A/N – Let it not be said that I did not provide fair warning; Thou art about to read the crack-iest fic I have ever written.
Alright, so technically it isn't a legit crack-fic (I am not under the influence of any chemical substance, and have no reason to believe that a mystical life-form with a sense of humor possesses me at this moment) but still…
-1(Claimer:) I don't own any catch phrases or TT characters featured in the content of this fanfic. Nada para Nadie, you hear?
)o(
Raven growled as the shouting and whooping and general ruckus of the three boys on the team nearly knocked her out of the air again. Honestly, it seemed harder and harder to focus these days, not just while she was meditating, but in combat as well. Sighing heavily, Raven massaged her brow with one hand while the other waved in the general direction of the kitchen. The kettle, tea mug, and tea bags, all surrounded in obsidian energy, floated listlessly out of their places to converge on the counter by the stove top.
Raven trudged towards the kitchen at a snail's pace, feeling oddly drained. When she got there, she filled the kettle with water from the tap, and telekinetically lifted the heavy object, mentally pushing it towards the stove. Her brow furrowed; had the kettle always been so heavy? And what was that incessant vibrating in the back of her skull?
Halfway to the stove the kettle fell.
Raven stared as metal clanged on ceramic, denting the kettle and spilling water everywhere. The other four Titans, attracted by the loud metallic crash, poked their heads into the room at that moment.
"Everything all right?" Robin called from the other side of the Great Puddle.
Raven shook her head weakly in disbelief. "My powers…" she croaked.
"Please, there is something wrong with them?" Starfire asked, her concern evident on her face as she hovered above the Isle of Pot.
In answer, Raven directed her attention at a stray pen on the counter. Under her less-than-glowing gaze it developed a faint gray aura and rolled a little, before stopping several centimeters short of the edge.
"Dude…" Beast Boy breathed.
"And your mantra isn't helping? Have you tried any other words?" Robin tried. Raven shook her head, a wisp of hope flickering within frightened doe eyes.
"Titan, Grassor!" Raven cried. Nothing happened.
"Abadda ke Dabbra!" Still nothing.
"To infinity, and beyond?"
"Up, up, and away? Great Hora? May the force be with you?"
Raven was growing desperate. "Hocus Focus? Necronahm Hezberek Mortix?"
"…Thwip?"
Raven was not the only one to stare in open-mouthed shock at the gossamer strand which shot itself from the base of her palm to alight on a fire sprinkler on the ceiling. She yanked, and the brittle metal contraption broke off, spewing water everywhere.
"Joy." Raven muttered faintly.
)o(
In the streets of New York, Peter Parker - known in the public eye as Spider-man - was currently being lectured upon by the appropriately named and suitably enraged Nick Fury about his recent poor performance in battle. His superior's tirade was interrupted, however, when a nearby fire hydrant suddenly turned black and exploded. Fury stopped mid-sentence to stare first at the jagged remaining half of what had been an innocent fire hydrant, and then at the receding black aura around his most recent recruit.
"Erm - was that me?"
Nick scowled and adjusted his wet, crooked eye patch. "Teenagers…" he growled to himself.
)o(
Somewhere, in a place deep beneath the Earth yet on a separate dimensional plane, Trigon was laughing. In his fiery lair, he cackled triumphantly. It had taken the last of his energy, but at least he had had the last word. Smiling evilly to himself, Trigon submitted himself to slumber...
)o(
A/N – Oh Nick, I have no idea how you got to be where you are, but you seem to be good at it. Grassor is Latin for go/attack/etcetera, by the way.
I found this amazing quote! See?
"From my close observation of writers...they fall into two groups
1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and
2) those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review." - Isaac Asimov
Don't know who he is, but he's right... sadly. Still, don't be afraid to tell me if it sucks - just be sure to use supporting detail.