Dear Loving and Wonderful readers,
I apologize for not writing in such a long time. A bad case of writer's block and finals cramming won the battle between my adoration for Finn Hudson and my need to pass highschool. So, enjoy my return. Please review, it keeps me from crying myself to sleep at night:)
Disclaimer: No, Ryan Murphy, I am not a genius like you. Sue me.
The keys of the blasted piano were like something out of a bad Stephen King book, blurring together into one swirling mass of black and white, tears sabotaging their original simplicity.
He hated her. Jesse St. James, a potential star, a talented voice, a loving boyfriend and as close to godly as any man could ever dream of becoming, hated her. And she hated herself for it. No, that wasn't true. What she hated herself for was how little she actually cared that Jesse would not talk to her. She hated herself for ever falling for the stupid idea that he would want to talk to her again and try to make things right. She hated herself for taking one step out into that parking lot like a weak young woman who thought with her heart, not her head.
Well dammit, Rachel Berry was nothing even close to weak.
Her fingers moved over the supposedly simple keys. Her eyes were betraying her now as they burnt and blessed her with broken visions, so she simply relied on instinct and years of experience. She knew where the keys were supposed to be, the one she was looking for, but for some infinitely infuriating reason, she could not make the music come together.
The crescendo was coming now, allegro marking the music in bold. Her heart began to race as it always did, her soft breathing synchronizing with the music in that perfect way that had intoxicated her from the very beginning. Maybe she would get this right. Just this time, if never again, she would be able to clear her mind enough to do what she loved. Just this time.
However, God-willing, her fingers stumbled and she opened her eyes, hot tears throbbing and begging to be released. Fear swelled in her breast. Her hands collided savagely with the keys and her sobs ripped through her, her will power collapsing.
"God Rachel Berry, how could you be so stupid?" Even in sorrow, her full voice filled the empty auditorium. She pushed away from the piano and paced over the stage, her stomach churning, feeling sicker and sicker with every step until she had no choice but to slump to her knees and hug her shaking body. "What's going on with me? This isn't confidence; this is weakness. I am not weak! I will not let him break me… Not again…"
Finn paced for the umpteenth time outside of the auditorium, his arms folded tightly, his fingers drumming rhythmically on his forearm. No. He was not going in there. He didn't care if the damn building caught fire, he was most certainly not going in that room with that insane, terrifying little girl.
Okay. If the building caught fire, yes, he would go into that room. But for no other reason!
Finn groaned, leaning up against the wall beside the door. This was insanity. Why was everything so messed up? He remembered a time when there was nothing but him and Rachel, a time before Puck and Santana and Brittany and Jesse St. Jerkface.
His throat tightened and his veigns bulged with the red haze that flooded his entire body. He had done exactly as Finn had predicted. Jesse'd played the good guy, then blown Rachel's precious little heart to shreds. Finn hated him. If it was ever possible for Finn Hudson to hate, he hated Jesse St. Jerks-A-Lot. Well, that and the musical Cats. But now was no time for delivering a well deserved mental beating to Jesse's gorgeous little starlet face. Now was a time for Finn to man up and take care of the girl who had never shown a flash of insecurity or a blush of uncertainty, a girl who had been there for him when everyone had turned their back on him.
Suddenly, the music stopped playing and there was a loud and abrassive crash of harsh fingers on innocent piano keys. Finn flinched. Oh yeah. He forgot how pissed off Rachel could get.
Alright Hudson, his inner rockstar banged a flash of Kiss on it's black guitar before continuing, Go in there, grow some balls, and get the girl.
But it just wasn't that simple. Rachel wasn't that simple. She was beautiful and talented and strong and everything he could ever ask for, and he was just... A big dummy. Sure, he knew he could love her better than St. Jerkoff ever could, but he was beginning to wonder if that would be enough for Rachel. After all, she was his greatest weakness. He would do anything for her, cross any bridge, sing any song, and yes, even sit through Cats. But he knew she deserved better, better than Jesse, better than him, better than anyone he had ever had the misfortune of meeting.
However, his moping and groaning was interupted by a small sound that ripped his heart open. Her tears. And as if God was pouring boiling lemon juice on the fresh wounds, she began to speak, sorrow drenching her every line, every syllable, every blessed sound. At that moment, his chest hardened with pain. The girl he loved more than anything was hurting, and he just couldn't take that. With one reassuring breath and a ruffle of his hair, Finn Hudson stood on shaking legs and pressed forward into the auditorium.
And no, the room was NOT on fire.
Rachel closed her eyes. She had really screwed this one up. There was no knight in shining armor to carry her away this time. Puck was furious, Jesse had just egged her, and she was sure Finn would stay true to his word. Jesse had screwed her over, despite all of her reassurance that he would hold her up. He had done just as Finn had said, and now, there was no Finn to come pick up the pieces of her broken heart.
Silence. Her least favorite sound ever. Silence penetrated her from all sides like a cruel reminder that there was no one to whisper loving words and brush off her eggshell heart. Her sobs grew distant and muffled as she strangled them in her throat, until she simply shook. She felt cold, alone, and broken. She could still feel the unborn baby chickens drenching her shirt, flowing through her hair and over her face, the epitome of pathetic heartbreak. She felt stupid. She looked stupid too. Here in her old T-shirt and short shorts, her hair tied up in a bun, she realized just how ridiculous she looked. God forbid anyone ever see her like this.
And then a sound, a melody, a hum of something that, to her, resembled hope. Her eyes opened unsurely to see Finn Hudson fingering the music she had sat on the piano stand, his eyes steady on her. In a frenzied panic, she curled up smaller. It was easier to protect herself when she was as tightly rolled up as possible.
"What do you want Finn?" Her voice, thank God, was as sure and steady as ever, and cutting to boot. "Are you here to gloat, or just watch me in pain, because I can promise you," she stood, self respect echoing off her arched back, "I will not be tormented any further today. So. Please leave."
She stepped out of her corner curtly, pressing past him and taking her seat at the piano bench. He gave her a sort of smirk, before replacing the music on the stand. Her hands poised themselves, curled into perfect, musical claws. She flicked her gaze at him expectantly, resulting in the expansion of his grin.
"I'm not going anywhere Rach." He politely took a seat beside her on the bench, eyes trained on her flawless though tear stained face.
With an unsatisfied huff, Rachel began to play. Just as before, her hands played as though they knew the music better than they knew themselves, her heart and soul entangling in one another until there was nothing but music and the hushed breath of a boy in awe.
And as if on cue, her hands stumbled and the wrong note was hit. She groaned, failure seaping in on her. She would have forgotten Finn's presence entirely if he had not put his hand over hers, moving her finger over ever so slightly, and pressing it down. The note she had been expecting erupted in the eerily quiet auditorium.
"I'm no expert," Finn muttered, his eyes flicking downward at their adjacent hands, "But I think that was the note you were looking for."
Her eyes followed up from his hand, up his arm, lingering on his perfect lips until she finally met his eyes. And that was her biggest mistake. Because those pure, innocent eyes were her greatest weakness.
All resiliance crumbled into a million pieces as she let herself fall into him. Finn didn't miss a beat. He wrapped her up in loving arms and slipped her gently into his welcoming lap. Her head fell into the curve of his smooth neck and a hand balled into a fist around his shirt, her soft tears soaking into his shoulder. He couldn't have cared less about the wet spot now forming beneath her heavy head.
She lost track of time as she found herself curling into his muscular body. He rocked her back and forth, his lips presed subconsciously against the top of her head. It was such a perfect moment. Even after the tears had stopped, she realized she didn't want to move. He didn't look as though he was letting go.
"Finn-" He shushed her, pressing his finger to her lips.
"Me first." She stared at him for a moment, before nodding silently.
"I'm sorry. So so sorry. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did over the whole Run Joey Run thing. What'd you call it? A fiasco? Whatever. I know you didn't really mean to hurt me, or maybe you did, but even then you had a good reason. I've broken your heart so many times I'm shocked you even talk to me. I wouldn't. Wait, this isn't helping my case any." Finn stopped for a moment, his brow furrowing into the most adorable look Rachel had ever seen. She strangled back a soft chuckle as he cleared his throat and continued. "I'm also sorry for not being there for you when you needed me. I know I shouldn't have hated St. James as much as I did, but I just couldn't stand the way you looked at him. The way you used to look at me. And I still should have been man enough to stand by you, 'cause you were happy. Even if I was right. I saw what he did in the parking lot, and it was cruel. Like, really. I couldn't believe anyone would do something like that to you, Rach, it just killed me."
Rachel opened her mouth to talk but Finn covered it again, this time with his whole hand. "Shush. Let me finish."
"So. You know I'm sorry. Sorry for the way I treated you, sorry that I let jealousy get in the way of our friendship, but really, sorry for letting you go when I should have held on. I know I already had my chance, and I ruined it. Big time. But I haven't stopped thinking about what we could be like if you just let me love you, 'cause I mean it Rach, I would be better than St. James in every way, I promise. I would appreciate you for everything. Singing with you would be my pleasure, not my duty or something dumb like that." Finn touched her chin and tilted her head to face him, smoothing a piece of dark hair behind her ear. "I'm dumb Rachel. You're a genius. I'm uncoordinated and you're like, a goddess. You are everything I'm not and maybe that's okay because somebody told me that opposites retract or something like that. I know we aren't magnets because that would be werid but you know, maybe we could give this whole 'opposites' thing a chance. I'm willing to if you are. I just want to be with you Rach. You and no one else."
As he caught his breath, he gazed down into her expressionless dark eyes, waiting for her reply. Then, she smiled for the first time that day, soft at first, then glowing. Her laughter bubbled in her chest, and tears rose in her eyes. As she gasped for air and grabbed her ripping stomach, she shook her head at Finn. His heart began to plummet, and he wanted to run away like the scared little girl he was. Why would she ever want to be with a goofball like him? He felt like such an idiot.
"Attract, Finn," she giggled, adoring the look of confusion that phased over him, "The word is attract. Opposites attract, not retract."
Finn gaped at her, before grabbing her face in his hands and bringing her lips terribly close to his own. Her breath hitched and her giggles silenced. "Rachel Barbara Berry. This is no time to be correcting me! I want to be with you. I'm in love with you. So just answer me for once. Do you want to be with me? For good and for real, this time?"
Rachel stared at him for a moment before pressing both her hands on his chest, sliding them slowly up towards his neck. "Finn Hudson, that's all I've ever wanted."
Not quite comprehending what he'd just heard, he replied with a ridiculously dumb sounding, "I'm sorry, what?"
She giggled again, pressing her soft lips hard against his. He gasped at the sudden contact, but his instincts were ten feet ahead of him. His fingers brushed her smooth neck as he let them climb slowly down her body before coming to rest gently on her waist. She pressed her tiny body as close as she could come to his chest, and his hands only pressed her further. Their lips moved in a way neither had ever experienced before. When they were forced to pull apart, panting and shocked, they could only stare.
"Okay, we better be together now 'cause that was too awesome to resist." Finn groaned softly as Rachel laughed at him, laying her head back against his chest.
"Yes, we're together Finn. No conditions. No complications. And no Jesse St. James." He grinned down at her, his lopsided smile flipping her stomach again and again.
"Thank God. Oh yeah, hey Rachel?" Finn slid his hand to cup her cheek so he could look her in the eye this time.
"Yes Finn?"
"I'm totally in love with you." Her heart swelled. She had loved him all along. She had wanted him all along. And now, she was finally getting exactly what she wanted.
"That's fortunate, because I'm absolutely in love with you too."
And again he kissed her, happily, passionately. And again she responded, happily, passionately.
After all, how could she resist? He was her greatest weakness.
So you should definitely review:) please and thank you!