You know that tiny voice in the back of your mind that picks at the little negative things held in your brain? Yeah, well that tiny voice was growing bigger and bigger; chanting the words 'your fault' in a disgusted tone that made me sick. It was like a drill, provoking the decay to cause more pain than necessary. However, the drill worked. It helped me realize that my father's fatal heart attack was caused by me.

Of course my brother had taken part in it but relinquishing this sort of pain wouldn't grant me any laughs today.

I watched him from the visitor's waiting room as he clasped our father's fragile, limp hands between his own - our father's hand looked strangely small by comparison.

"I'm sorry," Seth whispered and that was all it took to make me leave. My eyes were filled with hot tears that ran like acid down my cheeks. I sprinted down the Emergency Room's corridor with my hands blindfolding my eyes, I was unaware of where I was running too and I didn't care.

I had to leave.

"Leah." I heard a voice call, stopping me in the midst of my escape, as well as my heart.

Sam.

I turned to him, the sound of his voice wrapping around me like a caress. The fact that he still had any effect on me made me want to scream but I bottled it up and managed to keep my cool.

"What?" I asked, biting my bottom lip as I watched the concern, for my father I assumed, fill his features.

"I'm sorry," his tone was uncomfortable which made me think that he rather be spending his valuable time with Emily, my own blood.

I ignored the strong urge to stick my tongue out at him and cause a scene right then and there but this wasn't high school anymore and Sam and I were no longer together. He wouldn't put up with my attitude, nor did I expect him too.

Naturally, I stopped myself from dwelling on the past and put on a strong face with a hint of Leah attitude.

"I bet." I said, tapping my foot as if I was running on a schedule. I wondered if he understood the double meaning of my words.

"I meant…" he paused and sighed, collecting his thoughts. "I meant about your Father." So he did understand. Good.

"Of course I'm sorry about many other things but we can't discuss that right now, Lee-Lee."

My eyes widened at the familiar name. It must have slipped because he never called me that. He hadn't since we dated.

My eyes were wide with shock when I heard him mumble something that sounded like 'Leah' but I wasn't sure, I was still stunned by his slipup. I was caught off guard… which was rare for me, I usually always had a quick remark but this was different.

"I-I didn't," I paused; tripping over my words wasn't a smart idea.

Snap out of it, Leah! It's only Sam, only the love you lost… the voice inside of my head started to drill.

I sighed.

He got to me and he knew it.

Did this hurt him as much as it did me? Of course it didn't. His heart is to his new fiancé. My cousin slash former best friend.

The thought made the pain stronger, stabbing at my heart like tiny knives.

"Look," I breathed, "I didn't mean that. I know you're sorry, for a lot of things. You made that clear. But I caused this Sam and I don't need your pity."

Sam took two steps closer, walking with a graceful caution.

My heart started pounding in my chest.

Thump, Thump, Thump. Sam, Sam, SAM!

I seriously hoped he couldn't hear it but I knew he could.

"Leah, you don't understand. This isn't your fault."

I interrupted, "are you trying to say this is Seth's fault?" I was getting annoyed, but the sound of his laughter calmed my nerves, I misinterpreted, apparently.

"No, I didn't mean that. You're young, Leah. Well, not young but you know what I mean, I hope. You're new to this. Hell, no one expected you, of all people, to change. You haven't mastered control yet, not a lot of people are gifted with that sort of luxury when they first phase. I understand you won't ever forgive yourself,"

Images of Emily's scarred face flashed in my mind. I held in a shudder.

"Your father was a good man," he continued and ever so slowly - almost hesitant - he intertwined his hand with mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm going to miss him but he wouldn't want you to act like this. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself. He loves you and loves who you are going to become. You have to let yourself be that person, but you can't if you have this guilt blocking your path. Forgive."

"Forgive?" I questioned.

The word seemed foreign on my lips. That was a bit hypocritical to say for someone who hasn't forgiven them self for harming Emily… for hurting me, but I took the advice into consideration. His attempt in amends was very well played but he knew the way I felt. I couldn't be around him or Emily, I just couldn't stand there and watch the eyes that once loved me love someone else. It was agonizing.

I pulled my hand away from his and pressed my back against the corridor wall, sliding down to the floor with my knees pulled tightly to my chest. I rested my head against my knees and for the first time, in a long time, I let myself cry.

"Why are you here?" I asked between sniffs, it sounded muffled since my head was still glued to my knees, but he understood. He slid down beside me, resting his hand on mine, again, and cupped my face between his rough hands, forcing me to look at him, and said: "I needed to see you."