No Need for Mistletoe
Twenty-five minutes before midnight, Austin let the glass doors of Sonic Boom fall close behind him, then he glanced at Ally, noticing how she was still absentmindedly playing with the bracelet he'd got her, lips curved in a soft smile. It felt particularly great so see her so in love with it, and the best part was he'd found it before he'd even started to look for a present for her. He'd seen it while shopping with his mom and thought it would be perfect. It had rested in its small, wrapped box inside is sock drawer for almost a month, while he stressed about getting gifts for everyone else.
He liked knowing her so well, well enough to predict the exact moment she would raise her gaze to look at him, and the precise shade of pink her cheeks would get once she'd realize he'd been staring at her for a while, noticing how she couldn't stop looking at the bracelet, probably guessing every bit of confused feelings she had towards him.
"I'm glad you like it," he said eventually, walking a few sheepish steps towards her.
"It's perfect," she shrugged, her face still red, fingers lingering on the beads of the bracelet. Then she lowered her gaze, her smile faltering a little. "Kinda makes me feel guilty for waiting so long to buy you something," she added.
Austin laughed. He had pretty much guessed that she wasn't gonna be able to give him anything any time soon, but he really didn't mind. He was still too excited about getting her something she had really liked. "Don't worry about that."
Ally didn't take his advice, instead she started pacing. "It just takes so long to find the perfect gift, you know?" she said, gesticulating like she always did when she was tense.
He shook his head, then put both hands on her shoulder to stop her, and locked eyes with her to make sure she knew he was smiling and not at all upset. "Ally, you don't need to feel guilty, okay? This has already been a perfect Christmas, nothing would make it better than it already is."
She held his gaze for a couple of seconds, biting on her lower lip, before nodding nervously. "Let me try anyway," she said, holding up her index finger.
She walked away from his grip and towards the counter, quickly disappearing behind it. He followed her, slightly confused, the hint of a laugh still on his lips. Ally popped up a moment later, holding a bright red envelope, and looking even more anxious than before, if possible.
"I was going to give this to you with your gift, but apparently the Amazon people won't be able to deliver it before at least two days," she said, adding an eye roll in fake exasperation.
Austin laughed. "That's what happens when you order a present on Christmas morning," he pointed out sarcastically.
Ally playfully shook her head, then her eyes went back onto the envelope. "I thought I could give it to you now, so at least you'll get something from me while it's still Christmas," she shrugged, then put it on the counter in front of him, her cheeks pink once again.
"Cool," he grabbed it and turned it around in his hands. His name was written on the back in a thick, silver marker, next to a tiny heart, that filled his stomach with butterflies as soon as he noticed it. He smiled, while Ally felt her whole body getting hotter every second.
She was an idiot, she should've asked him right away to wait to be home to read it, but she hadn't, and now he'd already torn open the envelope. She hadn't, because there was a part of her that really wanted to see the expression on his face while he read it. A part of her that could've never been able to wait a whole night to see his reaction. Still, she felt just as she used to do when she had to perform in front of people, back in her stage fright days. Her heart was beating so loud she swore he could hear it from all the day across the counter, and her stomach was tied up in some kind of painful knot. She quickly realized she wouldn't survive watching him reading the whole thing quietly to himself, and tore the card he'd just pulled out of the envelope from his hands without thinking. He looked at her with a frown.
"I'm sorry. I just—can't watch you reading it," she admitted, with a really nervous laugh that almost hurt her throat.
Austin chuckled. "Um, alright. Do you wanna read it to me, then?"
She considered the idea, and it wasn't bad. This way, she wouldn't have to wait for a reaction, nor be left alone with her horrible thoughts and scenarios as he read through it.
"Yeah, that sounds better," she said, and let out a long breath, hoping to clear her mind from the stress. She wiped her hands against her dress, then cleared her voice and opened the card. The words she'd written just a couple of days before stared at her from the paper, and she realized just how real everything she poured out on the card was going to become in the next minute or so. She cleared her voice a second time.
"Dear Austin," she started, and tried to steady her voice when she realized it was trembling, "I know that as the writer, words should come more easily to me, but it's actually the third time I try to write you this card. Every attempt to be silly it only comes off as awkward, but if I try to be deep instead it all gets too serious. I wish I could be spontaneous and fun like you are, but as much as you've helped me come out of my shell, I'm still a bit of a perfectionist, especially when it comes to you," she paused and glanced at him, eyes lingering on his for a second, and she felt like smiling at the absorbed look in them. "Rationally I know you know me and like me like I am, but I'm still terrorized by the idea of messing up. Your friendship is one of the most precious things I have, the one thing I couldn't bear losing, which is why I think too much. The funny thing is, usually all it takes to clear my head of the mess is just spending a few moments with you. You can make things uncomplicated, even if it's the thought of you that complicates them. Which is why, like the song says, all I really want for Christmas is you. To be with you, to be your friend. Not just for the holidays, but for as long as possible." she put down the card and slowly shook her head, before looking up to him again. "Gosh, that sounded so cheesy," she awkwardly admitted.
Austin however was serious, his gaze lost somewhere in front of him, hands joined on the surface of the counter. "It wasn't cheesy at all," he said, and his voice almost sounded sad. He looked at her straight in the eyes for seconds that seemed to stretch out for hours. She almost looked scared, and he realized there was a part of him that felt almost guilty for ever making her feel insecure.
"Ally, you're awesome," he said, then put his hand on top of hers, still resting next to the card on the counter. She blushed and smiled sheepishly, but failed to find an answer, so he continued, lowering his gaze in hope she wouldn't notice that hotness was starting to spread across his cheeks as well. "All I want for Christmas is you too, actually."
Except he didn't want her as a friend, he wanted her as something more. He wanted to be with her, to be able to hold her hand like that all the time. He was getting sick of bottling up his feelings and pretend that everything was the way it had always been. That there was nothing between them. And for the sake of what? His career? Why, if he'd realized time ago that fame wasn't worth it if he had to give her up?
He kept staring at their hands joint together, mad at the world for keeping them apart. Mad at her, for not wanting to take a chance. Mad at himself for not saying anything of what he was thinking out loud.
"Austin?" she called him, circling the counter in order to get closer to him.
"I'm sorry, Ally," he said, "I know I shouldn't bring this up, but-"
"Then don't," she interrupted him. She bit her tongue when she saw the hurt in his expression. "We still have eight minutes of Christmas. Of the best Christmas ever, and I would hate for this day to end on a sour note," she quickly added.
Austin sighed, then nodded slowly, unable to smile due the pain that still gripped his stomach. She was right, of course, but all the excitement seemed to have vanished. It didn't feel like the perfect Christmas anymore, instead he felt like he was missing something essential, like there was a hole inside him, a void gap that took his breath away. He felt like she was everything he needed, but she'd never seemed so far away.
Then, out of nothing, she left his hand to pull him into a tight hug. He stood still in shock for a few moments, then slowly moved his arms around her shoulders, resting his cheek on the side on her neck. And weirdly enough, holding her made him feel better, calmer. Everything about her, from her scent to the pace of her breaths, felt familiar. Maybe she was right after all. Maybe they weren't really meant to be anything but just friends. Best friends.
"It's too bad we never actually got to kiss," she said after a while against his chest, taking him by surprise again.
He pulled out of the hug just enough to look her in the eyes, hands still resting on her arms.
"What?" he asked, whit half a smile he wasn't able to contain.
Ally tightened her lips. She knew very well she kept sending him very mixed signals, but she somehow couldn't help it. There was an unbearable mess inside her head, and while she knew that they still weren't ready to be a couple, she also liked him, and felt it was really unfair they'd had multiple chances to kiss under the mistletoe and managed to always get somehow interrupted.
"I'm just saying, I was kinda hoping for a kiss," she admitted, then added a shrug, hoping to lessen the significance of what she was implying.
"But didn't you just basically say you want us to be friends?" he pointed out, confused.
"Well that's kind of the point, isn't it? If we kissed under the mistletoe, it could be just a kiss. No complications," she reasoned, casually.
Austin shook his head, incredulous. "If you want me to kiss you you can just ask, you know?" he said, with a small laugh.
Only then she noticed he'd actually gotten a lot closer.
"We're not under the mistletoe," she argued, furrowing her brows.
"We don't need any mistletoe," he smiled.
She giggled, and felt heat rushing to her face as one of his hands slid along her arm to intertwine in hers. He kneeled down not too slowly, and she met his lips halfway, standing on tip toes. She lost contact with reality as soon as she felt the warmth of his mouth, and she pressed her body closer to his. He broke the kiss for the tiniest second to widen his smile, then he rested his free hand on her back, grazing the tips of her hair with his fingers. She could hear both of their heartbeats, and quickly realized she couldn't distinguish them. For the loveliest moment she felt herself disappear into the blend of their bodies, of their scents, of their breaths. Everything she was, he was as well.
She realized the kiss hadn't actually lasted that long only after it was over. Details were already escaping her, mixing in a blur of touches and emotions. He started to let go of her hand, but she didn't let him, instead she held his tighter and let herself melt in the sweetness of his smile. He checked his watch.
"One minute to midnight," he said, softly.
"Merry Christmas, Austin."
He tilted his head and found her eyes already searching for his. They were the warmest shade of brown, filled with too many feelings to count. They felt like home, and staring into them made him feel almost as wonderful as their kiss just had.
"Merry Christmas, Ally."
Hello I'm back!
I loved Mix Ups & Mistletoes, and I have to say I'm glad they didn't have Austin & Ally kiss. In a weird, masochistic way I'm kinda enjoying all the teasing, means we still have a lot to look forward to. Also, they can only have one uncensored kiss per season, and they should save it for a bigger storyline. That said, if this hadn't been a Disney Channel show, they would've totally kissed. So this is me trying to imagine what goes on after the episode ends again, and it came out a lot more "angsty" than I had pictured. Honestly I don't know how much I like it, so I would really appreciate some feedback.
Happy holidays everybody!
xx emoeses
PS- how good is Turn it Up?!