Beth was holding April's hand as she told her who the message was from, April's head racing with possibilities, was he okay? Was he dying? She was scared, shaking even. Why was Leo's parents there? "I have to tell you something." Leo was saying in the recording. April was holding her breath.
"The truth is, I'm not done fighting. I'm not done with this life, I don't want to wait around for me to die while I watch you getting better. I don't want to spend my last few weeks or months or whatever waiting for me to die, waiting to leave everything behind. I've been through this so many times and it never gets easier, I can walk around talking the talk about how I'm at peace with my impending passing, I can do that, I have been and nobody questions me, nobody but you. My parents they think that I'm too weak to fight. They think that it's the illness that's killing me, but it's not. I mean it is but it's not the only thing. What's killing me is that I've lost all motivation to try, I want to fight but I'm tired, and it's been months of me just living life to the fullest so that I have no regrets. But now I have one, I know that if I give up, I'll regret not knowing what it would be like seeing you as a survivor, I could love you someday cancer friend."
Tears streaked down Aprils cheeks, she started to shake, knowing that there was only a door between them. Beth wrapped her arm around April carefully, rubbing her back in support.
She held her hand over her mouth, not knowing what to say, the lump in her throat had her speechless, she fell into Beth's loving arms. "I think he's doing the surgery." She whispered, resting her nose against Beth's neck.
She thought about it for the rest of the afternoon, while she laid against the pillows in her bed, as she tried to ignore the pain, and the nausea that took over her body. This was no way to live, she thought to herself, and even laying there feeling to worst she had ever felt, she knew that all this pain and suffering could be worth it. If all of this was the only thing in the way of her recovering, then she knew that she would be thankful for all the gut wrenching pain that had her by the throat. Cancer could kiss her ass, she smiled to herself thinking about all those people who were fighting for their lives at that very moment, they were all scared, they were all hurting but they were telling cancer to get screwed. That in its own way comforted her, there were people who were fighting just as hard as she was, not knowing their fate, but holding onto their beliefs that they were going to get through this no matter what trouble lied ahead.
"I got you some water." Sara interrupted April's thoughts, handing over the drink. She sat down on the chair beside of Aprils bed, scooting it closer towards her daughter.
"Has Leo's parents come out yet?" April asked, trying to sit up and view his room on the other side of the hall. The movement rendered her dizzy, she fell back against her pillows in a fit of nausea.
"No honey, but I'm sure that Leo will get a message to you soon." She smiled, grabbing her daughters hand. "He means a lot to you doesn't he?" She asked, digging into her daughters social life had always been her specialty, she wasn't even being particularly nosy, just curious.
"He's a good friend." She nodded carefully, not wanting to rock her head too much. "I just really want both of us to leave this place," She admitted.
"You will leave this place April, not long now and you'll be back in your own room."
"Yeah." She smiled halfheartedly, still worried about Leo.
"April, April wake up." April felt someone shaking her, she didn't want to open her eyes, she was too tired and sore. She wanted to tell them to get lost and to leave her alone, but she couldn't. Her vision was blurred as she started opening her eyes, she wiped herself into focus, looking at the face that was staring back at her.
"Brenna? What are you doing?" She asked groggily, still in sleep mode, Brenna pointed at the wheelchair that sat beside of the bed.
"Come on, let's go." She begged with a mischievous glee in her eyes.
"I'm too tired." She whined, but her little sister was having none of that, she stripped April of all her blankets and stood there with her arms crossed.
April rolled her eyes, swinging her feet over the side of the bed, with the help of eager Brenna, she was transferred somehow without falling, onto the chair. "Where are we going?" April asked, trying to reach back for her pillow, but it was too late, Brenna was already pushing her towards the door.
"Slow down! you'll make me sick." April warned, looking up at her sister who supposedly was winning a one girl race it seemed, by the speed she was going down the halls. People rushed by, or rather, they rushed past people, nurses all doing their jobs, patients being looked after, visitors finding their way around. It was all just another day for all these people. April often watched everyone living their lives outside of her hospital window, hoping that she had a lot more time to live hers along side them.
Brenna turned the corner and April was greeted with familiar faces, Beth, Danny, and Greer. She smiled tiredly at all of them. "What are you all doing here?" She asked, cheering up a little.
"Waiting for you guys." Beth shrugged, coming over to kiss her cheek. "Thought you two might need cheering up."
April looked at Brenna, frowning "Are you okay Bren?" She asked concerned. Her sister nodded, squeezing her hand in assurance.
Beth looked past April and smiled, "I didn't mean Brenna." She told April, swinging her wheelchair around to face the opposite direction.
Leo smiled, in his own chair, he looked drained, but his smile somehow still managed to make him look gorgeous, or at least that's what April was thinking. "Leo" She grinned ear to ear, he crossed his arms. "I've been here, what? Two days? You still haven't visited, no calls or letters. What kind of friend are you?" He teased, rolling closer to her.
April snorted, shaking her head. "I'm sick." She defended, although she knew how lame that sounded.
"Join the club." Leo rolled his eyes, very much aware of their feet touching, he didn't show it on his face, but he was thinking about the last time they got close, April was sure that she was blushing, she felt like a school girl getting excited over a small touch? She was ashamed of herself, not enough to move her feet, but still. She felt so juvenile, like a little girl.
"Is anyone going to tell me what we are all doing out here or what?" She asked, leaning her head back to get all her friends in view.
"We just thought you'd like to have a little fun." Beth responded cheekily, her eyes sparkled like April hadn't seen in a long time.
They were flying up and down the halls, Brenna pushing Leo and Danny pushing April's chair, April was laughing and Leo was cheering, he tried grabbing onto April's chair to slow her down but he was unsuccessful, they were going so fast that April thought for sure that one of them if not both of them were going to end up a heap on the floor.
"What is going on here?" A voice interrupted their fun, April stopped mid laugh, both wheelchairs stopped in the middle of the hallway, well it was fun while it lasted, April thought to herself, looking over at Leo who had that naughty school boy look in his eye.
She tried not to laugh, this was not the time to be silly. She had to cover her mouth to avoid getting yelled at further, she couldn't help it, Leo was making faces, mocking the nurse that was yelling at them all, she couldn't pay attention to the nurse while Leo was there, Danny however looked like he was traumatised, and of course he pointed the finger at Beth and Brenna, making sure everyone knew whose idea it had been.
Brenna was apologising and Beth assured the nurse that it wouldn't happen again, she would find another way of cheering the pair up. April and Leo cracked up in an eruption of laughter when the nurse had finally walked away, she hadn't felt this happy since being admitted, not even when Dominic had given her the playlist.
"I'm sorry." She laughed, talking directly at Leo. "Sorry for getting you in trouble."
He shook his head. "It was fun." He assured her, smiling.
"Your parents are going to think that I'm the bad influence soon."
"Hey, like he said, it wasn't your idea." He winked at Brenna who shook her head at the man her sister was flirting with.
Greer wrapped her arm around Brenna's shoulder and Beth started arguing with Danny over tattle taling.
April watched her friends for a moment, before realising Leo was waiting for her to speak, he was waiting for her to ask the question, she knew that, She just didn't want to turn such a happy moment into something that could end in an argument.
"You want to know why I am here." He prompted.
"You're sick?" She asked, her voice no longer so chirpy, it was raspy full of fear.
"But you've known that for a while." He reminded her.
"Sicker?" She guessed, although it wasn't a genuine guess, she was hoping that he was getting the surgery, or treatment, or anything that would be fighting that goddamn tumor.
"No sicker than the next guy in here." He joked.
"Leo." her eyes softened, as if pleading for him to have mercy on her, and to stop making jokes. He nodded as if he understood.
"I'm scheduled for surgery next week." He told her, his face showed no emotion, he didn't look happy or sad, he just looked lost as though he was searching for something, he wanted to know how she felt about that, and the tears that ran down her face were enough to give him an answer.
"Oh Leo." She smiled, "I wasn't sure, I thought maybe you came here to.." She choked on her tears.
"Die?" He asked, shaking his head. "Why would I die here, when I can die in my own bed?"
She wanted to hit him, but their chairs were too far apart.
"If the surgery doesn't work, I'll blame you." He joked once more, this time April rewarded him with a swift kick to the shin.
The days went by slowly, April would visit Leo when she felt strong enough to leave her bed, she'd sit beside his, and they'd talk for hours. He would tease her, and she would resist the urge to throw things at him. She would get serious, and he would tell her it would all be fine, he would offer her his food but she wouldn't feel up to eating.
"If I don't make it, promise me that you will." He said to her one afternoon. She closed her eyes, shaking her head resisting her tears. She didn't want to think like that, she didn't want him to die even though she knew it was possible. She wished they could just sit there forever teasing and talking together without a worry in the world, but that's not how life worked, she knew that, he knew that and it wasn't fair.
"I don't want you to die." She told him, reaching over to grab his hand, she had been working up the courage to do something like that for days, something so simple to everyone else, but holding onto his hand meant something to her. It meant courage, it meant hope, it meant that she wanted him close to her. Holding his hand was intimate to her, and even though she had been a lot closer to him before, this was different. This was more than a funeral hook up. This was a fight for your life encouragement.
"I'll try not to." He promised, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. April knew that if she looked down at their hands she would blush, or smile and make it totally obvious how fast her heart was beating from this gesture, she knew he would tease her about it and that made her even more determined to focus anywhere else.
"When you're up for it again, I'll be sitting here talking your ear off." She smiled.
"And I'll wish I never made it off the operating table." He joked.
She tried to shrug off his jokes, they were his way of coping, she knew that, but they weren't hers.
"Maybe I'll just send you a letter then." She joked back sadly.
"I don't know, they might take out the part of my brain that lets me read, you might need to read it to me."
He was flirting, and he was doing it on purpose, that frustrated her, she wanted to ignore it, but she couldn't because at the same time she wanted to soak it all in. She liked the way he looked at her, the way he always seemed to make suggestions of her sticking around and being with him. She loved it, she craved it, but she didn't know what "I could love you someday" meant. Did he not like her now? Did he want to love her? She didn't know and she hated that she didn't know all the answers.
"I can do that." She smiled, his thumb had stopped moving, she hadn't noticed until it started stoking her again. Her whole body was electrified, she couldn't help it. He had that affect on her whether she liked it or not.
The door opened behind April's back, "I didn't know I was interrupting something." Leo's father apologised, ready to leave the room.
"What's wrong dad? The reporters aren't allowed on ward? Did you want me to go outside in my hospital gown so they can see that I really am sick?" Leo asked him.
"I'm sick of this attitude Leo, I'm here because you're my son, and you're having major surgery in two days. I dropped out of the campaign."
"What?" April turned around. "You did?"
"There will be others." He nodded.
Leo laughed. "Another thing you'll blame me for later, and if I die, you'll resent me for ruining this for you."
"Leo" April scoffed, "He cares about you."
"Maybe I'll wait outside for your mother." Bruce told his son, exiting out of the room quicker than a fox finding an opening in a chicken coop.
Leo couldn't sleep that night, he tossed and turned, he didn't know what it was, but his head was busy, he couldn't stop thinking about the surgery, about his parents and about April. He knew that giving her this hope might destroy her if he didn't make it, he knew that and in a way it was more selfish of him to have the surgery, than it would have been if he wasn't. If he wasn't going through with it, then at least she could have held onto the hope that if he had gone through with it, maybe he might have lived, but this way? He could die, after giving her the hope that he would recover and be fine, at least without the surgery she already knew he was going to die eventually.
He had called the nurses in to find him some paper, and a pen. There was nothing else he was doing, nothing better to do. He told them, shrugging it off as no big deal. He waited until he was alone before starting to write.
April.
I've been living like this for a while now, walking along the fence between life and death. I've struggled for such a long time that my sense of what's right and wrong have been blurred, I know I take death too lightly, joking and acting as though its no big deal, but I know to most people it is a huge deal. It was for me too, until I was given my death sentence. a few months ago, the idea of dying in a hospital would have made me sick, I don't want to spend my last waking hours in a bed that's not mine, in a place where I will just be another statistic. I don't want to feel trapped, to be another sick person they scrape from the bed sheets. I don't want to be like every other man who died between these walls. I met you, and I thought you were using me for a story, I thought that you were just like me, insensitive to dying people. The funny thing is that I was happy to find out that you were the opposite. You're a fighter April, and I could look at you and think of you as naive, but I won't do that, because I was there where you were at the beginning of this. I wanted nothing more than to kick cancer's ass. Somewhere between then and now, I thought, screw it. I'm just a sick guy, why bother thinking that I can beat this disease that kills thousands every year? I gave up trying to play cancer's game, I wasn't letting it control my life. Now here I am, in the hospital awaiting my impending fate, will I live or will I die? It's not up to me to decide, because if it was, I would decide that everyone in this stupid ward would instantly get better, and that these diseases would cease to exist, and you would no longer be suffering from anything April. I would decide that but instead, it's not up to me, it's up to God or Satan or whoever decides this stuff. I don't know who is going to give this to you, or when you'll read it, but hopefully it will be accompanied by good news, and you'll leave here knowing that I might be joining you soon. If not April, I want you to promise that you'll beat this son of a bitch, you can do it, you're a fighter, April. If I don't make it out of that operating room. Know that you were the last person I slept with, the last person who held my hand, and the last person that I wanted to be with.
- Leo
April was asleep when they took him away, when they rolled him down the halls, turning corners on their way to the operating theatre, she had wanted her chance to say "Good luck" and "See you soon." but she wouldn't have said goodbye, because to her no matter the outcome, she would see him again.
Leo waved at his parents, believing that he wouldn't see them again. He had made his mother promise to deliver that letter to April while he was in there, he didn't want her to read it before or afterwards. She had assured him that it would be given to her turning the hours of his operation.
April was cross at herself for sleeping through it, she wanted to cry, she was so upset with not only herself, but at everyone who didn't wake her. She sat there in her bed, wearing her PJ's, refusing to eat, not wanting to drink, or talk, or listen. She was still with worry, like a statue, so stared at the wall for what felt like hours, time was going so slowly for her. She just wished that she had a chance to see him, she tried to think of the last thing she said to him, was it something positive? Was it something that he would think about before he went under? She didn't know.
"April?" Mrs Hendrie popped her head into her room, April turned to her, instantly worried that something happened, she tried to get out of bed, but she was too weak.
"Is he okay?" She asked, almost in tears.
"He's still in surgery." She nodded. "He asked me to give you this. I haven't read it, but he told me it was important."
April took the folded paper from the older lady, too scared to open it. If it was a goodbye message, she would hit him.
"Thank-you." April smiled sweetly, even though she didn't feel like smiling.
"He's very fond of you." She told April.
"I'm fond of him too." April smiled, before she was once again alone in that room, toying with the idea of reading the letter, she gave in. Skimming i first, to make sure it wasn't just a goodbye, she started reading it from the very beginning.
"April honey what's wrong?" Sara rushed to April's side.
She sniffed, wiping her tears and shaking her head. "He wrote me a letter." She told her, folding it back up and holding it against her beating heart. "I just really hope I get to thank him for this."
Sara nodded in understanding. "I hope so too, and I know that he will be in there, hoping the same thing." She cuddled into her daughter. "You just have to keep hoping and hoping okay?"
April nodded, but she couldn't help but feel a little uneasy.
She didn't know when shad fallen asleep or how, but when she opened her eyes, her uncle was the first thing she saw, he was sitting beside her bed, reading a book. She coughed to let him know that she was awake.
"Uncle George." She smiled. "It's good to see you."
"You were asleep when I arrived; I thought I would let you rest." He closed his book and placed it on the floor. "Have any dreams?" He asked her thoughtfully.
"Are you asking as a doctor or as my uncle?"
"Uncle, Of course."
"I honestly didn't know I was asleep until I woke up."
"You tired?"
"No, just worried about Leo." She admitted, running her fingers through her hair while she still could.
"Haven't heard anything yet?"
"Not yet, but I'm sure his parents will tell me when it's time."
"If it makes you feel any better, I have a good feeling about this one."
"It does, a little."
He handed over a bunch of magazines. "I thought you might like these to help pass the time in here."
"They will definitely help." She said, skimming over the magazine covers, a bunch of gossipy trash was exactly the kind of reading she needed to do, nothing that would make her think too hard.
"Your mom is here too, she should be back soon."
"Great." She smiled, looking through one of the magazines, the pair of them had been hanging out a lot recently she had noticed, always visiting together, always mentioning the other in conversation. She didn't really know how to feel or act.
"You're awake!" Sara called as she walked into the room, she kissed her daughter on the forehead before peaking over at the magazines she was reading. "I told him you weren't into that type of thing, but apparently I was wrong." She laughed.
"Oh, well. It's just easy to read, nothing I have to concentrate too heavily on. Not that I can concentrate today."
"I know honey." She said sympathetically.
Leo's surgery was scheduled to finish before dinner, so when April's dinner was delivered she was starting to worry; Brenna was staying the night, sitting on the end of her sister's bed eating her own dinner. "April, you should eat." She told her older sister, "Please just try."
April shook her head, "I'm not hungry."
"Not hungry because of the chemo or not hungry because you're worried about Leo?"
"Leo." She answered, staring out the door. Every time a person went past she jumped, scared that it might be someone removing all his belongings, she was starting to think the worse since she hadn't heard anything yet. She started blaming herself, if she hadn't have yelled at him, if she hadn't have told him that he needed the surgery, maybe he would be there visiting her right now instead of wherever he was. Maybe they would have had more time together.
"April, do you want me to call mom?" Brenna asked sounding concerned.
"No" April frowned rolling over to face her. "I'm okay; I'll eat if it makes you worry less." She sat up and picked at her food, still not wanting to eat what was in front of her, she picked the most appetising food she could find and started slowly nibbling on it.
A knock on the door startled her, she held her chest, after the fright to contain herself. "Sorry, you startled me. Am I due for medication or something?" She asked.
The nurse shook her head. "I was sent here from the Hendrie's, they said you were probably waiting to hear about their son."
April's eyes softened, she couldn't speak, only nodding her head.
"The surgery went well, he's still in recovery, but with treatments, he in for a fighting chance."
April sighed with relief, she started crying hysterically. "Thank you." She blubbered.
"He's okay." Brenna declared happily, hugging her sister, "I knew he would be."
April decided to write Leo a letter, she knew that he had been joking the other day when he had told her to do so, but after he had written one to her, she thought it was more than fitting given the situation.
Leo,
I was just told that your surgery had gone well, you have no idea how uplifting that is to know that you're going to be okay. I was so worried that something might happen, when we fought over this, twice. You told me the risks, and it wasn't until you were actually going into the surgery did I think about the risk there was that I would never see you again. I know when we first met that I thought you were a jerk, and when I found out about you having cancer, I felt sorry for you and I know how bad that must sound, I hate it when people feel sorry for me, but it's the truth. I felt like I wanted to help you in anyway that I could. I really wished that you weren't sick, when I finally got to know you, I realised how far from being a jerk you are, you're one of the nicest, most caring people I have ever met. You don't always show it in the traditional way, but its true. You are an amazing man Leo Hendrie and I wish that you never had to get sick, but at the same time if you hadn't, and if I hadn't. We would have never met, you wouldn't have given me the time of day because I was just a reporter, and maybe all I am now is a sick reporter, but you still took the time to get to know me, and you let me get to know you too. When you read this, I want you to know that I could love you too Leo Hendrie.
April.
She squirmed at the last sentence, not knowing if she should have added that, not knowing if she could handle his teasing from saying that. The thing was, she meant it and no matter how embarrassing it was to say it out loud, or to write it down, she did mean it. She felt bad for having feelings towards someone after having just officially broken up with Dominic, but she couldn't help it. Leo has had that affect on her for the past few weeks.
Leo's mother had come by to make sure she had heard the news, April had thanked her for getting the news to her, but she didn't stay long. She told April that Leo had asked for her. It had been three days since the surgery, and April was nervous. She didn't know how long it would be before she would see him again, and she had her own treatment to worry about on top of it all.
A week went by, and April was counting the days until she saw Leo, her hair had started to fall out, and her emotions were all over the place, she had been beginning her family members to bring her every kind of beanie they could. She was depressed, more than she had ever felt. For the first time, she knew why Leo didn't want to spend his last days in a hospital. It was horrible. The hospital noises were driving her insane, the number of times in a day that she was asked "How're you feeling?" Made her want to scream, she didn't want to be spoken to, she had snapped at her mother, her sister, her grandmother and her uncle. She had bitten her tongue from yelling at Beth and possibly ruining their friendship, she wanted to go home, and she wanted to be alone, but she wasn't going to get that, not with another whole week to go. She thought for sure she couldn't last that long, not with all these people constantly hounding her with questions that needed answers. She wanted to scream, she wanted to tell them all to go away, but she couldn't. They were only trying to help her, she understood this but it was hard. A lot harder than she originally thought it would be.
There was a point when she was alone in the bathroom, bawling her eyes out, while chunks of her hair fell out from the smallest of touches, she felt weak and alone, she felt ugly and unwanted. She couldn't stop crying over her hair, and when she could she would be telling herself how selfish it was to get upset over superficial things like her appearance which would only start her off all over again.
She had given Leo's nurse the letter she had written for him, April had forgot about it, she had been preoccupied with her own cancerous battle that she had forgotten about the letter she had sent her Cancer Friend.
The very last of her hair had fallen out, she had given up trying to savour it, shoving her now bald head into one of the many beanies her family had brought in for her. She tucked herself into bed, feeling sorry for herself. A knock at the door made her look up, the nurse walked over to her, holding a piece of paper in her hand. "I didn't know I was now a mail carrier." She joked, handing April what appeared to be a letter. "He told me it was urgent." She said, as April opened it.
"My shift is over, if you're going to reply to him. You'll have to find another nurse." April nodded, thanking her as she left the room.
I did it Cancer Friend!
So it appears that I am not a vegetable, I can even read my own letters. Not that I would object if you wanted to read me one, especially if you're going to confess that you love me in the next one. As always, there is a bit of a journey ahead of me in this cancer journey, but thanks to you and your constant yelling and nagging. Maybe I'll actually beat it for good this time. Next time you visit, I'll show you my little Leo, he's in a jar next to my bed. Morbid, I know. It's a reminder of everything I've been going through. I will never take life for granted again. I told God that before I went in, I said "If this works, I promise I'll never take anything for granted again." I may have also begged to see you naked again, but that's a secret between me and God, and He will never tell you if I did or not. (I believe that's how it works) Anyway, letters are kind of old school. How about we email? Or even better, come and visit me, if I don't see someone outside of the staff and my family soon I will jump out the window, and this whole surgery would be a waste. So really this is all on you, come and see me or else.
Leo.
April's eyes grew wet, she smiled holding the letter to her chest as she began to weep. She wanted to go and see him. She really did, she was just scared. She knew he wouldn't judge her for the lack of hair, but at the same time. She wanted to look pretty and she felt the total opposite. This wasn't like her, worrying about looks. She had always been a strong independent woman but at the moment she felt like a scared little girl. She didn't know what to do, she didn't understand why she felt like this at all.
Her mother tried to calm her down, and it worked somewhat. "Do you want me to walk you down to see him?" She had asked once April had lasted a good fifteen minutes without crying. April nodded, standing to her feet slowly, she grabbed onto her drip and started pushing it towards the door. Sara stood by her carefully, making sure she didn't fall. They walked in silence down towards Leo's new room, April was barely holding it together but this was what she wanted. Sara offered to wait in the hall, and April told her that she might be a while, Sara nodded. "If I get bored, I'll go back to your room and read your trashy magazines." She chuckled, taking a seat across the hallway.
April knocked on the door, before walking in the room through to open door. She smiled when Leo caught her eye, "You finally decided to show up." He joked, sitting himself up against his pillows. "April, did you..." His tilted his head as if trying to see better but she knew he was just teasing her. "Did you get a haircut?" He asked.
She couldn't help it, she burst into tears right there in the doorway. "April, don't cry. Look at me! They shaved my hair off and drilled my head open." He pointed out, turning his head to show her his stitches. She wiped her eyes, she knew it was silly to cry over her hair but she had always had hair, even when she was born. Her mother had photographic evidence of that. "I'm sorry, I'm being silly." She sniffed, walking over to his bedside. "It's just hair, right?" She asked looking for reassurance; he nodded reaching over for her hand.
"Who needs hair anyway?" Leo declared, "Not me, and hey you still look kinda hot without it." He smiled, and she knew that was right up there with Leo Hendrie compliments.
"So surgery isn't so bad is it?" She asked, perking right up. Leo smiled shaking his head at her attempt of getting him to admit that she was right.
"It was terrible, I nearly died. Twice, luckily God and I exchanged words so he spared me."
She nodded, laughing. "Oh? Oh I'm sure that's what it was."
He grinned. "Now be honest with me cancer friend, did you think I was going to die?" He asked seriously.
"No." She said honestly. "I didn't think you were going to, but there was always a chance. I hoped you wouldn't but that's all I could do."
"Well your hopes are obviously stronger than mine, because I hoped to be cancer-free years ago."
"Well if my hopes are that strong then I'll never have to come back here."
"Maybe I'll put in a good word to God for you."
"Another one?" She teased.
"That other one has not been confirmed."
April couldn't help but laugh, she hadn't done that in a while and it felt right to do it now. Leo always knew how to make her smile.
"You're smiling again." He pointed out, letting go of her hand. April nodded, pulling her beanie down to cover her ears. "It's not all bad being bald now is it?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.
She shrugged. "I knew it was coming, I don't even know why it got me so upset."
"Maybe it's because you wanted to impress me." He joked cockily.
April gave him a look as if to say, "Keep telling yourself that."
"It's true." He winked, causing her to laugh and shake her head.
"Leo!" She tried to stop him, but he only smiled.
"I can't help the way I make women feel, even with a faulty brain."
April visited Leo once a day for the remaining time of her stay, her family would pop around to see her too, and she was just glad to finally be going home soon. Brenna had been spending most of her nights in the hospital with her, she said it was easier than being at home where she might do something wrong again, but April kind of hoped it was because she was missing her being at home.
"So, are you going to come back and see him?" Brenna asked on April's last day. The sisters had been packing up April's things, taking down her decorations and getting ready to finally go home after a long month in the same room.
April shrugged, "I'll come visit when I can, I mean I still have my job to go back to right?" She reminded her sister as she started zipping up her bags.
"Yeah, but I mean they won't overload you on your first week back will they?"
April shook her head. "I don't think so."
"So you'll come back and see your lover?" Brenna teased, chuckling to herself as she took down paper flowers.
"He's not my lover." April blushed, thinking back to that one time, she couldn't help it, it had meant something to her.
"Have you not seen the way he looks at you?"
"He doesn't look at me a certain way!"
"He does too, at your party; it was like he couldn't keep his eyes off you."
April smiled sweetly to herself, she reached up to grab a string of paper flowers, holding them tightly. In a way she was going to miss being here, she knew that was probably sick and twisted, but she couldn't help it.
"I was the only person he really knew there." She tried to shrug it off, but deep down she wanted what Brenna was saying to be true. She wanted him to want her and to be obvious about it. She knew it was wrong of her to feel like that, to move on even slightly since she had just broken Dominic's trust, and quite possibly his heart.
"Or maybe, he likes you." Brenna taunted, dropping the flowers onto April's bed. "And maybe he likes you back." She added, watching her sister's reaction.
April smiled, "Maybe."
Brenna gasped, walking over to April's side of the bed, she grabbed her sister, a hand on each arm, "April, do you?" She asked excitedly.
"Sure, I like him. We're friends."
Leo was playing on his cell phone, muttering to himself as he did so. He had been alone all morning and was bored out of his mind, April watched him for a moment, it was nice just standing there watching him be him. He wasn't making jokes or being a jerk. He was just being Leo, she liked knowing that there was yet another side to him.
"Hey." She interrupted, causing him to turn to look at her. He was embarrassed, she noticed straight away. It was cute.
"You're being released today, let's celebrate." He patted the bed beside him, gesturing for her to sit down. She walked over and popped herself up onto the bed, "Don't worry, I'm not going to try anything in case you were wondering."
April smiled, shaking her head. Typical Leo.
"Open your hand and close your eyes." He told her, leaning over the bed and grabbing his bag. April closed her eyes, holding her hand out, she was trying not to laugh out of complete nervousness.
"This better not be inappropriate, my sister is waiting for me outside." She warned.
Leo snorted, "What kind of a guy do you think I am?" He asked before adding, "Don't answer that."
April chuckled, wriggling her fingers impatiently. Leo looked at her, admiring her beauty. He was smiling of course, there was rarely a time when he looked at April and she didn't cause that reaction.
He placed a box in her hand, she felt it up without opening her eyes. "What is it?" She asked, frowning as she tried to blindly figure it out.
"Open your eyes." He whispered, watching her, waiting until their eyes met. She smiled shyly, and dipped her eyes downward towards the box in her hand. She pulled the lid up slowly, carefully.
Inside the box was a bracelet, little gold charms dangled from the jewellery. "Leo." She looked up at him, he grinned.
"I wanted to be the first one to give you a welcome home present."
"This looks expensive."
"It was, but money isn't everything April."
"Did you pick out these charms yourself?"
He nodded, "Don't tell anyone, you might ruin my street cred."
"I won't." She promised, she looked up at him, their eyes met. She stared into his eyes and for a second it felt like they were the only two people on the planet, Leo reached for the box, leaving her eyes as he tied the bracelet around her wrist. His touches sent shivers down her spine, she was eating it all up. The accidental taps were electrifying. She thought for sure that if they weren't in a hospital, and if he hadn't been in recovery from a major surgery she might have jumped him right there and then, but they were and she wasn't.
"April." He whispered.
She nodded, "Mm?"
"Thank you."
"I didn't do anything."
"You did." He corrected her, holding onto her hand, he smiled, wanting to kiss her, badly but he knew that he shouldn't, he knew that he wasn't going to because he wanted to do it properly this time. He didn't want to be that guy, he wanted this to be real, to mean something and to be done the right way, that's why he let her go. He watched her leave with her sister and go home. He knew she would come back or at least he hoped so. He hadn't had a serious relationship in years. The last time had ended with him in hospital, with him vowing to never fall for another girl again. He didn't want to be the guy who let someone fall in love with him, he didn't want to be the guy who did that and then died.
The day Leo met April, he had thought the worst, some nosy girl trying to make everyone's business her own, some girl who thought she knew everything. He had been wrong, and never in his life had he been so glad to be. He knew she had a boyfriend, he knew that from the start, and why would he care anyway? He was dying. He didn't want any more friends; he didn't want to play nice. He was living it up, causing trouble and not caring about a thing, but she saw right through him, he didn't like that at first but he learnt to embrace it in the best way that he could. She was the first person who actually tried to see things through his eyes, the first person who he had been rude to, that actually stuck around to see who he really was. Maybe it was the cancer, maybe she was only being nice because he was sick but he didn't think so, April, she wasn't the type.
Weeks went by, he stared at the same four walls day after day, April would visit after work, tell him about the crazy day she'd been having, and he hadn't known that something so simple would be the highlight of his day. He wasn't out there living his own life, he was living through April and although her life was confined to her office most of the time, he was happy to hear about the latest office gossip. He would listen as she spoke, he would make cocky remarks and blunt sarcastic comments that made her roll her eyes. She would blush every time he caught her looking at him. There was no confirmed indication that they were feeling the same things but Leo didn't care about that. He was too busy enjoying her company to think about anything too seriously anyway.
She was there the day he was released, his parents didn't mind. They had grown to love April and her presence, Leo didn't know what to think of that. He had always liked to keep his life separated from the lives of his parents. He never cared if they approved of his life choices, or his girlfriends. Not that he was labelling April as that, but she was a girl, and a friend right?
"They like you." He whispered to April who was helping him walk to the car. He didn't need help, but he liked how close she was walking along side of him.
April gave him a funny look, as if to ask what he was getting at. "At least they don't hate me."
"That makes one of us." He mused, leaning his elbow against April's shoulder.
"They don't hate you, they're here aren't they?" She pointed out as they neared the vehicle, April stood by, as Leo scooting against the seats. He looked at her, wondering why she wasn't coming in after him. April hadn't expected on going home with him, she had only meant to walk him out into his brand new freedom.
"I have work." She told him, leaning against the car door.
Leo nodded, "Write a piece on me, we can go out and have fun. Or we can do that boring thing you like doing, what is it again?"
"Talking?" She offered.
"Interviewing." He corrected, "You know like how we met."
"Interviewing isn't boring."
"Just get in the car April."
She sighed, mumbling "Fine" before climbing into the backseat beside him, "Where are your parents?" She asked as she fastened her seatbelt.
"They're going in a different car, you see April. They were only here to keep up appearances. They hardly said anything to me. Did you notice that? Now they've already left in another car, this one even has its own driver, see look" He pointed, April looked out the window to see that he was right.
"They seriously just left you here?"
"Hey, you made that job easier. They feel less guilt with you being here with me."
"That's awful!" She cried, still not believing that Leo was right about his parents. She had always assumed that he was exaggerating, like he did about a lot of things.
"Welcome to my life."
They spent the afternoon together, April took Leo to work with her, she thought maybe with his presence she would be given some slack, and she was right. Leo worked his charm to let April off the hook for the rest of the day, it was like they were on another planet, never had she seen them so willing to give a reporter an extension, especially not someone with such little experience like her. She was amazed.
They were walking out to the elevator, April was in the middle of praising Leo for his skills of persuasion when Dominic appeared from what seemed like out of nowhere. "Hey, Dominic." April blurted, she didn't know how to act or what to say. The last time she had seen him was when he was breaking up with her for good, and she hated that the first time he saw her after that, she was with the man that had caused the whole thing.
"April, Leo." Dominic nodded, pressing the down arrow on the elevator, the three of them stood there in silence, Leo gave April the "awkward" face, and a mouthed a few other rude things that April found rather immature, the silence continued as they all rode the elevator down to the bottom floor, Leo walked out first, the ex couple were both overly polite, insisting the other leave before themselves. "Will one of you just walk out already?" Leo asked, pretending to tap his imaginary watch. He was right, further delay would just result in them being taken back to the top floor in another awkward ride.
April swiftly walked past Dominic and followed Leo outside and into the city air. "I'm sorry." She spoke from beside of him, they stood on the curb of the street, looking out over the city.
"What are you sorry for?" Leo asked, still admiring the view.
She closed her eyes, and played with her wig, "For being so awkward around my ex."
"I hadn't noticed." He lied, trying to make her feel better, but failing miserably at it.
"You know when you said that we didn't mean nothing?" She asked, still with her eyes shut.
"Did I say that? I can't remember, a chunk of my brain is missing you know..."
"Leo."
"Okay, I remember."
"Well, does it still mean something?" She turned around to face him, to her surprise he was already facing her too.
"Does the sex mean something? Or do you mean something?" He asked her to clarify.
"Well, both?"
"Well, they both meant something." He smiled, "But you're going to have to work harder to find out which meant more." He joked, walking off towards his car, this time he was the driver.
Beth was over for dinner at the Carver household, Sara had prepared a family meal, George included. It had been only a few days since she had confided in April that the pair of them had started a relationship, so it wasn't a surprise to April that he was invited over.
She was discussing her treatment with George when Brenna walked in, tears in her eyes.
"Honey what's wrong?" Sara rushed to her youngest daughter's side.
Brenna wrapped her arms around her mother, and April ran over to find out what was wrong.
"Greer, she's moving away." She sniffed, April hugged her sister tightly. "Oh Bren." She cooed, holding her tighter.
The family tried to cheer the youngest member up, April and Beth told old embarrassing stories about their friendship, George and Sara dished the dirt on the girls' father and his funny stories, Brenna was smiling by the end of the evening and even though they all knew she was still hurting inside, they were still happy that she was trying to smile.
April and Beth sat on either side of Brenna as she fell asleep, she had been telling them stories about Greer, funny things she had said, places she had been. April could really tell that her sister was in love, it made her wonder what people thought about her and Leo, was she falling in love? Did she even know what that felt like?
Beth had ambushed April before dinner, spitting questions at her, had they slept together yet? Were they officially dating? Had he taken her out on a date? But April didn't know what to say, or what to think because the truth was she didn't know all the answers. She didn't know if he wanted to love her or if he already felt that, she didn't know if he was just having fun like he usually did. She didn't know if he still saw her as a friend of if he thought about her every night before he fell asleep, she knew nothing like that because he wasn't serious for more than a few minutes. She didn't want to ask him, to have him tease her about it because he knew exactly how to make her blush, he knew exactly how much he affected her and he did it anyway. She liked it when he pulled her hair, even if it wasn't real, she liked the way he'd tap her nose and use her as an arm rest. She loved it when he asked her about her day, or when he made jokes about her "boring" job. She wanted to know where she stood with him because she couldn't stand not knowing any longer. She wanted answers just as much as Beth did, she just didn't know how to get them.
When she was sure that her family was asleep, she dialled his number, scared half to death, embarrassed as ever she subdued her nerves and took control. "Leo, I don't want you to joke or to make fun of me right now, I don't want silly answers or for you to brush me off. I just have to say this to you because it's eating me up inside. There hasn't been a moment since we met that I haven't felt like I needed you in my life, I needed to know you, to understand you, to be around you, I needed your support and your friendship, and now I need answers, when you said you could love me, did you mean that you could love me being around, were you joking? Were you still playing with me? Because if you were I want you to just tell me because to me this is not a game, I want you in my life, I wake up thinking about you, I got to sleep and you're in my dreams, you make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me want to keep fighting in every aspect of my life. Leo, I know I said I could love you, but I think I already do."
She listened closely, already feeling like maybe she shouldn't have said it, maybe she was stupid and misread the signs, she was mad at herself, why did she go and do that? She wanted to scream, but the person on the other end, she could hear only their breathing.
"I could love you right now cancer friend." He whispered on the other end, April felt her whole body shift in weight, relief rushed through her. She was half waiting for a "but" yet it never came, she laid down on top of her bed, and smiled to herself.
"That's good enough for me."
The next morning April was awoken by her mother, she was shaking her daughter lightly, telling her she was going to be late for work. She ran to have a shower, dressed herself as she fled down the staircase, she kissed her nana on the cheek, and practically ran out the door, she couldn't be late! She had an article to hand in. She nearly missed her bus, but got there in the nick of time.
She was huffing and puffing by the time she arrived at the office, she handed Raquel her article, Raquel looked far from pleased as she shooed April from her private office, April didn't mind, she expected nothing less from that cow anyway.
Danny was in his booth, playing on his computer when April sat down at hers.
"You do realise that your shirt is on backwards right?" He asked her, not even taking his eyes off the screen.
"Oh crap!" She cried out, rushing to the bathroom to fix herself up, bumping into Dominic on the way around the corner.
"I'm so sorry." She told him, feeling worse than she had before.
"It's fine, not like it's the first time you've walked all over me."
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked folding her arms across her chest.
"You and Hendrie? How long have you two been seeing each other?"
"We haven't been, and not that it's any of your business anyway since we broke up months ago."
"You were getting pretty cosy with him before we broke up though weren't you?"
"No! If you're implying that I would cheat on you, then you're not the guy I thought you were." She told him, charging down the hallway and into the bathroom to fix her shirt, she couldn't believe that Dominic would think so poorly of her, and okay, maybe Leo did kiss her that one time but he didn't mean anything by it back then. It was ridiculous!
She walked back out and stormed over to Dominic's desk. "You know what? I loved you once, I loved being with you and I loved being your girlfriend but sometimes love grows and other times it falls, ours fell and it's got nothing to do with Leo! You can sit here and mope about me moving on or you can move on too. Just don't you dare for a second think that I didn't care about you or that I would ever cheat on you." She didn't even give him a chance to respond, she stormed right back out of that room and left him sitting there feeling like a fool, her job there was done. There was nothing more she could say or do. Her and Dominic were over and if he had to keep blaming Leo for that, it as his problem not hers. She knew in her heart that her and Leo were separate to her and Dominic, she hadn't even let herself start falling for Leo until after they were broken up, it was all his problem now as far as she was concerned, she had had one of the worst years imaginable, and with her cancer practically gone, she wasn't going to let the rest of her year go by without her happiness.
She decided she wasn't going to let Dominic ruin her evening. Leo had promised to come and pick her up from her house, he had wanted to take her out on a real date, which she was more than excited about. It would have been an understatement to say that this was exactly what she had been waiting for, but it was. This moment was what she had been silently hoping for since the day at that funeral home, she was more than ready to finally mean something to him, to finally go out and start a relationship with someone who understood her, that understood what she had been through, and when he knocked on her front door that evening, April was ready, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him so hard he was probably seeing stars, she kissed him for giving himself a second chance at life, she kissed him for talking her through tough times, she kissed him for making her feel worthy, and reminding her to believe in herself. She kissed him for all the sick boys and girls who might never find love, she kissed him because she knew in her heart that she was completely and totally in love with this man, she didn't care if she had no hair, she didn't care that he had ever been a jerk to her, she just wanted to kiss him until she couldn't kiss no more, and there they stood in the doorway of her parent's house, arms wrapped around each other, lips locked as if they had thrown away the key, cancer may have taken away months of her life, cancer may have tried to ruin everything, it had taken a piece of Leo's brain, it had caused heartache and pain and made her wish she was dead at times, but cancer did one thing right, and April was feeling it right there in that threshold. It had brought her love in the form of Leo Hendrie.