Hi peoplez!!! Aiiiyaaaaahh, I went and wrote something else instead of working on my other series'!! Don't kill me!! *runz and hidez from all the angry fanz* Eeeeep! Okay, okay, but for those who like shounen-ai, and like 1x2 pairings, this is for yoooouuuuu!! o.o;;

Credits! ----

Nym-Omi! Yes, that author gave me inspiration, after reading Never Healed. It's AWESOME! Go read it!! I got some ideas from her(?) so.. Oi.. I dunno if Nym is guy or girl..cuz like..he/she says he/she has a wifey Ais? Or something? IIIYAAAAA!! Confusing.._ Oh wellz.. Sorry if I offended you, but please, do tell me what gender you are, Nym-Omi.. o_o''


Okay, that's all..lol! That and the fact that I need some credit!! XP I'm the one who wrote this piece of shit after all!! Something are based on how I feel and what I've done.. (No, I didn't get held by Heero, damn that's a shame! T_T) OooOo.. I just gave away a part of the..fic.. DAMNIT!!


Disclaimer: [insert whatever appropriate for covering ones own ass] --isn't that hilarious? Okay okay, so I like weird things but.. Nym-Omi is sooo cool!! *sigh* I wish I could write like Nym... @_@ Okay, my disclaimer, which is soooo boring. I do not own Gundam Wing, please do not sue as this is just for entertainment, nothing else. You sue me, I sue you for trying to sue me after saying I do not own these damn characters and not to sue me! So nyah! P

Warnings: Language (they say fuck, my friend), suicide, shounen-ai! ..Well, why the hell am I putting that as a warning? O.o;

Rating: PG-13

Notes: None! I know I started writing this at 9 something at night last night and finished it about..now.. Like, 6: 30 in the morning! LOL!!! So..beware. O_O And, NO, I did not stay up all night writing this.. X_x I would've if I could, but my damned gramma told me I spend too much time on the computer. I wanted to strangle her and say What about you and your damned obsession with the fucking T.V.?!.. Heheheh..o.o.. And why is it that whenever I get inspiration, someone tells me to get off? I mean, I could write it on paper, but I don't write fast enough and my ideas go..POOF! So..yea.. DAMN THESE OLD PEOPLE!!!!! *faints*


How You Gonna Handle?
written by Sakura Maxwell



Chapter 1

Carried Away





BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP


 The alarm goes off, but do I care? No.. Why should I care? I was awake long before that thing was set to go off now.. 5: 15 AM.. Those blank red letters read 3: 26 AM when I got up. Got up from.. Argh..

I look up and stare at my pale reflection in the hazed mirror. All I see are two violet eyes that hold nothing. Nothing.. Lifeless.. Meaningless.. Worthless...

Worthless..

That's all I am.. I am worth what jackshit is worth. Fuck..

I hate this image! I yell angrily, curling my fingers into a fist and punching the mirror with all my strength. The glass cracks, and I feel sticky blood slide down my fist. The pain feels like nothing. I've endured worse. My breathing is ragged. I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate living!

Then I start to laugh, softly. What if Heero saw me like this? How would he react? Would he shun me away, ignore me? ..He ignores me anyway.. How could Heero ever be fond of a reck like me? I suffer from..what? Depression? Yea, whatever. I'm sure billions of people all over the fucking world suffer from depression. Well, theirs' is a stupid chemical unbalance. They haven't fought in a bloody damn war like I have. They haven't been used, raped, and treated like shit the way I have either.

I cringe at the thought of my past. Heero would want a virgin, someone pure, like Relena, not someone like me, who had sex with God knows how many people.. Relena and Heero.. Yea, I can see their wedding clearly. He puts on the ring.. And they seal their vows with a...kiss..

I slump down to the cold, emotionless tile floor, grabbing the razor from the sink as I fall. A wedding.. Heero and Relena.. I can't live like that.. Knowing that they'll marry each other someday.. I mean, c`mon, it's obvious to anyone that Relena loves Heero. Heero, on the other hand, plays hard to get, or so it seems.. He always tries to stay away from her, always tries to go somewhere else whenever he's informed that's he's coming. He practically dragged me to a ..movie theater just to get away from her once. It's like, damn! How hard are you trying to play anyway? Or..could it be that he really doesn't love her..? That he truly has no feelings towards her, except for maybe anger, irritation, and sickness? ..Haha.. Don't get carried away Maxwell, this is your fucking wishful thinking that's trying to delude you..

I hate thinking. Thinking makes you think about things you don't want to think about.. Fuck..

I stare at the razor in my hands. Lovely razor.. Haha.. My only friend, the only one who soothes me whenever I feel down.. What? Sadistic? No.. Maybe.. Pain.. I crave it.. I cut my wrist and hiss in delight as the pain rushes through my arm, my body. The blood starts to flow, but I don't care. Maybe I can really kill myself this time. Maybe I can..



Wufei.. That's what he would call me.. I scrape my other wrist and savor the pain, the pleasure.



I laugh aloud. Trowa? I don't think he'd know what to say, speechless is how he would be.. I run the razor blade against my leg now and let the crimson run.

Please stop, don't waste your life!

Quatre.. Peace-loving Quatre.. Damn him! He loves peace so much, cares so much, worries so much.. He'd..probably feel guilty if I die.. No! Maybe I can leave them a letter..on the floor..in my..blood. But would they find me? Hell, of course they would. Quatre'd probably faint, Wufei would be mumbling weak little onna, but feel some sort of sadness, I'm sure of it. Trowa would be in shock, and He--



I stop.



Heero's voice. He wouldn't care at all, would he? No, he'd be the Perfect Soldier, he'd show no emotion, even though there wouldn't be any emotion to be displayed except maybe disgust. I wince. He would be disgusted with me. He would think I was pathetic.. Weak, useless, nothing, worthless..

Fuck that!

I don't give a fucking rat's ass WHAT Heero thinks. It's MY life, not HIS! I'll do whatever I want! And I won't care what that frickin' Japanese boy thinks!

I gasp and cry out in surprise and pain. I look down at my legs and see a shit load of blood pouring to the floor. What the fuck?! I exclaim in horror. I was cutting myself all this time.. Thinking about Heero, and what he would think.. I'm... Shit!

I try to get up but slip on my own sticky blood and crash back down to the floor. I bite back a cry. Damn, this floor is fucking cold and hard. I feel even more dazed than before.. What time is it, anyway--

Duo, breakfast! Quatre's voice calls out from the hallway.

Fuck.

Well, there's my answer.

This is just great. I scramble to get up again and grasp the shower curtain. I pull myself up and flip the water on.

Quatre must have hear the water running. Duo! Take a shower after! The pancakes are gonna get cold!

Ju--Just a minute, Quatre! I reply hastily, washing off all the blood while trying to stay calm and regain focus of reality. My vision is blurry, and I can't see too clearly. Damn it all!!



I wash off my arms.

Duo.. Are you okay? He sounds worried.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Maxwell, get down already! Wufei's voice hollers from outside.

Oh shit, now Wufei too. I'm almost done, I'm almost done, don't open that door.. Shit, why didn't I lock it?! I was too busy in my stupid thoughts.. Fuuuuck!!!

I grab a towel and wet it, bend down, and start vigorously wiping the tile. Please don't leave blood stains, please don't leave blood stains, please don't leave blood stains..please please..

Duo.. We're all waiting.. Trowa says.

Ju--Just a minute!! I repeat.

Damnit, Maxwell, just get your damn ass down already!

So--Sorry, Wufei!!

Silence.

What did I do wrong--FUCK! I called him Wufei.. I never call him by his name, only nicknames.. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck fuck fuck!!

..Maxwell.. What are you doing...?



Cleaning.. What?



Again silence. What?! Myself.. So? It's not like they haven't been dirty before.. Except..yea.. They haven't been as dirty as I will always be.. No, never.. They are all virgins.. I myself am not.. How could I ever hope to equal up to them? The idea..is..awkward..

Duo. Open the door.

Eeeeep..

I ask, my voice unusually high.

Get dressed and get out. Everyone else is waiting for you downstairs. Now open this door, he says forcefully.

Ya know.. I really hate it when he orders me around..

So why don't you go downstairs and wait with them? I reply snappily.

It sounded like Heero couldn't think of anything for a moment, and had choked, but that must be my imagination. `Cause that's just..weird..

Quatre wants you to come down now.

Well, too bad! I ain't done yet so get the hell away from here. I throw the now blood-stained towel into the sink. If anyone finds it I'll say I spilled red ink. Ha ha.. Are they gonna believe me? Probably. Who in the world would guess that Duo Maxwell would try and kill himself? I grab another towel and wipe my legs, which are stained with almost dried blood.. Sticky..blood..

I shake my head, then gasp as I hear the doorknob turning.

Heero! What the fuck are you doin'?! I cry out, pulling the towel over my legs as fast as lightning.

He fully opens it and looks in. Well, at least you aren't naked, he states, almost breaking his stone-like features and smirking. I turn my head and glare at him. Get out! I shout.

Heero shakes his head. What are you doing? he asks.

Just cleaning something.

Like what?

...Damn him.. Why does he want to know?!



..You're hiding something..

I am not!

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not, just get out!!

Get out get out get out..

Instead, that damned bastard grabs my arm and twists it so that I face him. I bite back my pain and, if looks could kill, that fag would be dead in seconds.



Fuck, I don't want pity, I don't want pity, I don't WANT pity!

He snatches the towel before I can react. Well, fuck, I should've just killed myself. I don't want to look at him.. So I look at the floor. He's probably looking at me in disgust anyway..



Yea, his voice is.. Wait. The hell? His voice sounds different.. Sounds like he's..pitying me? ...Wow. Wait, no, I don't want pity, damnit!

..What happened, Duo..?

I don't answer. I don't want to, and besides, I don't have an answer to give him. Not one that would make much sense to the almighty Perfect Soldier anyway.

My eyes widen as Heero bends down and places his fingers under my chin, making me look up at him. His eyes.. They're so..deep. Beautiful blue.. Dizzy..

I shake my head, and bury it in my knees. Go away.. I say, dizzy. Maybe Heero can sense my weakness? I don't know. I just know what he's doing right now.. Sorta.. Damn, I'm losing consciousness.

I..can't..just leave you like this.. he mumbles, picking me up unexpectantly. I squeek in surprise, but I'm hardly strong enough to resist. So he's gonna tell, gonna show me like this, huh? Fine. Degrade me. Embarrass me. I don't give a fuck anymore. I don't care what people think. I won't be here much longer anyway! So fuck them, damnit, I don't need whatever they're thinking..

My mind suddenly whirls to the situation now, with Heero holding me, walking, where..? I don't know.. But .. Yay? I die..in his arms? Boy, this sure is corny. Oh well.. At least..even if he hates me..

You hate me.. I whisper before losing conscious.




-




Okay, so how was that, ppl?! Sucky?? Cliffhanger?? MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! I AM THE QUEEN OF CLIFFHANGERS!!! MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA---ACK! *dodges rotten garbage and other things not to be mentioned (i.e. toilet seats) being thrown at her* AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!! *hides behind Heero*

Heero: Wtf? Get away. You made Duo faint. You didn't even let me kiss him yet!
Me: Well, no da! (heh) Duo doesn't know you love him, and besides, it's to early in the fic to start kissing, DAMNIT! *ducks as toilet paper rolls are thrown*
Heero: ... *side-steps*
Me: AIIIIYAAAAH!! *runz*
Heero: Heh.. P *hugz the unconscious Duo*