Chapter 1- Blame It (On the Alcohol)

Rachel loved Jesse. Well, she thought she loved Jesse. Everything was just so confusing right now. And she knew it all led back to that one night, the night that changed her life forever. She just didn't know if it was for better or for worse.

*Flashback, August 10th, 2012*

"I don't think so, Noah. I'm sure you remember perfectly well what happened the last time you decided to throw a party at my place." Rachel said annoyed.

"Oh, come on! We're graduates now, basically adults. I won't even bring any booze to the party" Puck said

"Right, like I'd believe that. I'm not stupid, Noah. Besides, I'm leaving tomorrow morning for New York, I don't want a killer hangover while I'm on a noisy, obnoxious plane ride." Rachel shuddered at the thought.

"It'll be the last time we see each other for, well, who knows! Finn will be there, the whole Glee club will! It's going to be fun!" Puck insisted

Rachel had to admit that she was really nervous about going to New York and leaving her family and Lima. But mostly, she was going to miss Finn. She knew they'd broken up because of him going to Ohio State and her going to NYU. She still loved him though, she probably always would. But she was now with Jesse. Maybe this party wasn't such a bad idea after all. It'd help take her mind off of things for a while. She just won't drink anything. That was a piece of cake, right?

"Ok, party at my place, 7:30 sharp. And don't be late!" Rachel said, feeling all but a little nervous.

Puck looked at her and smiled. "I'll go tell everyone. And you have nothing to worry about, it'll be fun!" Puck said once again

Rachel nodded hesitantly and walked him to the door. She had some decorating to do.

*7:30 sharp, Berry household*

Puck was the first to arrive, Quinn in one arm and beer in the other. He smiled warmly at Rachel before putting the drinks in a mini cooler. Quinn smiled awkwardly at Rachel. The two had never really been close.

Santana and Brittany were next, laughing loudly at some unknown joke. They immediately rushed over to Quinn and gave her a big hug. Rachel smiled. She was really was going to miss all her friends.

"I can't believe you actually agreed to this party, considering how trashed you got at your last one." Her best friend's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Very funny Kurt, I'm not drinking though. Not a sip." Rachel boasted

"That's what they all say!" Kurt whispered to his boyfriend, Blaine, before they went to socialize with the others.

Rachel watched as Tina and Mike came in, giving her a small wave. Mercedes and Lauren walked in and while Mercedes gave Rachel a hug, Lauren got herself a drink.

Artie and Sam arrived next. "Hey Rachel!" they both called out "Hey guys!" Rachel said laughing. She gave them both hugs before they went up to Puck, giving him a high five and a slap on the back. Rachel giggled to herself.

Rachel started fiddling with her sleeve. The only person who wasn't here was Finn. Her stomach had knots in it. Stop it Rachel! This is silly! You love Jesse now, she silently scolded herself.

She watched Finn as he came into the Berry's house smiling widely at Rachel, giving her a big hug.

"How ya been, Rach?" Finn asked still smiling

Rachel had missed Finn. She hadn't seen him all summer (Jesse's orders). She then realized she wouldn't see him until, er, she didn't really know.

"Rachel, you okay?" Finn asked. Shoot! She'd been thinking too long!

'Yeah, I'm fine. It's really good to see you again! I've missed you." Rachel said genuinely

Finn did his signature half smile which still made Rachel melt "I've missed you too. Now let's have some fun!" he said and walked into the basement, Rachel following.

Things were still calm. There was some music on and people were mostly just talking. Rachel smiled relieved, taking a seat between Kurt and Mercedes. Maybe this party wasn't such a bad idea after all.

*9:30, Berry household*

Rachel watched as Brittany threw off yet another piece of clothing, Artie clapping and cheering loudly. The party was absolutely chaotic. Rachel saw Tina and Mike stumbling (or dancing, she couldn't tell) in the middle of the room, while Mercedes was laughing loudly at something Sam had said. It hadn't even been that funny Rachel thought. She was, unfortunately, the only sober person left in the room.

Rachel searched the room for Puck and Quinn. She spotted Puck on the couch, Lauren yelling at him for breaking up with her. Rachel laughed as she thought about how uncomfortable he looked.

That's when she saw it. Finn was doing shots with Quinn and Santana. She had to stop this. But how could she? Finn wasn't her boyfriend anymore, so there was nothing she could do.

It's my own party and, of course, I'm the only one not having fun. Rachel thought as she watched Blaine and Kurt sing some love song on stage.

So, Rachel Berry was going to live a little.

*11:30, Berry household*

Two wine coolers and some shots later, Rachel was basically throwing herself at Finn. But he wasn't really declining. That's why they were kissing each other senselessly. Before she knew what she was saying, Rachel whispered "let's take this upstairs." And they did.

*5:30 a.m., Berry household*

Finn woke up with a major headache. It felt like someone was cooking his insides. Not to mention those darn birds. Since when did they start chirping so loudly? He closed his eyes a while longer then looked out of them, slowly, he started to see straight. He looked next to him and flinched a little at what he saw. Next to him was none other than Rachel Berry. He looked under the blankets and, crap. They'd totally done it last night.

Finn immediately felt bad. Rachel had lost her virginity because of a drunken night. He slowly started to stand up, before more throbbing pains reached his head. He barely managed to put his clothes on, but he did.

Finn knew that Rachel was off to New York City today and she didn't want anything to hold her back. That's why he leaned down and softly kissed Rachel's head, whispering 'goodbye' and 'I'll always love you.' It was true too, Finn thought to himself as he left the Berry's house.

*8:00 a.m., Berry household*

Rachel woke up feeling the same exact way Finn had. Terrible. She put her pillow over her face to block out any excess noise.

After a few minutes of complete silence, Rachel peeked out one eye, to see she was completely naked. Mortified, she looked next to her. But no one was there. That's when she remembered. Finn. She started crying long, pitiful sobs. She couldn't help it. Why would he leave her like that? Because it was a mistake Rachel told herself silently he doesn't love you anymore.

Reaching in her purse to get some medicine for her excruciating headache, Rachel had made a decision. From this point on in her life, she wasn't going to look back on the past and frown. She was going to think of the future and smile. Rachel just hoped she's be able to.

*End of Flashback*

That was two months ago. That's why Rachel was sitting in her bathroom, looking at the pink plus sign, more confused and hurt then she'd ever been before. But she knew one thing- Jesse was NOT going to be happy!