I'm never saying goodbye to you
This is just a one shot that takes place during SOWK in BTW, and after. It's just my take on Blaine's heartbreaking facial expressions during and after the performance, and what I imagine could have happened if they'd talked after it.
I don't own Glee.
Blaine held it together pretty well until he was alone.
He watched his boyfriend, his beautiful, flawless, strong boyfriend hug his friends one by one, his eyes shining, partly with the tears of saying goodbye to Blaine, but mostly with the excitement and happiness of being back with them.
He swallowed back the sobs. He'd already given his feelings away too much by letting the tears drip slowly down his cheeks when he'd finished singing to Kurt. Blaine had never been that moved by singing a song before, had never felt every word actually feel like it was swelling with the love in his heart he knew he felt for his boyfriend. When Kurt had pulled him in so tightly, and Blaine had gripped Kurt so hard, never wanting this hug, this closeness to end.
He mourned the warm, strong contact of Kurt's body on his the second Kurt pulled away. "I'm never saying goodbye to you." Kurt reassured him just seconds before he stood back from him, tears tracking down his cheeks.
Blaine felt terrible, he never wanted this to be hard for Kurt, he wanted him to know that as long as he was safe, as long as he wasn't going to be cornered in a locker room and assaulted again, he was happy, more than happy in Kurt's decision to return to McKinley.
And it was true. Because the only thing that over rode Blaine's ache that his boyfriend and best friend would no longer be there with him everyday was that Kurt's happiness was more important.
His heart was at McKinley. He and Blaine could spend time together on the weekends and after school, but he needed to be with the New Directions, his friends, and if Karofsky was serious about this whole anti bullying campaign, Blaine was happy if Kurt was happy.
So as Blaine walked up the stairs, the warblers patting his back and his shoulders sympathetically, he stopped and turned. He watched Kurt laugh and smile with his friends as they balanced his black top hat back on his head, each of them holding him in some way, an arm on his, patting his shoulder, linking their hands together.
He swallowed, unable to pin down one exact emotion. Seeing Kurt so happy made his heart sing, but knowing how much things were going to change made him want to run back down there and grab Kurt and pull him kicking and screaming back to Dalton.
Only in that second did it occur to Blaine how much he'd miss Kurt's presence every single day, the way they walked to class together, and the way they met up for lunch and free periods. Blaine had always had friends at Dalton; he couldn't fault Wes and David for always being there for him and accepting him, but he'd never had a friend like Kurt, one he was always honest with, and who was honest with him in return. Someone he told every little thing to, someone who understood exactly how he felt and what he'd been through.
And then, that day a week before regionals, when Kurt had stalked into the choir room, and Blaine's heart felt like it was caught somewhere in the region of his throat. Kurt was wearing skin tight black jeans and a black coat and shirt with a silver chain and his long boots, and Blaine had never seen anyone or anything more beautiful in his life.
So now they were more than friends, they were boyfriends, but their friendship remained as it always had. Kurt still nagged at Blaine to wear something other than jeans, and Blaine still told Kurt that if he put on one more show tune or Lady Gaga song while they were studying he'd go insane.
So Blaine would miss their friendship, a friendship that was as easy as breathing. Compared to how it had been when Kurt was around, Dalton would be lonely, really lonely, and Blaine needed to prepare himself for that.
He walked slowly up the stairs without another backward glance. He agreed to meet the rest of the Warblers back at school and dragged his feet as he approached his car, every step further away from Kurt only adding to the grief he was beginning to feel.
So he kept it together while Kurt and the guys could see him.
Then he climbed into his car and let himself go, let himself cry in a way he hadn't in a very, very long time. Tears rained down his cheeks and his breathing began to become unmeasured and hitched, his hands shook, and he pulled his legs up underneath him, leaning his forehead on the steering wheel of his car. His whole body shook with the momentum of his sobs, his face screwed up, terrible choking noises coming out of his mouth every so often.
He cried until he couldn't anymore, until there were no more tears left, and he laid his head back against the seat, hiccuping every so often, like when he was a child and something left him deeply distressed, and it took a long, long time to calm down.
After a while, when Blaine was pretty sure he'd missed at least two classes, he sniffed and swallowed. He glanced at himself in the mirror. He looked beyond rough, his eyes were puffy, his cheeks tracked with tears, his hair a wild mess where he'd raked his hands through it during his crying session.
Fuck this, he couldn't face anyone like this, the rest of the school day could do one, because frankly the crying had exhausted him and he couldn't bear the sympathetic looks he'd get from the rest of the Warblers.
He was just about to switch his car engine on when his heart jumped. Kurt had approached the car and was standing by the window. Blaine swallowed and opened the door, climbing out and turning to face his boyfriend.
"Blaine." Kurt whispered, touching his red raw face gently. He stroked it for several minutes then moved in closer to Blaine. "Why didn't you tell me how upset you were? We tell each other everything."
"Because I didn't want you to let how I feel influence your decision. I love how clearly happy you are here, Kurt, and as long as you're safe I want you here. I'm upset because I'll miss you desperately, of course I will. But I'll be ok. And..." Blaine swallowed, guilt swelling fiercely in his chest, "I'm sorry you had to see me like this. I don't lose control very often."
"I'll miss you too." Kurt whispered, his voice thick, "I missed you the second you walked away. This is my home, but you're my home too Blaine. I'm so grateful to have you in my life, I..." Kurt sighed and looked at the ground for a minute before glancing back up at Blaine, smiling softly, "I honestly don't know if I'd still be here without you, Blaine. You've made my life."
Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand hard. "You've made mine too." He whispered simply.
"And I meant what I said!" Kurt was suddenly fierce, "I'm never, ever, EVER saying goodbye to you." And Kurt Hummel leaned down to Blaine and kissed him, his baby soft, sweet mint scented lips moulding in with Blaine's, feeling so right. Blaine kissed him back, cupping Kurt's face gently with his hands.
When they broke apart they only moved a couple of inches, and they linked both hands again, like they had on the steps only a couple of hours earlier. They stayed that way for several minutes, and then they stepped apart properly.
Kurt waved, tears in his eyes, and Blaine waved back, swallowing back a fresh round of tears. Kurt smiled and turned away, hitching his shoulder bag further up and strutting away towards the school building.
Blaine turned back to his car, tears in his eyes but a smile on his face. He knew Kurt was right. They were strong, they had each other.
And Kurt was right about one more thing too: they hadn't actually said goodbye to each other.
And they never would.