Disclaimer: They don't belong to me.
More than
Here are Challenge 2009 lines for May.
Harm: Only when I look at you.
Or hear you speak.
It wasn't the end of the world, Mac knew that. It wasn't as if the sky had fallen in or the planet had ceased to be. It was only that on the one night she had finally summoned the courage to go and speak to Harm, to tell him what she was truly thinking about him, and about her, and about him and her, she'd found him to be 'otherwise engaged'. While that was not the specific term Harm had used when he'd opened the door to his apartment , the fact he was dressed in only sweat pants, his face sweaty and red and a woman was laughing in the background, screamed out that she was interrupting something more than business.
Sitting in her darkened apartment, trying to figure out what it all meant and where it left her, Mac tried to hold back the tears she'd been fighting since she'd fled his building. In the end, she gave in and cried over the lost opportunities, misunderstandings and just plain sense of loss she felt. When she finally pulled herself together, about midnight, she admonished herself for being so emotional – it was something that never was and vowed she'd not allow a repeat performance.
Over the weekend, she kept herself busy with paperwork and her archaeology studies, phone calls to Chloe and Uncle Matt and a marathon length jog around familiar streets.
By Monday morning, Mac was ready to face the world again, the world which involved Harm. Taking a deep breath before the elevator doors opened, she squared her shoulders, raised her chin and prepared herself for any encounter she may have with the Naval Commander who was no longer going to occupy all her thoughts.
The first time she saw him was across the conference table in the regular Monday morning staff call and although she replied to his greeting, she said nothing else. Throughout the forty five minute meeting, Mac took copious, unnecessary notes and studied them as a way to distract herself from being aware of Harm's gaze. So intense was her pretend preoccupation, that when the General called her name, she jumped - most un-marine-like.
.
"Colonel MacKenzie?" Cresswell said. "Where are you at?"
"About what, sir?" she asked, shaking her head.
"The Dempsey case," he said, studying her.
"Closing arguments are set down for tomorrow, so should be done in a couple of days," she said, her focus back on task.
"Good!" he declared, making notes on his file. "Now, I there's a TAD to the San Diego office. Starts ASAP, duration anything from a month to six. Any volunteers?"
Knowing this was a great opportunity to take a break from the current situation, Mac was keen to volunteer but hesitated momentarily, thinking Harm may like it as it would allow him some time with his mother and stepfather. With nobody speaking, Mac decided to just go for it.
"Unless there is anyone else wanting to do it, I'll take it, sir," Mac said looking only at her CO.
"Anyone else?" he asked, scanning the staff around the table. "No? Looks like it's you, MacKenzie, see me after this for some more details.
When the meeting was concluded and they'd been dismissed, Mac collected her things and pushed in her chair.
"Mac, got a minute?" Harm asked, rounding the table to catch up with her.
"Not really, Commander," she said politely, as she attempted to side step him. Harm moved too and she was back facing him once more.
"Mac?" he said, reaching out and touching her arm. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," she replied. "Cresswell's expecting me."
"How about lunch then?" he asked and she shook her head. "Dinner?"
"Sorry, Commander, I'm busy," she replied, this time managing to negotiating her way around him.
Watching Mac as she departed, Harm shook his head – he was at a loss to explain her distance from him. Last week all had been going well and except for Friday night...
"Damn!" he said to himself. Friday night; she'd stopped by, he should have phoned her to explain but he been a bit embarrassed by the whole thing and had put it out of his mind.
"Colonel, wait!" he said, jogging out into the bullpen and catching up with her as she neared their CO's office. "You need to let me explain."
"There's nothing to explain," she said. "Excuse me."
.
And that was that.
.
Not prepared to let things go so easily, Harm camped out on Mac's doorstep until she arrived home later that night. Having his own responsibilities, he hadn't been able to wait for her at headquarters, but this was the next best thing.
Sitting on the floor, his back against the wall beside her door, Harm closed his eyes, ignoring the temptation to use his emergency key and let himself in; her sofa would be much more comfortable. Time ticked by and his stomach told him it had been a long time since lunch, he ignored it and tried to work out exactly what he was going to say to Mac. He knew with her taking the TAD, this may be his only chance to set things straight.
.
"What are you going here?" was Mac's form of greeting as she walked down her hallway.
"I was waiting for you," he replied, scrambling to his feet.
"I have nothing to say to you, Commander," she replied, unlocking her door.
"Are you ever going to call me Harm again?" he asked, the use of his rank riling him.
"What do you want?" she asked with a sigh, wanting this encounter to be over. There was so much she had to do with a move imminent.
"I want you to give me ten minutes of your time and let me explain things to you," he said, leaning on the door jamb.
"Fine," she said. "Ten minutes."
.
Closing the door behind him, Harm watched as Mac dropped onto the sofa, impatience clear in her eyes.
"Friday night..." he began and Mac put up her hand.
"Stop there," she said, getting to her feet. "You don't owe me any explanation."
"Okay," he said, nodding. "I owe it to us though," he added and her head shot up.
"Us?" she questioned, sitting down once more.
"Yes, us," he replied with greater confidence. "I thought things were going pretty well between us lately."
"I thought so too," she admitted, though not meeting his gaze.
"And then today, you wouldn't even give me the time of day," he continued, propping himself on the arm of the armchair. She didn't respond. "So, the only conclusion I can come to is that this changed happened on Friday night when you came by."
.
Mac looked at him but said nothing.
"So," he continued quickly, in case she changed her mind about letting him speak. "I wanted to make sure you had all the facts."
Mac cringed, she really didn't want to hear the details of his latest conquest, still she'd given her word and so she just nodded.
"On Friday night, when you called by," he started nervously. "I was...um...well, you see..."
"Just spit it out, Harm," she said, standing up. "You are seeing someone, you were otherwise engaged; I have bad timing."
"No!" he said louder than he had anticipated. "I am not seeing anyone!"
"Sure," she said with a sigh.
"I'm not!" he said emphatically.
Mac rolled her eyes. "Sure," she repeated. "You always open the door hot and sweaty and have a woman in your apartment."
.
Instead of the defensive argument Mac was expecting, Harm laughed.
"What?" she said, not seeing the joke in this at all.
"It definitely wasn't what you were thinking," Harm said with a chortle.
"Then what was it?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
"I've ...um..." he started, his laughter giving way to embarrassment. "I've been doing aerobics lately," he admitted sheepishly. "That woman you heard was on the DVD."
"Aerobics?" Mac questioned, not sure whether to believe him or not.
"Yeah, well, um...last time we went running I was out of breath about two miles before you. I figured I'd do a bit more fitness work so I could beat you next time," he admitted, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
.
Needing a bit of think time, Mac ventured into the kitchen before returning with two bottles of water. Handing Harm one, she returned to the position on the sofa as he sat in the arm chair, knowing the water would buy him a bit more time.
"You couldn't have told me this before I volunteered for the TAD?" she asked, tucking her legs under her.
"You didn't give me much of a chance," he replied, unscrewing the cap.
"Yeah, well..." she said, before her voice trailed; he was right.
Now, it was Harm's turn to push matters.
"Why did you volunteer?" he asked quietly, studying her pensive form.
"Thought it would help," she offered honestly.
"Help what?" he asked, tilting his head to see if he could get any eye contact with her.
"Get over you," she muttered, before sighing deeply.
.
Scooting from the armchair to the sofa, Harm took her water bottle and placed it on the coffee table next to his.
"Get over me?" he asked, taking her hands. "Why do you have to get over me?"
"Because..." she started in the smallest voice he had heard from her.
"Because?" he echoed softly.
"Because I can't keep letting myself get hurt every time you find someone else," she said, her eyes fixed on his shirt buttons.
"Well, Mac," he said quietly. "I haven't found someone else ... there's never been anyone else."
"Hmph," she responded.
"Look at me," he instructed, raising her face. "There have been other women... but the words 'someone else' indicates there was another choice...another option. Was there? Is there?"
Slowly Mac nodded and bit down on her bottom lip. "Me."
"You?" he questioned breathlessly.
"Me," she repeated with greater confidence.
.
Moving closer to Mac on the sofa, Harm cupped her face and looked deep into the chocolate orbs in front of him. For several moments he allowed himself to get lost as he gazed at her.
"Are you still an option?" he asked, not quite believing the turn of events in the evening.
"Aha," she said, nodding.
"So, I can do this?" he asked, leaning forward and brushing his lips across hers.
"Aha," she repeated, her hands coming up and holding onto his shirt.
"And I can do this?" he asked again, before his lips came to settle over hers and he kissed her tenderly.
"Aha," Mac mumbled into his mouth.
.
Prevented from taking the evening activities further when Cresswell phoned Harm and he had to leave, Mac settled into bed more than pleased with the way things had turned out and disappointed she was heading westward.
.
After being in San Diego for a month, Mac was pleasantly surprised when Harm appeared at the door of her temporary office late on a Friday evening.
"They're either working you too hard or you have no life," he said, leaning on the door jamb watching her.
"Harm!"
Jumping up from behind her desk and padding over to him, Mac hugged him tightly. Although they'd exchanged copious emails and long phone calls, nothing matched seeing him in the flesh. She kissed him thoroughly.
"Missed me?" he asked, his forehead resting on hers, his arms wrapped loosely around her waist.
"Nope," she replied. "Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Oh, just the fact you texted me five times today and ended each one with 'miss you'," he recalled, kissing her forehead.
"Oh that," she sighed. "Well, maybe I've missed you just a little." She pressed into him once more.
.
Well prepared to stand in her office and hold her indefinitely, Harm thought there were probably other activities they could do which required a little more contact.
"You ready to get out of here?" he asked, sweeping his hand in the direction of her desk.
"Yep, nothing here that can't wait til Monday," she said, letting him go long enough to square away her desk and collect her belongings.
"Have you got accommodation?" she asked, flicking off her office light.
"Yeah, booked a room at the Radisson," he said. "I was hoping I could persuade you to give up the luxuries of your quarters for a night or two."
"Well," she said, pausing in the doorway to contemplate his offer, and although there was nothing to consider, she wouldn't give in so quickly. "I guess I could."
"I could make it worth your while," he replied, quirking an eyebrow as he smirked at her.
"I bet you could," she said, taking his hand and leading him out to the car park.
.
Forty five minutes later, after a side trip to Mac's quarters for her to change and to pick up some things, they walked into Harm's room hand in hand. Dropping her bag on the floor near the bed, Mac turned to Harm and hugged him again. Breathing deeply, she inhaled his scent. It was as familiar to her as anything she had ever known; it was a mixture of his cologne, soap and him and it was something she always found comforting.
Sensing her reluctance to let him go, Harm bent down and kissed her head. He'd dreamed of this night, the one where they finally got beyond all the walls and barriers they'd carefully constructed and were with each other. Realising he had the benefit of knowing that he was going to see her tonight for the last week, something Mac had known for less than an hour, he could give her some time to process the events of the day.
"What's say we order room service?" he said, reaching over to pick up the in-room menu. "Then you could have a spa before it comes."
"Sounds like a plan," she said with a smile, looking at all the delights on offer. When she had finally decided, she left Harm to make the call and walked into the bathroom to run the water. Dressed only in a white fluffy robe, Mac padded back out to him. Her brow creased as she looked at him sitting at the table perusing the newspaper.
"What's up?" he asked, looking up to find her watching him.
"Aren't you joining me?" she asked, moving over to him.
"Is that an invitation?" he asked, his eyes gleaming. While it was something he definitely wanted to do, he wasn't prepared to assume anything where Mac was concerned.
"Do you want it to be?" she countered.
"I do," he admitted nodding. "I just didn't want you to feel pressured. I mean after all, this will all be unexplored territory for us."
"Well, you have seen me in the bathtub before?" Mac said, taking his hand and pulling him up.
"Yes, covered by bubbles," he said, dutifully following behind her as she led him to the bathroom.
"I'll be covered in bubbles this time too," she replied, closing the door behind him and dimming the lights.
"Yes, but this time I'll see you before those pesky bubbles cover you and I'll be in the tub with you," he added as she began to undress him.
"You nervous, squid?" she asked as she caressed his face.
"Nope," he replied but as she placed her palm over his heart, the rapid beating told its own story.
"I'll be gentle with you, I promise," she whispered, reaching up to kiss his cheek.
.
Discarding her robe, Mac slipped into the bath as Harm stood motionless watching her. He'd once told her she was beautiful but even that word didn't do her justice.
"Coming?" she asked, holding out her hand to him.
Quickly, he shucked off his jeans and boxers and it took all Mac's efforts not to stare. Instead, she preoccupied herself with the spa jets and shivered involuntarily as he slipped into the bath behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Adjusting the pressure of the jets, Mac leaned back into him fully aware of their nakedness and trying to be relaxed about the whole thing.
"You're absolutely amazing, Mac," Harm whispered, kissing her head.
"Amazing is a strong word," she replied, her eyes closed as her cheeks flushed.
"Yes, it is," he agreed. "But it's perfect for you."
"Hah," she said with a self-deprecating laugh.
"Don't do that," he scolded gently, his hand moving up and down her arm. "You are amazing, take the compliment."
Mac nodded. "I...it's just...thank you," she said, lifting his hand and kissing it. She'd had many compliments in her life but they amounted to nothing. The same words coming from Harm stirred emotions in her that she just couldn't explain.
"You're welcome," he said, kissing her head once more. "You know something else?" he asked and her stomach fluttered.
"What?" she asked almost breathlessly.
"I love you," he declared, leaning down and bringing her face around to meet his.
"Why?" she asked before she could stop herself.
"Because you are the most amazing, most beautiful person I have ever met," he replied, holding her gaze.
"Easy to say when we're in here together," she said, not quite willing to believe he loved her so easily. Too much heartbreak had left too much scar tissue.
"I know," he agreed, knowing she was scared of their new intimacy by the fear he saw in her eyes. "But I am in love with you, Sarah MacKenzie," he promised her. "I feel it in here," he said, bringing her hand up to rest over his heart. "I feel it when I look at you or hear you speak. I feel it when I think about you or whenever you are near." He reached down and kissed her gently. "And just so you know, I've felt it for a long time now."
"I'm in love with you too, Harm," she declared softly as she turned over in the tub and came to rest on him. "And have been for a long time too."
"So, are you ready to move this relationship further?" he asked as his arms surrounded her and drew her upwards.
"More than..." she whispered.
"Want to move from the tub first?" he asked as she trailed kisses along his jaw.
"Maybe for next time," she said as her lips caressed his. "You ready?" she asked her eyes locking onto his.
"More than..." he replied, echoing her words.
And while the weekend went by fast it was so much more than either had ever expected it to be. It was the perfect way to start the new phase of their relationship and now Mac couldn't wait til she was back in DC and could have Harm in her bed every night.
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