This plot was born when I happened to come across a sketch of Ritsuka at seventeen years of age made by Kouga Yun. Nearly squeed the first time I saw it-I'm a sucker for girly looking guys, even if I laugh at them afterwards.

The hair and eye colouring of the characters comes from the anime-I'm not actually sure if Ritsuka's eyes are violet in the manga. I've only read up to chapter 84, so I'm not quite up-to-date with what's happening in the manga. Also, since this story will be an AU, I will be twisting certain events epically out of cannon. (Hence why it's AU -.- )

The manga doesn't clarify how the spells that Sacrifices and Sentouki (I am calling Fighters by their original name, Sentouki) use work, beyond the fact that their words bring things into reality. I will be taking advantage of this lack of explanation-beware my own covoluted explanations for this. I'm also not sure if Sacrifices can fight without their Sentouki. I'm assuming they can, if maybe in more defensive styles, since Sentouki can fight without their Sacrifices. Example: Seimei. The education system at Seven Moons Academy was never expounded upon either, so I've made up their system for later chapters.

If there will be any romantic pairings in this story, I will not go into a lot of detail for them. I don't write romance well. The Soubi-Ritsuka relationship is a bit confusing for me, since I'm pretty sure they're not in love (yet, Ritsuka's a bit young you know). Half the readers seem to think so though.

Ah yes, I'm going to say sorry now for the bad grammar in this chapter. I'm experimenting with writing styles, and this style though fascinating is very difficult for me to use.

Link to picture of seventeen year old Ritsuka: .com/threads/74266-A-picture-of-Ritsuka-at-age-17-(drawn-by-Yun-Kouga)/page7

I don't own Loveless. I'd kill to be able to draw that well though.

Edit 12/06/11: a-kun has pointed out that the verb tenses in this chapter are inconsistent. This chapter has been replaced by an re-edited version. Hopefully it is a little better, though I know I haven't fixed all the kinks yet.

It is a windy autumn night when Ritsuka finally realises what it means to be 'Loveless'.

Clad in plain blue pyjamas, raven black hair messily spread on the white pillow and large cat ears and slender tail limp, Ritsuka lies on the bed like a funeral corpse. Strangely enough, he feels almost like a corpse as well. He can't seem to pull up any emotions right at that moment—he is just tired, so tired, not physically but emotionally. Numb to the point that if he falls asleep, he thinks he might not wake up again (and that is a prospect that has terrified him ever since realising his original self before amnesia could wake up at any moment—right now he just doesn't have the energy to care though).

Perhaps it is because of the strange things that have happened to him since meeting his Sentouki (his brother's previous Sentouki, he reminds himself), Agatsuma Soubi. Or perhaps it is because of the discovery that his brother is in fact still alive. Or the realisation of the fact that Seimei does in fact have quite a cruel side to him—Ritsuka for all his social faults is a rather observant person. He has seen the way Soubi's face closes off at Semei's mere name, the way he shoots warning glances at Kio whenever the light haired teen mentions Seimei's cruel treatment of Soubi before his supposed 'death'. The way almost everyone who he has met that knew Seimei seemed to hold him in distaste. The cold attitude they described him to have—Ritsuka has closed his mind to such behaviour coming from his brother, but it doesn't mean that he has stopped listening.

He knows that others think his brother to be cruel and even arrogant. He just can't see that type of personality coming from Seimei—Seimei, the one who used to protect him from their mother's fits when he accidentally upset her, the one who helped him study, the one who washed his back for him, the one who comforted him when he doubted his own existence and both longed for and feared his original self before his amnesia coming back, wiping the current personality away like a drink spill on the kitchen table. His kind, mature, loving big brother, cruel? Abusive even?

After talking with him again and seeing the message his older brother left behind in Minami Ritsu's blood, yes, he can see it. He can see it and yet he can't, because his brother has never and will never treat him like that. Yet he does to others if he so chooses. Ritsuka is beginning to realise that both his view of Seimei and others' views of Seimei are probably all right, simply because Seimei sees others as a different class, not even human really. And the way humans treat animals is vastly different to that of treatment to other humans. Seimei claims that Ritsuka is the only other human in the world, his only equal. Therefore only he is shown Seimei's loving side. Everyone else Seimei regards as animals, and so he lets them see his...less pleasant side.

Not that this makes Ritsuka feel any better. Aside from the mere egotism such a mindset requires, cruelty is still cruelty after all, and Seimei hurt Soubi very badly. The empty expression the blonde wore after unwillingly helping Seimei escape said as much. There is bad history there, and the victim of it all is Soubi.

Maybe it is that—realisation on top of realisation on top of another one—maybe he is just tired out by discovering so many things. His life has been one near out of control rollercoaster lately, what with dealing with being the Sacrifice to a Sentouki his brother has given him, reluctantly participating in spell battles with barely any knowledge of what to do, and on top of that, his mother's treatment (abuse, but he shies away from that word) of him, school work, Yuiko and Shinonome-sensei's touching but at times irritating worry for him, and the continual worry that his original personality and self, before the amnesia, will wake up in the middle of this mess his life currently is.

Ritsuka is tired. Beyond tired. Emotionally drained, his psychologist might say. He wonders whether his life might have been easier if he had just ordered Soubi to stay away from him after their first meeting and spell battle. If his curiosity and need for answers hadn't been so strong during those first few days seeing each other.

A flash of guilt stabs through the apathy currently embracing him. The guilt gives way to a mixture of worry, affection and resentment, common emotions related to Soubi. Most confusing is the need he feels to stay close to Soubi, as if he fears that one day Soubi will simply vanish, despite the fact said blonde has already been ordered by his previous master (how he hates the word) to stay close to Ritsuka, despite the Sacrifice and Sentouki bond that winds between them as an intangible oddly coloured chain.

With some hesitation, Ritsuka closes his eyes and attempts to concentrate on the bond between them—not to summon Soubi (refuses to acknowledge that he wants to see the blonde), but just to reassure himself that Soubi is at his apartment and not outside getting into trouble again (case in point, his fight with the male Zero pair). He's a little worried, Soubi may be good at hiding things but Ritsuka is learning to discern when Soubi is sad or uneasy, and the blonde adult has been a mixture of these two emotions lately. Even Ritsuka's attempt to cheer him up by visiting and cooking for him (he is a little mortified he did this—he might as well have screamed his worry about the blonde to said man's face) didn't completely succeed, though he did wrangle some genuine smiles from twenty year old.

However, the genuine mirth of the visit could not completely hide the traces of bitterness in his own violet eyes when he brushed gentle fingers over the name 'Beloved' carved onto Soubi's neck. He never really could hide it, the bitterness. That, along with Soubi's believability in his eyes is a constant source of tension. He knows he has trust issues, half the reason he was previously so against having friends at first, and along with Soubi's tendency to keep secrets, he finds himself continuously questioning the truth of Soubi's words. And it hurts and at times frustrates the blonde, he knows, but he can't stop it.

(Some dark corner of his heart is almost pleased it hurts the blonde, just like the blonde hurts him by keeping secrets, and Ritsuka hates that part of himself so much because he is sure it wasn't there with his original personality, what he has heard of his original personality doesn't match up to that dark emotion, it definitely comes from his current personality.)

Add the fact that probably the whole reason Soubi is so tight-lipped about his past and Seimei's 'death' is because of Seimei, his brother, the original owner (again a word he hated) of Soubi, and Ritsuka is very bitter indeed. Soubi may guess that Ritsuka is a little bitter, but Ritsuka doubts Soubi is aware that the bitterness isn't just centred on Ritsuka's doubt of Soubi's honesty. He doubts Soubi knows that along with being grateful for having a connection to his brother, he is also irrationally bitter of the fact Soubi was once part of the unit Beloved. Because even if Soubi doesn't want to, and at the Seven Moons Academy he certainly didn't, he still has to obey Seimei.

"Seimei is my God."

That hurts. Not the fact that he won't always take orders from Ritsuka, just that in the end Soubi's loyalty is reluctantly still first to Seimei.

It is then Ritsuka realises. Surrounded by people and fading into the background, destined to fade away completely when his original personality comes back, his mother unable to stay too close to him for long without facing the fact her real son isn't with her currently yet, Seimei hiding somewhere despite Ritsuka's entreaties for him to stay and explain why he faked his death in the first place, and Soubi who keeps trying to develop a close bond with Ritsuka, but is unwilling to open up much about himself and is keeping important secrets from him...

This personality that will one day fade away is Loveless, and when his original self comes back, Loveless will be gone, and the popular original Ritsuka loved by everyone will once again take his place. There is nothing Loveless about that outgoing Ritsuka, but there is nothing to love about, well, nothing, and eventually that is what he, the other personality will become—nothing. And should he somehow survive the original Ritsuka taking this body again, wherever he, the other personality, is going after the original Ritsuka comes back, he is going alone.

He is Loveless, one without love. He is destined to be alone.

Loneliness threatens to swallow him, and Ritsuka wishes for his earlier apathy to come back and wrap itself around him, like the orange and yellow leaves one by one sticking to his window, gradually blocking out the world outside his bedroom. He blames Soubi for breaking his apathy, he always does this, always makes Ritsuka a mess of emotions. He hates it. Ritsuka grabs onto that frustration and clings to it, because frustration is less painful to bear with than loneliness, which hurts with the keenness of a sharpened knife. Closing violet eyes, he rolls over and falls asleep.

For once, he doesn't glance at the cell phone lying beside his pillow, not even when it beeps with Soubi's daily goodnight message. Because the realisation of what being Loveless means still lingers at the back of his mind, taunting him about how fruitless this continuing bond with Soubi is when eventually one will leave, destroying this bond. It's just a matter of who leaves first, Soubi should Seimei ever recall him, or him, the other Ritsuka, banished by the original personality.

XXX

It is a windy autumn night. Red, orange and yellow leaves swirl with the wind, dancing to a carefree tune only they can hear. They cavort merrily around town, above buildings and in parks, along the streets and in front of windows.

They dance even as the world around them fades, tangible objects changing from opaque to translucent, like holograms of themselves. The leaves dance even as objects begin disappearing, vanishing as if they were never there. And they dance even as the streets and buildings themselves begin to fade away, when the stars above begin to vanish, and only intangible darkness replaces it.

They dance even as the ethereal chain link around a twelve year old black haired boy and a twenty year old blonde adult snaps. The blonde vanishes without a trace, just like the buildings and streets vanish—still the leaves dance.

They are the only things left now, a dizzying storm of leaves that drift in nothingness, surrounding and falling on the remaining raven-haired boy, the only thing still existing. Some stick to the back of the boy as patches of blood begin to appear on the pyjama shirt he is wearing, specifically around the small of his back.

Eventually the storm of leaves calms. Darkness is replaced by towering trees, clumps of orange and red leaves clinging to half-bare branches. The floating leaves stop dancing and settle on the leaf covered ground. A thin layer of rustling leaves blankets the raven-haired boy protectively against the cold dew of an early morning.

Violet eyes open briefly, catching glimpses of the occasional leaf still floating around. Pre-dawn sunlight strikes off dew drops, blinding him with their temporary diamond brilliance. Wearily the eyes close, and the owner of those eyes sleeps again, dismissing the images as flashes of a dream.

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