Challenge fic: Cradle and All

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)
Title: Cradle and All
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Notes/Summary: Missing scene from "Baby Boom." Written in response to a challenge posted at the TBJ:ladies LIveJournal forum.

Tracey entered her office alone. Somehow after the verdict, when Kelly had gone to accept a congratulatory hug from Emily Downey, they had gotten separated. She hadn't wanted to interrupt their emotional huddle, so she'd picked up the file box and slipped out of the courtroom practically unnoticed. It was an unusual situation for her after a win ... virtual anonymity. But there had been so much attention focused on the near hysteria of Katie Nevins as she reacted to her guilty verdict, her clinging family. Most of the spectators were torn between the gut-wrenching cries of the mother of the newly-convicted nanny and the quiet sobbing relief of Marissa's grieving mother. Besides, this had been Kelly's baby ...

Tracey caught herself at the thought, horrified at her own mental faux pas. Even as she told herself that it was a normal expression, one she had used countless times, she chided herself for not stopping it before it had formed. This had been Kelly's case ... from the beginning. She had merely been a supporting player ... and she hoped she had been supportive enough. For Kelly's sake.

Exhaling deeply, she set the white cardboard container down on her desk only to draw a long shaky breath as the lid slipped sideways, exposing the doll. For days she had handled it as a prop, a means to an end. Suddenly, she couldn't bear the thought of it shunted into an evidence box. Knocking the top away, she reached in, gingerly lifting the small body ... straightening the clothes, smoothing the hair. Before she realized it, she was speaking softly, barely above a whisper ...

"Hey, little one. It's all over. It's done now."

Tenderly she drew the doll closer to her, brushing a stray strand of hair away from it's face. Her vision blurred as she eased backward into her chair. Dimly she was aware that this was crazy behavior ... sitting here in the quiet office, talking to a piece of plastic ... crying. But she didn't stop. Absently she rocked, still stroking the doll's hair ... murmuring in a hushed voice ...

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry ..."

She made no attempt to wipe away the tears that streamed down her face, occasionally sniffling ... cradling "baby Marissa" to her. Instead she let the raw horror of the case sweep over her, breaking the dam she had built to hold it back so that she could deal with the brutal reality, her duties ... Kelly. She closed her eyes briefly, seeing only the numerous baby pictures behind her eyelids. Damn. Usually, she did this at home, or at least away from here ... if she allowed it at all. It was getting far more rare than she cared to examine. Hugging the doll tightly to her, she swallowed hard, saying a silent prayer -- despite what she had said to her partner earlier.

Opening her eyes, blinking back the sting, she bent to place a kiss on the tiny forehead. They'd done what they could, but it wouldn't change the terrible facts as she knew them ... felt them.

"God bless you, sweetheart. Rest now."

Kelly thought she had already exhausted her entire life's quota of tears during the Downey case. She was wrong. Watching Tracey through the window ... frozen in place, unable to budge or speak ... she had flashed back to the night she'd witnessed Emily saying good-bye at the hospital. Then, like now, she had been incredibly moved ... touched in a way she had never experienced. It was visceral and overwhelming. She'd felt helpless that night, in spite of her position, the power it held. She'd wanted to comfort Dr. Downey but she had been well aware that she was an outsider looking in ... literally.

As she watched Tracey carry the doll slowly over to the couch and gently lay it down, seemingly reluctant to leave it there ... Kelly shook herself. She belonged here. She was part of this. This was Tracey. Without another thought she entered the office, walked quietly toward where Tracey stood ... stopping when the brunette turned at the sound of her footsteps ... and simply opened her arms.

Wordlessly, Tracey stepped into her embrace, her head resting on Kelly's shoulder, arms closing tightly around her back. Swaying slightly, Kelly held her ... needing to do this ... needing the same in return. They still had work to do, sentencing to face ... but right now, in this moment, nothing else mattered. And nothing needed to be said.

the end
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