Senpai was leaving.
Kanji Tatsumi was sprawled out on his bed, his head resting tiredly on a pillow. He closed his eyes a small moment, and reopened them to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. It really was happening after all. Kanji knew the day would come when Yu Narukami, his senpai, would leave the small town of Inaba and head back to his own city. He didn't think everything would happen so damn quickly though.
How many months ago was it when he first met senpai? Kanji rolled over on his back and stared at the florescent light on the ceiling. No, not months. It's been a full year already.
Dammit… how did time pass by so quickly?
He groaned at himself in misery and covered his face with his arm. He thought about all the days he had spent with senpai in the past year and how pathetic he was. He remembered how he always panicked when he and senpai exchanged glances, even if it lasted just a few seconds. And how, at the end of every single day with senpai, he tried to tell him how he felt. Too bad he didn't have the balls to do it though.
Now he was out of time. Tomorrow was senpai's last day of school.
Kanji clenched his teeth in frustration.
"Screw this," Kanji muttered harshly at himself. Enough moping around. The bleached haired blonde jumped off the bed and hurriedly opened his drawer, smiling slightly to see it full of fabric and materials. He grabbed a handful on it and sat comfortably on the floor, needle in hand.
It was funny really. A year ago, he wouldn't be caught dead sewing anything, even though he genuinely enjoyed doing it. It wasn't 'manly' after all.
He continued nimbly on the said task, all the while lost in thought.
He couldn't help but smile when he remembered how senpai emotionlessly returned a pink bunny strap that accidentally fell out of his pocket.
"Excuse me, but you dropped this."
There was no weird comment. No snarky remark as to why a delinquent like him would carry something so… 'girly' in his pocket. There was no judgment. No prejudice. And this was even before the whole Midnight Channel incident.
Kanji felt his face flush suddenly.
That's right. Even before Narukami-senpai knew about his sexuality complex, senpai had never discriminated Kanji in the slightest. That was all he ever wanted. For society to stop expecting him to be something he wasn't.
Kanji was yawning, still lost in thought, when he suddenly felt something prick his finger. He winced. Not in pain, but in the sudden shock of the needle taking a part of his skin. He gazed at the clock. It was near midnight already, and he felt his heart sank. Even less time to finish this for senpai. He felt another yawn coming, so he decided to go to the bathroom in order to wash away his fatigue with ice cold tap water.
Too bad the water wasn't cold at all. Felt lukewarm if anything.
No matter. He needed to get back to work anyways.
Kanji stumbled his way back to where he left his work and immediately started to work again. It doesn't matter how tired he was. He was going to finish this. His eyes squinted in concentration on the half finished doll in his hands. He soon felt himself drifting off again, and he scolded himself for being so weak.
Here he was making a small gift for the first person to ever treat him like a normal person, and not like some trouble making idiot, and he couldn't even do that?
He remembered how lost he was before he met senpai and the others. After all, if the whole world thinks you're some stupid ass delinquent anyways, why not put on an act and show them just how much of a punk you can be. He owed senpai everything. The doll he was making was nothing more than a drop in a bucket for everything senpai has done for him, and yet he still couldn't seem to be able to finish it. Just how much more of a loser can he be?
When he realized that he saw Yu as more than just a friend, he spent days trying to deny his feelings. He felt angry, confused and he felt like cussing at everything that crossed paths with him. He thought he was over this. He thought he was over all this… bullshit. He couldn't accept the fact that he could be gay. It was just another reason for people to judge him and make him something he isn't. He thought he was done with society's prejudice. Now it seemed that society has yet another reason to bring him down.
Of course, the only person that cared enough to approach him in his miserable state was none other than Yu Narukami, his senpai. All it did was strengthen Kanji's feelings towards him. It was that day onward that he knew that he was in love.
Honestly, Kanji hated that word. Love. Too romance-y and mushy for his taste. But what other word could he use? Whenever he was around senpai, all he can feel is an extreme sense of euphoria. And even the word euphoria feels like an understatement.
"Heh… love, eh Kanji?" he said quietly to himself. It was love, but yet it wasn't. It was more. Admiration maybe? He smiled again, only to frown a few moments later.
It didn't matter anyways. Senpai was leaving. Fucking figures. First person to befriend, to care for, to love, and for what? Just to have him leave and never return again.
Kanji gazed back at the clock. It was near one in the morning. He's been working on this for quite a while now. He smiled again.
"Can't wait to see the look on senpai's face when I give this to him," he chirped, tiredly. He was almost done anyways. Perhaps he could rest his eyes for a few moments…
The next thing Kanji knew, his alarm was ringing as annoyingly as ever. He squinted at the sunlight that streamed through his window and his heart sank. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed, with an unfinished doll in hand.
"Well ain't this a load of bullshit," he cursed. Kanji suddenly felt anger surge inside him. How can he be so damn stupid, drifting off to sleep like that? He stared at the clock and breathed a sigh of relief. It's alright. He would have to skip breakfast, but he could get this done if he concentrated.
Without another thought, he went straight back to work, fully determined to finish his gift for senpai.
Somehow, Kanji managed to get to school fairly early that day. His gift was in a small box he found lying around his house and he even contemplated writing a note.
He fumbled his way into the school building, still clearly tired and fatigued from yesterday. He looked around until he found Yu's shoe locker. He looked around to make sure no one was around before he placed the box inside the locker.
Kanji smiled at his success. It's about time he did something right for Yu-senpai. He was still wondering whether or not he should write a note. It only felt right that he should. So, the bleached blonde took out a piece of lined paper, nothing fancy, and a pencil.
He stared at the piece of paper, pencil in hand. He was absolutely clueless about this stuff. How do you even begin? His heart suddenly started to pound harder and a wave of adrenaline flooded his system. Suddenly feeling a burst of courage, he poured his heart onto the piece of paper and stuffed it in the box that held his gift. Before he had a chance to regret his actions he stormed off to his classroom, not wanting to suddenly change his mind and eat the letter or something.
Yu held a strange looking box in his hand. He saw it this morning but frankly ignored it, since he was going to be late for class. It was now afterschool and he now had the chance to check the box out himself. It wasn't the first time he received a gift from someone. In fact, throughout the course of the year you received too many to count. They were all from some random girl you didn't even know existed. Usually it was a box of homemade cookies, or some sort of box of chocolates. Most of the time they didn't taste very good.
Yu sighed, still holding the mysterious box in hand. It wasn't like the other gifts though. It wasn't wrapped in some intricate ribbon or anything. Just a plain, white box. He wondered if it was a prank from someone.
Still, if it wasn't, and it was actually from a girl in the school, he wasn't interested. He was leaving today anyways, and the person who gave him the gift was probably someone he doesn't even know.
Even though he could care less about whatever was in the box, he put it in his pocket anyways.
As he walked out of the school, he noticed Kanji smiling, and blushing, at him. Yu was never good with goodbyes. And he figured since he was probably going to see Kanji later in the evening anyways when it was time for him to leave Inaba, he would say goodbye then. So, he gave Kanji a friendly nod, before walking casually out of the school for the last time.
Kanji's heart was beating so hard, it honestly felt like he was at some sort of rock concert or something. He felt like such a dweeb, hiding as he peeked at Yu-senpai as he opened his foot locker. He noticed senpai pausing for a bit.
Kanji felt a large lump in his throat.
Was he reading the letter? Was he holding the doll? Does he know about how I feel now? Does he think of me the same way? Is he disgusted?
A large number of questions ran through the troubled teen's mind as he continued to stare at his senpai. He felt pathetic. Like a dumb little schoolgirl. And he hated being compared to a girl.
"Alright Kanji, man up," he whispered quietly to himself.
With one huge bold step, he stood out of his hiding place into senpai's field of vision. He gulped. He could feel cold sweat running down his cheeks and his back.
His heart nearly jumped when Yu-senpai started walking towards the exit.
Does he know now? He must've read the letter… Oh mother—
Yu looked up and gazed at Kanji's flushed face. Kanji hesitated and gave a simple wave. He wanted to say something, but no words came out. It was exactly like all those other days with senpai. At the end of the day, he couldn't find the right words to express his feelings.
Yu gave him a nod, and walked away without uttering a single word.
Just a nod. An emotionless nod. Just what exactly did that mean?
Kanji watched Yu as he walked out of the building. He felt his insides breaking away. Senpai must've read the letter. What else was he doing, standing there for so long? He must know now…
Kanji stared at the floor, completely crushed. Senpai didn't even smile at him. There was nothing in his eyes, or his face. Not even a look of shock. Was senpai disgusted at him? So disgusted that he couldn't even say a simple 'hello' to him?
Kanji suddenly felt a burst of anger swell up inside him.
"Fuck this," he muttered aloud, voice cracking, as he stormed out of the campus. Several people stopped and stared as he ran across the pavement. Fuck them. Let them think whatever the flying fuck they want. Pieces of shit.
It just fucking figures. Senpai was the only person he cared about and this happens. The world is such a piece of shit. How could he ever face senpai now?
He stormed inside his house, forgetting the calls of concern from his mom. He ran into his room, locked the door behind him, and threw himself onto his bed. For the first time in… a really long time he felt like crying. He didn't though. He wasn't that weak. He smothered his face into his pillow. Today's going to be the last time he would see senpai, and he managed to fuck everything up. Good going Kanji… good going…
Yu had just about finished saying goodbye with everyone. He stepped onto the train and looked back at his friends running after the bus spilling their goodbye's and wishes for him. He gave them a smile, as the train began to gain speed. Soon enough, his friends were nothing more than a tiny speck in the distance and, with another few seconds, they disappeared.
To be honest, he was disappointed. Kanji didn't even see him off. If he knew that the school was the last time he was going to see Kanji, he would've stopped and had a heartfelt goodbye with him. However, he genuinely thought that Kanji would see him off. Seemed pretty out of character that he didn't.
Yu carried his things to his seat and sat down. He felt something uncomfortable and realized that the mysterious box was still in his pocket. He completely forgot about it.
Since he had nothing better to do anyways, he opened the box carelessly. To his surprise, there was a doll inside. A doll of himself.
He picked up the cloth figure, which was so professionally handcrafted, and rested it on his hand. His very own chibi doll of himself. Without knowing it, he cracked a smile. Yu already knew who made the doll, just because of the fact that the gift was so well made.
"Thanks Kanji."
Yu then noticed something else in the box. A letter?
Intrigued, he picked up the piece of ruffled paper and read its contents quietly to himself.
Yo Senpai
You don't know how much it sucks knowing that you're leaving. I know you gotta head back to your parents and all but man, it still sucks.
Anyways, I made this doll for you as a reminder of the time you spent with me and the others. Neat huh?
There was a badly drawn smiley face at the side that made Yu smile.
And since you're leaving and all, I figured that this will be as good a time as any to tell you this.
Truth is, the day you saved me from my shadow, I've been thinking about you. When you sat around and listened to my complaints with the world, I thought about you even more.
I aint some fancy shmancy poet or anything and I'm terrible with words. But the truth is senpai.
I love you. I feel like you should know. You probably don't feel the same way but it doesn't matter. I just wanted you to know. I hope we can at least still be friends
There's another picture of what Yu assumes to be him and Kanji together. After staring at the picture for an unprecedented amount of time, he read the last thing on the heartfelt letter aloud.
The one and only,
Kanji Tatsumi
Yay! First story of the persona 4 series :D
I honestly love Kanji Tatsumi and the main character, so how could i not want to write a story about them?!
Well, this story is completely unedited so sorry about that... Just sat down and wrote...
And i left the feelings of Yu Narukami pretty ambiguous (if thats the right word), so whether or not he returns Kanji's feelings... you decide :D I dunno if this is complete or not.. LOL!
I may write a sequel... i may not. Depends on what kinds of reviews i get :)