A/N: for petals-to-fish who I told about this idea and she immediately said do it because that's what we do xD For you, friend :) thank you to celtics534 & fightfortherightsofhouseelves for reading this over!
James' parents are pretty lax in the discipline department. Not that he can do whatever he wants, but pretty close. He'd begged for a broom as soon as he could stumble his way across the living room carpet and he'd been whizzing around the garden within the week. When he turned eleven, got his wand, and been curious enough to transfigure half the good china into kittens, they'd quickly switched them back but otherwise he pretty much escaped punishment.
They mostly saved groundings and stern words for the worst offenses - life threatening, illegal enough for Azkaban to come up type of things. So when Lily's visiting for Christmas hols and Fleamont and Euphemia head out to visit Augusta Longbottom, the possibilities are like an open road before him. And he knows all about open roads after his impromptu motorbike vacation with Sirius last summer.
He's lying with his head in Lily's lap while she tosses Bertie Bott's beans at Sirius' gaping mouth when Remus arrives in a swirl of green smoke with two bottles of peppermint schnapps and what has to be at least a case of Honeydukes chocolate bars.
Sirius perks up, dropping his feet to the plush carpet and patting the now vacant cushion next to him. "Remus. Dear, dear Remus. Do sit next to me."
Lily scoffs and holds her hand out, which is quickly filled with two slabs and one of the two bottles of schnapps. Without hesitating, she passes the bottle to James and begins working the wrapping from the chocolates while he twists the cap off.
As she lays a few squares on his chest, he holds the schnapps so she can take the inaugural swallow.
Sirius barks out a laugh. "Isn't this domestic?"
Remus smirks and James pauses, chocolate half dangling out of his mouth as he makes some attempt at response while stubbornly refusing to sacrifice his mouthful of heaven.
As James sits forward, inching so his side is pressed along Lily's, she hands over the schnapps and gestures wildly with her half eaten chocolate bar. "Don't be a little arsehole, Sirius. James still loves you."
"And you?"
"I still tolerate you with a mild level of reluctant affection."
"Better watch out James, that's pretty close to what she said about you sixth year," Remus drawls, toeing off his boots and propping his socked feet on the table.
James swallows down another mouthful of schnapps and lets his head fall to Lily's shoulder. "Making a move on the new model right in front of my face."
Sirius proposes about eight and a half drinking games periodically while they make their way through most of their stores of alcohol and chocolates. Just as Remus is popping the last square of Honeydukes into his mouth, James comes to a realization of many slightly conflicting results.
First, he is hungry. Which in and of itself is not a huge problem. The kitchen is fully stocked and he's not a horror when it comes to cooking skills. Second, he realizes they have demolished pretty much their entire stash of schnapps. These together with Lily's increasingly kitten like behavior mean his girlfriend is just a few shades into tipsy land.
She nuzzles against his shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around his middle as she sighs contentedly. Remus smiles softly, looking relatively content in a way James will never really get tired of seeing him happy.
Sirius is apparently not as affected, or chooses to smother his emotions with other more childish pursuits. "Let's play a game."
Remus droops his head toward Sirius lazily. "That's how we got this way."
"S'not so bad," Lily murmurs against James' neck, and he really tries to tamp down on the shiver it sends up his spine, but then she gets very deliberate in pressing her lips against his skin. It won't be long before he's completely incapable of controlling himself whether or not Remus and Sirius are a few paces away.
Because after only a few months with Lily, he's learned she gets extremely handsy after pretty much any amount of alcohol enters her system. Generally, he tries to be gentlemanly and chivalrous, getting her to bed in a non sexual way and making sure she's adequately hydrated.
But she doesn't tend to get drunk enough that she loses the ability to reason logically. So Lily tends to make her desires known both intellectually and physically.
The second thing he's learned, is tipsy Lily is also extremely susceptible to suggestion and pretty much anything to do with competition. So within moments of Sirius' suggestion that they play hide-and-seek, Lily's body stiffens and she's vaulting from the sofa with James dragged in her wake. "I know just where to hide."
She's so excited, James doesn't dare interject that perhaps the half of their couple that grew up in the house might be better at selecting a location, but he can't suppress the affectionate grin twitching at his lips.
Given his almost seven years of Lily Evans expertise, he shouldn't be surprised that her slightly boastful assurances are actually underselling her actual talents. Still, when she shoves him into the sealed up dumbwaiter and follows close behind, he really does find himself a bit shocked.
"Mum closed this up years ago after - "
"You and Sirius discovered chemical warfare."
"Modified dungbombs are not chemical warfare," James defends, voice somewhat squeaky because Lily's pressed very close.
"I dunno, the United Nations might say differently," Lily muses, minty breath tickling his ear.
James twiddles his fingers at her sides, her smile is a bit goofy. "Aye, but will you break the International Statute of Secrecy to find out?"
"What a little manipulator you are," Lily grumbles.
Normally, James doesn't have much reason to complain about being up close and personal with Lily Evans. But normally he's not shoved in a metal box like a T.V. dinner - thanks Muggle Studies and muggleborn girlfriend - that smells vaguely of mold. Horizontal? Nice. Honestly he'd just like to have enough room to breathe properly.
Lily, however, seems completely at ease and is currently starting another messy braid down the front of her hair. Her eyes cross in focus and James would enjoy how adorable she looked if her elbow hadn't taken up residence in his ribcage.
Sirius and Remus' voices echo nearby and Lily manages to scramble until her hand is sealed over his mouth. James gets an up close view of Lily's pale green painted nail as it nearly gouges his eye out.
Shushing him with a hiss, Lily shifts closer - because somehow that's miraculously possible - and her hand slips clumsily as she whispers, "Quiet, they'll find us."
He obliges, and they both catch their breath as two sets of footsteps come to a halt. Remus sighs and, if James' ears are to be trusted, plops down in one of the creaky kitchen chairs. "They're probably snogging. Let's just go fry something. I'm hungry."
"You're always hungry."
"Seriously."
James' eyes widen and Lily buries her face in his jumper. "Oh my god I can't believe he - "
"Remus, I cannot believe you set me up like that," Sirius drawls, scandalized.
"I just want to eat real food," Remus grumbles, "How about I help you win and then you make me an extra buttery grilled cheese."
Sirius scoffs. "No way you can deliver."
"I happen to know something about Lily."
James stiffens and Lily pinches his side, slurring a bit but no less intimidating, "Don't go all chivalrous and defend my honor James, alright? Honor that actually matters is at stake. Winning."
And then it happens. The third thing about tipsy Lily that was always an adorable trivia question he never really thought would come up in the real world. If the formerly retired dumbwaiter in his Mum's kitchen counts as the real world.
Remus' smug voice sounds, long and loud. "Marco."
Eyes wide, glowing in the dark like a bloody cat, Lily jolts to attention as if bewitched and now it's James' turn to cover her mouth. "Don't."
"Nice try, Moony."
Apparently undeterred, Remus calls out again, "Marco."
Scowling, Lily pauses for a moment and James thinks tipsy Lily has somehow developed self control in the last few moments. But she's simply lulling him into a false sense of security so she can simultaneously lick his palm - as slobbery as possible - and strike at his side with her own palm. He jolts forward and smacks his forehead against the wall while Lily shouts, "POLO!"