Eraser Rain, a naruto fanfic

A/N: And here it is, Chapter 1. This has been a long time coming, with many ups and downs. Plus it's unbelievably long and I am publishing this without the editor going through it first because I just had to publish it. I hope you enjoy it and I really REALLY hope you review to tell me what you think about it. And yes this includes the prologue but with added awesome.

Dedicated to: Miss T Hyuga

Ienai itami, kanashimi de kizutsuita kimi mo

Waraenai nante, hito kirai nante kotobo sou iwanaide

Eraser Rain

Chapter I: Acedia, Envy, Vainglory

I can't escape this hell.

So many times I've tried.

But I'm still caged inside.

Somebody get me through this nightmare.

I can't control myself.

Blood.

The crimson suffering tainted my skin.

I could taste metal—rich, salty, overwhelming and metallic. It smothered my senses, made my throat raw. And it sent sickening, shuddering waves of ecstasy through the demon inside me.

My body trembled and shook, a reminder of my sin. The blood around me rippled in a gruesome truth.

The demon inside of me laughed in triumph and licked her lips. Her lust for bloodshed and power had been satisfied.

My prey's body lay sprawled and strewn. The rips and tears through its flesh were a horrifying reality. Its limbs were scattered and spread; only a trail of thick blood and muscle remnants connected the distance.

I didn't know this man. His face was distorted and limp.

Dead.

The marks, the claw marks. The cuts and slices through tender flesh. The feeling of hot blood smothered my hands and dripped down my chest.

It felt as if the blood was burning into my skin, and slowly eroding what little humanity I had left.

I felt so dirty that I couldn't bear to hold myself and stop my trembling.

Human tears fell from the dark pools of evil eyes. I did not have the right to cry.

The spilled crimson, the flesh, the remains of what was once a human life was the proof that I had no such right.

I am a monster.

"Number Three."

My eyes were heavy and my vision was clouded. By now I was used to this.

This happens every time I kill someone. After I mutilate and rip them apart with no mercy my chamber is filled with gas. I'm not aware of what happens to me after that. All I know is they remove my prey's corpse and clean up until the fumes burn my nostrils and the floor is unnaturally burningly (sp?) clean.

A part of me hates them for it because I feel like the people I've killed deserve to haunt me, since I was the one who slaughtered them. The other part of me is painfully grateful because I do not need another reminder of what I am.

"Number Three."

The cool mechanical voice echoed across the dark metallic titanium walls. My head lolled to the side and met the metal wall with a painful thump. I struggled to focus my vision; it seemed as if the floor was shaking and my world had turned in on itself.

The stagnant taste of blood overwhelmed my senses. I doubled over and spat onto the ground. My vision stabilized and I could see my saliva, pink and streamed with bright crimson. I gripped at my stomach as I fought back violent waves of nausea. There was a thudding pain at the back of my head.

A particularly strong wave of nausea attacked me and I had to brace myself with one hand against the floor to stop myself from vomiting. I didn't want to see any more of the blood.

"Number Three, you killed another person."

Even though they were stating the obvious, the inevitable truth weighed down on me like a ton of bricks. I gripped around my waist with my spare arm in hopes of stabilizing my labored breaths and disgust in my belly.

"Shut up," I breathed. My vision swam and my breaths were coming through in short bursts, forced. I felt so disgusted with myself that my insides felt sick and hollow.

"He was trying to help you," the voice continued.

"Shut up." I gripped my waist tighter, trying to quell the churning nausea. It was then that I realized my torso was bare. Like always.

"He had a wife and children."

I raked my nails towards my palm on the floor in rage and frustration. I raised my head with difficulty towards the small speaker that sat on the wall up in the far corner. My sweat-dampened hair hung in front of my eyes.

"Shut up," I muttered through clenched teeth. Even though I was actually begging, my tone came off as commanding and rough.

I realized in horror that there were deep and jagged slices engraved into the metal where my nails had raked across the floor. And what had created it, my hand…

Was thick with hard metal scales that ended in points that were akin to knives.

"He had a son and daughter-"

"SHUT UP!" I screeched. Red flashed through my vision and hot adrenaline and blood raced through every nerve ending. I heard the screeching of abused metal.

She was excited and restless and begging to be released. I flexed my claws, half aware that my other hand was thick with scales now too.

"Is this what you want?! Huh?!" With my anger and the excitement of her inside me I stood up with ease. "You want to see this, don't you?!" I lifted my monstrous claws in front of me. "You want to see me, don't you?" I shouted at the one-way mirror, indifferent to my almost complete nudity.

No reply, just still, deafening silence.

I expected nothing less.

The hot blood that was thundering through my body began to slow and calm. The excitement and bloodlust lingered stubbornly.

My legs felt heavy. My knees buckled and I dropped down onto my knees. My vision settled on my claws, knowing what would happen next. I yelped and winced in pain as the metal scales retracted back into the skin of my hand.

I felt my bones being snapped back into place and watched my hands turn back into that of a human's—small, fleshy with gentle fingers.

It made no difference. The claws were still there.

I was no less of a monster.

I dropped my head and closed my eyes, trying to calm the raging restlessness of the animal. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, erratic with excitement. I felt hot all over despite being only in my underwear on a freezing cold floor.

I'm not sure how long I knelt on the floor panting in effort until the deathly silence was penetrated by that damned intercom.

"Number Three." I heard over my heavy breaths. She was pacing around as if she was caged. "We have someone new to help you."

I pulled my head up and looked at the one-way mirror and smiled. "Oh, really?" I purred. I dug my small nails into my thigh until I drew blood. She was near the surface. I needed to try and keep her at bay, by any means necessary.

The thundering sound of my chamber door opening cracked through the room.

"Try not to kill this one." Then the voice died sharply.

The ratcheting sounds of bolts unlocking made my heart beat even faster. Excitement. So many thoughts were running through my head.

What would this one look like? Would I kill this one too? Would this one's blood taste sweet?

Despite its massive size and thickness, the door slid open with ease.

I was surprised. He looked nothing like the previous men that had come to 'help' me. The man was tall and thin, not weirdly so, he was just slim. He walked with a slight slouch and dragged his feet lightly. His hair was dark, seemingly black.

But prominently, this man had a dark aura. His eyes were dark, harboring pent up emotions. I would be lying if I said he didn't interest me. My heart jolted slightly and the creature purred. He was quite attractive.

Yes, he was different from the others. I could see it.

He stopped in front of the one-way mirror, a good deal of paces away from me, and stared at me interestedly. His eyes swam with emotion—fear my primary guess. All the men who came here had fear in their eyes.

Then why didn't he look afraid?

There was something about him… he was different.

Maybe… maybe he could actually help me.

Blood…

Red flashed across my vision and that thought went straight to hell.

Before I knew what was happening to me, I was on all fours and prowling towards him. I probably looked exactly like a wild cat, the way I crawled towards him, perfectly poised like a predator. Deadly, sultry and completely dominating.

And I was, but I was grappling with myself for some form of control, some restrain, some power against myself.

I didn't even focus on him because I was trying too hard to control her.

Suddenly my senses and hope crashed when I realized I was pressed up against him, my full body laid out across his surprisingly lean one.

He sucked in a breath and I sank further into him. I kneaded my fingers into his shoulders. The feeling of the claws began to prick behind my fingertips.

I relinquished retrain completely. What was the point after all? And even if I hated myself for it, when she used her power and controlled me… I enjoyed it.

I loved it.

I reached up towards his face, pulling him down ever so slightly. He looked so indifferent. Was he not afraid? My tongue deftly flicked across my lips and my teeth grazed my bottom lip.

"You're cute…" I purred. My voice was thick with want. "I bet you taste delicious." I blew some hot breath across his face lightly and licked my lips.

The want to taste his flesh was almost unbearable. I pulled myself closer to his body and lifted my head in front of his cheek.

"Why do you act like a monster?" His question was sharp and unexpected. I withdrew my face from his in confusion. He had caught me off guard. And he still looked so damned apathetic.

I recovered and the evil grin curled at my lips, and I dug my fingers into his shoulders.

"Because I am one," I stated simply and mischievously. How could he look so calm when I was pressed up against him and wanted to consume him?!

He regarded me for a moment and didn't break my eye contact.

This guy was brave.

"Why do you act like a monster?" The question was the same, but the way he said it… sad and frustrated, hit me where it wasn't supposed to:

My heart.

I relinquished my grip from him and kept the distance between us. Instead I wrapped my arms around myself.

"Because, I am one," I replied. My tone was low and sad, reflecting how I felt. The previous mood had completely disappeared from my system. I now felt uncomfortable. He was good. And he stared me down, in deep thought, making me feel increasingly uneasy.

I turned on my heel and walked towards the wall, but I still felt his gaze boring into my back. I didn't like his made me feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, human. Things I shouldn't feel.

Not me.

"Put this on." I glanced over my shoulder and looked at the black hospital-like gown in his hand. I turned my head back bitterly, refusing to look at him.

"Why? What's the point?" I muttered distastefully.

I heard a few echoing footsteps before the feeling of his hot breath washed over my bare shoulder.

"Put it on," he urged. He held out the garment in his hand next to my waist so I could see it.

The bloodlust made me shiver as his breath washed over my shoulder again.

"You're too close. I could kill you whenever I want," I commented darkly. How would he react now? I heard a sigh from behind me.

"Well, you haven't killed me yet, have you?" He replied. I considered him for a moment and laughed in defeat.

I took the gown from his hands and put it on over my head.

This guy… was different.

I hope he lasted longer than the rest.

"Hey…" my voice caught his attention and he looked towards me. I couldn't help but meet his dark glance for a moment before looking away. "Am I…" I glanced his way again. "Beautiful?" There weren't any vain intentions behind my question, nor was there any need to be reassured or complimented.

It was just a general question that I didn't know the answer to. I had never seen myself before, only dark and twisted reflections in the walls and floors that told me nothing.

He dropped his hand from his chin and shifted slightly so he was more comfortable in his sitting position. He sat cross-legged on the ground, across from where I sat on my low-rise bed in the corner.

"Yes." I was slightly surprised that he sounded so honest. He was probably lying, so he wouldn't get killed. I scoffed lightly and looked away from him. "What, you don't believe me?" He leant back on his hands and raised an eyebrow. How could he be so relaxed around me?

I laughed at him. "Why should I?" I didn't mean to sound as bitter as I did, but I suppose true feelings always make their way to the surface. He stared at me with interest before he let out one of the longest sighs I had ever heard.

"You women, always being so difficult." He acted as if it took all the effort in the world to stand up. "Come on." He held his hand out to me. My gaze settled on his hand, then on his face. I crossed my arms and huffed. His mouth skewed severely from annoyance. He looked so cute like that.

He grabbed my arm and yanked me up. I stumbled into him in a slight daze. I never expected a guy like him to be that strong, since I am not very light. I'm not fat, mind you, but I still have some heft to me.

He held me by the shoulders and escorted me towards the two-way mirror. I growled at him but he didn't seem to take any notice or care. He knocked against the glass and made a few indecipherable hand gestures. I knew I was staring at him like he was insane and so did he. All he did was smirk at me knowingly. The cocky little-

Suddenly the mirror went bright and light reflected against my face. I stared into the mirror and saw another woman.

She had mid-length thick sand coloured hair and deep, dark teal eyes, which were framed by thick black lashes. Her lips were full and appeared to be soft. Her skin was lightly tanned with few to no blemishes. She was a rare and earthy beauty.

And I was jealous, of myself.

I yearn to be as human as I appear.

"Is this me?" I asked quietly, struggling to talk through the lump in my throat.

"No," he replied sarcastically. I glared at him dangerously before I looked at myself again. This was me. I reached out gingerly and touched the mirrored glass and watched as my reflection did the same.

"This is…" I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "…me."

Now that I think about it, I am like a mirror. The reflection I see is how I appear to others. But I am the original, the one who creates the reflection. The demon. My reflection was not the same as me. I placed my palm on the glass tentatively and she did the same.

"I am beautiful." My eyes pooled with unshed and unwanted tears.

"I told you," he chided softly. He curled a strand of my hair over my shoulder with deft fingers. I shouldn't receive such tender gestures. "…Temari." I hastily looked at him through the reflection of the mirror.

"What did you just call me?" I breathed. He stopped playing with the strand of my hair.

"Temari… your name." I forgot to breathe. My mind was overloaded with sudden questions. But only one made it out of my mouth.

"How do you know my name?" I felt so shocked that it felt like my heart had been jump-started. My tears threatened to overflow and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. "I don't even know my own name! How is it possible that you could?!"

He said nothing, pressing his lips together firmly, yet holding onto my shoulders with the lightest of touches. He looked at me as if he pitied me. Pitied me. I shrugged my shoulders roughly and his hands fell from them.

"Don't touch me," I snarled. "How can I possibly believe you when you say that my name is Temari. You have only been around for a week! You know nothing about me!" He remained silent. It was infuriating.

SLAP!

I slapped him across the cheek. Hard. He said nothing, but I knew it hurt. His eyes were watering.

"I know a lot about you, more than anyone in this place." His voice sounded thick. Did it really hurt that badly that he was going to cry over it?

"How can I believe you?!" I shouted with fury. Tears were flirting with the end of my lashes. He said nothing.

Infuriating.

I drew back my hand to slap him again and swung with force. He caught my wrist almost effortlessly. I tried to pull away. He gripped my wrist harder and looked deep into my eyes, so deep that I thought he might just see her.

"You have a family, Temari." I stopped pulling instantly and looked at him in disbelief. "You have brothers," he continued. I felt winded and my chest hurt badly.

"B-B-Brothers?"

A tear.

It fell along my cheek and off my chin and dripped on the floor.

The thought that there were people in the world who shared the same blood as me, the same DNA… seemed impossible.

"How many?" I choked out.

"Two," he replied gently. I sniffed lightly and toyed with the number on my tongue and in my mind. "Gaara and Kankurou."

A strangled laugh escaped me. "What weird names." I gave him a watery smile. The ones where your lip quivers and your cheeks are stained with tears.

"Yeah, well, they're pretty weird guys, you said so yourself." He offered me a smile.

"I did?" My eyes were leaking now. His face fell and he placed his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah…" He looked away from me.

"Thanks…" He spared me a glance. "I… I never thought I would have a family. Me… it was impossible… but…" My vision grew blurry. "I have a family." My chest hurt so badly, as if my heart was being crushed. "No… I had a family."

The fresh tears spilled and I couldn't hold it back anymore. I had never truly cried until now. I cried ungracefully, full with gasps and snorts and uneven breaths.

And then his arms wrapped around me, a monster, and I didn't understand.

I didn't understand why this guy, a stranger, a man whose name I don't know, would hold me in my most vulnerable moment as I cried because of the unbearable pain in my heart. The pain of having your soul ripped in two.

I didn't understand, and I wished that I did.

Ssshhrrnkk

I yelped in pain. My knees grazed the floor and I braced myself on all fours. I could barely see. All I saw was a blinding white blurring my vision.

"Stop…" I begged.

"Number Three, you know we can't. Just bear it."

The intercom died before the tens of thousands of volts of electricity ran through my body.

I screamed.

My body trembled and every single muscle in my body ached excruciatingly.

"Make it stop…" My eyes were watering from the pain. I was begging. To whom, I don't know. Someone. Anyone. For anyone to make it stop.

The intercom came back to life. "Your body has built a resistance. We need to take the voltage higher." It died again.

"No," I begged. "No more."

It was futile. The next moment hundreds of thousands volts surged through my body, through my heart and brain.

I shrieked in agony and crumpled onto the floor gripping around my chest with my arms. My being was filled with an ultraviolet pain before I reacted how they wanted me to.

My body went into self-defense from the torture. I felt my spine dislocate. A strangled gasp of excruciating pain passed through my lips and tears leaked onto the bridge of my nose.

My spine cracked and pulled apart slowly before I felt my body grow and a wave of white-hot pain exploded in a part of my body I didn't have before. My spine stretched and pulled along my back and further down until new vertebrae were formed and filled in the gaping gaps in my mangled spine.

Tears were leaking down my nose. It was just a warning.

Within seconds I felt every bone in my hands crack apart. They separated and ripped away from each other. At that moment, having my hands cut off would have been the kind and humane thing to do. Anything was better than this pain.

The pain I feel can never be described. It is so unbearable that I can't cry, move or think.

Deep black metal scales tore out from under my skin and I wished I could scream. Now scales seemed to multiply and fabricate from nowhere and grew on top of the first layer of scales. My nails grew, turned hard and ripped out from my fingers until they settled in the scales. They grew larger and darker and impossibly sharp.

The result of my previous agony curled around me and it rested by my hands. A tail. If you could even call it that. It was sleek and black with a blade at the end. I whipped it against the floor, hearing the crack as it sliced through the metal.

"Oh god… make it stop," I begged. Dying would be better than this. "Please…" My vision grew red and I knew it was too late. "Please!"

My wrist bones shattered and my forearms dislocated from my elbows. Scales ripped out from under the flesh on my arms.

The pain was too much to take.

My vision went deep red, the colour of blood, and I lost consciousness.

Eighteen… Nineteen… Twenty.

One hundred and twenty marks.

My vision was resting on the ceiling. How did I get on my back?

Everywhere hurt. The pain was equivalent of being stabbed with six-inch nails. Everywhere. My back was screaming, and my feet were throbbing as well as my legs. My arms hurt too much to bend.

So I looked at the ceiling and the walls and counted each engraved claw mark. Ten times over.

One hundred and Twenty marks. Twenty-Four slashes.

Something fluttered in front of my face. Sleek and black with a large blade akin to an arrowhead at the tip. I swished it experimentally. I didn't like the term 'tail'. That made it sound cute and pet-like. It was far from that. More like a deadly whip that was attached to my body. I slammed the blade into the floor and it cut through the metal like butter. I hated it.

My cheek itched. I bent my arm, feeling excruciating pain, to scratch my cheek. A stinging bolt of pain shot across my cheek, and something moist and sticky dripped down my cheek and into the shell of my ear. I withdrew my hand quickly and my vision was filled with black metal.

My claw was trembling.

I hated it.

It truly was a claw.

A monstrous, sharp, black claw.

I raked it across the floor and listened to the screeching metal.

One hundred and Twenty-Five.

I wish I got as much enjoyment out of that as she did.

The sound of my chamber door opening sounded across the walls. I cursed loudly at the second bolt unlocking. I closed my eyes and bit into my lip in preparation for what I was about to do. I braced my claws against the floor and slipped my 'tail' under my back after the third bolt in the door unlocked.

The metal scale-like coating sank back into my hand and I bit into my lip. My knuckles cracked, shrank and moved back together. The tips of my claws shrank and stabbed into my fingers with blinding pain until they were a part of my body again. My teeth sunk into my lip and my eyes stung. I tasted blood pooling in my mouth.

I managed to crack my eyes open and glance at my human hands before seeing him walk into my chamber in all his nonchalant glory.

He was holding some files in his hands as he appeared.

He shut the chamber door behind him, standard protocol. As he turned around, he noticed me lying on my back on the ground, with a bloody cheek and lip.

"Temari?" He looked slightly concerned, how cute, how naïve. My tail trembled underneath me, and the blade cut into my back. I briefly closed one eye from the pain.

I heard the sound of the files slapping against the floor. I twisted my body and head slightly to look at him.

He dropped the last file onto the messy pile lazily and walked towards me until he stood above me. I only noticed then that he was smoking. I flinched when the blade cut into my shoulder blade.

"What are you hiding from me?" His voice echoed across my small chamber. I smirked slightly. How observant of him.

"Nothing, just something I don't want you to see."

I guess I was hiding the truth from him, and it made me uneasy. I don't understand why I didn't want him to see me. Every person who has come to 'help' me has seen what I am, but… I don't want him to see it… Not him. Anyone but him. I don't want him to hate me.

The blood flow in my tail was being cut off, and, as a result, it was throbbing.

I knew that I had a cut along my shoulder blade. I could feel something sickeningly sticky oozing between my back and the floor.

His mouth skewed slightly. I wish I could read his eyes.

"You're naked," he remarked casually. He was right. I was, physically and emotionally. I could barely move, completely vulnerable to his gaze and judgement. He could do anything to me… almost anything. And I would not stop him.

I watched him with all the awareness of prey. He slowly knelt beside me, closer than I was comfortable with. He was staring at me and I felt frightened, vulnerable, excited. There were traces of hunger in his eyes. Out of the corner of my vision I saw movement. It was a slow movement before I clearly saw his hand hovering above dip in my waist.

My skin crawled. He couldn't touch me there. I wouldn't allow it. He could grab my breast, hold my hips, touch me privately. All those things didn't have to require any feeling. They could all be done in lust. But not my waist, not my face. It was too tender. Too human. Things like that can only be done with… affection.

I realized I wasn't breathing.

His hand was frozen above my waist and he did nothing. His gaze was locked on his hand and his eyes didn't move. His breathing was shallow. His mind was overworking. I felt sweat forming along my body. Movement in his hand caught my immediate attention.

Trembling.

His hands… were trembling.

I was confused. I didn't understand. Now he was the one vulnerable and emotionally exposed. I knew it. He knew it. His eyes raked past mine for a moment. In a desperate attempt for some normality his hand darted out of my vision.

And then I felt it under my back, gripping onto my tail.

Ssshhrrnkk

Somehow I was up before any human could comprehend. I lashed my tail out and recoiled it in fear and animosity.

He yelped and grabbed his wrist trying to ease the obvious pain in his hand. Red trickled down his cheek from where the blade had whipped across his face. Deep crimson dropped from his hand onto the floor.

Blood…

"Don't touch me," I seethed. My vision grew hot and I grew scared. My tail did a whip-like motion behind my back. More blood splattered messily onto the floor. His hand shook and his fingers were curled in. He looked at me.

I wanted to die.

His eyes… god. They were tortured, he was betrayed. He was scared.

I couldn't feel my knees and then I was on the floor, my tail lying limply by my hands.

I did this. I did it. I made him scared. I made him fearful. The only person who…

My eyes stung.

"God… I'm sorry…" I breathed. I stared at my hands. I stared at my tail. I hated it. I loathed it. I didn't want this. I didn't want to hurt anybody… him. I don't want to be feared. "Why… why…"

I gritted my teeth until my jaws ached. "I don't want this thing…" I saw red. I saw my tail. I saw self hatred. I hated it! The sound of screeching metal registered dully in my head. I wanted it gone! I wanted to be normal. I want to be Temari, whoever she was. Not this.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard someone telling me to stop. It didn't register at all. I just saw it. And I wanted it gone.

"I don't want this thing!" Something was grabbing at me and I swatted it away effortlessly. My vision was pulsating with red and my hands felt painful. I didn't care. I just wanted to be who Temari was.

I lashed out.

In one sharp strike my tail was severed. I felt the blades go through my spine. White hot pain exploded in the bloody stump. Blood sprayed everywhere, coated everything. My body twisted and writhed. The pain was blinding. I was crawling, moving nowhere with no objective.

It was disgusting. I was like an animal. I looked like a pathetic excuse for an animal. I looked naked and pitiful, a bloody streaming stump for a tail. Not a human. Not an animal.

Nothing.

I arched my back and my head ground into the floor. Pain sliced through my back.

And then suddenly I couldn't feel my legs.

My head felt damp from the blood smeared floor. I wanted it to end… the pain… my existence.

My head felt cloudy and the air felt thick. My vision was swimming. I caught a glimpse of someone pulling themselves up from a dent in the wall.

I couldn't hear anything. Absolute dead silence except for the sound of my heartbeat. It thudded in my ears slowly. My body felt cold. I saw something dark swaying through my blind eyesight.

Is this what it's like to die?

The air smelled sweet…

Cherry Blossoms…

I smell cherry blossoms.

But I can't see them. I can't see much of anything. Am I blind? But I can see blurs… pink, blue, white. If only I could focus. A blur of black?

Focus…

Grey started swimming into my vision. I could see square patterns. This isn't the focus I wanted. I wanted to see this blur, not something else.

"Temari! Get your ass over here!"

Someone was calling out to me, but their voice was foggy and carried by the scent of blossoms. I saw blurred white, pink and a patch of black.

"Temari!"

Someone else was calling me… my vision was clearing.

"Temari!"

Reality crashed down suddenly and my vision was completely clear. I saw grey. A grey ceiling with square panels. People were crowded around me. The air I was breathing tasted sweet.

I could hear the insistent beeping. It was fast.

Where am I?

Who am I?

Am I dead?

My forehead felt clammy and cold sweat was rolling down my cheeks. I tried to wipe it away but my hands were so weak. Everything was so weak.

"Temari, can-"

Everything was blanking out. I'm trying to focus. I can see the ceiling… light… people.

"-hear me?" Him. Like a shock suddenly everything was clear enough to comprehend.

I saw him, somewhat above me. His cheek was bandaged and his hair was hanging in my face. Why did he look so worried, why did he look so concerned?

I realized I wanted to call out to him, to say his name. And like a weight too heavy to carry, it crushed me. I didn't know his name. I didn't know his name.

"You…" Why were tears leaking from my eyes? Why was I leaking? Why did he look so pained?

"Hey, what's with these tears?" He asked gently. He leaned forward and brushed the droplets from my cheeks.

I realized his other hand was bandaged heavily. I realized the blur in front of my eyes was a mask, that's why the air was sweet. I realized there were people talking heavily around me.

I realized I was being operated on.

"Is it alright?" I heard someone ask. He was wearing surgical clothes.

"The blood flow is perfect, sir," Another replied. He was in surgical clothes too. Everyone was, but him.

"Check if it's responsive," The first man ordered.

There was a hushed and strained silence. There were all staring somewhere where I couldn't see from where I lay. Even he was looking.

"Nothing, sir."

"Try again."

I felt numb…

A crash and a cry of pain rang out from the silence and beeping.

"HARRIS!"

I didn't see anything, only a flash of black and steel embedded in someone in surgical scrubs. I heard the clatter as he crashed into shelves of metal and equipment. My mind felt hazy.

"Quickly, someone sedate her!" Someone ordered.

Did I just-

I saw a blood spray followed by a quick glimpse of something sleek and black.

Why?

I felt sick, like I was about to throw up. I realized I was gripping his hand, painfully so. I wanted to call out to him, to say his name, asking for comfort. But I didn't know it. I didn't know his name. I didn't know him.

"Why?" I choked out. Pandemonium was occurring around me but it was becoming blurred. The shouts and orders were dulling and the frantic movement around me was becoming abstracted. Nothing made sense all of a sudden. The only thing that did was the sensation of a hand holding mine tightly and the thought that even when I am not in control I am still a monster.

I cannot escape this.

He was hovering in front of my face and he was trying to say something, but I couldn't hear him.

As I slipped away I realized my cheeks were wet with tears.

But they weren't my tears.

It vaguely occurred to me that I didn't know very much of anything.

I didn't know how long I had been… in this place. They certainly weren't helping me like they claimed. Then what were they doing, actually? But most importantly, what was wrong with me? And why can't I remember anything?

"How are you feeling?"

I felt my heartbeat spike. I didn't know he was here. I never saw him come in because I was sitting on my bed facing the wall and holding my knees.

"I didn't hear you come in," I muttered quietly.

He didn't say anything, but I knew he was staring at me and I knew what he was thinking: How can you not hear me come in? The sound of the door unbolting is far too loud.

"How is your hearing?" He asked after a few minutes.

I stared at an unremarkable spot on the wall. His question wasn't some form of insult or mocking. General question. General answer.

"I was just thinking," I replied. My hearing is fine. He seemed satisfied since he didn't question me any further.

A couple of minutes later he spoke up again. "Do you want to talk now?" I heard him shift his feet slightly. He had probably just put his hands in his pockets.

"No." Simple answer.

Another couple of minutes passed and he remained silent in understanding. I shifted slightly and was reminded that now was a good time to start talking.

"Why does it hurt?" My voice completely sliced through the heavy silence. I heard a sigh from behind me before he replied.

"Essentially, you have just grown a new spine. Because you cut off your… tail… you cut a large length of your vertebrae off, so when it retracted back to your normal form you were missing half of your spine. We had to give you medication to activate your unnatural cell regeneration to repair the damage. Your nerve endings are still repairing. It's going to hurt."

I nodded and found that it hurt a lot. "Hey, can you turn me around, please?"

A few footsteps sounded from behind me. I felt a pair of warm hands on my sides and he gradually turned me around so that I met his eyes with a few inches between us. His eyes were dark, obsidian almost. It just reminded me of what I had seen a few hours ago.

"How is he?" My voice sounded breathless. It hurt to breathe. His eyes clouded over slightly and his brows drooped.

"He's dead. You severed his artery in two places, there was no way we could save him," he informed honestly. I closed my eyes and tried not to imagine his lifeless and bloody corpse. But the image seemed to be burned into the back of my eyelids. I sighed deeply and tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"I didn't even – It wasn't… fuck." I breathed in deeply and tried to calm my emotions. "Couldn't you have just lied to me?" I opened my eyes and looked into his deep dark ones.

"I could of." I glared at him. Idiot. "But, nobody likes being lied to; because it's still not the result you actually want."

"How insightful," I muttered bitterly. I crossed my arms and hid my face from him.

"Well, I know things…" For some reason that comment infuriated me. It made me angry. Maybe it was the fact that he sounded like he did know things, whilst I knew nothing… about everything.

"Oh yeah? You do, do you?" I bit back. He recoiled away from me in shock from my sudden violent verbal attack. "Then if you seem to know everything, tell me why-" my lower back throbbed as a reminder. I winced slightly. "-why I'm like this. That's all I want to know!"

He remained silent and a look of displeasure was washed over his face. "You mean, they haven't actually told you?"

"Obviously fucking not!" I shouted. His mouth skewed and conflicting reason and emotions were swirling through his eyes. He looked away from me. I couldn't stand it. "Please…" I placed my hand on top of his and a shiver wracked across my body. It was so tender, too alien for me. "Please…"

To this day I could never place the emotion that was painted on his face at that moment. He looked so pained.

"If they haven't told you… then maybe you shouldn't know…" He muttered after a few moments. "Haven't you ever considered they haven't told you out of kindness?" My heart stopped for a second and it jerked painfully. I looked away from him and towards the dark grey metal floor. An image of blood smeared across that very floor flashed violently before my eyes. I shut my eyes, but the image was burned into my mind.

"No…" the words slipped out from my lips. "I never considered that for a second. And I never will. Just tell me." I managed to glance into his eyes. He was looking down at me and his hands with plunged deeply into his pockets. He took a few more seconds to look at me before he carefully sat down next to me on my bed, sighed deeply through his nose and out of his mouth and hung his head.

"Have you ever heard of the name, Celldock?" He asked quietly. The name rang in my head and seemed to unlock something. But I couldn't identify it.

"…somewhere… I think I knew it… before, but now… I don't," I struggled to say. The name, Celldock, felt like it was eating away at my mind.

"How about, Terra Corporation?" He asked again.

"No," I answered.

"I see…" I remarked sadly.

"Are you ever going to explain anything to me?" I asked rudely. He gave me a tired pained expression before taking another sigh. My heart was beating from anxiety.

"Celldock was the name of a large facility in a small town called Seiren. They specialized in the modifying and testing of DNA. Celldock was owned by the Terra Corporation. They were using the Celldock branch of their Company to test how to change the DNA structure and what would happen if they did so." His fist clenched on his knee. "Fucking psychotic," he spat.

"What… does this have to do with me?"

He spared me a glance. "You were one of the eight thousand, five hundred and forty-two residents of Seiren. Exactly one year ago tomorrow was when it happened. Due to a malfunction at Celldock the nuclear reactors they used for experimentation imploded and, simultaneously, destroyed the other two nuclear reactors. There were only two survivors. You were one of them, Temari."

It suddenly felt static had washed into my brain. All this had happened to me? And would never have known. This massive catastrophe… wasn't even a memory. My throat felt dry. Somehow I managed to find words. "…you said there were two… who… who was…?"

"Number 7, she was the second survivor," he answered my broken question.

Now my brain hurt. You mean… she… she had gone through all of this too? Did she… know about it? My head hurt badly. All of these unknown voices and memories that I could no longer remember flooded through my head. It was almost too much to take… yet I wanted to know everything.

"You still haven't told me… why…"

"I was hoping you would be satisfied with what I gave you… I guess not." He held his head in his hand for a moment. "Terra Corporation sent out a rescue team and found you and Number 7. You were in very bad condition. You had multiple injuries that, with time, would have killed you. You had to be rushed to the closest hospital. That hospital was in the neighbouring town…"

"…yeah?" I could feel sweat forming on my forehead.

"You may want to take a moment for what I am about to tell you, because once I begin to explain, I ain't gonna stop."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and nodded my head slightly. He took a moment to collect his thought and prepare his upcoming speech.

"You were taken to the hospital and placed in the ICU after 1 hour, 34 minutes and 27 seconds after you were found. They treated all of your bleeds in the ICU before taking your to the CAT scan to check for internal breaks and injuries. Just after they scanned you they found strange anomalies in your spine and bones. And in front of their eyes they saw the strange anomaly spread throughout your body and, before they could react, it had reached your brain." He was fidgeting with his fingers. "To this day we don't have an accurate description of everything… but all we know is… you turned into… something... and destroyed the CAT scan, the room and killed the four doctors in the room. You continued to kill everyone on the three floors of the hospital until you were tranquillized. To this day it's known as the massacre of Tengen."

The world had crashed in on me. It was almost as if I didn't know where the ceiling was anymore. My eyes were wide and I could hear the blood roaring through my ears… but my mind stopped. Nothing, at all, made any sense anymore. My chest felt painful and my eyes were stinging. I had killed… no… I had massacred…

"Oh god."

"Ever since then you have been kept here. This facility is also owned by Terra Corporation. They may be telling you that they are trying to find a cure for you, but that isn't really their main priority. They are more interested in finding out the specifics of you bone marrow mutation and altered DNA strand. They want to find out what the real cause is; the specifics. The only information they have gathered is that when Celldock was destroyed all their test samples and mutated DNA was breached and one of the many samples combined with the nuclear radiation from the explosion… and… fused into your body and DNA." He was fiddling with his fingers again and he would not look at me. "We have yet to find any means of defusing it from your system. It's possible that we may never be able to… so that's why they keep you here, in this room with reinforced titanium walls; for public safety."

I found that it was hard to breathe. You can never describe the moments where you are devastated beyond any comprehension. Nobody can ever understand that you hear everything yet listen to nothing. My fingers were gripping against the bed frame. My centre of gravity was swaying in and out of what I was able to handle. Next thing I knew I was sitting on the floor still holding on to the bed frame. Crying.

It wasn't loud crying, or messy crying. It was soft and sad and it made me shake slightly. Small sobs escaped me and momentarily I forgot about the man looking down on me. Only for a moment.

"Thank you…" another sob made its way out. "…for telling me." Even though the news was life shattering… I still knew now. It couldn't be an easy thing to say.

"You shouldn't be thanking me just yet…"

"Huh… what do you mean?" I stared down at the floor waiting for his answer.

"This is the worst possible time to ask but… I came here for a reason, not just to check up on you."

"…I'm listening."

"Temari, I need you to show me…"

The steel bed frame cracked under my grip.

"…Tem-"

"Get out."

Silence. "Excuse me?"

"Get the fuck out."

"…Tem-"

"How dare you. I spend all this time trying to suppress it and you come and tell me to just let it out," I seethed. "How dare you?!"

I heard him stand up and take a few steps. "I won't leave until I see it."

"How can you expect me to just show you?!" I bit back. "I will kill you. Just get out!"

Thump-thump… thump-thump

"Show me, Temari."

"No!"

Girl…

Thump-thump

Let me out…

"Let it out. Show me."

"…No…"

Let me out… come on…

Thump…

Girl… I smell…

Sssshhrrrnnkkk

"NOOOOOOOO!!"

Blood.

Pant. Pant. Pant.

His eyes widened. So this was it. To think that this was the so called monster. He had expected something grotesque, deformed, mutated. But all he saw was Temari.

Temari covered in black scale like plating. It stretched across her arms and jagged out viciously. It curved around her breasts and cut fang shaped marks into her ribcage. It wrapped around her hips and thighs and ended plating her legs. Her hair was black, long. Her eyes dark and wild. Her hands large and threatening.

Pant. Pant. Pant.

She was not a monster. She was a masterpiece.

"Temari, this is what you were afraid of? This is great, it's… amazing, it's-"

Giggle.

She lunged forwards, bladed fingers tips ripping towards his stomach. He threw himself out of the way. Her left claw tore through the air straight at his throat. He barely escaped and her blades ripped through thin flesh. Her right clash lunged in again whilst her left quickly followed. Her claws cut through his shirt and scraped the flesh from his chest. He barely managed to dodge. She was out of his vision and in the air. She whipped her body around and her bladed tail whipped towards his face. He threw himself at the ground.

His blood was smearing on the floor as he tried to get up. He saw armored black. Claws crushed around his throat, lifting his body high up. Her eyes invaded his vision.

"…ningen." She rolled the world on her tongue and giggled cruelly. He tried to pull her hands away from his throat but it was futile. Her eyes were cruel. She wasn't Temari. "You're blood smells so sweet."

He felt something dripping down his neck from where her claws were. Her tail blade hooked under the bandage on his cheek and cut through it. He felt a compressive force against his skull; she moved his head to the side. She brought him closer to her face.

He couldn't breathe; she was cutting off his air.

She breathed hotly over his cheek. Her tongue ran across the deep cut on his face. "…so sweet." She lifted him away from her face and grinned cruelly. Her grip tightened on his throat to near breaking point. "I can't wait to rip you to pieces."

He gripped at her claw and tried to get any words to leave his mouth.

"…Temari… stop."

He was met by cruel laughter. "You think that'll wo-" The grip around his throat relinquished suddenly and he was dropped onto the ground. Suddenly she was gripping her head and wailing. Wailing like he had never heard before. It made his hair stand on end.

And then he noticed. Her scales were retracting. They were being forced back into her skin. He heard the sickening sound of bones cracking.

And she wailed.

Thunk

…you win, for now.

I was lying on the ground, and I couldn't move. Even if I tried. I just couldn't. I couldn't turn my head. I could taste blood. My heart stopped.

Oh god… please… no…

"Temari! Say something."

Suddenly he was kneeling in my vision and he was alright. He was alive. He was breathing. He wasn't h-

Blood was dripping from his neck. I saw the marks.

"…Get out."

"…Temari, let me-"

"… Just get out."

I was losing consciousness again because everything was happening in frames. I couldn't see his face because my vision was blanking. But I heard the footsteps. And I heard the door close. And I felt the tears slide down my nose and onto the floor.

Before I hurt you again.

So what if you can see the darker side of me

No one will ever change this animal I have become

Help me believe it's not the real me.

Somebody help me tame this animal.

This animal.

You, who've been hurt by unspeakable pain and sadness,

Don't say things like "I can't laugh" or "I hate people."