Los Angeles. Spike directed her to his place of residence. Buffy pulled into the lot, and parked. "This place is scary," Alex whispered to his mommy. Buffy handed Alex off to Spike. Alex hated the monster, wiggling away from him.
"Buffy, help?" Spike could hardly handle the little one. Her eyes locked upon Spike. She picked up all the bags, and threw the over her shoulder. Seeing mommy seemed to calm down Alex. They strutted into the apartment building. It seemed to Buffy, they knew who Spike was, opening the door behind the counter. A small hallway lead to a large five-room apartment. "Home Sweet Home." * * * 25 Years Later * * *
October, 12th, 2032
Dear Diary,
I feel different. Spike has been comforting, but it is wrong. He will never ever age. He will always be 20-ish. I am 51 now, and boy is it showing. I have never been so wrinkly. I love Spike, I do. Nevertheless, he will never be old and wrinkly too. He will never face death by old age. He will never face death by organ failure or cancer.
He is here now. I must go.
Tell Alex I love him, and I want him to stay in Notre Dame.
Love, Buffy Anne Summers
* * *
"We got a call from Alex. He said he would try to get here," Buffy voice sounded small. Her tiny blue eyes stared up at him. Suddenly, she felt the urge to ask him something. Something, always a bother her, must be asked. "Do I look old to you?"
"You will always be beautiful, no matter what. You will always be young to me, in your eyes." He took her hand. "I did bring food for you. You know as a get away from the hospital food. They confiscated it." He gave her his best smile. He knew today would be her last day here. Her liver, punctured twice, would never make it through today.
"I should have stayed with Xander," She muttered. Spike was taken by surprise. He asked why. She responded, "He would have gotten old with me. Xander would be near death too. He would not be 20 years old now! He would here, in the bed next to me." Her eyes closed, the outburst was too much of a strain on her, and she slipped into the last sleep before her death.
Spike cursed. He knew she soon would be dead. He taught about siring her, letting her live eternally. The 25 years spent together in love. Could he just let it go away? He loved her. He put his hand on the skin above her heart. He felt the rhythm. Tears dripped down his eyes. "Buffy, what do I do?" Slowly, he changed to his demon-form, trying desperately to forget his soul. He moved his head to her neck, posed to bite. Instead he placed a kiss upon her neck, and through tears sat back on his chair. Shortly her monitor would become a flat-line, and she would be pronounced dead. When this all took place, and was over, Spike left her. He needed time to think. He headed into the downtown district of Los Angeles.
"What are you doing here, vampire?" The oracle asked. Spike looked up to the male oracle. The Oracle soon seemed to recognize him. "You are the second vampire with a soul, grandson to Angelus." Spike only nodded. "You have suffered greatly, no?" Spike eyes never left the feet of the Oracle.
"Do you know why you have suffered? You left yourself open to that hurt. You took someone else's love, made her yours. Why did you do that? I will tell you why, William, you are selfish. You never though of others. Nevertheless, at her death, you showed your true inner-self. You let her die. That is why you are here, no?" Spike again nodded.
"You except me to tell you what to do. I will. You came here to see what I could help you with. Therefore, this is my help. She will live again from the moment you arrived at her door, 25 years ago. You have the choice. Be selfish again, and go through these pains, or let her live her life when she was married to another. The choice is yours."
The Oracle looked down upon Spike. "Remember, you will always have the memories. Now, you need not tell me your choice, just act." A bright light and Spike appeared in front of the Summers' household, blanket over his head.
"Well," he said, "I'm sorry." A slow tear ran down his pale white cheek, as he turned. With one last look back, he jumped into the sewer.
The End
These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.
So one by one, they turn from me. I guess my friends can't face the cold.
* * *
October 11th, 2007
Dear Diary,
Hey, Buffy again, of course. Thinking about the past is starting to hurt more than normal. Xander tells me I should live for the now. I don't know. How can I live for the now if I can't live with the past? Sometimes at night, I wonder were the last fives years went. Why did time on this stupid earth travel so fast? First thing I know, Willow is doing a resurrection, followed by Tara leaving her. Then Xander and Anya are engaged, and he leaves her at the altar. Which is followed by yet another near-earth-ending experience. I miss Giles. After the white magic deal, he left. It is hard without him.
Dawn's in college. Like I said so many times before, Notre Dame. It is quiet here without her. Well, I hear Xander calling. Better go.
Love, Buffy Anne Harris
* * *
Buffy trotted down the stairs, into the kitchen. Another one of Xander's attempts to cook was failing, utterly. "Mommy," Alex said, running up behind her, throwing his arms around her legs. She picked him up slowly and walked over to the table.
"Looks like brown, runny eggs again, Alex. I think daddy should learn how to cook." Buffy smiled, looking up at her husband. Xander's disgruntled 'Hey' was nothing of a surprise.
After breakfast, Alex fell asleep again. Buffy saw Xander out the door, handing him his briefcase. She kissed him good-bye. Buffy walked into the kitchen shortly after Xander's departure. She picked up the telephone dialing the familiar number. "Hello?"
"Hey Will," Buffy heard some noise through the telephone, "Uh. how's Oz doing?" There was a bit of a pause.
"Just unchaining him. He was a good little wolf, all three days! Isn't that right," the noises in the background made it indistinguishable as to what he was doing, "Oz! No! Don't do that, it tickles."
"Honeymooners!" Buffy exclaimed, and a delighted Willow's laugh was the return. "Anyway, I called because Xander and I were talking last night. We were thinking about going to the Bronze around eight. Do you want to come?"
"If I can get Oz to get some clothes on," a giggle from the other side, "Wait. I just said that. Stay nude!" Buffy laughed. "Yeah sure we'll go." Buffy heard a sleepy 'mommy' yelled from the living room.
"Oh, I better get that, could be my child," Buffy said. Willow laughed. "Well, I'll see you tonight, the Bronze at 8."
"Sure! I will be there with bells on. Wait what does that mean?" A confused Willow hanged the telephone up. Buffy, as well, hung up. She made her way back to her son. She found him, huddled in a corner, crying to himself. Buffy quickly walked over to him.
"There was a monster. Under a blanket, and it was smoking." Vampire clicked into Buffy's mind. She slowly assured him that he must have been dreaming, and mommy would never ever let him be hurt. Soon he fell asleep again. Buffy laid him upon the sofa and looked out the window. Sure as day, a blanket covered creature stood in the shadow of the big elm tree outside. Buffy made her way to the door.
"Spike, get in here." She slowly moved aside. He made his way into the house in a hurry. He threw the blanket off. Buffy knew he had not changed. His eyes were still the piercing blues they always were. His arms and face still thin and pale white. "What are you doing back here?"
"Apologizing." He scanned her, still the same. She just seemed more worn than she was five years ago. His eyes made their way into the living room. They hit the small child. Spike's head tilted, smelling Buffy on him. Buffy's nervous hand ran through her waist length hair. A ring, Spike noticed it, a wedding ring.
"Spike, you just can't be here," Buffy pleaded with him, hoping Alex was not going to be woken. It was too late; his small feet made their way to their mommy. His small arms outstretched as a signal to pick him up. Therefore, Buffy did. She held him close as he rubbed his eyes. She cursed the slayer hearing. "Do you want to play outside?" His smile was the answer she needed. Alex wiggled his way out from her embrace. Slowly he put his shoes on, Velcro of course. His mother behind him, he waddled out the opened back door and out to the sandbox.
"Who is the father?" Spike sighed, noticing the long time it took her to answer. He stood inside, as did Buffy. Her gaze locked upon her son. Her reply nearly made him chuckle. "Harris? Is that possible?" Buffy's eyes seemed to punch him harder than she could have ever.
"Look, Spike. I do not need your opinion, nor will I ever! I told you, you mean nothing to me. I do not need to feel anymore. I feel, I live, and I breathe. I'm fine, I don't need you anymore," Buffy's emotional outburst took it's toll on Spike. He closed his eyes.
"Really? You have been living in this house for over a decade. Nothing has changed. I bet you still keep that stake in your pocket in your black leather duster of yours, and you when you wake up on Saturday, you tackle the dishes." Buffy's eyes sunk. She did. Again, like always, he was right. Her stake stood ready in the pocket of her old, beaten duster. Even the dishes were only done of Saturday. She could say nothing.
"So, routine is good." A Routine, was it? Routine was a schedule. She was stuck on a train that went around in a single circle. The only way off the track was to take that chance, grab the lever, and change the course completely. Buffy knew she could never handle the change, yet she knew how she could do it. Her eyes hit Spikes, and what seemed like an hour was only a minute. Buffy pulled him down to her, and then kissed him. Nothing like a normal kiss, but a hungry one. In a minute, she let go of him.
She walked out into the back yard, leaving Spike indoors. She grabbed Alex, walking back into the house. She accompanied him into his room, packing his clothes into his bags. His question were of where they were going, were only answered with, "I'm not sure right now, honey."
Soon she had her own packed, and stashed into her car. She slowly buckled her child into his seat. Spike, covered in the blanket, stood just inside. "Just gonna stand there?" Buffy handed him a bag. They threw all bags into the back. They got in, and soon they were gone.
"That is the monster, mommy!" Alex nearly screamed. Buffy comforted him again, telling him 'Spike's no monster.' Soon they reached the city limits, and soon they were in Los Angeles. Spike directed her to his place of residence. Buffy pulled into the lot, and parked. "This place is scary," Alex whispered to his mommy. Buffy handed Alex off to Spike. Alex hated the monster, wiggling away from him.
"Buffy, help?" Spike could hardly handle the little one. Her eyes locked upon Spike. She picked up all the bags, and threw the over her shoulder. Seeing mommy seemed to calm down Alex. They strutted into the apartment building. It seemed to Buffy, they knew who Spike was, opening the door behind the counter. A small hallway lead to a large five-room apartment. "Home Sweet Home." * * * 25 Years Later * * *
October, 12th, 2032
Dear Diary,
I feel different. Spike has been comforting, but it is wrong. He will never ever age. He will always be 20-ish. I am 51 now, and boy is it showing. I have never been so wrinkly. I love Spike, I do. Nevertheless, he will never be old and wrinkly too. He will never face death by old age. He will never face death by organ failure or cancer.
He is here now. I must go.
Tell Alex I love him, and I want him to stay in Notre Dame.
Love, Buffy Anne Summers
* * *
"We got a call from Alex. He said he would try to get here," Buffy voice sounded small. Her tiny blue eyes stared up at him. Suddenly, she felt the urge to ask him something. Something, always a bother her, must be asked. "Do I look old to you?"
"You will always be beautiful, no matter what. You will always be young to me, in your eyes." He took her hand. "I did bring food for you. You know as a get away from the hospital food. They confiscated it." He gave her his best smile. He knew today would be her last day here. Her liver, punctured twice, would never make it through today.
"I should have stayed with Xander," She muttered. Spike was taken by surprise. He asked why. She responded, "He would have gotten old with me. Xander would be near death too. He would not be 20 years old now! He would here, in the bed next to me." Her eyes closed, the outburst was too much of a strain on her, and she slipped into the last sleep before her death.
Spike cursed. He knew she soon would be dead. He taught about siring her, letting her live eternally. The 25 years spent together in love. Could he just let it go away? He loved her. He put his hand on the skin above her heart. He felt the rhythm. Tears dripped down his eyes. "Buffy, what do I do?" Slowly, he changed to his demon-form, trying desperately to forget his soul. He moved his head to her neck, posed to bite. Instead he placed a kiss upon her neck, and through tears sat back on his chair. Shortly her monitor would become a flat-line, and she would be pronounced dead. When this all took place, and was over, Spike left her. He needed time to think. He headed into the downtown district of Los Angeles.
"What are you doing here, vampire?" The oracle asked. Spike looked up to the male oracle. The Oracle soon seemed to recognize him. "You are the second vampire with a soul, grandson to Angelus." Spike only nodded. "You have suffered greatly, no?" Spike eyes never left the feet of the Oracle.
"Do you know why you have suffered? You left yourself open to that hurt. You took someone else's love, made her yours. Why did you do that? I will tell you why, William, you are selfish. You never though of others. Nevertheless, at her death, you showed your true inner-self. You let her die. That is why you are here, no?" Spike again nodded.
"You except me to tell you what to do. I will. You came here to see what I could help you with. Therefore, this is my help. She will live again from the moment you arrived at her door, 25 years ago. You have the choice. Be selfish again, and go through these pains, or let her live her life when she was married to another. The choice is yours."
The Oracle looked down upon Spike. "Remember, you will always have the memories. Now, you need not tell me your choice, just act." A bright light and Spike appeared in front of the Summers' household, blanket over his head.
"Well," he said, "I'm sorry." A slow tear ran down his pale white cheek, as he turned. With one last look back, he jumped into the sewer.
The End