: The Closet :

Peacemaker Kurogane

Rating: T

Pairings: strongly hinted Shinpachi/Sanosuke; also some Tetsu/Saya, Tetsu/Suzu, and Shinpachi/Sanosuke/Heisuke

Warnings: language, shounen ai/yaoi, misleading conversation, alluded sexual conversations

Notes: I don't know why I'm writing for PMK. It's not even a primary obsession. It's barely a second obsession. But I had this crack idea that just flowed out.

My apologies if my characterization is, well... off. Feel free to tear into me on that. Also, this is based more on the anime than the manga, as I'm not as familiar with the manga's nuances.

Constructive criticism and feedback is appreciated.

Of all that humans desire, they want that which is forbidden to them. Even if many "forbidden fruits" are not, in theory, off-limits, even the slightest hint of restriction makes the desired person, object, place, or concept far more appealing.

There was that, and the simple fact Nagakura Shinpachi really wanted to mess with a certain imp's head.

He couldn't have been more obvious, putting his plan into action the instant he saw the closet door slide shut behind a pair of small feet. Tetsunosuke felt safer in his little hole, somehow (Shinpachi wasn't sure of the reasoning behind it) believing nothing could reach him there. Or perhaps he merely desired an escape from the constant kicking of what he called "demon feet." (And there, Shinpachi had to concur; waking up to find a reeking foot mashed in your face was one of the more unpleasant ways to start a morning that he could think of.)

But there were two reasons why he could act now. First: the elder brother was not present, and thus Shinpachi could escape immediate retribution for "tainting the boy's fragile mind." (And that was a concept too hard to suppress a snicker at.)

And second: others had yet to fall asleep, which meant Shinpachi had all the more to corrupt.

He absolutely delighted in what little power he had. Really, he did.

Feigning a lazy smirk wasn't hard to accomplish at all; though what good it would do in the darkened room, he had no idea. Even in the dim night, Shinpachi could make out the silhouette of his target—and, incidentally, his partner-in-crime.

Not-so-subtly prodding Sanosuke with his elbow, he spoke in a stage whisper. "Don't fall asleep on me."

Sanosuke, currently oblivious to his friend's plans, merely grunted in response; though he couldn't help shooting Shinpachi a curious glance.

It was a pity Heisuke wasn't present. He would have delighted in the turn of events, thought Shinpachi with an even broader smirk.

"Don't tell me you forgot," Shinpachi muttered. He sounded hurt, but was far from it—he knew his idiotic grin was giving himself away. Perhaps it was good the night was darker than usual, after all, for only Sanosuke would be able to make out his expression.

And he seemed to, because his lips twitched. It was that familiar way; that You're-up-to-something-and-I-like-it way.

"Remind me," Sanosuke said. His whisper was barely that; no doubt everyone in the room could hear. Shinpachi heard restless stirring on one end; an annoyed grumble in the other. The second had definitely included a few choice words.

"You know," Shinpachi continued, moving until he was sitting on his knees. He found Sanosuke's thigh under the thin blankets, and kept a firm grip. When his throat began to close, he didn't bother trying to clear it—the resulting sound was husky, just the way he wanted it. "Our... practice session, of course."

If he hadn't fully caught on to the game before, surely Sanosuke did now. He cocked an eyebrow up at Shinpachi, yet didn't protest when the smaller man slid into a position allowing him to straddle Sanosuke's stomach. He knew the position looked immoral, looked wrong, especially involving two grown men who were dubbed "all but inseparable"—and that was exactly what he was going for.

To his smug delight, Sanosuke continued to play along. He lowered his voice as well, adding effect. "Now? When we could get caught?"

"I can't wait," Shinpachi said solemnly. He shifted again. "It's been so long... since feeling you attack me. And—" His voice was a notch softer now, "—you like having me at your mercy, don't you? Sa-no-suke," he finished, pronouncing his name with deliberate slowness.

Sanosuke was silent; almost as though at a loss for words. Either it was truly that, or he was putting on a very good act. Then: "From your position, Shin-pa-chi," he mimicked, "it seems more like you want me at your mercy tonight."

"Oh, really?" Act or no act, Shinpachi knew his eye held a particularly wicked gleam. Part of his triumph came from the fact that he heard the barely audible tell-tale scrape of a door opening—a sliding door. "Well, I can't say 'practicing' in here isn't a particularly bad idea..."

"That's because you—" Shinpachi had to admit, the rough hands gripping his hips and drawing him closer to Sanosuke's chest were a nice touch. "—are an exhibitionist," his friend finished.

Damn right he was. Shinpachi also had to admit he liked showing off his skills.

Of course, it was impossible to be one of the "Comedic Trio" without having a love for the limelight. Very few in the Shinsengumi lacked that desire, really—most of those who claimed they hated it were the ones who looked on in a mixture of admiration and jealousy when another did get his fair share of that light.

And while he knew they were attracting various stares from around the room – some more subtle than others – the only one Shinpachi cared about was the stunned, wide-eyed gaze from the closet.

You'll have to come out of the closet sooner or later, Tetsu, he thought gleefully. And oh, now the double entendre of that thought amused him. He would have to share it with Sanosuke sometime. And Heisuke, when he returned.

Widening his eyes in an imitation of an innocent expression (and a bad one at that; he couldn't rid himself of his smirk), Shinpachi innocuously trailed his hand over the muscles of Sanosuke's chest. Smaller scars, all nothing compared to the one on his stomach from committing seppuku and living, marred the flesh. Shinpachi said, "That's why you have to come with. Practice is boring by myself. And it's hard to 'exhibit' anything without a voyeur—I mean, viewer, right?"

"Well—"

But Sanosuke never got the chance to reply; because with a squawk and a loud crash, Tetsunosuke tumbled from the shelf he called his bed. Shinpachi had to cover his mouth to keep his laughter from exploding. And what a feat it was—watching the unruly boy topple head-over-heels, only to land on his face, was a priceless sight.

Sanosuke, however, couldn't repress a snort. It was then Shinpachi left his position, stepping over the rigid forms of the other Shinsengumi members.

"And speaking of voyeurs," he jeered, his voice still low enough to be considered acceptable. "Looks like one just came out of the closet, here."

"Fell out, more like," he heard Sanosuke mutter around a muffled snicker.

Impressively, Tetsu untangled himself and was on his feet within a moment. His face flushed, a trickle of blood falling from his split lip, he snarled, "You were the ones—!"

Quickly, Shinpachi clamped a hand over his mouth. "Hey, hey," he said, teasing yet placating at the same time. "You trying to get us all in trouble or what?"

Fiery eyes glared out from under wild bangs. Barely audible from behind Shinpachi's hand, Tetsu still made himself clear enough. "You were doin' that stuff where everybody was watching—!"

"Everybody?" Shinpachi repeated grinning wickedly. He cast a glance over the room. "They all look asleep to me."

Indeed, except for Sanosuke, every other member in the room was struggling to feign slumber. The realization made Tetsu seethe—understandably, of course. But his retribution had been delivered, and Shinpachi was satisfied.

---

"Don't tell your brother I said this..." For added caution, Shinpachi glanced over his shoulder. No, Tatsu's fearsome brotherly presence was not lingering nearby. "But you could do to get some before your underdeveloped sense of a sex drive explodes."

Tetsu stared, his jaw slack in what could only be mute shock. Then, shaking it off, he said angrily, "I'm not doing that to Saya!"

Puppy Boy and his innocent crush, thought Shinpachi, shaking his head.

Nearby, Sanosuke appeared to be musing aloud. "Isn't there some other brat he keeps mooning over, Shinpachi?"

"Yeah." Shinpachi feigned a thoughtful expression. "What was his name..."

The mere mention of a male made Tetsu start. Then, hotly, he said, "You don't do that stuff with boys!"

Shinpachi and Sanosuke both exchanged a look – this time, rather than 'Is he nuts?' it was more, 'Is he serious?' – before returning to Tetsu.

"Who the hell told you that?" Shinpachi asked; amused.

Rather than answer, Tetsu repeated stubbornly, "You don't do that with boys."

---

Right, thought Shinpachi smugly as he crawled back beneath the blanket of his futon. You don't do it with boys, huh?

The closet door shut too hard. Shinpachi shook his head, still smiling, and his eye caught Sanosuke's.

His friend flashed him a smirk. "And for all your efforts, he went back into the closet."

"It almost feels wasted," Shinpachi lamented. Then, cocking his head, he turned on his side, propped on his elbow as he watched his friend curiously. Because it had either been his imagination, or when he had slid off of Sanosuke, his leg had brushed against...

But before he could ponder on that further, Sanosuke's jaw cracked in an obscenely loud yawn. He rolled over without a goodnight, but not before giving Shinpachi a quick thumbs-up—We did great.

Despite his burning curiosity, Shinpachi could only agree and leave it at that.

As he settled down, an even more bizarre yet amusing thought came to mind.

If only Heisuke had been here—then we could've made it a threesome.