TRAPPED BY A CRAZY JOHNLOCKIAN
Hi! EDM's here with a short one-shot written in a moment of hyperactivism because of some caffeine! ^.^
Well, it seem that caffeine has more effect on me than it has to normal people -_-v Why? Don't ask me, I have no idea ¬_¬
Anyway, I hope you like this little fic. I don't know which genre it's this: crack, nonsense, comedy? No idea, and I accept suggestions about the genre. Now please enjoy the sheer stupidness of this little story that a crazy Johnlockian had made up! ^^
John's head hurt when he opened his eyes, just to close them again. The world was suddenly too bright for his eyes.
A groan of pain was heard from somewhere near him, and John recognized that voice. Hell, he would recognize it anywhere.
"Sh-Sherlock?" He manages, his throat croaky.
"J-John" He hears Sherlock answering, his vice raw.
John managed to open his eyes little by little, letting them to get adjusted to the light. When he could open them without feeling them burn, he took a look at his surroundings.
"This is our flat" John said, confused "What happened Sherlock?"
"I have no idea"
John looked around to find Sherlock, hearing him suddenly near. When he turns around, he discovered why.
They were on the coach. Lying together. In a rather intimate position.
John felt his ears burn a little.
"This isn't our flat" Sherlock saID with a blank tone, his cheeks with the faintest shade of pink as he realized their position.
"No?" John asked, confused. Sherlock let out an exasperated sigh, one that said 'how can you be so unobservant'
"Please, John, it's obvious this isn't our flat. Observe, John, don't just look. Observe"
John glared at him, but he took another look to the room.
It was like it has always been: there were chemicals in the kitchen table where the last of Sherlock's experiments had took place, the kitchen was a mess (he should go and wash the dishes soon), the skull was in it's place, through the window he could see Lond-
Wait.
Oh My God.
"Where the hell are the windows?"He asked "And the door?"
"Well, as you can see, not here. Please don't ask obvious questions John, it's rather boring" Sherlock snarled.
"Okay can you tell me where we are then, you that are so brilliant?"
"I am brilliant" Sherlock retorted "And please, John, sarcasm is the lowest kind of wit"
John just glared at him and sighed.
"Well, do you know where we are then? And how have whoever who made this have such an exact copy of our flat?"
"Now you are asking the correct questions John, finally"
John was about to answer when a girlish giggle was heard.
"Aw, you two are soooo cute!" A girl's voice said.
"John, upper part of the room, left corner" Sherlock said. John looked where his flatmate indicated and saw a camera and an speaker.
"So observant" The girl squealed (yes, squealed) "So fantastic!"
"Who are you and why have you kidnapped us?" John asked, his tone hard as metal.
"John in soldier mode! Squee!" The girl swooned "You two are so cute!"
Suddenly John knew who was their captor and shuddered.
"Oh my god, Sherlock, we're completely fucked up" He said, complete horror in his voice.
"Why?" Sherlock asked, confused "You know her?"
"I know her specimen" John answered "She's a bloody Johnlockian!"
"Johnlockian? And what the hell is that?"
"You don't know?"John asked, disbelief in his voice.
"Would I ask if I did?"Sherlock asked, rolling his eyes.
"Right, okay" John said "Well, a Johnlockian is a fan of johnlock, which is the name fangirls and sherlockians (fans of you, Sherlock) had given to the idea of you and me being a couple"
"You've hit it right in the spot, " The girl said "I am a Johnlockian, and truly convinced that you two love each other... so you-"
"That is completely ridiculous" Sherlock cutted on "John is straight, and I am married to my work. The thought of us together in any romantic way is preposterous and utterly idiotic"
The girl giggled again.
"John isn't gay, you're right on that. He doesn't like men - he just likes you, . We could say that he's sherlocksexual. And about you being married to your work, well, haven't John became part of your work? Then, you're married to him as well"
Those words actually left the pair speechless.
"And now, let me inform you that neither of you will leave my little replica of your flat until you've confessed to each other. And please, don't bother to make up an act - I have cameras everywhere and I will know when you're being sincere. So I hope you enjoy your stance here! ^.^"
Both of them shuddered. They could almost see the ^.^ in the phrase.
"You know that my brother would eventually find us right?" Sherlock says calmly.
"Maybe" The girl said "But please, don't worry about that. I'll see what I can do when that comes"
"Wait, have you just said that we have to confess our supposed feelings in order to go?"John asked in disbelief.
"That's what I have just said John, do keep up" She said in a serious voice, only to explode in a fit of giggles "I've always wanted to say that!"
"Okay, this girl is definitely insane" John muttered with a shudder.
"I'm curious about something" Sherlock said "How did you managed to place us here and to make such a perfect copy of our flat?"
John rolled his eyes at the question. Trust Sherlock to become interested about the proceedings of their kidnapper instead of using that brilliant brain of his to find a solution for their situation.
The girl giggled again.
"I had someone drugging your tea last night. And I have a lot of money and too much free time, as well as a really good team to hack into the cameras Mycroft have around your flat, as well as at CCTV footage. A piece of cake, really. Now I'll leave you two alone to confess, so bye!"
A soft 'click' was heard and then silence.
"Okay, what do we do now?"John asked with a sigh.
"You, shut up. Me, think" Sherlock said. Then he adopted his "thinking pose" (knees to his chest and hands to his chin) and became silent.
John sighed.
'How the hell do I get in this type of situations?' He thought, shaking his head.
He scanned the room, looking for possible exits. He got up and knocked at the wall. For the sound it made, the walls were really thick, and difficult to break. There were no doors or windows.
'But there must be something to oxygenate this replica of our flat' He thought.
"Look at the upper part of the walls, John"
Sherlock's voice made him jump a bit, but then sighed. Of course he would notice his observation of the room. He looked where Sherlock had said and saw little holes in the wall.
"It's impossible to escape unless we somehow transform ourselves into moths" John said.
Sherlock didn't answer. When John looked at him, he saw that Sherlock had entered in his mind palace. Now not even a bomb could make him return to reality until he finished whatever he was doing there.
The words of that girl came to his head, and shook his head in disbelief. Sherlocksexual? Really? How could people think those things? Okay, it was true that their relationship was a strange one. They were more than flatmates, and some times John felt that they were more than friends, but they didn't reach the romantic point… Right? Yes, John sometimes John have been feeling a bit weird around Sherlock lately, but it wasn't love. Even though he had been with men in the army, it was just to release tension, nothing serious or significant. He was definitely not gay.
It's only him. You only like him. You're sherlocksexual.
'I don't love Sherlock' He told that voice firmly. Seeing that Sherlock was still in his mind palace, John took the chance to take a good look at him. Sherlock's skin was pale, and he was too thin, all skin and cheekbones (Skin and cheekbones? Where the hell had that come from?) His eyelashes were long, his black curls looked so soft, as well as his li-
Whoa whoa whoa, hang on a minute Watson, stop there. Delete that train of thought. You can't think like that about you best friend and flatmate, it was definitely a Bit Not Good.
Though Sherlock was definitely handsome, John thought, and anyone would agree with him. Hell, he was gorgeous: that alabaster skin that combinated with those black curls, that face with those cheekbones… and his eyes… John was fascinated about those eyes. They were a mixture of green, grey and icy blue, so exotic and just like him. John felt that he could spend all his life staring at them and never discover the exact colour.
'Okay, that's enough' John told himself firmly 'I am definitely not gay or sherlocksexua-'
In that moment, Sherlock's eyes opened and met his, and John lost his train of thought. Now, with his eyes opened, Sherlock's gorgeousness had increased to unknown limits. The only thing John could think was: how could I not realize before?
"John?" Sherlock asked, stranged about John's stare. For the first time in his life, Sherlock could not decipher the meaning behind that look. It was intense, and it made shivers travel through his body.
Of course Sherlock had known that he was attracted to John. Well, it hadn't been an easy discovering, but he got the definite evidence when he stood in front of a mirror and thought of John. Accelerated heart rate, irregular breathing, pupils dilated, a strange warmth in his chest… and not to mention his wet dreams with him.
But it was useless. John was heterosexual, as he was always saying. And Sherlock hadn't found evidence against that. Though the thing that he was sherlocksexual…
No, he couldn't think like that about him, about John. And his stare was starting to make him nervous.
"John?" He asked again "Are you okay?"
Unknown to Sherlock, his deep baritone was making things worse for John. His voice was so… sexy. Hell, it was the sexiest thing John had ever heard.
Suddenly, the room began to shake. They quickly got up from the coach, and noticed that the walls were suddenly moving forward, and that the pieces of furniture of the room were disappearing, making the room smaller and smaller.
"What can we do? There's nothing to stop the walls from crushing us!" John shouted. Now they hadn't enough space to have personal space, so they were with their backs together.
"Ah no, you must face each other" They heard a voice say, and suddenly the floor Sherlock was standing on turned around, so they were facing each other. The walls moved some centimetres more and then stopped. Now the room was as big as a small closet.
John cursed.
"What the hell?!" He said "What the fuck were you thinking, girl?! You could've killed us!"
"Of course I wouldn't have killed you!" The girl protested "I'm just making things more… interesting, you see"
A soft "click" was heard, and both men became aware of their situation: they were pressed together, skin to skin, and only a couple of centimeters separated their lips.
They were so close that one of them was having a little problem ;p
'Oh my god, no, that's the only thing I really don't need now' John thought, feeling the tightening in his trousers 'But Sherlock smells so good… God, I hope he won't notice my problem'
But any God could prevent Sherlock from noticing something hard pressed against his thigh. He scanned John: dilated pupils, irregular breathing, accelerated heart beat… Sherlock blinked, surprised at what he had deduced. John was… aroused? About being with him in that tiny space?
John isn't gay, you're right on that. He doesn't like men - he just likes you, . We could say that he's sherlocksexual.
Could that girl be right? Could John be attracted to him?
'Well, there's just a way to know this' He thought. And, gathering his courage, he pressed his lips to John's.
John froze. He had known the exact moment Sherlock had deduced his attraction to him, and had feared his reaction. But, judging by Sherlock's reaction, he wasn't completely disgusted…
John returned the kiss eagerly, and soon the duo was lost in their own universe, not noticing the flat returning to its previous state or that they had public until a discreet cough sounded. They pulled away, gasping for air and looking at the direction of the cough.
There, staring at them in utter surprise, were D.I Gregory Lestrade and Mycroft Holmes.
"Well, now we know the reason of this little trick" Sherlock said, not caring about the attention even though John was glowing red "She knew you were getting near, so she made things quicker"
"S-she? Who, Irene?"Greg asked.
"Nope. He's talking about me"
Everyone in the room turned around and saw a teenage girl of about 16 years old with curly brown hair and brown eyes smiling at them.
"See?" She told the pair "You were in love with each other"
"So you're the girl that had kidnapped us?" John asked in disbelief. She was just a teen!
"EDM at your service, sir" She answered with a mocking bow.
Mycroft, who had been silently watching the scene, raised an eyebrow.
"You kidnapped my brother and John only to make them admit their feelings?" He asked. EDM shrugged.
"I'm a fanatic of this couple, so yeah, that's pretty much what happened"
"Well, if that's it, I must thank you" Greg said "The sexual tension between them had been unbearable lately, and it was pretty obvious for everyone that your relationship would end like that. It was even a pool at the Yard, which I had won thanks to you"
"No worries, I'm glad I could help and also see the real johnlock" EDM said.
"One second" Mycroft said "You're EDM, the daughter of...?"
"Yep, that's me"
"That explains the fact that you had the money to build all this" Mycroft said, nodding "I was wondering about that"
"Wait, this girl is daughter of a friend of yours?" Greg asked.
"Not a friend, I just know his name but yes, though I can't tell you who" Mycroft answered, twirling his umbrella "Too important to mention it"
Everyone at the room gaped at EDM, who just tried to look as innocent as possible.
"W-well, if you don't have anything to do here, maybe you have more… urgent things to do elsewhere?" She said, smirking at the new couple. John blushed at the innuendo, and Sherlock just smirked at John, who blushed even more.
"Maybe we would like to talk about what you've done" Mycroft retorted calmly.
"I did it for a greater good Mr. Holmes!" EDM pouted "Mr. Lestrade had said it!" Suddenly, she stared and Mycroft and Greg "Wait… Mycroft and Greg… Mystrade!" A malicious twinge had appeared in her eyes, and both of them couldn't help but take a step back without knowing why.
"M-mystrade?" Greg asked, though he immediately knew that he wouldn't like the answer.
"It's the same as johnlock" John said with a little malicious smile "Johnlock is the name fangirls had given to the idea of me and Sherlock as a couple, and mystrade is the idea of both of you romantically involved as well"
"At it happens that I'm also a fanatic of mystrade…"EDM said casually.
At this, Mycroft and Greg paled considerably and Sherlock and John smirked evilly.
"I-I… " Mycroft said, clearing his throat "I think we should get going, I have to do some things"
"M-me too" Greg said.
And they hurried dowstairs. EDM and the couple laughed.
"Were you serious?" John asked.
"Completely serious" She answered "It would me more difficult than you, because of Mr. Holmes's "minor role in the British Government", but I'll manage.
"If you need help, just ask" Sherlock said.
"Of course"
And they left the room. EDM smiled evilly and muttered:
"Well, now how can I get Greg a Mycroft to admit their feelings…?"
That's the end! ^.^ See? This is a bit fantastic, a bit crack-ish, a bit humoristic, a bit fluffy… I have no idea of how to lavel it… any suggestions?
If you want me to write the Mystrade one, please tell me and I'll do it. Now that it's Christmas, I'll have more time :)
See you! ^.^
EDM