Mile High Club
By
Denise
Jack pulled off the busy street and maneuvered his truck across the parking lot. "This appears to be a venue of some popularity," Teal'c said, no doubt observing the packed lot.
"Maybe one of these places is having a sale," Jack said, pulling his truck into a space right next to a large black truck, the only mark on it a splintered windshield. He put his own vehicle into park and turned off the engine.
"It's not like a walk is going to kill us," he said as he pulled the keys.
Teal'c glanced over at him. "A walk across this parking lot could prove most deadly if the driver of a vehicle is not attentive."
Jack rolled his eyes. "Way to be Mister Positive," he said, pushing open the door. He climbed out of his truck and started across the parking lot, trying not to look like he was paying attention to the traffic. Cars came and went and Jack realized – as was his luck – whatever sale was going on was in the store they were going to.
He walked past a wide variety of cars, everything from scratched and dented older models to a car so new that it still had its temporary tag.
Jack strolled by the brand new convertible, scanning it with appreciative eyes. "There's enough gadgets in there to keep Carter busy for a week," he said, looking back at Teal'c
"Perhaps two," Teal'c agreed. "You are certain that this business offers the items we are searching for?"
Jack shrugged. "That's what they said on the phone. And they damn well better after we spent an hour driving from the Springs to Denver."
They walked up to the Mile High Comics store and Jack shook his head slightly at the hand painted figures decorating the windows. "That artisan possesses some degree of skill," Teal'c said.
"Are you gonna tell me that you actually know who those people are?" Jack asked, gesturing at the figures of Wonder Woman, Superman and Batman painted on the windows of the comic store.
"Upon occasion that I have been pressed into service to care for Cassandra Frasier, I was informed that the Cartoon Network possessed age appropriate entertainment."
Jack paused for a moment, amused by the idea of a century old warrior watching cartoons. "Let's get this over with," he said, banishing the mental image.
He opened the door and walked inside, moving out of the way of a man pushing past him, a large paper bag clutched in his arms. "O'Neill?" Teal'c asked as he paused just inside the door.
"I have no idea where this stuff is," Jack admitted.
Customers were mostly gathered around a central display area, picking and choosing from the offerings spread out. The door opened and a man walked past them, smiling widely. "I waited twenty years to come here," he declared to no one in particular. Jack shook his head a bit and started to wander through the store, his eyes skimming over the mind boggling selection. There were several rows of drawers and shelves, all covered with colorful comic books, most of which were in clear plastic bags.
The walls of the store were lined with glass display cases and Jack moved towards those, thinking that they might contain what he was looking for. "I do not recognize these
figures," Teal'c said.
"Neither do I," Jack replied. "Not all of them anyway. That's Ghost Rider," he said, dredging the name out of his memory. "And that one is Wolverine."
"We had similar artisans on Chulak who would create images of the false gods to adorn ones' home."
"They're not false gods," Jack corrected. "They're comic book characters."
A young man moved past them, a friend in tow. "You see that, Justin? That's what I'm getting for my birthday. Kevin will be so jealous." He leaned against one of the cases and nearly drooled over the figure inside.
Teal'c raised his eyebrows and looked at Jack who merely shrugged and moved on. They made their way towards the back corner of the store and Teal'c paused, looking at some of the comic covers. "Such physical attributes are not anatomically possible."
"Huh?"
"In all the planets I have visited, I have never seen a race whose females were so well endowed."
Jack followed Teal'c's gaze and couldn't help but stare at the cover, graced by a female with breasts the size of cantaloupes and a waist that made Barbie look positively fat. He shook his head slightly. "Things have changed a bit since the good old days. My mother would have broke my fingers had I brought that home."
"Do you guys need some help?" a voice asked. Jack turned to see a dark haired woman standing beside them. "You look a little lost."
"We're looking for the dolls," Jack blurted.
"Dolls?" She raised her eyebrows.
"Movable figures created in the likeness of the characters from Wormhole X-Treme," Teal'c said.
"Ah." She nodded knowingly. "Action figures. Over here." She turned and started walking towards the far side of the store.
"I was not aware that these representations were capable of action on their own," Teal'c said as they followed the woman.
"They aren't," Jack said. "It just sounds cooler."
"Wormhole X-Treme figures are all over here," the woman said and Jack looked, picking up one of the figures.
"Which one should we get her?"
"If the purpose of these figures is to simulate interaction, would not multiple figured be preferred?"
Jack shrugged then looked at the tag. "These puppies are fifteen dollars a piece."
'Is this gift not to commemorate Cassandra's Frasier's birthday?" Teal'c asked. "And event that happens but once a year."
"Yeah but…T, there has to be a dozen of these things."
"Ten actually," the woman corrected. She picked up a figure and turned it over in her hands, revealing the backside. She pointed to a series of small pictures. "Colonel Danning, Major Monroe, Doctor Levant and Grell," she listed. "There's two versions of each. One in their green uniform, one 'black ops'," she said, making quote signs with her free hand.
"Black ops?" Jack raised his eyebrows.
"They're in black uniforms," she explained, shaking her head a bit.
"Ah."
"And the ninth and tenth?" Teal'c asked, digging through the figures and handing them to
Jack.
"Well, one is that guy that replaced Colonel Danning," she said. She picked up his figure and handed it to Jack. "He was younger but…" She shook her head. "Nick Marlow left some very big shoes to fill."
"I can only find seven, O'Neill."
"Who's missing?" Jack asked, struggling not to drop the seven bulky packages in his hands.
"I cannot find any of Doctor Levant."
"Levant?" Jack asked. "Oh, right, Dan…tor Levant."
"Ah, I forgot about that." She pointed towards a bin. "The Doctor Levants are in here." She dug through the waist high bin. "Even the Evil Twin figure," she said, holding up a Doctor Levant figure clad in cream colored clothing. "That's the tenth one in the series."
"Levant has an evil twin?" Jack asked Teal'c, knowing that his friends watched the show more than he did. They didn't pay their military advisor to actually read the scripts. They just gave him things to sign and favors to call in.
"Indeed he does," Teal'c confirmed.
"And, even better, buy any of two of those." She pointed at the stack in Jack's arms. "And you get a Levant for free."
"Free?"
She shrugged. "For every two of the other characters, they send us three Levants. I guess they figured that he'd be popular."
Jack looked over at Teal'c. "We're not telling him."
"Is there anything else you need?" she asked, looking at her watch.
"We're good, thanks," Jack said, figuring that she was likely at the end of her shift and ready to go home.
She smiled and nodded before she walked back towards the front of the store. "Perhaps Cassandra Frasier would like some comic books to go with her action figures," Teal'c suggested.
"I'm already spending a hundred bucks on these things, that's good enough," Jack said. "Besides, how do you think Doc would react if I bought Cass books full of half naked big boobed women?"
Teal'c thought for a second. "Is the Tau'ri saying not that discretion is the better part of valor?"
Jack grinned and headed towards the front of the store, Teal'c at his side, his arm full of Levant figures. It took them a few minutes to check out and they made their way outside, a large plastic bag dangling awkwardly from Jack's fingers.
They walked across the parking lot and Jack discovered that the owner of the truck was none other than the woman who'd assisted them inside. "Thanks for your help," he said again, unlocking the door.
"Glad to do it," she said. "I take it you found what you were looking for."
"Yep," Jack answered as she climbed into her truck.
"Did they ask you about joining the Mile High Club?" she asked through her open window.
"Excuse me?"
She grinned. "Our frequent shopper program. Series two of those things is due out next month. Spend a hundred dollars and you get ten percent off, it'll almost buy one of them," she explained.
"Maybe next time," Jack said. He shoved his keys into the ignition. "Hey," he called out. "You ought to get that window fixed," he said.
"And you ought to start reading comics again," she shot back as she put her truck into gear and pulled away.
Jack chuckled and watched her go, shaking his head slightly. "O'Neill?"
"You whisper one word of this, and I'll hide your Star Wars DVD's," he threatened, twisting the key in the ignition and putting the truck into gear. Maybe he'd give them a try, after all, they were comic books, they couldn't have changed that much since he was a kid.
Fin