A/N~Well, it is 3:30 am and I thought it would be a good idea to try and write my first ever reflection fanfiction. Quality idea I know! So here goes…Remus reflecting on Sirius' death…in a friendly way no slash or anything.
Disclaimer: I still own nothing that has anything to do with Harry Potter!
Tears streamed down my scarred face and I cursed you for causing me this grief. You had always been the strongest of us four. Never showing the pain you went through or the waves of sadness that would sometimes crash over you. You would have laughed at me now. Laughed while I sat and cried, firewhiskey in one hand and an old photograph in the other. But, you would have been there. You had always been there, even when my furry little problem came about. You always had a joke to crack, something to liven the mood and make people temporarily forget about their worries. You were always the one I went to when I needed a good laugh. You're probably watching me now and scolding me for crying into the open bottle of firewhiskey. You would have said I was "wasting such a good thing that god gave us and that I should man up and cry in my own time, not when there was a party to be had". You always were the life of the party.
A single tear cascaded down my cheek and fell on the picture in my hand. I looked at it and a fresh wave of tears coursed down my face. It was a picture of us Marauders sometime during our fifth year. It was your best year; you always had a girl by your side. Reinstating the fact that you were by far the most attractive boy in our year. Looking at our fresh, smiling faces only made more tears spring to my eyes. You were gone, for good. I would never see your lively face again. Even if it hadn't shined so brightly recently. I would never hear one of your ludicrous jokes again and laugh despite myself.
You always said you were going to die last. I was always worrying and you said it would only bring me an early death. We all knew that James would die for Lily, and Peter was just the weakest, always trailing behind, always last for everything. You would be mad that I was thinking of that betraying bastard and just for you I will drink, I was never a big drinker and you teased me endlessly about it. Taking a swig of the firewhiskey wasn't a bad idea, the liquid burnt its way down my throat and I couldn't help but cough a little. However, after I had settled I noticed that the firewhiskey had taken some of the edge off. Maybe that's why you were always doing things so effortlessly; there was never an edge about things for you. You were the guy every boy envied but secretly wanted to be, it was cliché in every way possible but it was true.
Looking back down in the picture my stomach lurched and I realized half of us were gone. The better half. Us Marauders were never apart, even after we had graduated Hogwarts. We all frequently visited James and he even paid for my living expenses. We would always go to a pub after our visits had ended. Just you and me. We would reminisce about the old days at school, seemingly so long ago while in reality only a couple of years had passed. We'd talk about the old days of wreaking havoc upon the school. You always talked about them in such a way that said nothing would ever be as good, you were right of course. James might have started a family but it was short and it came to a brutal end. I would never find someone I could be with that would want me because of my furry little problem. You, well, I guess you were always above relationships so pulling pranks and causing mayhem was the best part in life for you. And Peter, well he's with Voldemort and there is nothing happy about that. So you were right all along, even though I protested. Hogwarts was the golden years for all of us. But then again you were always right in the end, James did die for Lily and Peter was as good as dead being on the dark side. You were wrong about one thing though, you didn't outlive me and I envy you for that.
Losing you and James was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. It's not the same without all of the Marauders. When James died and you got sent to Azkaban it was easy because I could channel all my sadness into anger at you, I had thought it was your fault James and Lily were dead and Harry was parentless. It was the wrong thing to do and I still to this day wish I had grieved more, it seemed like I tarnished something because I didn't. But with you now gone I don't know how to cope. I am angry and jealous that you were able to go before me. How could you leave me the single true Marauder left? It should have been you; you deserved to be the last one standing in the end. I'm not as strong as you, losing two friends is tearing me from the inside out. How could you do this to me? I'm not ready to deal with all of this tragedy, and yet I know I have to. I can't sit in a corner for the rest of my life and drink my emotions away. I know what you'd say to that, "of course not, you need a few girls there too!"
I hate when people say that they wouldn't want people to be sad when they die, it's never true. You would punch me if I wasn't sad, you would find a way somehow. You and James had always been best friends at school, but when he met Lily things changed. You guys would always be the most like brothers but you were put out when he would chose Lily over you and I understood how you felt. We bonded more over that than anything else. And those nights in the pub were our nights. The nights where you could be open and honest about how you felt. I had always felt second best to James because of your deep friendship with him, but when you got to talking, you told all. A bottle of firewhiskey in your hand and the effects of a visit with the Potters always made you talk.
You would tell me that you were jealous of James and Lily's love for each other and how they could love and raise Harry so effortlessly. You had never had that with your family, only with us Marauders and to see James passing that on had an effect on you. You admitted you were envious of James and it was the most difficult thing you'd ever said to me. You told me you always wanted a wife and a family of your own, big enough to make a Quidditch team. It was hard to believe at first but you were always full of surprises.
I can still remember the day that I heard of James and Lily's deaths. I had tried to contact you but I couldn't find you anywhere. And then I heard of your famous encounter with Peter and I never thought I would ever want to see you again. But I also remember feeling guilty, I thought if only I'd gotten to you faster you wouldn't have done anything rash. However, I soon learned that it was you who had sold James and Lily out to Voldemort and I was thunderstruck. All I could think of was the day we first met on the Hogwarts Express and how if I had only known then that something was wrong with you I would never have befriended you.
We lost twelve years of our friendship when you were in Azkaban. Of course at that point I thought you were responsible for multiple deaths, but, when I learned the truth I had never been more relieved. You were my best friend and I felt guilty for twelve years because I always came up with reasons how you could possibly be innocent. I'd never actually admit that, I would feel too awful.
Reuniting with you was one of the best things I've ever experienced. But by that point we were both changed men. Your carefree aura had left you in Azkaban and I was more wrinkled and worn from life as a werewolf than usual. We never reminisced about the old days again; it was too painful to do together. One day I walked in on you with the picture I'm holding now, crying your eyes out. I never told you I saw you in your most tender moment, you would have been embarrassed. But that is why I hold this picture now. Maybe it will hold some closure for me. When you were holding this picture it was the first and last time I saw you cry. I need to know you died fighting for a good cause, your last act was one of bravery and I know you wouldn't change it if you could. Holding that picture gave me a sense that I was doing the right thing, I could look down at our bright shining faces and feel renewed or I could look at the worn edges that showed age and love. This picture had been James', but when he died it was given to you. Now that you have gone I know you would want me to have it, being the last Marauder isn't anything great. I know you wanted the position and I would gladly give it, but I know I have a life to finish. And you have helped teach me that. You lived so hard so that you could remain loyal to the people you loved. I can only hope that in my final moments I will look back upon my life and have no regrets just like I know you did. Because you always lived life more than it should be lived. Hell, you're probably having a party in heaven, laughing with James about some stupid joke and waiting for me to join you. But you're going to have to wait; I have a war to win for us Marauders. And just because you aren't in it doesn't mean it's over. I don't want to say goodbye to you but I know I have to to move on. Goodbye. I will never forget you or the friendship we had. I won't get sappy, you wouldn't have appreciated it, so I'll just say thanks to you. You always were the best Marauder.
A/N~That ended up being different than I expected. It kind of had a mind of its own to be honest, it started off being sad and angsty but then it became…I don't even know! This is my first ever reflection piece so please be nice with reviews oh yeah please leave a review too…it doesn't take long and it actually makes my day! I would be forever grateful if you just dropped a review leaving your opinion! It would mean the world to me! So thank you for reading this!
…Lexa
Ohh yeah to anyone who reads I'd Lie, I'm working on chapter 7, I'm about halfway through but don't worry it's a long chapter because I haven't updated in like 5 months so I'm sorry but it will be coming soon! Don't stop reading it please! =D