Heaven
There's nothing quite like the sun shining down on fields of green while dipping your toes in a pool of clear water. Forgive me the cliché, but there is something amazing about the simplicity of the scene. It had rained earlier, but it was a gentle drizzle and the children all went out to play in it. That's what life here is like, neither the sun nor the rain beat down on anything, they just pour, gentle and generous.
I don't know what I did to get into heaven. There wasn't much goodness in my life, and the little I had came from him. The children I tried to help were nothing but a very pathetic attempt to right the wrongs committed to me in my own childhood. I understand that now. I thought that if other children didn't suffer, then suddenly everything I went through would just disappear.
But in the end, it was just a big waste of effort. There's no one there to look after them now. Those kids probably don't even remember my name anymore. Can't blame them, I was gone most of the time.
Still, how did I get to heaven?
All the people I killed, all the sins I committed, surely I don't deserve to be here. And yet, the sun is shining, the children laughing, everything is good. I am truly in heaven.
The only goodness in my life ever came from him, but I already said that. Vash was the one who taught me that to live meant more the just functioning. To live meant to enjoy every moment of peace, to not take the easy and mundane for granted, and to savor every donut.
That lesson is a hard one to learn. Most people never fully understand it, and the ones that do, have done so only in the face of death. And when someone does finally get it, they usually die. That's what happened to me.
Heaven is perfect. It's perfect in a way that is indescribable. There's no stealing, no hate, no sorrow or pain. And no killing—that's the part I like best. The people here don't have any of that because we understand each other. That's the part that I can't explain, the understanding. It just is. In heaven, people just understand.
We live peacefully, spending our time appreciating the good simple things. Loving the women, smiling at the children, and taking pleasure in the donuts.
He would love it here.
I think, though, that he won't be coming for a long while yet, if he comes at all. There's so much pain and sorrow in the other world, and it is his task to help humanity. Vash wants to help bring heaven to the other world. It is impossible of course, because people can't understand except through death. But it is a noble endeavor. I wish I could help him with it.
Sitting here on the grass and watching Rem as she shows some of the children the flowers. It's beautiful. I can almost see her if I close my eyes tightly enough. She was good with children too.
If it wasn't for Vash I never would have met her. She was the goodness in my life, the light to guide me through the darkness, the cherry on my Ice Cream Sunday. I would give up smoking just to see her smile one more time. Her smile was enough to make the whole world sin on its side, this world and the other one.
Rem glances over at me. She knows what I'm thinking about. I know because she has that sympathetic gleam in her eyes. She's waiting for someone to arrive too, but her wait will last quite a bit longer then mine. I can see that she wants to come over, to talk to me, but she won't. She won't walk over, won't ask, she'll just turn her attention back to the children. Like I said, an understanding.
I don't know what I did to get into heaven. I certainly don't deserve it. But then, maybe no one really does. We've all committed some sin or other, hurt some physically or emotionally.
So I don't think too hard about it for too long. I don't much care anymore how I got here because she's coming too. One day I'm going to walk outside to watch the sun rise and drink a cup of coffee, and she's going to come over that ridge smiling and waving. Our eyes will meet and in that moment everything will be perfect.
Millie.
This is what happens when I come home for the summer and have access to my DVR and Adult Swim...