Disclaimer: I do not own FMA…or any other characters that pop up randomly.
Beach
"#$!" said Envy. The homunculi had decided to spend the day at the beach to get tanned for Roy's barbeque on Sunday. "We've been here for five bloody hours and we don't look any damn different!" he yelled. " I guess being a homunculus does have its downsides..."
"Not really," said Edward, who had also been there for five hours. "I've also been here for five hours and I haven't gotten tanned either."
"Well," added Lust, "maybe that's because you lathered yourself in sunscreen – and you're sitting in the shade, you retard!"
Edward turned to glare at her, "Oh shut up Lust, no one likes you!" he said.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, with those little angry marks on her face, "Everyone likes me, right guys?"
Silence…and cicadas
"Gluttony!" she screeched.
…more silence…
"Fine! I've had enough of you idiots anyway!" Lust said, starting to walk away. "…well, isn't someone going to call me to come back?"
another long silence
"There's something I don't quite understand…" mused Pride, "just why exactly do we need to be tanned for a barbeque anyway?"
"Not just abarbeque – Roy's barbeque!" said Greed.
Pride sweat-dropped. "Oh, well that just explains everything, doesn't it? And what's your problem Envy, can't you just make yourself look tanned?" he asked.
"Well if you're so damn smart why don't YOU write this stupid story?" yelled Envy.
"What? You're writing this Envy? That doesn't make any sense…" said a rightly (for once) confused Greed.
"Oi oi, I'm writing this, I decide what makes sense and what doesn't – oh look, a unicorn!" said Envy.
After everyone had had a good look at the unicorn, Pride said, "I can't write the story, my secretary has taken the day off."
"She's right here with us, stupid!" said Greed.
"But I haven't finished my sandcastle…" Sloth said, with watery eyes.
"Uh, something's just occurred to me…" said Wrath, reluctantly.
"Huh, what?" Sloth asked him.
"Well, if Envy and Pride are both here… who's running the country?"
Envy and Pride looked at each other, neither willing to give in. "Scissors Paper Rock?" Pride suggested.
"No way!" Envy shouted, "You'll cheat with your stupid eye… besides, its obvious you should be the one to go, that's what Dante made you for!"
"She wanted me to be Fuehrer because she likes me best – so if I want a break, you have to fill in – that's all you are: the back up plan!" Pride taunted.
"Nah-uh, she likes me best! I'm her bloody son damnit!" said Envy.
"Heh, more like her daughter…" scoffed Pride.
"WHAT WAS THAT?" yelled Envy, about to explode.
"Nothing…"
"Oh, that's all right then," said Envy, "but yeah! She likes me best!"
"Mama's boy!" said Pride.
"Baka yaro!" yelled Envy.
"What did he say?" asked everyone else in unison.
"Uncultured fools…" Envy mumbled.
"Hey calm down you guys," said Edward, somewhat worried about being at the beach with a bunch of angry killing-machines, "does it really matter if Roy takes over for one day?"
"Hell yeah!" answered Greed, "if he takes charge, he'll have everyone dressing like Envy!"
Envy was confused. "What do you mean dressing like me?"
"In miniskirts…" laughed Greed.
…Greed was never heard from again… nah! Just kidding, but Envy did beat him up pretty bad.
"I don't think it's fair that Envy is writing this… it results in a lot of pain on my part…" said Greed, still reeling from his "lesson". "And he gets to edit it! What happened to the part where I –"
This story is experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by.
Yes, so where were we? Ah yes, it was getting dark, and Gluttony had almost finished eating the entire beach.
"I guess we'd better start heading back…" said Wrath.
"Wrath! I'm disgusted!" exclaimed Envy. "Taking responsibility… what we should be doing is getting drunk and wreaking havoc on the city!"
"Envy's right for once," Greed added.
"Ooooh no…" said Wrath, backing off, "the last time you guys got drunk I was tied up and stuffed in a suitcase to be sent to the North Pole with a letter to Santa!"
"We did nothing of the sort!" Greed insisted.
"Yes we did actually," corrected Envy.
"Oh yeah," said Greed, "you didn't even give him our list, did you? We never got those roller skates…"
"That's because you spelt North Pole with a scribble and a smiley face," explained Wrath.
"That's right," said Lust, who never actually got around to leaving," and your idea of wreaking havoc on the city was where you just woke everyone up by driving around late at night singing the Hokey Pokey really badly through a megaphone!"
"We do not sing badly!" yelled Greed and Envy, who each burst into tears.
"So can we go now?" asked Wrath.
"There's just one problem," Sloth pointed out.
Gluttony had completely devoured the whole beach except for the very area where they were all standing.
"We're…s-stuck," said Edward, "on…an…ISLAND!"
Ooooooooooooh! My first chapter done! Please review but don't be too mean… (Envy is actually sensitive)
From enVii :) (who loves everyone…)