A Prayer
I knelt before the small shelf in my living room; where my brother's picture resided. As of one month ago, a second frame was put to its left. It was not a picture, only a sheet of drawing paper with a few characters scribbled on it:ウルキオラ.
Ulquiorra.
"Hi again, Ulquiorra-sa... sorry, I away forget that you hated when I used honorifics" I say to the paper. Weakly, I smile. "Ah, life goes on, doesn't it? Things are going back to how they were before Kutchiki-san arrived. I mean- of course it isn't exactly the same. We all have our memories.
"Its kinda odd to say that, that everything is just a memory now" I push a bit of my hair back from my face. "But it is. It's over, people moved on. We cannot forget, though. Memories are all we have. Like, you're a memory now, and that's all I have.
"I.. I miss you, Ulquiorra. I still haven't quite wrapped my head around it, you're gone now.I didn't even get to properly say goodbye. You just... ah, how to put it? Slipped through my grasp? Heh, I know I shouldn't joke about that, but sometimes, humor helps people cope. It keeps the memories.
"I remember everything about that day. It was the longest day of my life, and the saddest day. The kidnapping had nothing to do with it... it was losing you." I lean back and look at my ceiling.
"We are now intertwined, although we don't share the same form. We can now see as the other does, and that gives hope." I pause and look back at the paper. " And the last, is the heart."
"You changed me, Ulquiorra. I now value a life, a friendship, the heart. I now truly knows what the heart is. Kutchiki once said that the heart is born when you care for someone. There is a heart between us, although you do not know. Although you may not understand.
"I hope you do, wherever you are. I hope you also learnt what the heart truly is. But, I guess I just hope you also feel the heart between us." Tear prick the backs of my eyes and I wipe them with the back of my hand." Look at me, I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore. But... its like an open wound, still. And, I wish you were here with me, but I can't bring you here. I'm sorry, Ulquiorra.
"I'm sorry I caused Kurosaki to lose it, I'm sorry I didn't heal you, I'm sorry I didn't bring you back. I'm s-s" I choked. Tears began to run down my face and I let them fall to my lap. "I...wish...you...were...here!" There is no response, my sobs are the only noise in my small apartment. I bury my face in my hands, and feel the sorrow and grief I have kept at bay far so long fill me. And all at once, I am not only crying for Ulquiorra, I'm crying for my brother, for Gin and Rangiku, for Rukia and Ichigo, for everyone who has lost. I cannot reject that, I cannot reject the horrible reality we all live in. I cannot be the rain, I can't bind hearts. I can't make people okay.
But being strong is the next best thing. So, I wipe the tears from my face and look at the paper, which now hold more meaning than a name scribbled on it. "I'm sorry. For everything." Suddenly, a felt a warmth wrap around me, it feels nice. I feel safe. And as quickly as it appeared, the warmth is gone.
There is no one in my apartment.